Safe World.

Purple Puppy

All oral medications will be made into gummy snacks. In moon, dome and shuttle shapes. Some children have dyed the wave pool green using all the reserves of green food coloring.
Eddie, upon meeting Fred, threw the alien a pack of Reese's pieces, instead of throwing him through a window, as everyone expected, and said, "Phone home."
The moment sank in for a minute, then Ed continued, "If you don't present the child, a ton of chaos is going to land", pointing to the alien, "on your green ass, and it won't be pretty." Good presidential speech; strong leader. Then, producing a non-leather baseball mitt, Ed said, "Al Gore said to give you this", and placed the glove on the alien's head. Sensing neurological disturbance, a robot removed the mitt from the alien's head, removing what appeared to be a hair-piece.
The alien replied, "Clever, human, but I'll readily inform you that there are green militia waiting, hoping, to use their ions on your species and.. pets", putting back on his hair-piece, "if you harm a hair on my head, which I won't say you've done based on your last gesture. But, I am an ambassador of peace and I would like to see this issue resolved."
The president spoke, "We cannot stand to see what you are planning on doing to the boy happen. According to our studies, your race is not that desperate, but more obsessed", then added, "These robots can easily be programmed to attack", and with that the mitt-bot grabbed Fred by the neck, in a preliminary headlock grip, and, just as soon as it had him, and his brainwaves registered the grasp, which didn't take long, since he was already embarrassed, it let him go, and patted him on the head. The alien listened to Ed say, "We don't want this trade, so go back home and make your community understand that we don't morally agree with your scientific tactics, and, while Avery was sent away from his parents, we want him to be under the care we have set out and prescribed for him. Now go."

Will Eddie return green? What's in store for Avery? Inquiring puppies want to know. Find out in the next installment of Purple Puppy's Safe World.

Purple Puppy

China and Canada are planning on building a spaceship shaped like a dragon, with escape pods shaped like fortune cookies, and a spaceship shaped like a moose, with escape pods shaped like Alanis Morissette's head, respectively. Any ideas from other countries can be submitted and we will produce a schematic.
President Ed and Fred started out having a nice talk about homeostasis, music, jetlag, politics, and then the subject turned darker, "So, how did you get into child abduction?" A smile ran away from Fred's face, "My fellow beings perpetrated that insensible act without my consent, I assure you. That's why I came here. I'm sorry his disappearance has alarmed you."
"I believe you", said Ed, "but a bunch of robots and I are going to need to go with you to the boy and bring him back. Even now, senates are passing laws initiating the programming of these robots toward warfare. And I don't want to see that happen. I am in the seat of leadership, for the moment. They listen to me, but that can change, and sooner than six months, I'm afraid."
Fred said, "How could you leave your children without protection?"
Ed screamed, "Now, you take me to that boy, and show me that evolution beacon, or there's going to be hell to pay!"
"Alright", said Fred. "If they don't hide him from me. But they can't go far. Ok, let's go."
Ed, realizing the aliens were devastated by war and almost became extinct, said, "I hope we can be friends after all this.", and gave him a sterilized baseball mitt. Fred gave him a soft look, with his purple eyes.
The journey to the center of the moon was harsh, but a drilling dunebuggy did most of the work. Accompanied by 5 or 6 robots, they took the same route Avery did. A bloodhound also partnered with them. When he smelled Avery, he made an inquisitive yowl, and Ed fed him a granola bar, no chocolate. When they finally arrived at a large cavern, Ed said, "Let me out. Is he here?"; he asked the dog the latter. There were living pods and crystals on the walls. Fred was talking to his wife on the phone, but had time to say, "He's in that big pod, there, in the aquarium", pointing, "you must understand that we saw your babies unprotected as a sign of a gift from you. We have been living science for so long that it just seemed.."
"Yada-yada", Ed said, and exited the vehicle.
The pod was an opening to another huge area much more elaborately decorated. Walking up to the aquarium, horrified, Ed saw a green boy with the name Avery knitted onto his bathing suit and a little girl with a bikini, who waved to Ed, then dove in. Avery turned around in the water, and screamed, "Eddie! They're going to clone me!"
Ed almost pounded on the glass, then just stared, and said, "You have to come with me." The boy was retrieved.
"I heard your song on the radio. My song. Can Sara come with us?", Avery asked; he hadn't stopped smiling.
Eddie nodded, "Where are her parents? We don't want to start this thing all over again. Can they turn you back?" Avery replied, "There's no turning back. The ages of the clones of her parents are 4 and 5, but she's 4,056 years old next thursday, isn't she old enough to go out on her own?"
Ed's quick retort was, "I wouldn't let my daughter go out like that, even if I was a toddler."
So Avery whispered to Sara, "Put some clothes on, Sara.", and then said, "Her aunt takes care of her, we can ask her. She lives in the next town.. cavern."
"Ya", Ed said.
A:"I can still breathe oxygenated air".
E:"That's good. They didn't do anything else to you, did they?"
A:"Not yet".
Sara:"Ok, I'm packed. Let's go." She was wearing a robe, and a robot was carrying her luggage in a steel crate.
E:"What's your aunt's name?", when they were safely in the dunebuggy.
S:"Sally Guberon Axtyleptovik."
E:"Mm-hm.", polishing his space helmet.
When they arrived at Sally Axtyleptovik's apartment, the Aunt said to Eddie, "There you are; I've been expecting you. Welcome to the lair of the evolution beacon. I designed it."
E:"I'm honored. I wish I could shake your hand without the space suit." In the back ground was a 400 foot metal cube, with something on top.
Sally:"I wish you could touch the beacon".
A:"Is that my dog?"
Black barked, and jumped off the beacon, but since there's no gravity, he floated. Sally said, "He's the first human, er.. earth man, well, earthling to touch the evolution beacon. We have been monitoring his wave patterns. He's making alot of progress, and doing things we don't understand, since he is a new species. Good dog. You'll see that..", the dog then landed on her head. "Ah!", she screamed. Recovering, noticeably embarrassed, she said, " You are all welcome to touch our beacon, of course. It recalls you, and delivers your psyche unto you, as it becomes you. It belongs to all universals."
"Fat", Avery said.
"We haven't built one on earth yet", Ed said.
"Well, you're partially right. There hasn't been one on earth since Stonehenge was excavated. But you, and your contemporaries, haven't built one", Sally said.
Avery had taken his sticky-shoes, a replacement for a weighted space suit, off and had jumped up to the beacon.
"Careful", Ed said.
"It had a larger effect on the dog", Sally said, a few seconds after
Avery landed on the beacon. Avery did seem amused though.
"We have to go.", Ed said. "I might have to come back and do some evolution myself."
"Though I do want to go back with you. I think something is going to happen.", Fred said.

Will Fred make up with his wife? Will Avery be accepted by his four parents and forefathers? What will we see about Black? Tune in next time, and send your suggestions to Purple Puppy.

Purple Puppy

Robots have been programmed to say "WALL-E" more. The thing about robots is that they have no predisposition to say, "I'll tell you when you're older", so children learn everything they want to on the moon. Brain scans in the helmets anticipate questions, so the children learn what seems intuitively. The official spaceship of America is in the shape of an american bald eagle, with escape pods shaped like baseballs. American and national teams may sponsor the escape pods. No college teams, sorry.

Avery wants to change his name to Giacomo
In a communication with Avery's mother:
Mother: Did they do anything else to you?
Avery: No, but I've seen green porn! And when the planets are aligned I glow.

"What we haven't understood was related to your treatment of dogs. They would have been more communicable if you hadn't said the mean thing of "play dead". They don't mind fetch though", said Sally.
Sally also said, "It appears there is a conspiracy on earth. The names of anti-schizophrenic drugs on your planet are the names of frequencies coming from the counter-evolution beacon on Mars. It's possible that some of them were intuited, but to have so many.. We suspect German fascism."

SETI has picked up a communication from Pluto, a peaceful message saying they received the signal from a young Labrodor, detailing their landing on the Moon. They can be there as early as next week, and just need the clearance. Children are voting wether they want to share the space with them. A scanning voting terminal is being made for the dogs, incorporating evolution beacon technology. SETI has also received a message from Mars. It's a desperate distress signal. The report is that their A.I. has overridden the controls, and the robots are using the counterevolution beacon as a weapon against themselves. Some of them have gone crazy. Their brains are totally fried, and their dogs are tired. We are asking them to change the battery on the Mars rover so we can see for ourselves.
Fred says the children who have what's known as terminal diseases can be contacted by the evolution beacon and it will have a bolstering psychological impact for all affected. They are born that way for the spiritual benefit of all species.