Write the next line in this poem!

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  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    Just as an update, I have collected the current working poem (yes, I once again punctuated the way I saw fit. Feel free to disagree.) I also added the next line after Finsbury's most recent. Please, continue!


    Bloodblack bog pools, throating mountain rain.
    A quick relief, sodden grief, this elixir for pain.
    Astride a hill, my boots agree sitting is enough;
    too high to conquer, too harder shell to tunnel.

    surrender to me your insides

    O quartzblue rising crags, inner mystery vista'd:
    the heart I once held in my hands
    .........................................................................
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    My baggage heavy, but I see the light
    wow, sorry...we must have been posting at the same time...I'll put your line in instead of mine since I already contributed to this poem...gimme a sec, I'll update it.
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  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    OK, so now here is the actual current poem, with Rhino's line reflected. Awaiting a new addition!


    Bloodblack bog pools, throating mountain rain.
    A quick relief, sodden grief, this elixir for pain.
    Astride a hill, my boots agree sitting is enough;
    too high to conquer, too harder shell to tunnel.

    surrender to me your insides

    O quartzblue rising crags, inner mystery vista'd:
    My baggage heavy, but I see the light
    .........................................................................
  • NastNast Posts: 127
    Screaming and blaring horrific possessions through the heavens strings
    The king of run on sentences...
  • kdpjamkdpjam Posts: 2,303
    a tunnel visioned soul seeking a higher power;
    lay down all thoughts; surrender to the void
    ~it is shining it is shining~
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    kdpjam wrote:
    a tunnel visioned soul seeking a higher power;

    a coin flipped, the promise made.
    .........................................................................
  • With a bit of licence, it could read:

    Bloodblack bog pools, throating mountain rain.
    A quick relief, sodden grief, this elixir for pain.
    Astride a hill, my boots agree sitting is enough;
    too high to conquer, too harder shell to tunnel.

    Surrender to me your insides, o quartzblue rising crags,
    inner mystery vista'd: My baggage heavy,
    but I see the light screaming and blaring
    horrific possessions through the heavens strings,
    a tunnel visioned soul seeking a higher power.

    A coin flipped, the promise made (beginning of third stanza?)
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    The promise only i could betray, for you i say...
    I'm confused. I reveal a weakness unused.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374



    A coin flipped, the promise made (beginning of third stanza?)


    sure, i like the idea. and your licence looks good to me.

    should the third stanza be the last? how do we decide when this one ends?
    .........................................................................
  • I'm confused. I reveal a weakness unused.

    A weakness of strength, a vibratto crutch
    If going right is wrong, I don't wanna go right!
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    and then debacle symphony of heaven's clamour
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    Fins...could you post the current poem in it's current state again please? (I kinda consider this your poem since you started it...)
    .........................................................................
  • ISN wrote:
    and then debacle symphony of heaven's clamour

    And at it's feet I lied. I spent things. I died.
    i can still bite my toenails.
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    And at it's feet I lied. I spent things. I died.

    I love this! Looks like a good last line to me. Finsbury...what sayest thou?
    .........................................................................
  • Nah, it's everyone's poem. I only wrote a couple of lines. Hang on while I stitch it together.

    Bloodblack bog pools, throating mountain rain.
    A quick relief, sodden grief, this elixir for pain.
    Astride a hill, my boots agree sitting is enough;
    too high to conquer, too harder shell to tunnel.

    Surrender to me your insides, o quartzblue rising crags,
    inner mystery vista'd: My baggage heavy,
    but I see the light screaming and blaring
    horrific possessions through the heavens strings,
    a tunnel visioned soul seeking a higher power.

    A coin flipped: the promise made; the promise
    only I could betray. For you, I say I'm confused:
    I reveal a weakness unused. A weakness of strength,
    a vibrato crutch, the One I was when time's unused.
    And then debacle, symphony of heaven's clamour.
    And at its feet I lied. I spent things. I died.
  • I hope I didn't miss any lines out there. I'm not with it yet.
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    I dig it quite a bit.

    I didn't mean it was 'your' poem really, Finnsy...just that you were in charge of it. :)
    .........................................................................
  • kdpjamkdpjam Posts: 2,303
    i like it! i wish i would have contributed more. i'm up for doing another collaberative poem in the near future.
    lay down all thoughts; surrender to the void
    ~it is shining it is shining~
  • Anna_falkAnna_falk Posts: 114
    Cool poem, seems advanced to me :)
    To worry about tomorrow doesn't make it easier,
    it only makes today worse.
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    kdpjam wrote:
    i like it! i wish i would have contributed more. i'm up for doing another collaberative poem in the near future.

    Give us a first line! We'll do another one right now....
    .........................................................................
  • What does she grow in her garden? Vegetables? Flowers? You could title it something she grows, ie "Tomatoes" or "Hyacinth"
  • What does she grow in her garden? Vegetables? Flowers? You could title it something she grows, ie "Tomatoes" or "Hyacinth"

    wrong thread, sorry....
  • kdpjamkdpjam Posts: 2,303
    ok, that threw me off a bit... i thought i was responsible for a poem about vegetables.. now to re-focus ;)
    lay down all thoughts; surrender to the void
    ~it is shining it is shining~

  • The theives they dont stop, death, destroying,

    (the theives of cars and hearts and large grand things)
    If going right is wrong, I don't wanna go right!
  • They take from peoples loved ones with signatures of their own.

    Signatures owned; handwriting stolen. There is no doubt.
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