Anybody gone through a divorce?

GuitarEnthusiast

Thief of Silence said:

Maybe it’s not the same, but I’m having to face the fact that my fiancé is with someone else on the side. We’ve been together for 5 years officially. We both have some issues with the bottle, but her solution is to be with the enablers because they tell her what she wants.

Any relationship worth anything hurts when it’s truly worth it. 

The way I’m dealing though is to focus on fixing myself, in hopes that maybe I can be a better person later on. Might seem cliche, but anything worth fixing is worth a shot. Talking does nothing, IMO. 

Given my experience, this is the way to go. If you aren't a little selfish and don't focus on fixing yourself...you won't be the best YOU for anyone else. Like other's have said, actions speak louder than words. I have been learning to be more mindful and to focus on taking one step at a time. Do the next right thing and accept life on life's terms. And do not forget hope. I've been in some dark places, but have never lost hope. That's gotten me through some tough times. Tough times never last, tough people do. ;-)

TJ25487

One book every person should read is called The Passion Trap. It was recommended to me by my marriage counselor and it has changed my life for the better. It simply explains relationship dynamics and how to recognize and utilize them to balance the relationship. The premise is that every relationship either starts off or becomes imbalanced and are doomed to failure if not balanced out. 

1ThoughtKnown

Each situation is different. 
I walked out on my ex in 09 due to consistent mental and occasional physical abuse. (Yes an abused husband.) worst part was I could tell this relationship was changing me from the big teddy bear I always was into an angry, lonely, overeating, emasculated shell of a human being.  I didn’t recognize myself.

I was so happy I left, I had to tell everyone.  It was like a weight lifted.  Looking back I would have kept my mouth shut and left with dignity. 
Of course, it all got back to her and created drama (how could it not?) and I DEPLORE drama. No one to blame but myself... she was trying to save face of course, no one likes to be dumped. 

Emotions run high and it can be difficult to think straight. What helped me? Counselling, having legal representation, eating healthier and beginning a fitness regimen and finding new friends. 

I left her everything, including mutual friends. Eventually I followed a new career path, moved out of town and eventually met my current wife who is the best thing that has ever happened to me (as is the career).

Hope this helps.... 

VH123058

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I always knew the pj fam was special, all your words just puts icing on the cake.  

H.Chinaski

I've been there and it's very stressful. Keep your head up!