Abortions

Byrnzie

What are people's thoughts on the matter?

A girl who was carrying my child had an abortion today. I feel pretty awful about it...not for myself, but for her and for the child that could have been.

Anyone else here gone through such a thing?

jlew24asu

sorry you had to deal with this man. my thoughts go out to you and the girl. personally I've never dealt with it but I can imagine its very difficult.

dunkman

Byrnzie wrote:

Anyone else here gone through such a thing?

nope and my thoughts are that i'll never comprehend what it must be like for either the guy or girl..

Anon

I have not gone though it Byrnzie, so i can't offer anything to you other than my sincere wishes that you and the girl will come through this ok. Talk to people about how you are feeling if you need to and stay close to your friends and people you trust. It will help. Take care.

markymark550

Overall, I don't have a problem with abortions if the decision is thought out and both mother and father (if he's in the picture) agree to it. Also, I think some kind of psychological test should be used to make sure the mother can handle any feelings of guilt/depression that might occur later on.

Byrnzie, in your situation, it sounds like you wanted her to keep the child. So I'm sorry she made that decision and didn't take your feelings into account.

meme

I'm sorry.

I think abortion should be legal. I am pretty sure I'd never have one though.
It is a very very serious issue that should never be taken lightly. It is a tragedy no matter what.

Sorry again. I would recommend turning any guilt you may have now into positive plans for the future, whether your own, that woman's, or some kind of commitment to create a world in which recourse to abortion will be minimal.

otis mcfluster

I'm reluctant to comment on such a divisive subject, especially in light of your current and very tough experience.

I am neither pro-life nor pro-choice--neither of those two extremes represent my view on the matter.

I do feel if more was done to prevent unintended pregnancies, there would be less heart ache and difficult situations like yours.

Hope you can work through it.

MasterFramer

Bottom line... Choice. Her body, her choice... wrap it up next time.

blackredyellow

There's no subject on this board that will explode into 20 pages of hard headed responses with no middle ground than abortion.

As for your situation, I truly feel for you, and only hope that you had some input in the decision.

Personally at this point in my life I am anti-abortion, but still consider myself pro-choice if that makes any sense. I just don't think it should be outlawed.

For some people in the situation, it may be the least worst choice of all bad options that they have... I can't really judge them on that. As a teenager or when I was in college, I probably would have considered that option if I got a girl pregnant who I didn't see a future with.... I dunno, I am just thankful that I took precautions and those times when I didn't, I was lucky.

My sister in law had one a few years ago when she was 16... I didn't really agree with it, but I understood her and her family's thinking at the time.

blackredyellow

MasterFramer wrote:

Bottom line... Choice. Her body, her choice... wrap it up next time.

I wouldn't say it's entirely her choice... the father should have some input on the decision as well.

jeffbr

blackredyellow wrote:

I wouldn't say it's entirely her choice... the father should have some input on the decision as well.

If the father is to bear any financial responsibility, he should also have input about keeping the child. As far as aborting the fetus, in this case the "father" was simply a sperm donor, not any sort of life partner, spouse, significant other, etc... Are you suggesting that he should have the option of forcing her to carry the baby to term? Especially knowing that there wasn't a notion of an intact family and that the father would likely be living continents away from the child with minimal contact?

If the mother wants to carry to term against the father's wishes, she shouldn't be able to demand 18 years of payment from him, just as he shouldn't be able to demand that she aborts or carries a fetus to term.

Ultimately it should be her decision, and with it comes the ultimate responsibilites as well, ideally shared with a spouse or significant other who is of like mind.

Personally I am queasy about abortion, but am more queasy about government intervening in anyone's family planning.

genie

Byrnzie wrote:

What are people's thoughts on the matter?

A girl who was carrying my child had an abortion today. I feel pretty awful about it...not for myself, but for her and for the child that could have been.

Anyone else here gone through such a thing?

i think she should've discussed it with you. although body is hers, but both of you have an unborn child. i think to some degree fathers should have a say in this matter.

MasterFramer

blackredyellow wrote:

I wouldn't say it's entirely her choice... the father should have some input on the decision as well.

Sure the father can have input but the final decision is the mothers, you should not be able to force a woman to have a child.

genie

MasterFramer wrote:

Sure the father can have input but the final decision is the mothers, you should not be able to force a woman to have a child.

i'd like to agree with you, cause i'm a woman myself and if something like this were to happend i would like to think that i have final say......

BUT what if the guy really wants to have this kid, what if he says he is going to take care of the baby and raise the baby??

for me personally it's a tough question to answer

blackredyellow

MasterFramer wrote:

Sure the father can have input but the final decision is the mothers, you should not be able to force a woman to have a child.

Oh, I agree and forcing is not what I'm saying.

I just think that the conversation should be had between the two parents before the decision is made. Ultimately the woman gets the final decision (as with most things in life ), but I don't think the father should be in the dark about it until after the fact.

Obviously, I am talking about situations where the father is somewhat in the picture.

genie

blackredyellow wrote:

Oh, I agree and forcing is not what I'm saying.

I just think that the conversation should be had between the two parents before the decision is made. Ultimately the woman gets the final decision (as with most things in life ), but I don't think the father should be in the dark about it until after the fact.

Obviously, I am talking about situations where the father is somewhat in the picture.

and that's why i'm always careful with protection, to avoid shitty situations like these

nuffingman

blackredyellow wrote:

I wouldn't say it's entirely her choice... the father should have some input on the decision as well.

I would say it's entirely her choice. It's her body and life that will change. If a man can decide whether a woman can have an abortion or not we are heading into a very dark age.

I went through this many years ago and it left me feeling very confused and I wonder what that 25 year old would be like now. That's how old he or she would be.

decides2dream

jlew24asu wrote:

sorry you had to deal with this man. my thoughts go out to you and the girl. personally I've never dealt with it but I can imagine its very difficult.

exactly.
i am sorry for the whole situation byrnzie. while i have never personally experienced such, i do know people who have...and it is never easy, nor an easy decision. it does sounds like you and she discussed it all well, made a deicsion that works as best? as can in such a situation and both were adult about it all.

GraySaturday

Byrnzie wrote:

What are people's thoughts on the matter?

A girl who was carrying my child had an abortion today. I feel pretty awful about it...not for myself, but for her and for the child that could have been.

Anyone else here gone through such a thing?

I don't want to go into my personal thoughts, because A: I haven't been through that, and B: its so complicated...

but I just wanted to tell you, I'm sorry.. for you, and the woman. Its a difficult choice, no matter the situation.

MasterFramer

genie wrote:

i'd like to agree with you, cause i'm a woman myself and if something like this were to happend i would like to think that i have final say......

BUT what if the guy really wants to have this kid, what if he says he is going to take care of the baby and raise the baby??

for me personally it's a tough question to answer

Still your final say though right?

blackredyellow

nuffingman wrote:

I would say it's entirely her choice. It's her body and life that will change. If a man can decide whether a woman can have an abortion or not we are heading into a very dark age.

Do you people read? I never said a man should be able to decide whether a woman can have an abortion or not, just that he should be involved in the decision.

If two people are dating and serious about each other, and the girl gets pregnant and decides to have an abortion without telling the father, do you think that's ok? Like I said, the decision is ultimately her's, but the guy should be able to talk to her about his feelings on it.