Stupid is as Stupid does

WhatYouTaughtMe

hedonist said:

And congrats on the weight loss!

Thanks. It was so awful. I guess it's been so long since I've seen him, I didn't recognize him!

brianlux

This one always makes me laugh and cringe simultaneously-- 

In my first year in college I had a roommate who was from Iran.  One day, I was down at a friends dorm room and were getting high and all of the sudden another friend walked in and told me I was in real big trouble.  Why?  He said because Iranian law allows their citizens in America to extradite anyone they catch using marijuana and have them taken to Iran and put in jail.  He told me the jail term could be for many years, even life.  I was young and naive and totally believed him and was completely freaked out... until Jim G. showed up, this very hip black dude who looked at the other guy and said, "OFF, OFFFF!" and then told me not to worry and that the other guys were full of shit. 

Lizard

dankind said:

Forrest Gump is stupid.

No. YOU ARE.

Lizard

OMG... about 3 weeks ago I had 6 little craft beers... forgetting they were pretty strong.  It did not hit me until we got home and i felt sick and sat down SO HARD on the toity and leaned back with full force... suddenly my feet and legs were getting wet.  I had snapped the tank at the bottom when I fell back and water was going EVERYWHERE.

yeah.. pretty embarrassing.

mace1229

Long story I'll make short.
My brother and I were playing with model rockets. Only we wanted to make a rocket car. We drilled a hole in the back of a car, placed a rocket engine in and lit it. Car ended up going a few hundred feet in the air, landed and broke into a hundred pieces.

So now we use a kite string, attach a small tube to the top of a new car and hope the string would serve as a track. we held both ends of the string, lit the engine. The car went so fast it broke the string and the same result happened.

So now our new solution was to forget the car, just use a rocket. I held one end of the string, my brother the other. Lit the rocket, and before I could see what happened my brother is screaming, then collapses.

On the way to the hospital as we thought he was going to die, he pulls on a string and the entire nose cone from the rocket comes out of his stomach. The rocket hit his shorts, went through them and hit his pelvic bone where the nose cone was dislodged inside him.

The Dr said 2 inches higher it would have missed his pelvic bone and killed him. I said 2 inches lower and he would have wished it had. He spent 3 nights in the hospital after that.

He was engaged at the time, and he wife hasn't let him shoot rockets with me since.

Don't shoot model rockets at each other, and certainly don't use a string as a guided mechanism.

F Me In The Brain

mace1229 said:

Long story I'll make short.
My brother and I were playing with model rockets. Only we wanted to make a rocket car. We drilled a hole in the back of a car, placed a rocket engine in and lit it. Car ended up going a few hundred feet in the air, landed and broke into a hundred pieces.

So now we use a kite string, attach a small tube to the top of a new car and hope the string would serve as a track. we held both ends of the string, lit the engine. The car went so fast it broke the string and the same result happened.

So now our new solution was to forget the car, just use a rocket. I held one end of the string, my brother the other. Lit the rocket, and before I could see what happened my brother is screaming, then collapses.

On the way to the hospital as we thought he was going to die, he pulls on a string and the entire nose cone from the rocket comes out of his stomach. The rocket hit his shorts, went through them and hit his pelvic bone where the nose cone was dislodged inside him.

The Dr said 2 inches higher it would have missed his pelvic bone and killed him. I said 2 inches lower and he would have wished it had. He spent 3 nights in the hospital after that.

He was engaged at the time, and he wife hasn't let him shoot rockets with me since.

Don't shoot model rockets at each other, and certainly don't use a string as a guided mechanism.

The best part is the 2nd to last sentence.  I assumed you were young kids when you did this.
Laughed like crazy when I read the last 2 sentences.

oftenreading

F Me In The Brain said:

mace1229 said:

Long story I'll make short.
My brother and I were playing with model rockets. Only we wanted to make a rocket car. We drilled a hole in the back of a car, placed a rocket engine in and lit it. Car ended up going a few hundred feet in the air, landed and broke into a hundred pieces.

So now we use a kite string, attach a small tube to the top of a new car and hope the string would serve as a track. we held both ends of the string, lit the engine. The car went so fast it broke the string and the same result happened.

So now our new solution was to forget the car, just use a rocket. I held one end of the string, my brother the other. Lit the rocket, and before I could see what happened my brother is screaming, then collapses.

On the way to the hospital as we thought he was going to die, he pulls on a string and the entire nose cone from the rocket comes out of his stomach. The rocket hit his shorts, went through them and hit his pelvic bone where the nose cone was dislodged inside him.

The Dr said 2 inches higher it would have missed his pelvic bone and killed him. I said 2 inches lower and he would have wished it had. He spent 3 nights in the hospital after that.

He was engaged at the time, and he wife hasn't let him shoot rockets with me since.

Don't shoot model rockets at each other, and certainly don't use a string as a guided mechanism.

The best part is the 2nd to last sentence.  I assumed you were young kids when you did this.
Laughed like crazy when I read the last 2 sentences.

Yeah, I was thinking 11 or so.  The fact that you were adults kind of made my day

RogueStoner

brianlux said:

Oh for GOD"S SAKE Rogue Stoner, do you really want to read page after page after page of my lifetime's worth of fuck ups?  FUUUUCK!

Absofuckinlutely!!! Now more than ever!

Hobbes

@mace1229 - Thread winner!

Thirty Bills Unpaid

HesCalledDyer said:

I once spent a good 10-15 minutes searching the house far and wide, lifting couch cushions, looking under furniture, shaking the bed sheets, checking in my car, blah blah blah, cursing up a storm looking for my sunglasses.

They were where they are in my profile pic.

I left the house wearing my shades as you wear them. I got into my vehicle headed to the Safeway. I have driving sunglasses in my glove compartment and placed those on for driving.

I parked at the Safeway and cruised through the parking lot still wearing my driving glasses- forgetting I had my 'kicking it' shades on my hat. Unknowingly... I was rocking the two pairs of shades... saying "Hello" to everybody I saw thinking life was awesome. When I approached the store... I took the shades off and went to place them on my hat- finding the other shades there.

Man was I cool. No one pair of shades for me. So cool... I needed double shades.

Wobbie

dankind said:

I drank a jar of pickle juice and shit myself.

not surprised.

Annafalk

One time I stood under a tree when I jumped and hit my head on a branch, I couldn't believe what just happened so I jumped and hit my head again...true story 

F Me In The Brain

Ha.  I know a guy who ate some chicken and got sick that night.  A few days later he ate the rest of the chicken from his fridge....and got sick again.
Worst part?  He wanted to see if it was the chicken that made him ill.

dankind

Wobbie said:

dankind said:

I drank a jar of pickle juice and shit myself.

not surprised.

I wasn’t surprised that my soiled skivvies looked just like you. 

HesCalledDyer

dankind said:

I drank a jar of pickle juice and shit myself.

You can get that shit in gallon jugs now!

Hobbes

Annafalk said:

One time I stood under a tree when I jumped and hit my head on a branch, I couldn't believe what just happened so I jumped and hit my head again...true story 

Magnificent.

RogueStoner

HesCalledDyer said:

dankind said:

I drank a jar of pickle juice and shit myself.

You can get that shit in gallon jugs now!

Pun intended?

F Me In The Brain

I like how the hand is caressing the pickle (juice)

Like a home shopping network commercial

HesCalledDyer

F Me In The Brain said:

I like how the hand is caressing the pickle (juice)

Like a home shopping network commercial

That was our intention!

F Me In The Brain

Goal!