The Cemetery

NoK

I have always wondered about the reason why people go to visit cemeteries. I personally do not understand the logic behind it since you can remember someone without going to visit their grave. I have close people who have passed away but I have never gone to visit their grave.

Is it some kind of tradition that people like to follow?

Why do you visit a person you once cared for in the cemetery? or what are your thoughts on the topic?

PS. It will be very hard for us to insult each other in this thread but I wont put it past us!

onelongsong

NoK wrote:

I have always wondered about the reason why people go to visit cemeteries. I personally do not understand the logic behind it since you can remember someone without going to visit their grave. I have close people who have passed away but I have never gone to visit their grave.

Is it some kind of tradition that people like to follow?

Why do you visit a person you once cared for in the cemetery? or what are your thoughts on the topic?

PS. It will be very hard for us to insult each other in this thread but I wont put it past us!

my grave will be part of a national historical monument. it's already in the works. that being said; i don't recall ever visiting anyone in a cemetery. i know people that do and they do it for themselves. they feel closer to that person and it's an intimacy they can't find elsewhere. true; you can remember a person anywhere; but it's that intimacy people seek.
the reason my grave is part of a historical monument is because of what i did and how i contributed to that particular site. it's my little slice of imortality. and maybe that's what it means to other people. i visited boot hill in tombstone when i was there and the names i read off the tombstones have; in a way; become imortal. stories that have been passed down over the last 125 years still live on.
both my urn and granite marker will be etched with the phrase
"what a long strange trip it's been"
because that's how i see my life. cemeteries have many markers and a lot have phrases that either the deceased or family wanted to say. like a final statement. jimi hendrix's marker says "forever in our hearts". that has a special meaning to me as well as many others who may visit his grave.

so i guess there's lots of different answers to your question.

NoK

onelongsong wrote:

my grave will be part of a national historical monument. it's already in the works. that being said; i don't recall ever visiting anyone in a cemetery. i know people that do and they do it for themselves. they feel closer to that person and it's an intimacy they can't find elsewhere. true; you can remember a person anywhere; but it's that intimacy people seek.
the reason my grave is part of a historical monument is because of what i did and how i contributed to that particular site. it's my little slice of imortality. and maybe that's what it means to other people. i visited boot hill in tombstone when i was there and the names i read off the tombstones have; in a way; become imortal. stories that have been passed down over the last 125 years still live on.
both my urn and granite marker will be etched with the phrase
"what a long strange trip it's been"
because that's how i see my life. cemeteries have many markers and a lot have phrases that either the deceased or family wanted to say. like a final statement. jimi hendrix's marker says "forever in our hearts". that has a special meaning to me as well as many others who may visit his grave.

so i guess there's lots of different answers to your question.

What I don't understand is that surely you can feel the connection looking at a picture or just thinking of the memories with that person. You don't have to go to the site of burial.

It's interesting that you would like your grave to be a national historical monument. Personally I would prefer to be buried in an unmarked grave. Well perhaps marked with a final phrase but not my name and information.

catefrances

i visit cemeteries for no other reason than they give me peace. for me, tis not about visiting anyone in particular, but a time for contemplation and a chance to calm my inner demons.

Songburst

onelongsong wrote:

my grave will be part of a national historical monument. it's already in the works. that being said; i don't recall ever visiting anyone in a cemetery. i know people that do and they do it for themselves. they feel closer to that person and it's an intimacy they can't find elsewhere. true; you can remember a person anywhere; but it's that intimacy people seek.
the reason my grave is part of a historical monument is because of what i did and how i contributed to that particular site. it's my little slice of imortality. and maybe that's what it means to other people. i visited boot hill in tombstone when i was there and the names i read off the tombstones have; in a way; become imortal. stories that have been passed down over the last 125 years still live on.
both my urn and granite marker will be etched with the phrase
"what a long strange trip it's been"
because that's how i see my life. cemeteries have many markers and a lot have phrases that either the deceased or family wanted to say. like a final statement. jimi hendrix's marker says "forever in our hearts". that has a special meaning to me as well as many others who may visit his grave.

so i guess there's lots of different answers to your question.

I have a book of tombstone humour and some of those tombstones in those old west cemeteries are great.

My favourite: "Here like the bones of a man named Zeke, second fastest draw in Cripple Creek."

LikeAnOcean

I think its all symbolic. I could careless what people do when I die. Feed me to the lions for all I care.. It's just leftover matter. It's not like I get all sentimental when I get my hair cut, or take a shit.

keeponrockin

Songburst wrote:

I have a book of tombstone humour and some of those tombstones in those old west cemeteries are great.

My favourite: "Here like the bones of a man named Zeke, second fastest draw in Cripple Creek."

That's awesome!

prism

LikeAnOcean wrote:

I think its all symbolic. I could careless what people do when I die. Feed me to the lions for all I care.. It's just leftover matter. It's not like I get all sentimental when I get my hair cut, or take a shit.

what? you don't pray to the poop gods everytime and let them know that you've left them another offering? shame on you....

RolandTD20Kdrummer

I pass by the cemetery where my mother is buried several times a week, I can't bring myself to visit her grave most times, it's just too damn depressing.

NoK

catefrances wrote:

i visit cemeteries for no other reason than they give me peace. for me, tis not about visiting anyone in particular, but a time for contemplation and a chance to calm my inner demons.

Can you not go to an empty beach at night? or does it specifically have to be a cemetery?

NoK

Songburst wrote:

My favourite: "Here like the bones of a man named Zeke, second fastest draw in Cripple Creek."

Classic. Post some more if you can hahaha.

NoK

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

I pass by the cemetery where my mother is buried several times a week, I can't bring myself to visit her grave most times, it's just too damn depressing.

Do you get the same feeling looking at a picture of her or does the feeling get overwhelming when you visit the grave?

Since I do not visit the graves of those who have died I have no experience in the matter but my assumption would be I wouldn't feel anything more than when I look at a picture of them.

catefrances

NoK wrote:

Can you not go to an empty beach at night? or does it specifically have to be a cemetery?

well yes i can and the ocean does give me the same calmness. i also gain strength from it, as if i am returning home. with cemeteries tis like i am drawing on the energy of the dead.

Kann

Some people need a symbol to remember and to grieve. I know that I feel closer to the person and more focused when I'm in front of his grave. It's a very powerful symbol.
That being said, we're begining to be a little too much to all be buried, so I guess I can live with being cremated.

Songburst

NoK wrote:

Classic. Post some more if you can hahaha.

"He Called Bill Smith a Liar"

RolandTD20Kdrummer

NoK wrote:

Do you get the same feeling looking at a picture of her or does the feeling get overwhelming when you visit the grave?

Since I do not visit the graves of those who have died I have no experience in the matter but my assumption would be I wouldn't feel anything more than when I look at a picture of them.

It's about the same, pictures are slightly better, not always though. It was the nature of how she died. It was traumatic beyond what I was capable of imagining would happen when to her when it eventually would happen. 8 months of daily visits to the hospital to witness what I cannot (and do not wish) to try put into words. Safe to say it was a horror show, mostly because I knew her so well, which allowed me understand every nuance of what she was experiencing with the disease.. The last few weeks of conscious visits before the coma set in were unbearable, that I still cannot erase from my mind 7 years later. The dramatic weight loss, the physical wasting away. It's still all so vivid.

I think a sudden death would make cemetery visits easier, as it would be more noble v.s. traumatic.

I can't say for certain though.

genie

i'll start of by saying i am a weirdo and i know it.

when i go to cemetaries i go because i like architecture, i like doom and gloom that surrounds it, but also i feel comfortable walking amongst graves of the people i have never meet and will never meet. i guess it's a dark side of life....and i like to vist this darkness sometimes......melancholic state.

i told my ex once, that it would a good idea to go to the cemetry, he thought i was joking....and when he realised i didn't he called me a freak. and i took at as a compliment.

catefrances

genie wrote:

i'll start of by saying i am a weirdo and i know it.

when i go to cemetaries i go because i like architecture, i like doom and gloom that surrounds it, but also i feel comfortable walking amongst graves of the people i have never meet and will never meet. i guess it's a dark side of life....and i like to vist this darkness sometimes......melancholic state.

i told my ex once, that it would a good idea to go to the cemetry, he thought i was joking....and when he realised i didn't he called me a freak. and i took at as a compliment.

come join me, my freak sister.

NoK

catefrances wrote:

well yes i can and the ocean does give me the same calmness. i also gain strength from it, as if i am returning home. with cemeteries tis like i am drawing on the energy of the dead.

I have not tried the cemetery but I do find sitting on the sand of an empty beach at night and listening to the waves as the most relaxing yet thought provoking experience.

Sometimes you meet a lot of interesting people who have come for the same purpose. But obviously it isn't that great when you are interrupted by a drunk couple trying to make out after a night out.

Sitting alone in a cemetery at night would be an interesting experience.

genie

catefrances wrote:

come join me, my freak sister.

certainly because others just don't understand us, like we can understand each other's love for cemeteries.

Catefrances, i kind of knew you were going to like cemeteries, because you're a poetic soul....and i'm also a creative one

NoK

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

It's about the same, pictures are slightly better, not always though. It was the nature of how she died. It was traumatic beyond what I was capable of imagining would happen when to her when it eventually would happen. 8 months of daily visits to the hospital to witness what I cannot (and do not wish) to try put into words. Safe to say it was a horror show, mostly because I knew her so well, which allowed me understand every nuance of what she was experiencing with the disease.. The last few weeks of conscious visits before the coma set in were unbearable, that I still cannot erase from my mind 7 years later. The dramatic weight loss, the physical wasting away. It's still all so vivid.

I think a sudden death would make cemetery visits easier, as it would be more noble v.s. traumatic.

I can't say for certain though.

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. My cousin passed away about 5 years ago and he was 20 at the time. He had suffered most of his life with complex gastrointestinal problems. He spent his last two-three weeks in the hospital bed in pain before slipping into a coma. It took him another 3-4 days for all his organs to completely shut down.

It hit the family hard and I think everyone knew if he had passed away suddenly it would of been much easier on his parents, siblings and the whole family. I guess the only conciliation was the ability to say goodbye.

NoK

Songburst wrote:

"He Called Bill Smith a Liar"

Thats hilarious but its also sad when you think how easy it was to take someone's life back in the day.

catefrances

NoK wrote:

I have not tried the cemetery but I do find sitting on the sand of an empty beach at night and listening to the waves as the most relaxing yet thought provoking experience.

Sometimes you meet a lot of interesting people who have come for the same purpose. But obviously it isn't that great when you are interrupted by a drunk couple trying to make out after a night out.

Sitting alone in a cemetery at night would be an interesting experience.

ive never done it alone but even with like minded company tis an energising experience.

tis amazing just how loud waves can be when they crash on the shore. and they just sound powerful.

catefrances

genie wrote:

certainly because others just don't understand us, like we can understand each other's love for cemeteries.

Catefrances, i kind of knew you were going to like cemeteries, because you're a poetic soul....and i'm also a creative one

i think people are scared of death, that's why they freak out in cemeteries or even just at the thought of cemeteries. or perhaps they think they will catch it. who knows. people are weird, especially the so called normal ones.

NoK

catefrances wrote:

ive never done it alone but even with like minded company tis an energising experience.

tis amazing just how loud waves can be when they crash on the shore. and they just sound powerful.

I bumped into a girl one night at the beach. She was depressed out of her mind because of what she had gone through. It was amazing how much she was able to open up to a complete stranger. Maybe it was the location, I don't know.. but it was a rewarding experience.

catefrances

NoK wrote:

I bumped into a girl one night at the beach. She was depressed out of her mind because of what she had gone through. It was amazing how much she was able to open up to a complete stranger. Maybe it was the location, I don't know.. but it was a rewarding experience.

darkness is like a shroud of anonimity.

TrixieCat

I visit my great Uncle John's grave a couple times a year. He was the most awesome person I have ever known and kept me from being a latchkey kid and stood up to my brother for me.
I go to just talk to him. Tell him I miss him. I can do this anywhere, but I like going there, showing my son.
Also go every Veteran's Day to put a fresh flag and light some candles.

I also live about 15 min from the beach. That is not for the same purpose for me. I dont go there to think of the dead, but of the living..contemplate what they are going through, think through some problems..not when I am missing my uncle.

catefrances

TrixieCat wrote:

I also live about 15 min from the beach. That is not for the same purpose for me. I dont go there to think of the dead, but of the living..contemplate what they are going through, think through some problems..not when I am missing my uncle.

oh i dont go to the beach to visit with the dead. i go there to re energise and centre myself. the ocean gives me strength. for me tis like going home.

meme

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

It's about the same, pictures are slightly better, not always though. It was the nature of how she died. It was traumatic beyond what I was capable of imagining would happen when to her when it eventually would happen. 8 months of daily visits to the hospital to witness what I cannot (and do not wish) to try put into words. Safe to say it was a horror show, mostly because I knew her so well, which allowed me understand every nuance of what she was experiencing with the disease.. The last few weeks of conscious visits before the coma set in were unbearable, that I still cannot erase from my mind 7 years later. The dramatic weight loss, the physical wasting away. It's still all so vivid.

I think a sudden death would make cemetery visits easier, as it would be more noble v.s. traumatic.

I can't say for certain though.

So much pain and so much sadness from you testify to a truly beautiful relationship you must have had with her: "because I knew her so well, which allowed me to understand every nuance of what she was experiencing". It also must have been a great comfort to her, to have you so close. Surely something to treasure, but I also understand how difficult it must have been for both of you.

onelongsong

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

It's about the same, pictures are slightly better, not always though. It was the nature of how she died. It was traumatic beyond what I was capable of imagining would happen when to her when it eventually would happen. 8 months of daily visits to the hospital to witness what I cannot (and do not wish) to try put into words. Safe to say it was a horror show, mostly because I knew her so well, which allowed me understand every nuance of what she was experiencing with the disease.. The last few weeks of conscious visits before the coma set in were unbearable, that I still cannot erase from my mind 7 years later. The dramatic weight loss, the physical wasting away. It's still all so vivid.

I think a sudden death would make cemetery visits easier, as it would be more noble v.s. traumatic.

I can't say for certain though.

i'm so sorry dude. take comfort in knowing she's ok now.

mammasan

I visit my materal grandmother's grave from time to time and on her birthday. On her birthday I leave a birthday card for her and have done so every year since she passed in 1999. We had a very close relationship and to me it's comforting to be able to visit the place where she rests. I know leaveing a birthday card sound pretty stupid considering that she will never read them and the grounds keeper just throws it in the garabage after awhile but when I first started doing it, it was a way for me to cope with her passing. Now it is more of a tradition for me.