A letter to Vedder

CBintothewild

Just looking at the activity on the forums is quite astonishing. Never expected such an active community when I joined a couple days ago. Impressive.

Strapping on my hiking boots, going for one last Arizona hike before returning to the Northwest. This is a great time of year to explore the desert - Had the option of working today and making double pay, or I could take the day off, and strap on my boots. It's a no brainer. I cannot express how beneficial it is for other people suffering through any type of addiction to get out of the rat race as much as possible and into the wilderness. Through the beauty of nature, the exercise, and of course good music there is simply no better release for the mind, body and soul.

coachchris

Stay focused and stay strong.
Thank you for sharing your story and all the best to you and your family!

bootlegger10

Thanks for telling the story. It is great that you were able to make it to the other side of addiction.

I can't imagine how the band feels when reading these stories. It has to feel great to be able to influence so many people's lives (including thousands of complete strangers) for the good.

TL170678

Been in exactly the same spot as you with the opiates, it sucks. Good luck, get help if you need it.

firefightermtn

Glad you kicked it and life is heading in the right direction. Being a FF/EMT, I've seen the dark side of opiates and a big high five to you for beating them. Music can be an amazing drug, especially when it truly touches your soul. Not everyone gets PJ, but for those that do, they can be a life saver. I've never struggled with addiction, but I have dealt with major loss and I totally get how one can turn to certain songs sung by that poetic, prophetic, soul grabbing man and his friends. Get Busy Livin'! It's all about The In Between!

CBintothewild

Thanks again for the replies everyone - One thing I forgot to include is what spurred this whole thing to even attempt getting a message through to EV.

Less than two weeks ago, work flew me up to Seattle so I could find a new place for us to live. It was Sunday evening, my flight left for Denver (Layover) at 5:20. I was at the airport about 2 hours early, got through tsa quicker than normal so had time to kill. I hadn't ate all day, so I got a burger and a beer at the Africa Lounge. I finished my food, and got about 2/3rds of my Stella and I started feeling very very weird. In a way that is hard to even describe. I started feeling disoriented, light headed, it was becoming harder and harder to breath, my limbs (arms/legs) were going numb and tingly. I literally felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, I couldn't get a good breath to save my life.

I thought it was all in my head, so I tried walking it off - I made it about 10 feet and dropped my bags and sat down at another booth. The restaurant staff could tell something wasn't right. They brought me some water, asked me some questions - asked if I needed medical assistance - I was freaking out so bad at this point, that I told them yes. While I was waiting for the EMT's to arrive, I was sitting there trying to focus on my breathing. It got to the point where I started saying "No no no no no", over and over because I literally thought I was dying. Never in my life had I experienced anything like that. The EMT's arrive, ask questions, take all my vitals etc and basically could only conclude that I was hyperventilating/having a panic attack.

One of the EMT's saw my boarding pass and says "Seattle to Denver...Any recreational drug use"? I couldn't help but laugh and say "I wish, that would explain this whole thing". After about 15 minutes, they left, and told me that if they came back I would be going to the hospital but since my vitals checked out, and I seemed to be able to communicate ok with them, they left it as my choice. So now they are gone, I sit at the lounge a bit longer, until if I didn't go I wouldn't make my flight. I very slowly made my way to the gate, and went straight to the agent - "Do you have any other flights that would get me to Phoenix tonight"? I explained to her what happened and told her I wasn't sure if I was okay to get on the flight. At this point, the flight crew is literally waiting on me so they can close the doors so the plane could leave. The next flight available to Phoenix didn't leave until 630am Monday morning. I had to get back so I made the last second choice to get on the plane.

Let me state also, I am not afraid of flying in the slightest. In fact, I enjoy it and always get window seats when I book. Thankfully, I get on the flight and there wasn't many passengers. I had my row of seats to myself which in itself was a blessing. The entire departure process seemed like it took an eternity in my head, I was still freaking out and questioning whether or not I should even be on this plane.

As we start to taxi to the runway, I look down at my bag and I see my headphones sticking out - I managed to grab my mp3 player, managed to turn it on and get my favorite playlist which is essentially EV solo/A few PJ songs, some Jack Johnson, Some Hendrix and Dwight Yoakum (Don't judge me haha - I love country too). It's in essence my anxiety playlist.

I'm sitting there on the plane, listening to hard sun, guaranteed, society etc over and over and it occurred to me just how many times over the years I have resorted to this same set of songs time and time again to get me through those times in life where I felt like I couldn't keep pushing. I started reflecting a bit on life, past mistakes, the present, and the future and that's when I realized just how much EV has saved my ass over the years. And while I know it's "just music", not necessarily "the man". In this case, I can't agree with that - at least from everything I know which is of course not 1st hand experience. But you can just tell in the performances, in the interviews, in the lyrics of the songs he's wrote, that he is as genuine as they come and that my friends in my humble opinion deserves a genuine thank you!

I apologize if I am rambling - I saw a dr here in Arizona a few days after the flight and he also thinks I had a panic attack. I still don't know, never ever in my life have I ever felt anything like that or honestly thought I was going to die. Not even laying in the road in Tucson after getting plawed by a 90 year old lady in a 79 Ford Fairmont on my motorcycle. Even then, I knew I was in bad shape - but never thought I was going to die. That episode at the airport though -- scary - honestly thought I was dying.