Do you fart at work?

2-feign-reluctance

From the maker of the do you poop at work thread comes a challenging thought for even the most well trained intestines. 

HughFreakingDillon

i'm in a cube AND I let er rip if I'm confident it won't get detected. that being said, the cube configuration several years ago was such that one of my co workers was behind me, not beside, as they are now. I thought she was gone to lunch. I quietly lifted one cheek, let it go, made a sound, very quiet, I turned around and she was fucking standing there staring at me. she slowly sat down again, without so much as a blink. 

PJNB

I think we are missing let er rip anywheres option.

HughFreakingDillon

I had to google the TB12 method. what a kook. lol

dankind

I'm strategic with my farts. Elevators and revolving doors are always up for a good cropdusting.

mfc2006

I have my own office and an air purifier, let er' rip.

Loving your threads, Chris. LOL

2-feign-reluctance

PJNB said:

I think we are missing let er rip anywheres option.

Dammit! Ok, here you go.
Option #6: Cropduster, any time, any place. A real 'Riot Act' in my ass. 

Gern Blansten

I only cut em' in the bathroom, which presents a whole other set of challenges.

I have a private bathroom now so I can let them rip in there if needed.

Funny story going back to the office that made me ring a bell whenever I went to the bathroom....it was a CPA firm that was run by an extremely uptight freak.  Staff really did not socialize much at all in the office.  There was no small talk at all because the managing partner would break up any small talk by asking if we "needed something to do". 

There was a supply cabinet in my office where they kept the usual office supplies. Sometimes another staffer would come in there and stand looking into the cabinet and talk so that she could act like she was grabbing paper or something if the managing partner came around.

I was at my desk working and had to fart really bad so I just did it. Of course it smelled like nuclear death and of course she walked in and came to the cabinet about 30 seconds after the rip.

I was horribly embarrassed because there is no way she didn't notice that shit cloud. 

HughFreakingDillon

LOL Gern that's epic

2-feign-reluctance

Gern Blansten said:

I have a private bathroom now so I can let them rip in there if needed.

Funny story going back to the office that made me ring a bell whenever I went to the bathroom....it was a CPA firm that was run by an extremely uptight freak.  Staff really did not socialize much at all in the office.  There was no small talk at all because the managing partner would break up any small talk by asking if we "needed something to do". 

There was a supply cabinet in my office where they kept the usual office supplies. Sometimes another staffer would come in there and stand looking into the cabinet and talk so that she could act like she was grabbing paper or something if the managing partner came around.

I was at my desk working and had to fart really bad so I just did it. Of course it smelled like nuclear death and of course she walked in and came to the cabinet about 30 seconds after the rip.

I was horribly embarrassed because there is no way she didn't notice that shit cloud. 

Good god, hahaha!!! 

HughFreakingDillon

Gern Blansten said:

I have a private bathroom now so I can let them rip in there if needed.

Funny story going back to the office that made me ring a bell whenever I went to the bathroom....it was a CPA firm that was run by an extremely uptight freak.  Staff really did not socialize much at all in the office.  There was no small talk at all because the managing partner would break up any small talk by asking if we "needed something to do". 

There was a supply cabinet in my office where they kept the usual office supplies. Sometimes another staffer would come in there and stand looking into the cabinet and talk so that she could act like she was grabbing paper or something if the managing partner came around.

I was at my desk working and had to fart really bad so I just did it. Of course it smelled like nuclear death and of course she walked in and came to the cabinet about 30 seconds after the rip.

I was horribly embarrassed because there is no way she didn't notice that shit cloud. 

is this an accountant term for asshole bosses to use? my old boss used it all the time before she retired. yet, she and the VP spent countless hours in his office talking shit, pretending to work. 

Gern Blansten

I only cut em' in the bathroom, which presents a whole other set of challenges.

HughFreakingDillon said:

Gern Blansten said:

I have a private bathroom now so I can let them rip in there if needed.

Funny story going back to the office that made me ring a bell whenever I went to the bathroom....it was a CPA firm that was run by an extremely uptight freak.  Staff really did not socialize much at all in the office.  There was no small talk at all because the managing partner would break up any small talk by asking if we "needed something to do". 

There was a supply cabinet in my office where they kept the usual office supplies. Sometimes another staffer would come in there and stand looking into the cabinet and talk so that she could act like she was grabbing paper or something if the managing partner came around.

I was at my desk working and had to fart really bad so I just did it. Of course it smelled like nuclear death and of course she walked in and came to the cabinet about 30 seconds after the rip.

I was horribly embarrassed because there is no way she didn't notice that shit cloud. 

is this an accountant term for asshole bosses to use? my old boss used it all the time before she retired. yet, she and the VP spent countless hours in his office talking shit, pretending to work. 

yep...must be

I had another job where all the staff worked downstairs in the basement of the building.  In order to leave you had to go upstairs and walk right by the partner and manager's desks.  If you ever left earlier than they thought you would get the "Hey come here a second.....what all are you working on now? Do you need more stuff to do?".

It always blew my mind because I was used to working 8a-5p so I tended to leave around 5p and get the above treatment.  We called it "walking the gauntlet".  But....if you came in at 830a and left at 530p you were considered a go-getter who wasn't a clock watcher.  Made no fucking sense.

The partner used to come in around 9a and usually left around 6p.

dankind

You got time to lean, you got time to clean.

BLACK35

dankind said:

I'm strategic with my farts. Elevators and revolving doors are always up for a good cropdusting.

That's my game

markymark550

I'm option 6. Better out than in, regardless of where you are.

Gern Blansten

I only cut em' in the bathroom, which presents a whole other set of challenges.

dankind said:

I'm strategic with my farts. Elevators and revolving doors are always up for a good cropdusting.

Vestibules at restaurants are the best.  Give those people waiting for a table a nice cropdusting on your way out to enhance their olfactory senses.

F Me In The Brain

Hahaha.  
Some funny bastards, here.

mrussel1

Gern Blansten said:

I have a private bathroom now so I can let them rip in there if needed.

Funny story going back to the office that made me ring a bell whenever I went to the bathroom....it was a CPA firm that was run by an extremely uptight freak.  Staff really did not socialize much at all in the office.  There was no small talk at all because the managing partner would break up any small talk by asking if we "needed something to do". 

There was a supply cabinet in my office where they kept the usual office supplies. Sometimes another staffer would come in there and stand looking into the cabinet and talk so that she could act like she was grabbing paper or something if the managing partner came around.

I was at my desk working and had to fart really bad so I just did it. Of course it smelled like nuclear death and of course she walked in and came to the cabinet about 30 seconds after the rip.

I was horribly embarrassed because there is no way she didn't notice that shit cloud. 

That's the double edged sword of an office.  Great privacy, but you definitely let it rip.  And then someone pops in and there's no one to blame.. 

Hobbes

@Empty Glass

Empty Glass

Hobbes said:

@Empty Glass

Thank you Hobbes, I’ll take it from here…

Just came across this yesterday, heard a fart an aisle over.  Confused me as our serial farter retired. I am on the case to solve that mystery.

But to answer the question, yes I fuckin fart at work.  I am a professional farter.  At the printer, crop dust some asshole on a walk-by, down Management Row…yes!  Air must leave the body.

Why do I do this?  I can’t stand people and farts are funny.  I’ll fart at shows, at bars…etc.  I love dropping one and moving away and seeing a reaction.  I’ll fart in a store with the kids, embarrass them.  Around strangers, no muffler, just rip away and act as if it was someone else.

I did fart at the urinal at work the other day.  Very loud (bathroom echo) and funny sounding ass clapper.  A couple people were shitting, they heard it for sure, so I laughed pretty loud.  Had to do the quick hand wash and book so I couldn’t be identified.  I am an adult and can’t be caught at work laughing at a fart.

Who would go fart in their own car?  Gross!

mrussel1

Empty Glass said:

Hobbes said:

@Empty Glass

Thank you Hobbes, I’ll take it from here…

Just came across this yesterday, heard a fart an aisle over.  Confused me as our serial farter retired. I am on the case to solve that mystery.

But to answer the question, yes I fuckin fart at work.  I am a professional farter.  At the printer, crop dust some asshole on a walk-by, down Management Row…yes!  Air must leave the body.

Why do I do this?  I can’t stand people and farts are funny.  I’ll fart at shows, at bars…etc.  I love dropping one and moving away and seeing a reaction.  I’ll fart in a store with the kids, embarrass them.  Around strangers, no muffler, just rip away and act as if it was someone else.

I did fart at the urinal at work the other day.  Very loud (bathroom echo) and funny sounding ass clapper.  A couple people were shitting, they heard it for sure, so I laughed pretty loud.  Had to do the quick hand wash and book so I couldn’t be identified.  I am an adult and can’t be caught at work laughing at a fart.

Who would go fart in their own car?  Gross!

what about on a plane?  Airplane farts have a distinct and horrific smell.  There's something about the processed air with a fart that is lethal.  It's also very easy to pinpoint the culprit.  Plane farting is very dangerous.

Contrast that with the classic dutch oven that pull on your (soon to be ex) wife.  Now a dutch oven also has a distinct smell, but it is glorious. 

HughFreakingDillon

Empty Glass said:

Hobbes said:

@Empty Glass

Thank you Hobbes, I’ll take it from here…

Just came across this yesterday, heard a fart an aisle over.  Confused me as our serial farter retired. I am on the case to solve that mystery.

But to answer the question, yes I fuckin fart at work.  I am a professional farter.  At the printer, crop dust some asshole on a walk-by, down Management Row…yes!  Air must leave the body.

Why do I do this?  I can’t stand people and farts are funny.  I’ll fart at shows, at bars…etc.  I love dropping one and moving away and seeing a reaction.  I’ll fart in a store with the kids, embarrass them.  Around strangers, no muffler, just rip away and act as if it was someone else.

I did fart at the urinal at work the other day.  Very loud (bathroom echo) and funny sounding ass clapper.  A couple people were shitting, they heard it for sure, so I laughed pretty loud.  Had to do the quick hand wash and book so I couldn’t be identified.  I am an adult and can’t be caught at work laughing at a fart.

Who would go fart in their own car?  Gross!

LMAO

F Me In The Brain

Empty Glass said:

Hobbes said:

@Empty Glass

Thank you Hobbes, I’ll take it from here…

Just came across this yesterday, heard a fart an aisle over.  Confused me as our serial farter retired. I am on the case to solve that mystery.

But to answer the question, yes I fuckin fart at work.  I am a professional farter.  At the printer, crop dust some asshole on a walk-by, down Management Row…yes!  Air must leave the body.

Why do I do this?  I can’t stand people and farts are funny.  I’ll fart at shows, at bars…etc.  I love dropping one and moving away and seeing a reaction.  I’ll fart in a store with the kids, embarrass them.  Around strangers, no muffler, just rip away and act as if it was someone else.

I did fart at the urinal at work the other day.  Very loud (bathroom echo) and funny sounding ass clapper.  A couple people were shitting, they heard it for sure, so I laughed pretty loud.  Had to do the quick hand wash and book so I couldn’t be identified.  I am an adult and can’t be caught at work laughing at a fart.

Who would go fart in their own car?  Gross!

   Awesome. 

JojoRice

I have my own office and an air purifier, let er' rip.

I'm a teacher and fart all the time when I don't have students in my room.  However, when I do have students I try to drop some silent and deadly ones.  

Gern Blansten

I only cut em' in the bathroom, which presents a whole other set of challenges.

I was ready to rip some on the airplane home Sunday.  I thought that everyone having a mask on would take care of the issue but I didn't want to fart all over my wife.

HughFreakingDillon

"fart all over my wife" lol

2-feign-reluctance

JojoRice said:

I'm a teacher and fart all the time when I don't have students in my room.  However, when I do have students I try to drop some silent and deadly ones.  

How does one truly know if you've got an SBD on board or not? Sometimes the real big fuckers end up being silent, and the sly sneaky cramps end up coming out as if plugged into a Marshall stack. 

mrussel1

2-feign-reluctance said:

JojoRice said:

I'm a teacher and fart all the time when I don't have students in my room.  However, when I do have students I try to drop some silent and deadly ones.  

How does one truly know if you've got an SBD on board or not? Sometimes the real big fuckers end up being silent, and the sly sneaky cramps end up coming out as if plugged into a Marshall stack. 

Because it's likely not your first of the day.  You should know the situation at hand. 

hedonist

Empty Glass said:

Hobbes said:

@Empty Glass

Thank you Hobbes, I’ll take it from here…

Just came across this yesterday, heard a fart an aisle over.  Confused me as our serial farter retired. I am on the case to solve that mystery.

But to answer the question, yes I fuckin fart at work.  I am a professional farter.  At the printer, crop dust some asshole on a walk-by, down Management Row…yes!  Air must leave the body.

Why do I do this?  I can’t stand people and farts are funny.  I’ll fart at shows, at bars…etc.  I love dropping one and moving away and seeing a reaction.  I’ll fart in a store with the kids, embarrass them.  Around strangers, no muffler, just rip away and act as if it was someone else.

I did fart at the urinal at work the other day.  Very loud (bathroom echo) and funny sounding ass clapper.  A couple people were shitting, they heard it for sure, so I laughed pretty loud.  Had to do the quick hand wash and book so I couldn’t be identified.  I am an adult and can’t be caught at work laughing at a fart.

Who would go fart in their own car?  Gross!

Empty Bear! Way to make a reappearance.

We’re proud of your farting prowess.

2-feign-reluctance

mrussel1 said:

2-feign-reluctance said:

JojoRice said:

I'm a teacher and fart all the time when I don't have students in my room.  However, when I do have students I try to drop some silent and deadly ones.  

How does one truly know if you've got an SBD on board or not? Sometimes the real big fuckers end up being silent, and the sly sneaky cramps end up coming out as if plugged into a Marshall stack. 

Because it's likely not your first of the day.  You should know the situation at hand. 

Agreed, but farting is like a smelly roulette wheel! 

mrussel1

2-feign-reluctance said:

mrussel1 said:

2-feign-reluctance said:

JojoRice said:

I'm a teacher and fart all the time when I don't have students in my room.  However, when I do have students I try to drop some silent and deadly ones.  

How does one truly know if you've got an SBD on board or not? Sometimes the real big fuckers end up being silent, and the sly sneaky cramps end up coming out as if plugged into a Marshall stack. 

Because it's likely not your first of the day.  You should know the situation at hand. 

Agreed, but farting is like a smelly roulette wheel! 

Ha!  Or like a box of chocolates... you never know what you'll get.  And then you shart.