Polygamy and Sister Wives ?
Godfather.
Posts: 12,504
I have never watched this show but after reading the story I was wondering what Train Members thought of this stuff, if a man has several wives is it any worse than a woman having several husbands ? and how do they not experience the normal human emotions like jealousy or pain when it's the next gal's turn to ride the only male in the house ? it just don't seem right to me.
then there's the legal aspects of it...different groups want to change the traditional law of marriage so now along with same sex marriages you can marry all the people you want, what messed up life some people tend to create for themselves but if they're happy with it so be it.
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/04/11/sister-wives-handed-defeat-in-court-on-polygamy/?intcmp=hpff
then there's the legal aspects of it...different groups want to change the traditional law of marriage so now along with same sex marriages you can marry all the people you want, what messed up life some people tend to create for themselves but if they're happy with it so be it.
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2016/04/11/sister-wives-handed-defeat-in-court-on-polygamy/?intcmp=hpff
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Comments
Godfather.
They think it's normal. They can't see that it's messed up. Kinda like other people with other beliefs.
This is def situational, and yes, it all comes down to consent and personal preference. Funny, you call it polygamy, with it’s religious/marital overtones, and it just freaks people right out….call it polyamory and while it still freaks a lot of people out, it is borderline trendy these days. Some people say marriage is the difference between polygamy and polyamory, but the definition of polygamy includes non-marital relationships….so I may be wrong, but I don’t see the difference.
I’ve been in a relationship for two years, but spent 7 years single and dating between this relationship and my failed marriage…while dating, I met quite a few people who identified as polyamorous…and have met even more while in this relationship. While I don’t know anyone who lives together as a poly group, I do know married couples who have ongoing relationships with other partners. I know other people who are just in open relationships – it is more a sexual thing than about love and commitment. Again, our desire to categorize and put things in a tidy box is part of the problem here. People do what works for them. The over-arching theme of people on the poly/open relationship side is that there is no ‘ownership’ or property in a relationship – these people don’t use the word ‘my’….no ‘my girl/man, my girlfriend/boyfriend, my wife/husband’ etc…they view each other as individuals with their own needs and desires, and are honest with each other about it.
Commitment doesn’t have to be monogamous. It’s not for everyone, but it does avoid a lot of the hypocrisy that society has in celebrating cheating to a degree, while condemning people who are open and honest with their spouses about what they want and what they do.
I don’t see how anyone can tell anyone else who to love, or who to share their bed with. I don’t think it’s our place to call any of this messed up, abnormal, brainwashed etc if it is not abusive or coerced.
People should do whatever consenting adults want to do. For me, I cherish my relationship with my partner and completely immersed in our bond. Couldn't imagine adding another human.
Polygamy is 99.99% a man with many wives, and in such arrangements, the man is necessarily the king of the castle, and they think that is the family structure that God demands, since it is almost always a religious practice. That's really the whole point behind it. Therefore, I find polygamy as it is usually practiced to be extremely unequal. And if there were just an uninfluenced choice of the women to put themselves into that subservient role, I don't respect that choice at all, but I would at least respect their right to choose it .....
But what about their children (and the ones who were raised to believe that is how it must be done because it's the way of the Lord)? These kids are raised in that environment, basically brainwashed through family and religion, and I don't feel like they are choosing to grow up and then oftentimes adopt this unequal power structure within the family and to accept that women have a subservient role. Those who don't want to follow in those footsteps often have a very hard (and in some cases dangerous time) extracting themselves from that lifestyle. For that reason, I am against polygamy for the most part. Add to that the issues of actual illegal activity that occurs in some polygamist societies, where I believe that polygamy very much contributes to the abuse of girls, and it makes it so much worse. Of course, there are exceptions to everything, but if we look at the reality of polygamy, as it is usually practiced, it is a very archaic, fucked up religious arrangement that places women beneath men.
FWIW, I believe that Sister Wives is a show meant to try and convince people of some stuff that isn't actually very reflective of the real world. It is reality TV after all. No one should be watching that show and deciding that that is how it normally is in polygamist families (and frankly, I think that family comes off a pretty fucked up anyhow, and the husband is indeed the master, no matter how snotty his weird wives get. At least their kids are exposed to more of the regular community than most kids would be in that situation, because of the show).
I kid hahahahaha.
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/07/case-against-polygamy/397823/
And we can say that these things go sideways but that is our perception of it. The poly couple I know have been doing this for well over half of their 20+ year marriage. Besides....over 50% of marriages 'go sideways' anyway...im sure a majority of those are associated with infidelity....which may have been prevented by consensual polyamory....
Again, not something we can clearly define and make black or white judgements about. It's an individual choice - as long as there is no coercion or abuse.
When it is a choice made... I'm okay with it.
When it is indoctrinated and the alpha male sits atop the food chain... I have an issue with it. This situation begs reform.
I think there is a lot of research on the effects of open relationships on relationships. I'm not just going off of my own perceptions. I've just read some stuff about it. Not that I'm any kind of expert. But in my own experience, when a couple adopts an open relationship (again, I really don't think this is polygamy in any way, shape, or form), there are usually some pretty profound issues between them. Obviously, again, there are exceptions to every rule. I wouldn't only look at the exceptions to form an overall opinion though.
Back to polygamy... As I mentioned, while I don't respect it, and the usual practice of it offends me as a woman, I don't think it really becomes an issue until children are involved (which is more often the case than not).
I think we're indoctrinated to believe in monogamy....nationalism, militarism,interventionism, capitalism, Christian morality even if we don't consider ourselves Christian, political ideologies, and everything else we learn. Becomes a nature vs nurture discussion, like so many discussions surrounding 'belief' or ideology.
On this topic I feel the only line should be drawn at abuse and coercion (I think I've said that enough times now lol). We can encourage people to be re-educated to think like us (in the case of religious indoctrination with a patriarchal relationship structure). But it's similar to fighting for women's rights in Islamic society....if they have been raised this way and are happy and ok with having gender roles...how do we combat that? I don't think progress on these topics can be forced, it needs to be learned or unlearned over time, by presenting people with options. Tough conversation.
I hear what you are saying regarding 'passing judgement' and it's legitimate.
My problem, as expressed, is the notion that many born into that type of structure are slaves to its ways. They might not see any problem with that, but it is only because they do not have the perspective that allows them to see the misfortune surrounding their way of life.
i think the fundamental issue here is choice ... and whether or not anyone can prove that the people involved did not freely choose this path ... if not - then we should allow them to exercise that free will especially if they are not hurting anyone ...
I agree with choice and I believe choice is something young women born into polygamist colonies don't have a choice because they know no alternative being brainwashed from youth.