Help Needed - The Problem With Some Christians
magikev
Posts: 296
I consider myself a Christian, but like many others, I'm not perfect. My roommate, who is also one of my best friends, is much more "hardcore" so speak with his Christianity. When we moved in together 6 months together, I was very upfront with him about everything. I have a girlfriend (who he know and likes, and makes him dinner very regularly when she is down - also a Christian) who I have dated for almost 4 years. We held off on having sex for the first 2 years, but then decided it was something that we wanted to do. We were each other's first, and have been very faithful. I try and lead my life well, and am considered by many who know be to be a giving and kind person. I had told him that I would be having sex with her (very irregularly as she is RARELY here - she has another year in college still).
Well, a couple days ago, my roommate called me outside (with my girlfriend here) and told me that he had to move out. He said that the fact that I have sex with my girlfriend bothered him, and that he needed to live with somebody avoiding a "sinful life." He added that he does not want this to come between our friendship at all. Personally, I think it's bullshit. I pay my portion of the rent for my room, and I feel that what I do behind closed doors is my life. I don't advocate having sex before marriage, and would never encourage him to do something that he did not want to do. I'm just very confused as to where to go with this. If anybody knows of any Bible verses that could help him see differently, please let me know. That is basically the only thing that he will listen to, and I really don't feel like finding a new roommate.
Well, a couple days ago, my roommate called me outside (with my girlfriend here) and told me that he had to move out. He said that the fact that I have sex with my girlfriend bothered him, and that he needed to live with somebody avoiding a "sinful life." He added that he does not want this to come between our friendship at all. Personally, I think it's bullshit. I pay my portion of the rent for my room, and I feel that what I do behind closed doors is my life. I don't advocate having sex before marriage, and would never encourage him to do something that he did not want to do. I'm just very confused as to where to go with this. If anybody knows of any Bible verses that could help him see differently, please let me know. That is basically the only thing that he will listen to, and I really don't feel like finding a new roommate.
Kevin Viner
http://www.kevinviner.net
http://www.kevinviner.net
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Dunk 9:14
Someone should make a tv show out of this.
edit : sorry that may not have been helpful. Thing is you won't find anything in the bible that will help him see differently. The bible says living extraconjugal relations is wrong though it treats them as relations with no love between the partners. You could use that but stubborn christians generally tend to reply to that : "well marry her then". Really, you can't win. Good luck though.
Seriously though, that sounds like a bullshit reason to move out on you.
Peace
Dan
"Every judgment teeters on the brink of error. To claim absolute knowledge is to become monstrous. Knowledge is an unending adventure at the edge of uncertainty." - Frank Herbert, Dune, 1965
http://www.myspace.com/thelastreel http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=19604327965
P.S. Find a new roomie...
lol... OMG you want his roomie to be forever in prayer so he doesnt burn in hell?
...are those who've helped us.
Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
that seems a bit overboard and probably explains the crux of the issue, dude doesn't seem to be grounded in reality
What kind of "wee" things are we talking about???
Matthew chapter 7 is, sorrowfully, one many Christians seem to have forgotten. Sounds like your roommate needs to "remove the plank" from his own eye.
Anyway, he has every right to move out if he doesn't agree with what you are doing... Of course if I had a roommate who was so judgmental about something that doesn't affect him, I'd probably consider moving out anyway.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
And I agree with you, it's bullshit. Hypocritical bullshit.
Sounds like a really nice guy. Someone who doesn't give a fuck about what you have to say unless it's in the bible.
I'm sorry if I offend anyone here but I have a hard time understanding fundamentalists.
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1. he's moving out. he didn't ask you to move out. it sounds like he handled it pretty well and maturely. and im usually first on board to ridicule prudish christians.
2. sorry, but you aren't going to find my support in the bible for your position. the christian doctrine on sex outside of marriage has been pretty clear for about 2000 years now. like it or not, it's a sin.
3. two years eh? i admire your fortitude. longest i ever waited for a girl was... 6 months or so. of course, i was ready to marry her then if she'd asked. what's stopping you?
4. what if your roommate was a smoker, and you thought going in you could deal with it. he was very considerate about it, but eventually you realized he smelled like smoke all the time and it was starting to seep into the house. are you wrong to say you'd like to move out becos the smoking does bother you after all?
He said his girlfriend is RARELY there. So a more correct analogy would be; your roommate rarely smokes, and rarely smelled like smoke, not all the time.
He also says he considers this guy to be one of his best friends, but the guy won't even listen to him.
And I just find it weird that he can't live with someone leading a sinful life, but yet it's totally cool to remain best friends.
I think ScotInAmsterdam might be right about this. If not, I just feel sorry for the guy.
But anyway, he wants to move out and that's his choice of course. I just think it's weird and ridiculous.
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welll ... if dude isn't having sex on his own ... this could be it ... anyways - even if you aren't having sex ... guy needs to have a release regularly or the chemicals in the brain starting going fuzzy ...
but i agree with most ... he is doing right by him - all you can do is respect his position ... if he wants to be friends with you - he'll have to learn to tolerate others who don't share his particular belief system ...
its definitely frowned upon. Its not the only thing frowned upon however, and Christians seem to forget that while they engage in other frowned upon activities. One of the most frowned upon things is judging other people. Again i cite Matthew chapter 7.
i agree though, the roommate is definitely within his rights on choosing to move out and appears to be exercising that right gracefully. Heck, if its me i'm thinking more privacy to get down!
i don't know that it is.
im a recovering drug addict. i have very close friends that still use. i don't think i could live with them becos their lifestyle would bother me. not becos i would judge them for it, but becos of the impact it would have upon me. even if it is only rarely, it would be hard for me to live that close to "temptation." a roommate who busts out the bong now and again would be a problem for me. not that i think he's a bad person for doing it, i just don't want to get caught up in it myself.
it seems reasonable to me that this might be the case. if he believes extra-marital sex is wrong, then it might bother him to have it around. sure, it's prudish, sure it's an odd belief. but i don't think it's unreasonable or wrong. he realized it was a problem and decided to move out. i don't think this is so much a matter of "my best friend is a sinner so im going to abandon him" so much as it is "he is my best friend, but i have to look out for things that are important to me and i'd rather move out than have this come between our friendship."
i see nothing wrong with it, aside from the core belief that sex outside marriage is wrong. but that's his call. more ladies for me
understandable. im just not convinced this is as judgmental as it is being painted. see my post above. i don't judge other people's decisions, but i do have to be wary of my own living environment and how it might affect me and my values
Very respectable.
It seems very drastic to me. I definitely understand what you're saying. Wouldn't you be able to arrange something with your best friend. If I lived together with my best friend and he was a recovering addict, I would respect that and not hit the bong when he's around. I'd take a walk and smoke a j, for example.
She's only rarely there (I don't know at how many times that is) but it seems to me there are easier ways to resolve this. Can't he take a walk when they're having sex, or go to church or whatever?
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if the problem is more cohabitation, lying together as husband and wife when not actually such, is he supposed to leave town when she comes to visit? furthermore, why should he have to work something out? if it bothers him, isn't it wiser to remove himself from the situation rather than let it destroy their friendship? how is him moving out a hard way to settle this? it's better than each of them tip-toeing around the apartment trying not to upset each other for months.
furthermore, CW says you should never live with close friends in general if you want to stay friends. this seems like proof of that
there are one or two guys i consider my best friends. i would never live with them. it's got nothing to do with judging them. it's got to do with the fact that just becos we are best friends does not mean we would make good roommates.
lastly, your example is still bad. if you take a walk and smoke a j, i still know what you're doing and it still kick starts that craving for me. if you wait until i leave the house, i'll smell it when i come back and be jealous and resentful that i can't do that anymore. sure, it's irrational, but so is addiction. the point is, it's not necessarily as simple as trying to hide it. and it would get annoying for you to hide it and you'd start to resent me. this sort of thing erodes friendship. i think he made a good decision by just moving out so taht they can put this behind them instead of making it a constant source of tension in their relationship.