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Ode to Bench Press

GouletGoulet Posts: 918
edited January 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Oh, Bench Press you are too fine
when I hoist a bar bell in a straight line
I like to make my muscles grow
and you will help me if I'm slow

Ah, Bench Press you are so mighty
and when I get sweaty I will grip the bar tightly
I will grunt and strain and push with strength
and you, dear Bench Press, will increase my arm length

Thy steal is cold
and thy weight is heavy
but when I grow old
I'll be stronger then many

Oh, Bench Press you are my love
when I lift you up above
it is you who I care for
and that is why I need a woman no more
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    :) You are quite a character, Goulet! Never stop being you! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • even flow?even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Nothing like a good "bench-press". And you were going to leave for awhile.
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    have you ever felt "skittish"
    because i have

    BENCH PRESS AHOY!
  • Radar(Baba)O'RileyRadar(Baba)O'Riley Posts: 947
    I hate when your bench pressing in the gym and you ask some guy who has horses in his arms to spot you and he yells trite encouragments like PUSH PUSH COME ON IT'S ALL YOU IT'S ALL YOU WE'RE GONNA GET BIG COME ON PUSH PUSH and it's hard to push because his standing right over you and you can see his, ahem, jingles and TWO MORE is not an option at that point.
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    Originally posted by Radar(Baba)O'Riley
    I hate when your bench pressing in the gym and you ask some guy who has horses in his arms to spot you and he yells trite encouragments like PUSH PUSH COME ON IT'S ALL YOU IT'S ALL YOU WE'RE GONNA GET BIG COME ON PUSH PUSH and it's hard to push because his standing right over you and you can see his, ahem, jingles and TWO MORE is not an option at that point.

    this is why i haven't been to a gym in 2 years
    i just do heroin to stay thin
  • even flow?even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Originally posted by Goulet
    this is why i haven't been to a gym in 2 years
    i just do heroin to stay thin

    I used to do blow to stay thin. But I think I will take up smack now.
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Why not get the best of both worlds and just do some speedballs! That'll get yer motor running!

    Or maybe try some oxycontin.

    :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    loose lips sink ships
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    loose lips sink ships

    and rose hips stain those lips
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    GROWL
    i am strong
    ROWR
    i am bulky
    FLEX
    i have hairy shoulders
    STRETCH
    will you caress my triceps
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    will you caress my triceps

    With the soft, whispering touch of an angel
    Light, breathy kisses on the breeze
    Like the touch of a butterfly
    Sweet, succulent, beautiful, free
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    i am a hulking mass of a man
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    i am a hulking mass of a man

    :eek: Now I'm scared!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    but i'm also Mick Jagger skinny
    and that's very in right now
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    but i'm also Mick Jagger skinny
    and that's very in right now

    :) I don't care much about what's in.

    Unless it's in me. :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    i will strike thy down in a fury of anger if thy hand continues to but touch me
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    i will strike thy down in a fury of anger if thy hand continues to but touch me

    Okay, continue touching yourself then. ;):D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    who said anything about lemonade or rhineshones?
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Not me. I was talking about milk and orange juice.
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    did you ever get the feeling
    that you were falling when you were sitting down
    and then you get the feeling that the air is visible
    and then you get the feeling
    that everyone is looking at you
    and you're going to get caught
    and you try to make sure you haven't done anything weird
    like cough up a lung or fart
    or you make sure there's no snot hanging out of your nose
    and then you get the feeling that everyone loves you
    and you just want to smile a lot
    but you're already smiling a lot
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    did you ever get the feeling
    that you were falling when you were sitting down
    and then you get the feeling that the air is visible
    and then you get the feeling
    that everyone is looking at you
    and you're going to get caught
    and you try to make sure you haven't done anything weird
    like cough up a lung or fart
    or you make sure there's no snot hanging out of your nose
    and then you get the feeling that everyone loves you
    and you just want to smile a lot
    but you're already smiling a lot

    I try not to be paranoid. I don't care what other people think of me and a lot of them think I'm weird so, if I do weird things that's okay, they expect that from me anyway. If my weirdness is that exciting then, go ahead and look, it matters not to me.

    I am almost always smiling! :D:D:D:D

    OOOOPS! I just giggled and some milk & orange juice just came flying out of my nose and now I'm laughing like a hyena and spewing a white-orange flow from my nose! And everyone is LOOKING AT ME! ;)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    I like to think of myself as a clucking chicken, sometimes.
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    I like to think of myself as a clucking chicken, sometimes.

    LOL! You know what's scary? I used to do a wicked dying chicken impression for my sisters, full on, falling on the floor and everything and we'd laugh and we'd laugh! Good times!

    Cock-a-doodle-doo, Goulet, cock-a-doodle-doo! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • BhagavadGitaBhagavadGita Posts: 1,748
    Originally posted by Being Enlightened
    LOL! You know what's scary? I used to do a wicked dying chicken impression for my sisters, full on, falling on the floor and everything and we'd laugh and we'd laugh! Good times!

    Cock-a-doodle-doo, Goulet, cock-a-doodle-doo! :D

    Dam! I want to be in your family tree BE.
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    Originally posted by BhagavadGita
    Dam! I want to be in your family tree BE.

    i want to know why she used to do that but doesn't anymore
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by BhagavadGita
    Dam! I want to be in your family tree BE.

    Ah, gee, thanks! :)

    Well, my sister's are just great but that's about it! The rest of 'em suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Well, not my Nanny or Poppy but they're dead so I'm not sure if that counts?)

    My 2 little sisters and my nephew are my family now and they ROCK! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    i want to know why she used to do that but doesn't anymore

    I would still do it but it hasn't been called for in a while. Now that you've mentioned it, they may get a clucking surprise next time we're all together! :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    Originally posted by Being Enlightened
    I would still do it but it hasn't been called for in a while. Now that you've mentioned it, they may get a clucking surprise next time we're all together! :D

    it is best to surprise people with something as wonderful as a clucking chicken impression
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Goulet
    it is best to surprise people with something as wonderful as a clucking chicken impression

    :D Not only a clucking chicken impression but a dying clucking chicken impression--it's really quite brilliant--wish you all could see it! :p It's one thing I'm actually quite good at.
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • even flow?even flow? Posts: 8,066
    I have been waiting at the gym. Patience was not a virtue. Flexing in the mirror. Pining for the pose off. The guy said he would be here. Stuck in my speedo with eyes boring holes through my pecs. Said his name was Goulet. Said to wait right here, that he would return.
    You've changed your place in this world!
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