Don't force your children to hug relatives over the holidays?
DarthMaeglin
Toronto Posts: 2,643
Personally, I think this is going way too far, but curious to hear what others think. As one person commented on the article, they weren't raised to show physical affection amongst relatives, and they now have no memories of hugging their grandparents. I think the issue is more about teaching children the difference between good touching and bad touching.One other thing, it's somewhat troubling that they only mention girls, this would apply to all children, would it not?https://globalnews.ca/news/3873250/girl-scouts-children-consent-holidays/Girls Scouts has issued a reminder to parents about consent ahead of the holiday season.
The American organization wrote a blog post this week, urging parents to be mindful of their children’s comfort and not to pressure them to hug relatives. The blog post warns pressure to hug or make physical contact with others can give young girls the wrong idea about consent.READ MORE: Boy Scouts of America will now welcome girls into some programs“Think of it this way, telling your child that she owes someone a hug either just because she hasn’t seen this person in a while or because they gave her a gift can set the stage for her questioning whether she ‘owes’ another person any type of physical affection when they’ve bought her dinner or done something else seemingly nice for her later in life,” the post reads. The blog post cites developmental physiologist Dr. Andrea Archibald, who explains that there’s often a misconception that consent doesn’t apply to children. Archibald explains that children pick up on these lessons at a young age.WATCH: Parents of Girl Guides respond to call to stop forcing kids to hug relatives during the holidays
“Plus, sadly, we know that some adults prey on children, and teaching your daughter about consent early on can help her understand her rights, know when lines are being crossed, and when to go to you for help,” Archibald said.Parenting expert Ann Douglas, from Peterborough, Ont., told Global News the message is important to send before the holidays.“The advice offered by the Girl Scouts really echoes what physiologists and other mental health experts have been telling parents for years, which is that our kids need to grow up knowing that everyone has the right to control what happens to his or her own body.”WATCH: #MeAt14 campaign aims to protect children from sexual predators
But the Girl Scouts’ blog, which has been shared thousands of times on social media, has garnered mixed responses.While some agree that children should be able to decline advances to physical interactions, others say it’s more complicated than that.“How can you justify this post?” Facebook user Tammy Newbold wrote on the organization’s page. “You make it seem like a hug to a family member will force a girl to make bad decisions later if a boy buys her a steak.”Another user by the name of Suzi Colasinski Trzcinski disagreed with the post, citing personal regret.READ MORE: Girl Scouts pull in $260,000 after donor says no money for transgender scouts“Disagree. I was never made to hug my grandparents, so I never did. They are all gone now and I have zero memory of hugging them. I regret that.”How to properly handle the situationWhile Girl Scouts discouraged forcing children to hug relatives, it noted showing affection or respect is still possible in many ways.“There are many other ways to show appreciation, thankfulness, and love that don’t require physical contact,” the post reads.WATCH: 5 ways to teach your child about consent
It says other actions such as a high-five, air kiss, or a simple smile, are more than enough.Douglas agrees, adding that avoiding physical contact can be as simple as saying, “Thanks, but I don’t do hugs.” A parent’s roleThe parenting expert notes, however, that sometimes the situations can be more complicated — that’s when a parent should step in.WATCH: Meet the transgender boy who helped change a century-old Boy Scouts policy
Sometimes, a relative can swoop in for a hug without evaluating the situation, Douglas says. Parents should be alert to these types of situations, read their child’s body language, and step in if needed.READ MORE: How one Canadian woman changed the parenting game with this baby invention“Let your child know that you are willing to be this trusted person for them, always,” she explains. “If they don’t feel comfortable saying to Uncle Fred, who they haven’t seen in five years, ‘Thanks, but no thanks,’ they can just give you the look and you’ll step in.”WATCH: ‘Growing Strong Girls’ offers parenting advice for supporting pre-teens
“Plus, sadly, we know that some adults prey on children, and teaching your daughter about consent early on can help her understand her rights, know when lines are being crossed, and when to go to you for help,” Archibald said.Parenting expert Ann Douglas, from Peterborough, Ont., told Global News the message is important to send before the holidays.“The advice offered by the Girl Scouts really echoes what physiologists and other mental health experts have been telling parents for years, which is that our kids need to grow up knowing that everyone has the right to control what happens to his or her own body.”WATCH: #MeAt14 campaign aims to protect children from sexual predators
But the Girl Scouts’ blog, which has been shared thousands of times on social media, has garnered mixed responses.While some agree that children should be able to decline advances to physical interactions, others say it’s more complicated than that.“How can you justify this post?” Facebook user Tammy Newbold wrote on the organization’s page. “You make it seem like a hug to a family member will force a girl to make bad decisions later if a boy buys her a steak.”Another user by the name of Suzi Colasinski Trzcinski disagreed with the post, citing personal regret.READ MORE: Girl Scouts pull in $260,000 after donor says no money for transgender scouts“Disagree. I was never made to hug my grandparents, so I never did. They are all gone now and I have zero memory of hugging them. I regret that.”How to properly handle the situationWhile Girl Scouts discouraged forcing children to hug relatives, it noted showing affection or respect is still possible in many ways.“There are many other ways to show appreciation, thankfulness, and love that don’t require physical contact,” the post reads.WATCH: 5 ways to teach your child about consent
It says other actions such as a high-five, air kiss, or a simple smile, are more than enough.Douglas agrees, adding that avoiding physical contact can be as simple as saying, “Thanks, but I don’t do hugs.” A parent’s roleThe parenting expert notes, however, that sometimes the situations can be more complicated — that’s when a parent should step in.WATCH: Meet the transgender boy who helped change a century-old Boy Scouts policy
Sometimes, a relative can swoop in for a hug without evaluating the situation, Douglas says. Parents should be alert to these types of situations, read their child’s body language, and step in if needed.READ MORE: How one Canadian woman changed the parenting game with this baby invention“Let your child know that you are willing to be this trusted person for them, always,” she explains. “If they don’t feel comfortable saying to Uncle Fred, who they haven’t seen in five years, ‘Thanks, but no thanks,’ they can just give you the look and you’ll step in.”WATCH: ‘Growing Strong Girls’ offers parenting advice for supporting pre-teens
© 2017 Global News, a division of Corus Entertainment Inc.
"The world is full of idiots and I am but one of them."
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
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Comments
One things for sure, bro hugging needs to be outlawed
I once gave myself a bloody nose trying to get out of a hug with an aunt, now when I look back I just feel foolish, but at least I can laugh about it now. I get the "Aunt Bunny" distaste of children (my aunt isn't a Bunny, lol), but there are other lessons that are learned. Studies have shown that infants especially require physical contact and affection, and while we may not admit it even to ourselves, I don't think that need disappears as we get older.
More and more I see us turning into Asimov's Solarians.
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
Definitely, humans need touch, but that only applies to touch that is wanted and enjoyed.
Second to that question is IF you did, was it meaningful or forced?
And tempo, hell yes too. Those were (and are) the best hugs, whether given or received. You just know when the vibe is right.
Yeah, Mom was too huggy
One of the things I learned when taking Human Services course is that very often hugging someone without cues that it is wanted or saying, "You need a hug," or "Let me give you a hug" is not the best choice. It can even be subtly dishonest. A better approach is to say, "May I give you a hug." It gives the other person the opportunity to opt out if that is not something they desire or need.
This idea is nicely summarized here:
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/can-hug-you
-Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
my parents get it now. but back in the day, they'd get angry if I tried to resist any unwanted affection, or even if I made it obvious.
personal space and respect of their own bodies and limits is incredibly important to teach at a young age. no exceptions.
this isn't a "oh, not another PC issue from this generation" issue. this is a serious issue of teaching kids confidence about their own wants and needs that could help them tremendously later in life.
-EV 8/14/93
As someone who’s not “touchy-feely” (please don’t read that as a slight to those who are), I get the hesitation some have. A line from Audioslave’s Cochise more or less sums me up: “I won’t hold your hand, but if it helps you mend I won’t stop it.”
I fully acknowledge this is a complicated issue, especially in the current environment of all these report of harassment and assault, and I’m coming to this as a non-parent, so can only really speak to my own experiences growing up. As I said above, I’m personally glad I was (at times) forced to give hugs, though I believe it was in my teens that hugs with male relatives transitioned into handshakes.
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
-EV 8/14/93
-EV 8/14/93
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
-EV 8/14/93
Forced.........ehhhh, maybe not. But inferred,yes.
I dig the fact my 19 year old nephew who is almost a foot taller than me, has to bend down now, always has and still gives me a hug when we see each other. To each their own.
The poison from the poison stream caught up to you ELEVEN years ago and you floated out of here. Sept. 14, 08
I can see why some aren't used to it but we've done it all our lives.
My parents love my children to death. When they were younger... after spending time with them and I was picking them up... I'd often say, "Kids, maybe you should give nana and papa a hug before you go."
This was completely for the benefit of their grandparents, but I felt the kids needed that type of direction (they wouldn't think to on their own- kids are narcissistic). Five year olds don't think to demonstrate their affection for others in many cases in ways that are appropriate. A little nudge here and there never harmed them.
But I completely get the 'forced hug' idea. When I was young a couple of my aunts used to lay big, wet smooches on my cheek. It used to piss me off.
-EV 8/14/93
-EV 8/14/93
In the extreme case, think about how many times a parent has forced a kid to hug their pervo Uncle who is molesting the child unbeknownst to everyone else.
Gross.
Yeah, because everybody's family has the perverted uncle or aunt or grandmother or grandfather. Bring your children up right and they'll let you know if there is a problem.
The poison from the poison stream caught up to you ELEVEN years ago and you floated out of here. Sept. 14, 08