A former friend reached out to me via his mum (wants to reconnect)...not sure what to do
Thoughts_Arrive
Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
Hey all,
I am in a stressful situation here.
A guy I was friends with and have not heard from or seen for about 6 years want to call me.
His parents are good friends with my parents and his mum mentioned to me when she was at my parents house today that he wants to see me.
Later in the day she called my mum asking for my number as her son wants to call me.
His parents told my parents he has no friends, he's lost touch with people we both used to be friends with years ago and is always at home.
I feel bad for him but at the same time feel like I am being pressured into being friends with a person who I don't have much in common with.
We were friends through our parents and because we are both of the same ethnic background.
Our relationship was limited to going out to bars and nightclubs and events around our cultural background.
It was all about drinking till drunk and partying.
I've moved on in life, I have different interests and he is anti-Muslim whereas I am not (found this out on his Facebook page).
I was miserable being pressured into being friends with him and his brother, I don't feel any connection with them that is deep and meaningful.
They're not the types I can go have a coffee or lunch with and talk about life. It's only partying.
Plus he and his brother are both selfish, always about their needs without considering mine.
I could rant more but won't.
I don't know what to do.
I feel for his situation because my heart is too big for my own good.
His mum has a history of depression and anxiety (severe requiring hospitalisation), worried he may be in the same boat and he may be depressed.
Where has he been all these years? Why all of a sudden wanting to reconnect?
What would you do?
If someone you don't have any connection with wants to be friends with and may be depressed because they have no friends, would you reconnect?
I am in a stressful situation here.
A guy I was friends with and have not heard from or seen for about 6 years want to call me.
His parents are good friends with my parents and his mum mentioned to me when she was at my parents house today that he wants to see me.
Later in the day she called my mum asking for my number as her son wants to call me.
His parents told my parents he has no friends, he's lost touch with people we both used to be friends with years ago and is always at home.
I feel bad for him but at the same time feel like I am being pressured into being friends with a person who I don't have much in common with.
We were friends through our parents and because we are both of the same ethnic background.
Our relationship was limited to going out to bars and nightclubs and events around our cultural background.
It was all about drinking till drunk and partying.
I've moved on in life, I have different interests and he is anti-Muslim whereas I am not (found this out on his Facebook page).
I was miserable being pressured into being friends with him and his brother, I don't feel any connection with them that is deep and meaningful.
They're not the types I can go have a coffee or lunch with and talk about life. It's only partying.
Plus he and his brother are both selfish, always about their needs without considering mine.
I could rant more but won't.
I don't know what to do.
I feel for his situation because my heart is too big for my own good.
His mum has a history of depression and anxiety (severe requiring hospitalisation), worried he may be in the same boat and he may be depressed.
Where has he been all these years? Why all of a sudden wanting to reconnect?
What would you do?
If someone you don't have any connection with wants to be friends with and may be depressed because they have no friends, would you reconnect?
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
0
Comments
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
When my mum was battling with breast cancer him or his brother never sent me a message or called me to see how I was going.
But I guess we're all different. And also, obviously I or anyone else aren't in your shoes.
But not being around racists and stuff is a no-brainer for me. Easy to say though.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
What if he's depressed and desperate for a friend?
I have changed so much since I lost all my old friends.
I've discovered who I am in a way, I've thrown myself into music, art, embraced my left-leaning ideology rather than feel ashamed of it and hide it. It's like being dragged back to a time when I wasn't my true self and unhappy.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I was thinking maybe he has grown up and settled down now.
People gave up on me when I stopped wanting to go out partying, I just feel like 'how dare you' when it comes to just choosing when you want to be my friend and when you don't.
This is going to cause me a sleepless night. Can't get it out of my head.
I don't want to go back to the past yet I don't want to feel responsible for someone's mental wellbeing suffering.
His parents told my parents he never goes anywhere at all, he's housebound other than work and gym.
Not sure why he's no longer friends with 2 guys we were mutual friends with.
His mum said it's because one of them got married. Wtf, that's no excuse to not be friends with someone.
If he wanted my number why didn't he call my mum himself.
I've been that way, and kind of still am.
I don't have many friends and am housebound a lot.
The past 3 new years eve's I've had nowhere to go and have been at home.
Maybe he has changed. If I don't feel a connection then it's a waste of time but I feel bad saying that to someone.
How do I say I don't want to be friends because we are not on the same wavelength?
Maybe he has changed too. I know ive changed since my party daze.
Maybe his mother is pressuring this get together. Maybe he's not all that for it too.
If he calls just hear what he has to say and feel out the conversation. If your not interested im sure you can find an out somewhere in the conversation.
Good Luck
Sounds like his mum is desperate about him and tries to help him. If he's not interested you don't have to feel bad.
Are you still going to the gym? Maybe you can connect as workout buddies? If you're not still going to the gym... reach out to him and suggest meeting at his gym (let him know your folks had been talking with his folks and let him know you're a 'novice', but looking to get fitter and could use his experience).
If he says he's got a routine and partner already... then you tried. You can walk away from any obligation you might feel.
If he agrees to meet at the gym... then great! Go get fit. Give him a fist bump after your workouts and go home. The gym is a safe environment from any political conversation or pressures you don't want to face. If a friendship develops... then great! If not... at a bare minimum... you both have had some meaningful human interaction and you've both worked at getting fit.
I don't see the harm in meeting for coffee to appease your parents. You can put your foot down where to meet up. I'm guessing this other person may be getting pressure from his folks to get out of the house too. Likely you'll have coffee and then not see each other for six years because neither of you really want to hang out.
And if the person texts you to hang out a week later say you are busy. If the next week you get a text then say you are busy. If they don't get the hint then just say you aren't the person that wants to hang out every weekend.
I get it though. I have a good friend who I'll go to lunch with and then get a message the following week if I'm up for lunch. I just want to write back "Dude, we just had lunch last week. I would do lunch in a couple months." I'm just busy with work and when I can get the little free time I have I want to spend it the way I want to spend it.
Yes. Must be careful not to attract a Stage 5 Clinger.
Sick of people butting into my life.