He has made the decision to move out... for whatever reasons he sees as fit. I would respect his decisions and try to keep his friendship.
...
But... I also suspect that he is moving out because while you and your girlfriend are banging away like a couple of Hellbound weasles... he is left to pine away in his lonely bed, wiping up the remnants of his singular passions with one of your socks.
...
Good luck with that,
Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
Hail, Hail!!!
if the problem is more cohabitation, lying together as husband and wife when not actually such, is he supposed to leave town when she comes to visit? furthermore, why should he have to work something out? if it bothers him, isn't it wiser to remove himself from the situation rather than let it destroy their friendship? how is him moving out a hard way to settle this? it's better than each of them tip-toeing around the apartment trying not to upset each other for months.
furthermore, CW says you should never live with close friends in general if you want to stay friends. this seems like proof of that
there are one or two guys i consider my best friends. i would never live with them. it's got nothing to do with judging them. it's got to do with the fact that just becos we are best friends does not mean we would make good roommates.
lastly, your example is still bad. if you take a walk and smoke a j, i still know what you're doing and it still kick starts that craving for me. if you wait until i leave the house, i'll smell it when i come back and be jealous and resentful that i can't do that anymore. sure, it's irrational, but so is addiction. the point is, it's not necessarily as simple as trying to hide it. and it would get annoying for you to hide it and you'd start to resent me. this sort of thing erodes friendship. i think he made a good decision by just moving out so taht they can put this behind them instead of making it a constant source of tension in their relationship.
I didn't say he had to leave town when she comes to visit. I imagine he (the hardcore christian dude) is not home all the time, so he could arrange his time so that he's out of the house when they want to have sex. By being away from home, he removes himself from the situation. Of course, you're right, you could see it as if he's being forced out of his own home, but I'd say it's a favour for a friend. If you have a roommate, there will always be compromise. There's not need to tip-toe around anything.
I could definitely live together with my best friend.
There's no need to hide anything, imo. What happens if he moves out? Will he only go out with his friend but not if the girlfriend is around (because he knows they'll be having or had sex)? If he can still hang out and be best friends, and pretend they're not having sex then I don't see how that is different from him taking a walk, or going to visit another friend, or going to church... when they're having sex.
Also, your situation is different. Addiction is not the same as abstaining from something because of your moral beliefs. With addiction there's always the danger of relapse. It's fundamentalism, it cannot be compared with addiction.
I'm not saying his choice wrong is either. If he really feels that is necessary, so be it. I'm just saying if he can't even compromise on those rare occasions, or respect that not everyone is like him or sees things the same way (he won't even listen to his best friend)... he'll have a lot of problems in life. If he's going to move away whenever someone does something he thinks is wrong, he'd better buy an RV and start living in it.
I didn't say he had to leave town when she comes to visit. I imagine he (the hardcore christian dude) is not home all the time, so he could arrange his time so that he's out of the house when they want to have sex. By being away from home, he removes himself from the situation. Of course, you're right, you could see it as if he's being forced out of his own home, but I'd say it's a favour for a friend. If you have a roommate, there will always be compromise. There's not need to tip-toe around anything.
I could definitely live together with my best friend.
There's no need to hide anything, imo. What happens if he moves out? Will he only go out with his friend but not if the girlfriend is around (because he knows they'll be having or had sex)? If he can still hang out and be best friends, and pretend they're not having sex then I don't see how that is different from him taking a walk, or going to visit another friend, or going to church... when they're having sex.
Also, your situation is different. Addiction is not the same as abstaining from something because of your moral beliefs. With addiction there's always the danger of relapse. It's fundamentalism, it cannot be compared with addiction.
I'm not saying his choice wrong either. If he really feels that is necessary, so be it. I'm just saying if he can't even compromise on those rare occasions, or respect that not everyone is like him or sees things the same way (he won't even listen to his best friend)... he'll have a lot of problems in life. If he's going to move away whenever someone does something he thinks is wrong, he'd better buy an RV and start living in it.
i think it can be compared. sure the reason is different, but the response might not be. in his eyes, there might be a danger of "relapse" in the sense that listening to the roommate banging away upstairs messes with his head and makes him uncomfortable.
yes, there is always compromise with roommates, but it's a bit easier when it's adapting habits as opposed to making considerable concessions that go to the core of one's values.
it has nothing to do with the rarity of the occasion and everything to do with the importance of the event/value in question. it's the quality of the action, not its quantity. and i doubt either party is going to be satisfied with a compromise that forces one guy to schedule his sex life and the other to be like "ok guys, im going to the grocery now... you will have the whole place to yourselves for the next 2 hours and 32 minutes. i hope you find a good way to fill that time, just don't tell me about it!"
and i dont think this means his friend has to buy a house in the woods. the fact is, like it or not, sexual morals are a big deal to most christians. this isn't like he opposes his dish-washing habits and cannot deal with it. this is a serious issue in his moral code and he might feel that being in the room next door while his roommate enjoys the pleasures of sex leads him to envy and lust. i know i get a bit pissed when i know people are fucking and im not. hell, see how bitter i am on aet when sex and relationships come up but i have the comfort of knowing i can if i try. whereas he's in a position where that temptation and envy may lead him to violate codes that are central to his value system. just becos i think it's wrong to vote republican doesn't mean i need to register as one and go to their conventions just to prove i am tolerant. i also think it's wrong to have sex with kids, but i'm not going to go live with pedophiles to prove i am tolerant and understanding.
i think your problem is more with his reasons for being bothered by this than his actions with respect to leaving the situation.
Dude you got off easy then if he wants to be like that. I don't think loving and having sex with your grilfriend will make you go to hell. Purgatory maybe but not hell. If that's his thing then so be it.
It's not just the problem with Christians - this is the problem with religion. But - that's another subject and I don't want to hijack your thread.
You have the right to do what you want as does your roommate. You want to call yourself a Christian and want to have an anti-Biblical premarital fuck - fine that's your right. Your roommate wants to call himself a Christian and sit on the high throne, play God and judge you - that's his right too.
Quit worrying about being a "Christian" and start being accountable for living your life in a way you think is right (Biblical - not Biblical) whatever.
If you subscribe to Christian beliefs, than you accept the fact that upon death you will be judged by God and will be held accountable for your actions. If you think you can convince the Almighty that the premarital dinking of your girlfriend was acceptable course of action in your case, hey than go for it!!!! In the same vein, roomie will need to explain to why he was a righteous enough being to sit in judgment of you (just like a God would). I hear Moses' tablets cracking all over the place!!!
It's all pretty fucked up - just like religion!!!!!!!
i think it can be compared. sure the reason is different, but the response might not be. in his eyes, there might be a danger of "relapse" in the sense that listening to the roommate banging away upstairs messes with his head and makes him uncomfortable.
yes, there is always compromise with roommates, but it's a bit easier when it's adapting habits as opposed to making considerable concessions that go to the core of one's values.
it has nothing to do with the rarity of the occasion and everything to do with the importance of the event/value in question. it's the quality of the action, not its quantity. and i doubt either party is going to be satisfied with a compromise that forces one guy to schedule his sex life and the other to be like "ok guys, im going to the grocery now... you will have the whole place to yourselves for the next 2 hours and 32 minutes. i hope you find a good way to fill that time, just don't tell me about it!"
and i dont think this means his friend has to buy a house in the woods. the fact is, like it or not, sexual morals are a big deal to most christians. this isn't like he opposes his dish-washing habits and cannot deal with it. this is a serious issue in his moral code and he might feel that being in the room next door while his roommate enjoys the pleasures of sex leads him to envy and lust. i know i get a bit pissed when i know people are fucking and im not. hell, see how bitter i am on aet when sex and relationships come up but i have the comfort of knowing i can if i try. whereas he's in a position where that temptation and envy may lead him to violate codes that are central to his value system. just becos i think it's wrong to vote republican doesn't mean i need to register as one and go to their conventions just to prove i am tolerant. i also think it's wrong to have sex with kids, but i'm not going to go live with pedophiles to prove i am tolerant and understanding.
i think your problem is more with his reasons for being bothered by this than his actions with respect to leaving the situation.
Look, my uncle is an outspoken atheist, when my grandmother died he refused to go to the church service. He caused a lot of pain in our family. Almost everyone in our family considered his actions to be very disrespectful, they told him how they felt but he still stood by his beliefs, knowingly hurting the people he loves.
It's fundamental beliefs like that that cause pain and suffering in the world. If you can't compromise on your beliefs for your best friends and/or loved ones, you won't be able to compromise for anyone. And when you can't compromise on anything you create a hostile environment. Just look at fundamentalist Islam, they believe in something so devoutly, so strongly that they don't care how many people they hurt. They even think it's justified.
So yes, you could say I have a problem with his reasons, sort of. If someone puts his beliefs over people, like extremist muslims for example, I think it's very sad.
I'm just glad he isn't forcing the thread starter out of the house and chooses to leave himself.
number one, i don't think you should have been so "up front" with him in the first place. like my grandma always said: "don't borrow trouble, boy". it's none of his fucking business. telling him can only be seen as a provocative move.
and b), it's a free country. you are free to fornicate against god, and he's free to not live with you.
hahaha i just reread the title of this thread "the problem with some christians" hahaha the problem with some of them is that they stick to it, and don't spin things to suit themselves to alleviate themselves of guilt, right? yep, it's a problem for you, i'm sure
the problem with Christians they allways wan't to push their beliefs down your throat ......
i agree with that, but at least they cop to it and you know what you're getting. if you're not going to live the WORD OF GOD or whatever, don't bother to call yourself a christian and then only pick which things you're going to live by and which ones are inconvenient to your lifestyle
I don't advocate having sex before marriage, and would never encourage him to do something that he did not want to do. I'm just very confused as to where to go with this. If anybody knows of any Bible verses that could help him see differently, please let me know. That is basically the only thing that he will listen to, and I really don't feel like finding a new roommate.
i have to agree with soulsinging on this one. You won't find a bible verse to support what you're doing and you can try to say "don't be judgmental" but if he has a value system re: sex that is different from yours and he wants to leave b/c of it, he can. Also, don't forget the verse that talks about being a stumbling block for someone. If he wants to wait until marriage and he knows you're having sex with your girlfriend you may be making it more difficult for him to stay true to his beliefs and convictions.
make sure the fortune that you seek...is the fortune that you need
the problem with Christians they allways wan't to push their beliefs down your throat ......
that seems to be the problem with people in general. Christians try to push religion. Other people push philosophy, politics, lack of belief, conspiracy theories. Christians aren't the only ones guilty of this.
make sure the fortune that you seek...is the fortune that you need
Look, my uncle is an outspoken atheist, when my grandmother died he refused to go to the church service. He caused a lot of pain in our family. Almost everyone in our family considered his actions to be very disrespectful, they told him how they felt but he still stood by his beliefs, knowingly hurting the people he loves.
It's fundamental beliefs like that that cause pain and suffering in the world. If you can't compromise on your beliefs for your best friends and/or loved ones, you won't be able to compromise for anyone. And when you can't compromise on anything you create a hostile environment. Just look at fundamentalist Islam, they believe in something so devoutly, so strongly that they don't care how many people they hurt. They even think it's justified.
So yes, you could say I have a problem with his reasons, sort of. If someone puts his beliefs over people, like extremist muslims for example, I think it's very sad.
I'm just glad he isn't forcing the thread starter out of the house and chooses to leave himself.
i still see a difference between a one-time event to show respect for the dead and an ongoing and consistent environment where one's values are being consistently tested.
compare it more to your uncle being asked to come to church every WEEK for the sake of family peace. that's a bit diff infringment on his beliefs. on the flipside, if the OP and his gf were having a party to celebrate the anniversary of their first date, and the roommate wouldn't come becos he felt their relationship was sinful, i'd agree with you that it was a dick move and he should have swallowed his beliefs to be there for his friend. but this situation is totally different.
1. if he really was religious he would realize it was not up to him to judge
2. he's running away from his problems by suddenly moving out. what would be more rational in my POV would be to talk to you about it. maybe he could try to get you to see things his way instead of insulting you by calling you a sinner.
i find that cowardly
It's all happening....
East Troy 2003
Chicago x2, Summerfest x2, 2006
Chicago THE VIC, Lollapalooza, 2007
bonnaROOOOOOO 2008
Chicago x2 2009
1. if he really was religious he would realize it was not up to him to judge
2. he's running away from his problems by suddenly moving out. what would be more rational in my POV would be to talk to you about it. maybe he could try to get you to see things his way instead of insulting you by calling you a sinner.
i find that cowardly
...
You know what would be funny? If in the future... the guy realizes he's gay.
Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
Hail, Hail!!!
Count me in the camp of this is America, one is free to choose to live where ever they please, for whatever reason they please.
I agree he has the right to move out, but i think as a friend he should make more of an effort to resolve the issue (maybe he did i don't know)
also if he's really a friend he wouldn't leave suddenly, leaving him to take care of rent and such (maybe he didn't do this i dunno)
i'm all for the freedom to choose, but it seems this choice is hurtful (then again the choice to have premarital sex hurt him but it really doesn't affect him in any way) so i don't agree with it.
did i just quote ben harper?
It's all happening....
East Troy 2003
Chicago x2, Summerfest x2, 2006
Chicago THE VIC, Lollapalooza, 2007
bonnaROOOOOOO 2008
Chicago x2 2009
I consider myself a Christian, but like many others, I'm not perfect. My roommate, who is also one of my best friends, is much more "hardcore" so speak with his Christianity. When we moved in together 6 months together, I was very upfront with him about everything. I have a girlfriend (who he know and likes, and makes him dinner very regularly when she is down - also a Christian) who I have dated for almost 4 years. We held off on having sex for the first 2 years, but then decided it was something that we wanted to do. We were each other's first, and have been very faithful. I try and lead my life well, and am considered by many who know be to be a giving and kind person. I had told him that I would be having sex with her (very irregularly as she is RARELY here - she has another year in college still).
Well, a couple days ago, my roommate called me outside (with my girlfriend here) and told me that he had to move out. He said that the fact that I have sex with my girlfriend bothered him, and that he needed to live with somebody avoiding a "sinful life." He added that he does not want this to come between our friendship at all. Personally, I think it's bullshit. I pay my portion of the rent for my room, and I feel that what I do behind closed doors is my life. I don't advocate having sex before marriage, and would never encourage him to do something that he did not want to do. I'm just very confused as to where to go with this. If anybody knows of any Bible verses that could help him see differently, please let me know. That is basically the only thing that he will listen to, and I really don't feel like finding a new roommate.
make him go to this page and read the entire page and look up the verses
Quit worrying about being a "Christian" and start being accountable for living your life in a way you think is right (Biblical - not Biblical) whatever.
#2 Religions that their parents don’t belong to
January 18, 2008 by clander
White people will often say they are “spiritual” but not religious. Which usually means that they will believe any religion that doesn’t involve Jesus.
Popular choices include Buddhism, Hinduism, Kabbalah and, to a lesser extent, Scientology. A few even dip into Islam, but it’s much more rare since you have to give stuff up and actually go to Mosque.
Mostly they are into religion that fits really well into their homes or wardrobe and doesn’t require them to do very much.
#2 Religions that their parents don’t belong to
January 18, 2008 by clander
White people will often say they are “spiritual” but not religious. Which usually means that they will believe any religion that doesn’t involve Jesus.
Popular choices include Buddhism, Hinduism, Kabbalah and, to a lesser extent, Scientology. A few even dip into Islam, but it’s much more rare since you have to give stuff up and actually go to Mosque.
Mostly they are into religion that fits really well into their homes or wardrobe and doesn’t require them to do very much.
Hahaha. That website is so great!
So this life is sacrifice...
6/30/98 Minneapolis, 10/8/00 East Troy (Brrrr!), 6/16/03 St. Paul, 6/27/06 St. Paul
Comments
...
But... I also suspect that he is moving out because while you and your girlfriend are banging away like a couple of Hellbound weasles... he is left to pine away in his lonely bed, wiping up the remnants of his singular passions with one of your socks.
...
Good luck with that,
Hail, Hail!!!
I didn't say he had to leave town when she comes to visit. I imagine he (the hardcore christian dude) is not home all the time, so he could arrange his time so that he's out of the house when they want to have sex. By being away from home, he removes himself from the situation. Of course, you're right, you could see it as if he's being forced out of his own home, but I'd say it's a favour for a friend. If you have a roommate, there will always be compromise. There's not need to tip-toe around anything.
I could definitely live together with my best friend.
There's no need to hide anything, imo. What happens if he moves out? Will he only go out with his friend but not if the girlfriend is around (because he knows they'll be having or had sex)? If he can still hang out and be best friends, and pretend they're not having sex then I don't see how that is different from him taking a walk, or going to visit another friend, or going to church... when they're having sex.
Also, your situation is different. Addiction is not the same as abstaining from something because of your moral beliefs. With addiction there's always the danger of relapse. It's fundamentalism, it cannot be compared with addiction.
I'm not saying his choice wrong is either. If he really feels that is necessary, so be it. I'm just saying if he can't even compromise on those rare occasions, or respect that not everyone is like him or sees things the same way (he won't even listen to his best friend)... he'll have a lot of problems in life. If he's going to move away whenever someone does something he thinks is wrong, he'd better buy an RV and start living in it.
naděje umírá poslední
i think it can be compared. sure the reason is different, but the response might not be. in his eyes, there might be a danger of "relapse" in the sense that listening to the roommate banging away upstairs messes with his head and makes him uncomfortable.
yes, there is always compromise with roommates, but it's a bit easier when it's adapting habits as opposed to making considerable concessions that go to the core of one's values.
it has nothing to do with the rarity of the occasion and everything to do with the importance of the event/value in question. it's the quality of the action, not its quantity. and i doubt either party is going to be satisfied with a compromise that forces one guy to schedule his sex life and the other to be like "ok guys, im going to the grocery now... you will have the whole place to yourselves for the next 2 hours and 32 minutes. i hope you find a good way to fill that time, just don't tell me about it!"
and i dont think this means his friend has to buy a house in the woods. the fact is, like it or not, sexual morals are a big deal to most christians. this isn't like he opposes his dish-washing habits and cannot deal with it. this is a serious issue in his moral code and he might feel that being in the room next door while his roommate enjoys the pleasures of sex leads him to envy and lust. i know i get a bit pissed when i know people are fucking and im not. hell, see how bitter i am on aet when sex and relationships come up
i think your problem is more with his reasons for being bothered by this than his actions with respect to leaving the situation.
You have the right to do what you want as does your roommate. You want to call yourself a Christian and want to have an anti-Biblical premarital fuck - fine that's your right. Your roommate wants to call himself a Christian and sit on the high throne, play God and judge you - that's his right too.
Quit worrying about being a "Christian" and start being accountable for living your life in a way you think is right (Biblical - not Biblical) whatever.
If you subscribe to Christian beliefs, than you accept the fact that upon death you will be judged by God and will be held accountable for your actions. If you think you can convince the Almighty that the premarital dinking of your girlfriend was acceptable course of action in your case, hey than go for it!!!! In the same vein, roomie will need to explain to why he was a righteous enough being to sit in judgment of you (just like a God would). I hear Moses' tablets cracking all over the place!!!
It's all pretty fucked up - just like religion!!!!!!!
Look, my uncle is an outspoken atheist, when my grandmother died he refused to go to the church service. He caused a lot of pain in our family. Almost everyone in our family considered his actions to be very disrespectful, they told him how they felt but he still stood by his beliefs, knowingly hurting the people he loves.
It's fundamental beliefs like that that cause pain and suffering in the world. If you can't compromise on your beliefs for your best friends and/or loved ones, you won't be able to compromise for anyone. And when you can't compromise on anything you create a hostile environment. Just look at fundamentalist Islam, they believe in something so devoutly, so strongly that they don't care how many people they hurt. They even think it's justified.
So yes, you could say I have a problem with his reasons, sort of. If someone puts his beliefs over people, like extremist muslims for example, I think it's very sad.
I'm just glad he isn't forcing the thread starter out of the house and chooses to leave himself.
naděje umírá poslední
and b), it's a free country. you are free to fornicate against god, and he's free to not live with you.
hahaha i just reread the title of this thread "the problem with some christians" hahaha the problem with some of them is that they stick to it, and don't spin things to suit themselves to alleviate themselves of guilt, right? yep, it's a problem for you, i'm sure
ebay isn't evil people are
The South is Much Obliged
i agree with that, but at least they cop to it and you know what you're getting. if you're not going to live the WORD OF GOD or whatever, don't bother to call yourself a christian and then only pick which things you're going to live by and which ones are inconvenient to your lifestyle
ebay isn't evil people are
The South is Much Obliged
yeah, and chances are I've already got something else shoved down my thro . . . um oops um sorry wrong forum
i have to agree with soulsinging on this one. You won't find a bible verse to support what you're doing and you can try to say "don't be judgmental" but if he has a value system re: sex that is different from yours and he wants to leave b/c of it, he can. Also, don't forget the verse that talks about being a stumbling block for someone. If he wants to wait until marriage and he knows you're having sex with your girlfriend you may be making it more difficult for him to stay true to his beliefs and convictions.
that seems to be the problem with people in general. Christians try to push religion. Other people push philosophy, politics, lack of belief, conspiracy theories. Christians aren't the only ones guilty of this.
i still see a difference between a one-time event to show respect for the dead and an ongoing and consistent environment where one's values are being consistently tested.
compare it more to your uncle being asked to come to church every WEEK for the sake of family peace. that's a bit diff infringment on his beliefs. on the flipside, if the OP and his gf were having a party to celebrate the anniversary of their first date, and the roommate wouldn't come becos he felt their relationship was sinful, i'd agree with you that it was a dick move and he should have swallowed his beliefs to be there for his friend. but this situation is totally different.
2. he's running away from his problems by suddenly moving out. what would be more rational in my POV would be to talk to you about it. maybe he could try to get you to see things his way instead of insulting you by calling you a sinner.
i find that cowardly
East Troy 2003
Chicago x2, Summerfest x2, 2006
Chicago THE VIC, Lollapalooza, 2007
bonnaROOOOOOO 2008
Chicago x2 2009
(EV chicago 2008 night 2)
You know what would be funny? If in the future... the guy realizes he's gay.
Hail, Hail!!!
for the least they could possibly do
I agree he has the right to move out, but i think as a friend he should make more of an effort to resolve the issue (maybe he did i don't know)
also if he's really a friend he wouldn't leave suddenly, leaving him to take care of rent and such (maybe he didn't do this i dunno)
i'm all for the freedom to choose, but it seems this choice is hurtful (then again the choice to have premarital sex hurt him but it really doesn't affect him in any way) so i don't agree with it.
did i just quote ben harper?
East Troy 2003
Chicago x2, Summerfest x2, 2006
Chicago THE VIC, Lollapalooza, 2007
bonnaROOOOOOO 2008
Chicago x2 2009
(EV chicago 2008 night 2)
make him go to this page and read the entire page and look up the verses
you said you were both virgins, right?
http://www.rmsbibleengineering.com/Page2/Adultery/Page2_1.html
PEARL JAM~San Antonio, TX. 4~5~03
INCUBUS~Houston, TX. 1~19~07
INCUBUS~Denver, CO. 2~8~07
Lollapalooza~Chicago, IL. 8~5~07
INCUBUS~Austin, TX. 9~3~07
Bonnaroo~Manchester, TN 6~14~08
http://www.kevinviner.net
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/01/18/2-religions-that-their-parents-dont-belong-to/
"Stuff White People Like"
#2 Religions that their parents don’t belong to
January 18, 2008 by clander
White people will often say they are “spiritual” but not religious. Which usually means that they will believe any religion that doesn’t involve Jesus.
Popular choices include Buddhism, Hinduism, Kabbalah and, to a lesser extent, Scientology. A few even dip into Islam, but it’s much more rare since you have to give stuff up and actually go to Mosque.
Mostly they are into religion that fits really well into their homes or wardrobe and doesn’t require them to do very much.
Hahaha. That website is so great!
6/30/98 Minneapolis, 10/8/00 East Troy (Brrrr!), 6/16/03 St. Paul, 6/27/06 St. Paul