Abortions
Byrnzie
Posts: 21,037
What are people's thoughts on the matter?
A girl who was carrying my child had an abortion today. I feel pretty awful about it...not for myself, but for her and for the child that could have been.
Anyone else here gone through such a thing?
A girl who was carrying my child had an abortion today. I feel pretty awful about it...not for myself, but for her and for the child that could have been.
Anyone else here gone through such a thing?
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nope and my thoughts are that i'll never comprehend what it must be like for either the guy or girl..
Byrnzie, in your situation, it sounds like you wanted her to keep the child. So I'm sorry she made that decision and didn't take your feelings into account.
I think abortion should be legal. I am pretty sure I'd never have one though.
It is a very very serious issue that should never be taken lightly. It is a tragedy no matter what.
Sorry again. I would recommend turning any guilt you may have now into positive plans for the future, whether your own, that woman's, or some kind of commitment to create a world in which recourse to abortion will be minimal.
I am neither pro-life nor pro-choice--neither of those two extremes represent my view on the matter.
I do feel if more was done to prevent unintended pregnancies, there would be less heart ache and difficult situations like yours.
Hope you can work through it.
As for your situation, I truly feel for you, and only hope that you had some input in the decision.
Personally at this point in my life I am anti-abortion, but still consider myself pro-choice if that makes any sense. I just don't think it should be outlawed.
For some people in the situation, it may be the least worst choice of all bad options that they have... I can't really judge them on that. As a teenager or when I was in college, I probably would have considered that option if I got a girl pregnant who I didn't see a future with.... I dunno, I am just thankful that I took precautions and those times when I didn't, I was lucky.
My sister in law had one a few years ago when she was 16... I didn't really agree with it, but I understood her and her family's thinking at the time.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
I wouldn't say it's entirely her choice... the father should have some input on the decision as well.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
If the father is to bear any financial responsibility, he should also have input about keeping the child. As far as aborting the fetus, in this case the "father" was simply a sperm donor, not any sort of life partner, spouse, significant other, etc... Are you suggesting that he should have the option of forcing her to carry the baby to term? Especially knowing that there wasn't a notion of an intact family and that the father would likely be living continents away from the child with minimal contact?
If the mother wants to carry to term against the father's wishes, she shouldn't be able to demand 18 years of payment from him, just as he shouldn't be able to demand that she aborts or carries a fetus to term.
Ultimately it should be her decision, and with it comes the ultimate responsibilites as well, ideally shared with a spouse or significant other who is of like mind.
Personally I am queasy about abortion, but am more queasy about government intervening in anyone's family planning.
i think she should've discussed it with you. although body is hers, but both of you have an unborn child. i think to some degree fathers should have a say in this matter.
Sure the father can have input but the final decision is the mothers, you should not be able to force a woman to have a child.
i'd like to agree with you, cause i'm a woman myself and if something like this were to happend i would like to think that i have final say......
BUT what if the guy really wants to have this kid, what if he says he is going to take care of the baby and raise the baby??
for me personally it's a tough question to answer
Oh, I agree and forcing is not what I'm saying.
I just think that the conversation should be had between the two parents before the decision is made. Ultimately the woman gets the final decision (as with most things in life
Obviously, I am talking about situations where the father is somewhat in the picture.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
and that's why i'm always careful with protection, to avoid shitty situations like these
I went through this many years ago and it left me feeling very confused and I wonder what that 25 year old would be like now. That's how old he or she would be.
exactly.
i am sorry for the whole situation byrnzie. while i have never personally experienced such, i do know people who have...and it is never easy, nor an easy decision. it does sounds like you and she discussed it all well, made a deicsion that works as best? as can in such a situation and both were adult about it all.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
I don't want to go into my personal thoughts, because A: I haven't been through that, and B: its so complicated...
but I just wanted to tell you, I'm sorry.. for you, and the woman. Its a difficult choice, no matter the situation.
Still your final say though right?
Do you people read? I never said a man should be able to decide whether a woman can have an abortion or not, just that he should be involved in the decision.
If two people are dating and serious about each other, and the girl gets pregnant and decides to have an abortion without telling the father, do you think that's ok? Like I said, the decision is ultimately her's, but the guy should be able to talk to her about his feelings on it.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
100% pro choice
100% agree with you
I did a research paper in grad school about the negative psychological effects of abortion on men. The topic is extremely under researched and probably under estimated... As opposed to the area of negative psychological effects on women... which is highly researched and I believe highly exaggerated.
No that's not ok, and yes I think the right thing to do is hear the father out. But at the end of it all it is the woman's choice because you cannot violate her civil rights and put her under the knife because the father is going to feel bad about the abortion.
What were your thoughts?
Were you prepared to be a husband and father?
Were you prepared to be financially responsible for the support of this child if marriage was not in the picture?
Were you prepared to be physically available to interact with the mother when needed during the child's infancy, if marriage was not in the picture?
Were you prepared to change your lifestyle to meet the needs of raising a child at this point in your life?
I don't need to know the answers to these questions. It is you, who has to come to term with the answers and the end result.
Regardless of the circumstances, society has deemed that it is the female who ultimately bears the burden of having to be judged for making that final decision not the male, so I guess I can understand why you don't feel awful for yourself.
Life's lessons are not without consequences. Take care.
It's impossible to imagine my life without him.
It's also impossible to have the 'right' answer for these things. I do firmly believe that a woman should have the right to choose but the idea of abortion kind of bothers me a bit considering what I've been through. I would, however, not sit here and lecture people that my way is the right way to do things.
You can only make the choice with the information that you have to work with at the time. As a guy, you especially feel helpless in what goes on in these circumstances.
I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through this.
Firstly, thanks for the support from everyone here.
I did discuss it with her in depth. It seemed like the most practical thing to do under the circumstances. I mean, we're not in a relationship or anything and also I hadn't planned on staying in Korea forever. So it probably was for the best. I still feel pretty bad about it all though. I know she wanted to have a baby under the right circumstances. Unfortunately I couldn't provide those circunstances for her.
Shitty start to this year for sure.
I wasn't prepared to be a husband, no.
I was prepared to be financially responsible and to be there as much as possible though.
Ultimately though, this wasn't enough. And I kind of agree that the mother needed to think about what was best for her in the long term. It was ultimately her choice.
I just couldn't help thinking yesterday how terrible she must have felt going to the clinic. And I couldn't even be with her yesterday - work demands. I imagine she must have had the worst day of her life. I'm gonna go see her today.
Sucks you couldnt be there for her... you can make up for it today though. Lots of flowers are nice
I guess it was acceptable to us because we had not planned on having a child, and had also taken steps towards stopping that, which I suppose you have to accept will not always be 100% effective. Following that I thought a bit about what could have been, and the impact that it would have had in my life.. and I was grateful that we did not bring a child into the world at such a time in our lives.. we had futures ahead of us, and our relationship carried on strong for another two and a half years. The idea that we were going to have a baby was non-existent.
HOWEVER.. if I had accepted the fact that she was pregnant, and began making plans, I would have felt differently had she gone ahead with it. I value life a great deal, and being in that kind of context it was acceptable to me. I cannot speak for you though Byrnzie boy... PM me if you need some words mate
but moreso, I must complement you on your depth of character to be such a caring young man and to feel this way about your girlfriend......I hope she knows what a treasure you are...........I am sending you good thoughts...hope you get them..........and feel better soon.
Together we will float like angels.........
In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........