The Cemetery

NoK

Songburst wrote:

"He Called Bill Smith a Liar"

Thats hilarious but its also sad when you think how easy it was to take someone's life back in the day.

catefrances

NoK wrote:

I have not tried the cemetery but I do find sitting on the sand of an empty beach at night and listening to the waves as the most relaxing yet thought provoking experience.

Sometimes you meet a lot of interesting people who have come for the same purpose. But obviously it isn't that great when you are interrupted by a drunk couple trying to make out after a night out.

Sitting alone in a cemetery at night would be an interesting experience.

ive never done it alone but even with like minded company tis an energising experience.

tis amazing just how loud waves can be when they crash on the shore. and they just sound powerful.

catefrances

genie wrote:

certainly because others just don't understand us, like we can understand each other's love for cemeteries.

Catefrances, i kind of knew you were going to like cemeteries, because you're a poetic soul....and i'm also a creative one

i think people are scared of death, that's why they freak out in cemeteries or even just at the thought of cemeteries. or perhaps they think they will catch it. who knows. people are weird, especially the so called normal ones.

NoK

catefrances wrote:

ive never done it alone but even with like minded company tis an energising experience.

tis amazing just how loud waves can be when they crash on the shore. and they just sound powerful.

I bumped into a girl one night at the beach. She was depressed out of her mind because of what she had gone through. It was amazing how much she was able to open up to a complete stranger. Maybe it was the location, I don't know.. but it was a rewarding experience.

catefrances

NoK wrote:

I bumped into a girl one night at the beach. She was depressed out of her mind because of what she had gone through. It was amazing how much she was able to open up to a complete stranger. Maybe it was the location, I don't know.. but it was a rewarding experience.

darkness is like a shroud of anonimity.

TrixieCat

I visit my great Uncle John's grave a couple times a year. He was the most awesome person I have ever known and kept me from being a latchkey kid and stood up to my brother for me.
I go to just talk to him. Tell him I miss him. I can do this anywhere, but I like going there, showing my son.
Also go every Veteran's Day to put a fresh flag and light some candles.

I also live about 15 min from the beach. That is not for the same purpose for me. I dont go there to think of the dead, but of the living..contemplate what they are going through, think through some problems..not when I am missing my uncle.

catefrances

TrixieCat wrote:

I also live about 15 min from the beach. That is not for the same purpose for me. I dont go there to think of the dead, but of the living..contemplate what they are going through, think through some problems..not when I am missing my uncle.

oh i dont go to the beach to visit with the dead. i go there to re energise and centre myself. the ocean gives me strength. for me tis like going home.

meme

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

It's about the same, pictures are slightly better, not always though. It was the nature of how she died. It was traumatic beyond what I was capable of imagining would happen when to her when it eventually would happen. 8 months of daily visits to the hospital to witness what I cannot (and do not wish) to try put into words. Safe to say it was a horror show, mostly because I knew her so well, which allowed me understand every nuance of what she was experiencing with the disease.. The last few weeks of conscious visits before the coma set in were unbearable, that I still cannot erase from my mind 7 years later. The dramatic weight loss, the physical wasting away. It's still all so vivid.

I think a sudden death would make cemetery visits easier, as it would be more noble v.s. traumatic.

I can't say for certain though.

So much pain and so much sadness from you testify to a truly beautiful relationship you must have had with her: "because I knew her so well, which allowed me to understand every nuance of what she was experiencing". It also must have been a great comfort to her, to have you so close. Surely something to treasure, but I also understand how difficult it must have been for both of you.

onelongsong

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

It's about the same, pictures are slightly better, not always though. It was the nature of how she died. It was traumatic beyond what I was capable of imagining would happen when to her when it eventually would happen. 8 months of daily visits to the hospital to witness what I cannot (and do not wish) to try put into words. Safe to say it was a horror show, mostly because I knew her so well, which allowed me understand every nuance of what she was experiencing with the disease.. The last few weeks of conscious visits before the coma set in were unbearable, that I still cannot erase from my mind 7 years later. The dramatic weight loss, the physical wasting away. It's still all so vivid.

I think a sudden death would make cemetery visits easier, as it would be more noble v.s. traumatic.

I can't say for certain though.

i'm so sorry dude. take comfort in knowing she's ok now.

mammasan

I visit my materal grandmother's grave from time to time and on her birthday. On her birthday I leave a birthday card for her and have done so every year since she passed in 1999. We had a very close relationship and to me it's comforting to be able to visit the place where she rests. I know leaveing a birthday card sound pretty stupid considering that she will never read them and the grounds keeper just throws it in the garabage after awhile but when I first started doing it, it was a way for me to cope with her passing. Now it is more of a tradition for me.

onelongsong

NoK wrote:

What I don't understand is that surely you can feel the connection looking at a picture or just thinking of the memories with that person. You don't have to go to the site of burial.

It's interesting that you would like your grave to be a national historical monument. Personally I would prefer to be buried in an unmarked grave. Well perhaps marked with a final phrase but not my name and information.

my burial plot is already on the historical registry. it was the site of a pony express stagecoach stop. i'm restoring the stage stop and opening it to the public as a museum. the state will provide me with a better historical marker when i'm done.

i had the site registered as a family burial plot. it's quite easy to do.
you don't want to be burried in an unmarked grave. for almost 30 years of my life i had something bothering me. something that always ate away at me in the back of my head. after finding out i was burried in an unmarked grave in a past life; i came to terms with it. that person does have a grave; but it's empty. marked like he's there; but empty.
maybe you don't believe in past lives and maybe i'm just a nutter when it comes to this. respect yourself and what you've done here on earth by having your grave marked. you're a good person and should be recognized both in life and in death.

onelongsong

mammasan wrote:

I visit my materal grandmother's grave from time to time and on her birthday. On her birthday I leave a birthday card for her and have done so every year since she passed in 1999. We had a very close relationship and to me it's comforting to be able to visit the place where she rests. I know leaveing a birthday card sound pretty stupid considering that she will never read them and the grounds keeper just throws it in the garabage after awhile but when I first started doing it, it was a way for me to cope with her passing. Now it is more of a tradition for me.

she knows you leave them. don't stop. she'd know if you threw flowers in the ocean for her. you don't have to be in a cemetery but that's your place of comfort. and we must find comfort where we can.
i'll keep your grandmother in my thoughts.

NoK

onelongsong wrote:

my grave will be part of a national historical monument. it's already in the works. that being said; i don't recall ever visiting anyone in a cemetery. i know people that do and they do it for themselves. they feel closer to that person and it's an intimacy they can't find elsewhere. true; you can remember a person anywhere; but it's that intimacy people seek.
the reason my grave is part of a historical monument is because of what i did and how i contributed to that particular site. it's my little slice of imortality. and maybe that's what it means to other people. i visited boot hill in tombstone when i was there and the names i read off the tombstones have; in a way; become imortal. stories that have been passed down over the last 125 years still live on.
both my urn and granite marker will be etched with the phrase
"what a long strange trip it's been"
because that's how i see my life. cemeteries have many markers and a lot have phrases that either the deceased or family wanted to say. like a final statement. jimi hendrix's marker says "forever in our hearts". that has a special meaning to me as well as many others who may visit his grave.

so i guess there's lots of different answers to your question.

I understand where you are coming from and I respect your beliefs regarding past lives, but for me I feel there are two ways I should be remembered by 1) the people who know me 2) what I've accomplished in my life (i.e. papers I've published, my PhD thesis, so on..). A grave is just an object for me.

onelongsong

NoK wrote:

I understand where you are coming from and I respect your beliefs regarding past lives, but for me I feel there are two ways I should be remembered by 1) the people who know me 2) what I've accomplished in my life (i.e. papers I've published, my PhD thesis, so on..). A grave is just an object for me.

and i respect your views. to be honest; i'm selfish and want to be acknowledged for my accomplishments that are not acknowledged now. people have taken my research and put their own names on it. i can't do anything about it so i let it go. that's just one example but i need that recognition. even if it has to be in death. i originally wanted my ashes spread accross my ranch; but my selfishness changed those plans.
thank you for the reasonable and informative conversation. i'm not used to expressing my views without being attacked. this was quite pleasant for me.

NoK

onelongsong wrote:

and i respect your views. to be honest; i'm selfish and want to be acknowledged for my accomplishments that are not acknowledged now. people have taken my research and put their own names on it. i can't do anything about it so i let it go. that's just one example but i need that recognition. even if it has to be in death. i originally wanted my ashes spread accross my ranch; but my selfishness changed those plans.
thank you for the reasonable and informative conversation. i'm not used to expressing my views without being attacked. this was quite pleasant for me.

Thank you and your welcome. I think one of the easiest things in life is to show respect for other people's opinions, easier than getting yourself worked up about something you disagree with.

I don't think its selfish to want to be acknowledged for the things you have done. The important thing in my opinion is that one should not let that need of acknowledgment drive him/her.

I'm interested when you mention you have died and come back and you have seen what follows after this life... what did you see? or is that too private?

onelongsong

NoK wrote:

Thank you and your welcome. I think one of the easiest things in life is to show respect for other people's opinions, easier than getting yourself worked up about something you disagree with.

I don't think its selfish to want to be acknowledged for the things you have done. The important thing in my opinion is that one should not let that need of acknowledgment drive him/her.

I'm interested when you mention you have died and come back and you have seen what follows after this life... what did you see? or is that too private?

i was in surgery for a brain aneurysm. the aneurysm broke and they clamped my corraded arteries to stop the blood flow to the brain. i floated above my body and saw the main surgeon had a stripe of blood from his mid chest to the top of his head. i wanted to find my family and somehow i did. waiting in a room i've never seen. i then realized that i wasn't a good person and i've never told anyone i loved them. with death comes knowledge and i knew then that you take the love with you. i started feeling like i was fading away so i went to find my body. when i found the O.R.; it felt like i shot into my body.
the doctor confirmed the stripe of blood from when the aneurysm burst; and i was able to describe the room; where my family members were sitting; and what they were doing.
it wasn't a religious experience but it was wonderful. i look forward to death now.

i've opened myself to ridicule but i felt the question was in line with the topic. i don't mind sharing. especially if it helps someone get peace of mind from it. i'll gladly fax my surgical report to back my story. most doctors can't believe i'm alive and in kingman (hospital and doctors); i'm known as the miracle patient.
i can't say there's a heaven but i know there's life after death.

NoK

onelongsong wrote:

i was in surgery for a brain aneurysm. the aneurysm broke and they clamped my corraded arteries to stop the blood flow to the brain. i floated above my body and saw the main surgeon had a stripe of blood from his mid chest to the top of his head. i wanted to find my family and somehow i did. waiting in a room i've never seen. i then realized that i wasn't a good person and i've never told anyone i loved them. with death comes knowledge and i knew then that you take the love with you. i started feeling like i was fading away so i went to find my body. when i found the O.R.; it felt like i shot into my body.
the doctor confirmed the stripe of blood from when the aneurysm burst; and i was able to describe the room; where my family members were sitting; and what they were doing.
it wasn't a religious experience but it was wonderful. i look forward to death now.

i've opened myself to ridicule but i felt the question was in line with the topic. i don't mind sharing. especially if it helps someone get peace of mind from it. i'll gladly fax my surgical report to back my story. most doctors can't believe i'm alive and in kingman (hospital and doctors); i'm known as the miracle patient.
i can't say there's a heaven but i know there's life after death.

Thats interesting. You didn't open yourself to ridicule because many people have written about "out-of-body experiences" and in your case "near death experiences". So there are a lot of people that share your beliefs and apparently out-of-body experiences are more common than what people initially believed.


http://www.web-us.com/oobe/oobe.htm#Introduction

"Such conclusions present themselves even more forcefully to the minds of those who have undergone a 'near-death experience' (NDE). It is not uncommon for persons who have been to the brink of death and returned -- following, say, a heart stoppage or serious injuries from an accident -- to report an experience (commonly of a great vividness and impressiveness) as of leaving their bodies, and traveling (often in a duplicate body) to the border of a new and wonderful realm. Reports suggest that the conscious self's awareness outside the body is not only unimpaired but enhanced: events which occurred during the period of unconsciousness are described in accurate detail and confirmed by those present. The subject sometimes 'hears' the doctor pronouncing him dead when he feels intensely alive and free from physical pain, and finds himself returning unwillingly to the constrictions of the physical body. If OBEs show the capacity of the conscious self to have experiences and perceptions outside the physical body, near-death experiences seem to suggest that this capacity still obtains when the physical body is totally unconscious."

mammasan

onelongsong wrote:

she knows you leave them. don't stop. she'd know if you threw flowers in the ocean for her. you don't have to be in a cemetery but that's your place of comfort. and we must find comfort where we can.
i'll keep your grandmother in my thoughts.

Thanks. I would like to think that where ever she is she knows that I still remember her and treasure the time we spent together.

onelongsong

NoK wrote:

Thats interesting. You didn't open yourself to ridicule because many people have written about "out-of-body experiences" and in your case "near death experiences". So there are a lot of people that share your beliefs and apparently out-of-body experiences are more common than what people initially believed.


http://www.web-us.com/oobe/oobe.htm#Introduction

"Such conclusions present themselves even more forcefully to the minds of those who have undergone a 'near-death experience' (NDE). It is not uncommon for persons who have been to the brink of death and returned -- following, say, a heart stoppage or serious injuries from an accident -- to report an experience (commonly of a great vividness and impressiveness) as of leaving their bodies, and traveling (often in a duplicate body) to the border of a new and wonderful realm. Reports suggest that the conscious self's awareness outside the body is not only unimpaired but enhanced: events which occurred during the period of unconsciousness are described in accurate detail and confirmed by those present. The subject sometimes 'hears' the doctor pronouncing him dead when he feels intensely alive and free from physical pain, and finds himself returning unwillingly to the constrictions of the physical body. If OBEs show the capacity of the conscious self to have experiences and perceptions outside the physical body, near-death experiences seem to suggest that this capacity still obtains when the physical body is totally unconscious."

i think most people imagine what they expect death to be like. i would say that those people were not legally brain dead and their minds were still working. i didn't see or feel what i expected. i was raised roman catholic. part of the knowledge i brought back was that man had corrupted the church and what they preach was wrong. i didn't have a body; i was like a small cloud. the blood to my brain was stopped for about 20 minutes. my prognosis was that i'd never come out of the coma IF i survived. my parents were told to find a convelesent home which they did.
these are the reasons i don't put myself in that catagory. i had different circumstances. i didn't see what i expected. my test for people who say they had a near death experience is flying. it felt so cool to be able to fly. i don't hear many people say that. so i dismiss their experience as brain activity during a traumatic experience. like i had when i was in the coma. the experiences are completely different. i think i'm lucky to have experienced both.

blackredyellow

I don't really want to be buried in a cemetery, but to me, it's up to my loved ones to decide. I've never been one to visit graves and feel a connection that way to people that I've lost, but if my family wants somewhere to go to do that after I am gone, then I respect that.... If they want to cremate me and spread my ashes in the ocean or somewhere special, they I respect that as well.

I will be gone on to where ever it is I will go (if we even go anywhere after we die), and my family can do with me whatever helps them grieve and remember me.