Ode to Bench Press

Goulet
Goulet Posts: 918
edited January 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Oh, Bench Press you are too fine
when I hoist a bar bell in a straight line
I like to make my muscles grow
and you will help me if I'm slow

Ah, Bench Press you are so mighty
and when I get sweaty I will grip the bar tightly
I will grunt and strain and push with strength
and you, dear Bench Press, will increase my arm length

Thy steal is cold
and thy weight is heavy
but when I grow old
I'll be stronger then many

Oh, Bench Press you are my love
when I lift you up above
it is you who I care for
and that is why I need a woman no more
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    :) You are quite a character, Goulet! Never stop being you! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • even flow?
    even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Nothing like a good "bench-press". And you were going to leave for awhile.
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    have you ever felt "skittish"
    because i have

    BENCH PRESS AHOY!
  • Radar(Baba)O'Riley
    Radar(Baba)O'Riley Posts: 947
    I hate when your bench pressing in the gym and you ask some guy who has horses in his arms to spot you and he yells trite encouragments like PUSH PUSH COME ON IT'S ALL YOU IT'S ALL YOU WE'RE GONNA GET BIG COME ON PUSH PUSH and it's hard to push because his standing right over you and you can see his, ahem, jingles and TWO MORE is not an option at that point.
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    Originally posted by Radar(Baba)O'Riley
    I hate when your bench pressing in the gym and you ask some guy who has horses in his arms to spot you and he yells trite encouragments like PUSH PUSH COME ON IT'S ALL YOU IT'S ALL YOU WE'RE GONNA GET BIG COME ON PUSH PUSH and it's hard to push because his standing right over you and you can see his, ahem, jingles and TWO MORE is not an option at that point.

    this is why i haven't been to a gym in 2 years
    i just do heroin to stay thin
  • even flow?
    even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Originally posted by Goulet
    this is why i haven't been to a gym in 2 years
    i just do heroin to stay thin

    I used to do blow to stay thin. But I think I will take up smack now.
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Why not get the best of both worlds and just do some speedballs! That'll get yer motor running!

    Or maybe try some oxycontin.

    :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    loose lips sink ships
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    loose lips sink ships

    and rose hips stain those lips
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    GROWL
    i am strong
    ROWR
    i am bulky
    FLEX
    i have hairy shoulders
    STRETCH
    will you caress my triceps
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    will you caress my triceps

    With the soft, whispering touch of an angel
    Light, breathy kisses on the breeze
    Like the touch of a butterfly
    Sweet, succulent, beautiful, free
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    i am a hulking mass of a man
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    i am a hulking mass of a man

    :eek: Now I'm scared!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    but i'm also Mick Jagger skinny
    and that's very in right now
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    but i'm also Mick Jagger skinny
    and that's very in right now

    :) I don't care much about what's in.

    Unless it's in me. :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    i will strike thy down in a fury of anger if thy hand continues to but touch me
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    i will strike thy down in a fury of anger if thy hand continues to but touch me

    Okay, continue touching yourself then. ;):D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    who said anything about lemonade or rhineshones?
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Not me. I was talking about milk and orange juice.
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    did you ever get the feeling
    that you were falling when you were sitting down
    and then you get the feeling that the air is visible
    and then you get the feeling
    that everyone is looking at you
    and you're going to get caught
    and you try to make sure you haven't done anything weird
    like cough up a lung or fart
    or you make sure there's no snot hanging out of your nose
    and then you get the feeling that everyone loves you
    and you just want to smile a lot
    but you're already smiling a lot

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