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Stone Gossard...

failedpersephonefailedpersephone Posts: 3,424
edited January 2014 in The Porch
okay, so a friend of mine was telling me about the hours of enjoyment he got from reading the Jeff Ament basketball thread and how it started to remind him of the Chuck Norris style claims (with similar levels of incredulity)

so, that made me think of STONE (what doesn't tho???) and a more modest level of accomplishments...(not because he is less capable but because of his very STONE-ishness)

with that intro I humbly submit:

"Stone Gossard... tailored my grandma's pantsuit."

"Stone Gossard... churned an entire Amish community's butter in 2 hours"


anyone??
IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    Stone's modest accomplishments? ...pshaw.

    He ONLY invented the handpowered portable radio.
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  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    I thought he invented the internet.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • The Waiting Trophy ManThe Waiting Trophy Man Niagara region, Ontario, Canada Posts: 12,158
    edited July 2011
    Stone is a tv repairman in his spare time. After fixing your tv he will help fold your laundry.
    Post edited by The Waiting Trophy Man on
    Another habit says it's in love with you
    Another habit says its long overdue
    Another habit like an unwanted friend
    I'm so happy with my righteous self
  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    TrixieCat wrote:
    I thought he invented the internet.

    That was Al Gore. That's why its called an algorithm.
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  • mookie_in_eugenemookie_in_eugene Posts: 1,090
    Stone helped an elderly woman cross the street. He then hugged her and said, "I'm in Pearl Jam, friend".
    "Underneath this smile lies everything - all my hopes, anger, pride and shame."
  • failedpersephonefailedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    Stone Gossard...weaves wigs for orphans from his plucked nosehairs.
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • TrixieCatTrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    mookie_in_eugene wrote:
    Stone helped an elderly woman cross the street. He then hugged her and said, "I'm in Pearl Jam, friend".
    Very cute.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • randaldoesjerseyrandaldoesjersey Posts: 151
    mookie_in_eugene wrote:
    Stone helped an elderly woman cross the street. He then hugged her and said, "I'm in Pearl Jam, friend".

    Brilliant.
  • ClaudiaClaudia Posts: 398
    CJMST3K wrote:
    That was Al Gore. That's why its called an algorithm.

    :D
  • failedpersephonefailedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    Stone Gossard...bought affordable health insurance for his aunt
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    Stone Gossard is both a prostitute and a pimp. Shows what Jack White knows...
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

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  • outontheporchoutontheporch Posts: 172
    Stone Gossard punched a blind man in the face and told him he ran into something.
    "I forgot the F***ing song."
    - Eddie Vedder, San Francisco 7-16-06, after botching Sometimes, the night's opener

    http://people.ucsc.edu/~mquery/pics/pujolsFTW.JPG
  • hiding103006hiding103006 Posts: 452
    stone gossard invented the color yellow.
    Camden 7-5-2003, Camden 7-6-2003, Hershey 7-12-2003, Camden 5-27-2006, Camden 5-28-2006, Lollapalooza 8-5-2007, Camden 6-19-2008, Camden 6-20-2008, New York 6-24-2008, New York 6-25-2008, Mansfield 6-28-2008, Mansfield 6-30-2008
  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    stone gossard is not only doing my laundry right now, he's loaning me $65.
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  • Rhinocerous SurpriseRhinocerous Surprise Posts: 4,423
    Stone Gossard once made a meal without using any ingredients.
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
  • SnakeSnake Posts: 2,605
    Stone Gossard saved you a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching you to geico.
    Pirates had democracy too.

    "Its a secret to everybody."
  • failedpersephonefailedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    Stone Gossard is an original member of menudo...and new kids on the block
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • failedpersephonefailedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    Stone Gossard sang all the backing vocals on britney spears' "toxic"
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • failedpersephonefailedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    Stone Gossard was able to stick 11 marshmallows in his mouth and still clearly say chubby bunny...only to have Jeff Ament beat him by sticking 666 marshmallows into HIS mouth and say, "I'm in Pearl Jam, bitch!"
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • The Waiting Trophy ManThe Waiting Trophy Man Niagara region, Ontario, Canada Posts: 12,158
    Stone Gossard can pick a stick up off the ground using his butt cheeks....
    Another habit says it's in love with you
    Another habit says its long overdue
    Another habit like an unwanted friend
    I'm so happy with my righteous self
  • 1STmammal2wearPants1STmammal2wearPants Worcester, MA Posts: 2,939
    Stone Gossard urinates gold.
    2003 Mansfield III 
    2004 Boston I 
    2006 Boston I 
    2008 Bonnaroo, Hartford, Mansfield I 
    2010 Hartford 
    2013 Worcester I, Worcester II, Hartford 
    2016 Bonnaroo, Fenway I, Fenway II 
    2018 Fenway I, Fenway II 
    2021 Sea.Hear.Now
    2022 Camden
    2024 MSG I, Fenway I, Fenway II
  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    Stone Gossard is "Radar" spelled backwards.
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  • dq4lifedq4life Posts: 154
    stone gossard stretched out my new jeans and heels for me.... and then stole them both to dress up for halloween as an emo kid. yeah. i got nothing.
  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    Stone Gossard is really the singer and a talented ventriloquist
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  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    Stone Gossard wrote the lyrics to "Rock Me Amadaeus" for Falco.
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  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    Stone Gossard's middle name is actually Phillips
    ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you. :)
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    *Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
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  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    Stone Gossard found God... but then lost him while walking around Boston.
    ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you. :)
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    *Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
    *Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
    *Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
    *VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
    *EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
    *Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    Stone Gossard's left eye was once green, but was replaced when he had corneal implants.
    ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you. :)
    *NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
    *MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
    *Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
    *Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
    *Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
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    *Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
  • Abner11Abner11 Posts: 67
    Stone Gossard is a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
    10/96 Hartford, 9/98 Hartford, 7/03 Mansfield I, 9/04 Boston I, 5/06 Boston I (Best crowd to date)
  • ReleasHReleasH Posts: 743
    Stone Gossard saved me from a shark attack! :)
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