Anybody have that one friend that is kinda stuck in the high school/college days?
Indian Summer
Posts: 2,296
I've got a close friend, one whom I wouldn't want to lose for anything, and I feel like his life is just stuck in the past.....or maybe I'm just getting old...you be the judge. We're both 27. But after high school, we both went to college....he kinda skipped a semester here and there...until kinda quitting and started working a couple of joe-jobs. Whereas I went straight through, got my degree and began my career. We partied all through high school and college....clubbed it up...had our share of ladies.....you know how college is. After graduating, I got married 3 years later...got a house...career really took off....you know the usual growing up stuff.....now I'm partying less, settling down...and I like it. However, my buddy is trying to get back into school and get something going....he still partying like he's 21, chasing women, clubbing every weekend.......and that's fine, but he doesn't get that I've changed in the past few years. He asked if he could bring a few people by the Wednesday before thanksgiving, and I said sure...because I was just sitting around watching basketball with my wife, enjoying a quiet evening at home with a bourbon and coke.......so he shows up with like 10 other people (they were going out to a bar, but used my house as the meeting place)...they started doing shots, and getting loose....I played it cool, but I was kinda pissed, as was wifey.........I don't really know where I'm going with this....how do you deal with a good friend when they're doing stuff like this? Is it him? Is it me? maybe both? I just think my priorities have changed, and he's really not respecting them anymore. What to do, what to do?
"It's all happening"
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It got painful to try and talk to him because my problems were related to marriage/divorce, kids, mortgage, etc...his were related to his parents, video games, etc. We had a falling out and tho I miss him as a friend, I was sick enough of his lack of motivation in life to not be all that upset over it. He actually told me at one point that he was content....he had a shite job that he wouldn't stop complaining about, and lived in his parents basement... I told him to get off his ass and do something with his life, and he replied that he was content. THat was pretty much my final straw with him...the falling out was kinda secondary from my perspective.
why didn't you have some drinks with this guy and go out with him and his other friends? I think the key is that while you don't feel like partying every night anymore, on weekends and stuff you can still hang out, can't you?
what are these "priorities" you are talking about? It seems like you were sitting at home being boring and he showed up and spiced things up a bit! You're 27! you have like 70 years to sit at home alone with your wife ahead of you.
In terms of his career and stuff, just be supportive that he's decided to go back to college. that's a big deal and tough thing to do. I give him props for that.
we do still go out. I'm more about staying home and drinking out of my own (cheaper) bottle...than paying 9 bucks for a beer.
but isn't the "going out" and the socializing the more important point of getting a drink than the actual drinking? If I go out for a drink, it's not because I want a drink- I have booze in my apartment- it's to see my friends and get out and be around people. I don't get hammered like in college or stay out til 3 AM, but even though you have a house and a wife, you can't shut yourself off from socializing.
and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
over specific principles, goals, and policies.
http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg
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I don't deny I'm getting older....cause I already think like that.
well, going out to me always meant with the intentions of "hooking up".....so without that need anymore...I don't see the need to go to a bar scene.
well that's where you've got to change your perspective. that's not what going out is about. it's seeing your friends, getting out of the house, enjoying the people around you.
I'm single, and pretty much always have been, but I've never thought of going out as only a hooking up thing.
I can speak from a male point of view and say thats the only reason I would ever go run up at 80 dollar bar tab.
I am only 22 and I have a friend like that. Actually two of them. We are still really young but I am the first one to graduate and get a job, while both of them are living in their parents basement smoking weed and drinking all of the time, not going to school.
I am not going to go into too much detail because its a situation you would have to see to understand, but Indian Summer I definitely know what you mean.
Either you're lying, or seriously mixed up.
I have a great aunt who lived her life up until her late 80s. Nothing wrong with enjoying life. If reading the paper, shopping at Home Depot and mowing the grass is your idea of living life then thats how you should live it I guess.
You don't have to change your habits........it just happens. I'd much rather stay home and watch a basketball game than go to a bar now. And as for the old and boring comment...I like that.
Um, neither. You're telling me that you NEVER grab drinks after work, or hang at a local pub on the weekends with your friends, just to hang out?
Besides, why would anyone want to stay in the house when the option is there to leave it?
a) I don't hang out with co-workers.
b) "just hanging out" is exactly what the house is for.....backyard bbq's...a keg....my kind of music playing.
my condolences...getting old sucks!
and reveling in it's loyalty. It's made by forming coalitions
over specific principles, goals, and policies.
http://i36.tinypic.com/66j31x.jpg
(\__/)
( o.O)
(")_(")
well, there's no reason to run up an $80! bar tab! I think I've only ever done that on st. paddy's (also really the only time I've ever hooked up with people from the bar, probably as a result of the $80 worth of alcohol).
my point is, you can "go out" as an adult. You don't have to get hammered or hook up or spend $80.
that's a totally suburban mentality- the eradication of the third space. exactly what's wrong with america. people isolate themselves in their little McMasions that you can only get to by car, only socialize with people they already know well, never experience community. The make their own "parks" in the back yard, drink in the house, watch big screen TVs instead of going to movies and shows.
honestly I'd rather hang out with my wife than the guys...she's truly my best friend. I went on a guys trip to Las Vegas a couple of years ago, and while the trip was okay (somewhat boring at times), I kept thinking it would have been 100 times better if wifey was with me.
I kinda like getting older....I get to do more.
how is that "what's wrong with America"........isn't it a matter of preference?
I have no problem with him still doing that stuff....but I've grown tired of it, and I don't think he understands that.
well it causes a lot of problems that people don't even realize. It's inefficient, it's bad for the environment, and it contributes to antisocial behavior and obesity. See for example 'Suburban Nation' by Andres Duany, Elizabeth Plater-Zyberk, and Jeff Speck. I took an entire class that was basically on the importance of developing away from the isolated, autocentric, suburban sprawl model.
Sadly 2 of them have kids and still want to live like they're single and have no commitments at home
I see nothing wrong going out once in awhile with your buddy, but he has to understand you're at a different point in your life
He should not expect you to be the same as him at this point and if he can't understand, then fuck him
The ONLY thing better than a glass of beer is tea with Miss McGill
A protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers
he's partying "outside of his means" as well....which really bothers me. He doesn't have the cash to be going out 2 and 3 times a week, but he does....then he always comes up short on his bills at the end of the month....and his dad, and stepdad always bail him out. I just don't think he's being responsible anymore.
You're exactly right, we live practically out in the countryside....on the outskirts of a small town. But my wife and I do still go out a couple of times a month....usually to Louisville for some live music.
I've been to that Howl at the Moon in Chi-town...its a blast.