Abortions

Dylan Stone

blackredyellow wrote:

Do you people read? I never said a man should be able to decide whether a woman can have an abortion or not, just that he should be involved in the decision.

If two people are dating and serious about each other, and the girl gets pregnant and decides to have an abortion without telling the father, do you think that's ok? Like I said, the decision is ultimately her's, but the guy should be able to talk to her about his feelings on it.

100% pro choice

100% agree with you

I did a research paper in grad school about the negative psychological effects of abortion on men. The topic is extremely under researched and probably under estimated... As opposed to the area of negative psychological effects on women... which is highly researched and I believe highly exaggerated.

MasterFramer

blackredyellow wrote:

Do you people read? I never said a man should be able to decide whether a woman can have an abortion or not, just that he should be involved in the decision.

If two people are dating and serious about each other, and the girl gets pregnant and decides to have an abortion without telling the father, do you think that's ok? Like I said, the decision is ultimately her's, but the guy should be able to talk to her about his feelings on it.

No that's not ok, and yes I think the right thing to do is hear the father out. But at the end of it all it is the woman's choice because you cannot violate her civil rights and put her under the knife because the father is going to feel bad about the abortion.

puremagic

Byrnzie wrote:

What are people's thoughts on the matter?

A girl who was carrying my child had an abortion today. I feel pretty awful about it...not for myself, but for her and for the child that could have been.

Anyone else here gone through such a thing?

What were your thoughts?

Were you prepared to be a husband and father?

Were you prepared to be financially responsible for the support of this child if marriage was not in the picture?

Were you prepared to be physically available to interact with the mother when needed during the child's infancy, if marriage was not in the picture?

Were you prepared to change your lifestyle to meet the needs of raising a child at this point in your life?

I don't need to know the answers to these questions. It is you, who has to come to term with the answers and the end result.

Regardless of the circumstances, society has deemed that it is the female who ultimately bears the burden of having to be judged for making that final decision not the male, so I guess I can understand why you don't feel awful for yourself.

Life's lessons are not without consequences. Take care.

Stone Is God

It's a difficult choice to make and it's all based on the situation that your in. My son was the product of a one night stand and I was pushing hard for the girl to have an abortion. I didn't feel I was ready for the challenges of what the whole thing would bring. She made the choice to keep the child and I'm extremely thankful that she did. It's funny how things happen. I truly believe that my son saved me from a path that I should not have been going down.

It's impossible to imagine my life without him.

It's also impossible to have the 'right' answer for these things. I do firmly believe that a woman should have the right to choose but the idea of abortion kind of bothers me a bit considering what I've been through. I would, however, not sit here and lecture people that my way is the right way to do things.

You can only make the choice with the information that you have to work with at the time. As a guy, you especially feel helpless in what goes on in these circumstances.

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through this.

Byrnzie

genie wrote:

i think she should've discussed it with you. although body is hers, but both of you have an unborn child. i think to some degree fathers should have a say in this matter.

Firstly, thanks for the support from everyone here.

I did discuss it with her in depth. It seemed like the most practical thing to do under the circumstances. I mean, we're not in a relationship or anything and also I hadn't planned on staying in Korea forever. So it probably was for the best. I still feel pretty bad about it all though. I know she wanted to have a baby under the right circumstances. Unfortunately I couldn't provide those circunstances for her.
Shitty start to this year for sure.

Byrnzie

puremagic wrote:

What were your thoughts?

Were you prepared to be a husband and father?

Were you prepared to be financially responsible for the support of this child if marriage was not in the picture?

Were you prepared to be physically available to interact with the mother when needed during the child's infancy, if marriage was not in the picture?

Were you prepared to change your lifestyle to meet the needs of raising a child at this point in your life?

I don't need to know the answers to these questions. It is you, who has to come to term with the answers and the end result.

Regardless of the circumstances, society has deemed that it is the female who ultimately bears the burden of having to be judged for making that final decision not the male, so I guess I can understand why you don't feel awful for yourself.

Life's lessons are not without consequences. Take care.

I wasn't prepared to be a husband, no.
I was prepared to be financially responsible and to be there as much as possible though.
Ultimately though, this wasn't enough. And I kind of agree that the mother needed to think about what was best for her in the long term. It was ultimately her choice.
I just couldn't help thinking yesterday how terrible she must have felt going to the clinic. And I couldn't even be with her yesterday - work demands. I imagine she must have had the worst day of her life. I'm gonna go see her today.

MasterFramer

Byrnzie wrote:

I wasn't prepared to be a husband, no.
I was prepared to be financially responsible and to be there as much as possible though.
Ultimately though, this wasn't enough. And I kind of agree that the mother needed to think about what was best for her in the long term. It was ultimately her choice.
I just couldn't help thinking yesterday how terrible she must have felt going to the clinic. And I couldn't even be with her yesterday - work demands. I imagine she must have had the worst day of her life. I'm gonna go see her today.

Sucks you couldnt be there for her... you can make up for it today though. Lots of flowers are nice

Beck..

Sorry to hear that, my girlfriend is having one on thursday and im gutted.

Scratchin a Letter

I have been in the exact same situation, when I was 17.. not talked about it much. My girlfriend at the time went ahead with it, without telling me beforehand, three days after she found out she wsa carrying. My initial reaction was of relief, due to contraception not fully doing its job. I harboured no resentment towards her for doing so.. if I was her I would have done the same thing.

I guess it was acceptable to us because we had not planned on having a child, and had also taken steps towards stopping that, which I suppose you have to accept will not always be 100% effective. Following that I thought a bit about what could have been, and the impact that it would have had in my life.. and I was grateful that we did not bring a child into the world at such a time in our lives.. we had futures ahead of us, and our relationship carried on strong for another two and a half years. The idea that we were going to have a baby was non-existent.

HOWEVER.. if I had accepted the fact that she was pregnant, and began making plans, I would have felt differently had she gone ahead with it. I value life a great deal, and being in that kind of context it was acceptable to me. I cannot speak for you though Byrnzie boy... PM me if you need some words mate

writersu

It is a hard decision for a woman to have an abortion and yeah, the mental and physical feelings that she can have come along with that are pretty big to deal with. I am not sure how old she is, but you know some girls I knew when I was younger had moms who actually talked them into abortions, with the girl kind of sure/not sure what to do and then just because she senses that her mom will abandon her, (or she says she would---maybe she actually wouldn't if the girl stood up and said that she wanted to have and keep the baby) goes ahead and does it. One girl I knew went to the clinic where she was going to have the abortion and their were actually people picketing the front of the place, calling out to her, "please don't murder your baby!!". She was so freaked out .........I can't imagine how people like that think they are all self righteous----"pro-life" and then can be such assholes to a young woman who, c'mon it's not like most women go in those places, balsy, and full of themselves......some are very apprehensive but feel it is right for them to do this. I am pro choice but don't feel it should be taken lightly; it is hard on a woman's body. Maybe if you and she are still together you would do better to prepare yourselves for , you know.....so it doesn't happen again unless you both want to have a baby should that come about again.

but moreso, I must complement you on your depth of character to be such a caring young man and to feel this way about your girlfriend......I hope she knows what a treasure you are...........I am sending you good thoughts...hope you get them..........and feel better soon.

slightofjeff

Today, my wife went to the doctor for the first time since flunking a pregnancy test.

It turns out she is eight weeks along. Our "baby" is 13 millimeters long, about the size of a peanut. And, together, we listened to the heartbeat. It was an unbelievably moving moment.

Whatever your stand on abortion -- and I'll disclose here that I am pro-life except for a pretty extenuating set of circumstances -- you can't kill something that has a heartbeat.

I'm not saying this applies to the original poster or not. I don't know the specifics of his situation, and don't want to know. I don't even know what the abortion laws are in most states. I just believe if you're aborting something with a heartbeat, it's murder.

g under p

Byrnzie wrote:

What are people's thoughts on the matter?

A girl who was carrying my child had an abortion today. I feel pretty awful about it...not for myself, but for her and for the child that could have been.

Anyone else here gone through such a thing?

I went through one in college and it was one of the most miserable times in my life. Her mother forced her to have one and paid for it, we don't speak of it much now but sometimes I/we wonder what could have been.

To this day I know for a fact that abortion has affected her in her motherhood negatively in that she has become cold and distant with her daughters. Treats them more like friends than rasing them as her children.

Peace

Joe2TheRevenge

Byrnzie wrote:

What are people's thoughts on the matter?

i believe the only time it's ok to murder a child is in an unjust pre-emptive middle-eastern war after they turn 18.

Any time before that is against the bible and jesus.

Jeanie

Here they come. :rolleyes:

Byrnzie

Joe2TheRevenge wrote:

i believe the only time it's ok to murder a child is in an unjust pre-emptive middle-eastern war after they turn 18.

Any time before that is against the bible and jesus.

Just a Middle Eastern war? Not in any other part of the world? How so?

Edit: On second thoughts, you were joking here right? My brains a bit soft today.

prism

g under p wrote:

I went through one in college and it was one of the most miserable times in my life. Her mother forced her to have one and paid for it, we don't speak of it much now but sometimes I/we wonder what could have been.

To this day I know for a fact that abortion has affected her in her motherhood negatively in that she has become cold and distant with her daughters. Treats them more like friends than rasing them as her children.

Peace

do you think that perhaps the reason that it has affected her in her motherhood negatively might have something more to do with her relationship with her own mother, being that she forced the abortion on her, rather than with the abortion itself?

small town beck

Jeanie wrote:

Here they come. :rolleyes:

But I am SO much holier than thou :rolleyes:

Whatever happened to that old adage about he who is without sin may cast the first stone?

C'est la vie. "If you are causing no harm, than you are alright with me" to quote the brilliant Ben Harper.

g under p

prism wrote:

do you think that perhaps the reason that it has affected her in her motherhood negatively might have something more to do with her relationship with her own mother, being that she forced the abortion on her, rather than with the abortion itself?

Hmmmm, interesting question and I think you've hit the nail on the head. There's some funny business going with the father that she refuses to talk about.

None of her relationships or marriages have lasted past 3 years and that includes jobs too.

Peace

Byrnzie

writersu wrote:

It is a hard decision for a woman to have an abortion and yeah, the mental and physical feelings that she can have come along with that are pretty big to deal with. I am not sure how old she is, but you know some girls I knew when I was younger had moms who actually talked them into abortions, with the girl kind of sure/not sure what to do and then just because she senses that her mom will abandon her, (or she says she would---maybe she actually wouldn't if the girl stood up and said that she wanted to have and keep the baby) goes ahead and does it. One girl I knew went to the clinic where she was going to have the abortion and their were actually people picketing the front of the place, calling out to her, "please don't murder your baby!!". She was so freaked out .........I can't imagine how people like that think they are all self righteous----"pro-life" and then can be such assholes to a young woman who, c'mon it's not like most women go in those places, balsy, and full of themselves......some are very apprehensive but feel it is right for them to do this. I am pro choice but don't feel it should be taken lightly; it is hard on a woman's body. Maybe if you and she are still together you would do better to prepare yourselves for , you know.....so it doesn't happen again unless you both want to have a baby should that come about again.

but moreso, I must complement you on your depth of character to be such a caring young man and to feel this way about your girlfriend......I hope she knows what a treasure you are...........I am sending you good thoughts...hope you get them..........and feel better soon.

That's just the thing though...we aren't together. It was just a fling really. I broke it off over a month ago because I knew she wasn't the one for me. She then txt's me one day to give me the news. Still, I told her I'd do everything I could to support her, but that I couldn't promise to commit myself 100% to her, or to promise that I'd always be in Korea. At first she said she still wanted to go ahead with it, but then she changed her mind a couple of days ago.
To be honest, I'm more against abortions than for them, but in some cases I can see how having a child could be damaging to the lives of those involved if the baby is born under the wrong circumstances and at the 'wrong time'.

Jeanie

small town beck wrote:

But I am SO much holier than thou :rolleyes:

Whatever happened to that old adage about he who is without sin may cast the first stone?

C'est la vie. "If you are causing no harm, than you are alright with me" to quote the brilliant Ben Harper.

Well that wouldn't be hard! Me verging on heresy and all!

Yeah, look it's all that, people in glass houses, ivory towers, soapboxes, blah, blah, blah. :rolleyes:

Fact is it's very rare to find people in this world that are mentally and emotionally capable of "walking a mile in my shoes" and for all the bible's teaching, jesus, god, allah, buddha whatever the crap you believe, seems this is the one thing above all else that will serve a person well to remember in this life.