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A letter to Vedder
CBintothewild
Posts: 8
Ok - editing this post as I realize it is unlikely to obtain a direct avenue to reach Eddie himself...I was hesitant to post this, but I at the same time I am sure others on the forum can relate.
Eddie fucking Vedder,
While I have severe doubts that this will ever reach you, and I am clueless as to which avenue to use that would give it the best chance of reaching you - I feel compelled to at least make an attempt.
First a quick background - I grew up middle class, normal life. No need to go in depth, good family, friends, decent grades in school, baseball practice after school etc. Never in my life had I touched any drugs or even drank alcohol for that matter. Turn the page to when I was 21. I was involved in a near fatal motorcycle accident that would change my life for better and for worse. After the surgeries, and the release from the hospital after nearly a month of being laid up I was about to embark on a journey that still affects me to this day. It wasn't the physical therapy or the recovery process - it was the pain killers.
For nearly two years, I had what was essentially an umlimited supply of narcotic pain pills. As someone that had never been around drugs, or exposed to addiction for that matter, I was clueless as to the ramifications these damn pills would have on me. It was prescribed by the Dr. I had valid reasons to be taking large doses day after day, so it must have been ok, right? I thought so anyways...
And then, it happened...The prescriptions ceased to exist and I was lost. Absolutely terrifingly lost. The withdrawel alone was enough to make me wish I would just die. So many days I struggled, I struggled to go on, I struggled to maintain relationships with friends, with families. I struggled to hold a job. Life sucked, was an absolute black hole. I resorted to the black market of the streets, just to get a few pills here and there. Those days I could get pills, I felt better. But it was always temporary. A few hours of relief, followed by days of agony. The sleepless night, the sweats, the restless legs, the depression. I couldn't handle it.
I have always been the optimistic person, the person full of life, the one that would bring others up when they were down. But now, I was down, very very down and had no idea how to dig myself out. I couldn't talk to anybody about my issues, for fear of what they may think, what they may say, the stigma that would be protrayed upon me. I was better than this and I knew it.
A few things that have always brought peace to my soul - photography, traveling, and hiking/backpacking. For those few years, none of this was a part of my life...Then one day, I come across the book 'Into the Wild'. I read it cover to cover in one night. So much of the story spoke to me in a way I can't describe. I have always had very nomadic desires, desires to step away from society as we know it..Despite the material and personal items of day to day life, I have always felt a void, very similar to McCandless. Shortly after the book stumbled upon me, here comes the movie - I watched it over and over. Not only was the movie fantastic, there was something about the sound track. It would give me chills every single time.
Fast forward some years - I'm about to turn 31. I still struggle with the damn addiction from time to time, I have a 4 year old son that is undoubtedly the light of my life, so now it's time for dad to be strong for Alexander (Supertramp). What does dad turn to when he is feeling weak, depressed or down in the dumps? It's not pills, alcohol, or drugs - it's not a Dr's appt praying that I can act well enough for them to believe they should give me an RX for something.
It's Eddie Vedder. It's Pearl Jam. It's the Into the Wild soundtrack. I take every opportunity to hike and explore the wild as I can, and I never go without Eddie Vedder playing through my earphones. I have always always been a big Pearl Jam fan, but the Into the Wild soundtrack, unexpectedly saved my life and for that I am forever grateful and forever in debt to you.
At least once a month my wife will say to me "You're reading that AGAIN?"...You're watching that AGAIN?" or everytime she gets in my car "You're listening to that STILL?" She understands the connection it's had to me, but little does she understand just truly how much the music means to me. A sense of calm immediately comes over me once that magical intro of Guaranteed begins to play.
I understand you get lots of fan mail, and honestly I'm sure my story is not all that unique. Regardless, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
We are moving back to Seattle in less than two weeks, you can bet your ass I will be seeing you soon, hopefully at a small venue. You may not see me, but I will see you. I'll be the guy standing there with a peaceful smile of bliss on my face.
Thank you thank you thank you.
-Chris Browning
If by any slim chance this reaches you and would care to reply my email is
clbrowning@gmail.com
Eddie fucking Vedder,
While I have severe doubts that this will ever reach you, and I am clueless as to which avenue to use that would give it the best chance of reaching you - I feel compelled to at least make an attempt.
First a quick background - I grew up middle class, normal life. No need to go in depth, good family, friends, decent grades in school, baseball practice after school etc. Never in my life had I touched any drugs or even drank alcohol for that matter. Turn the page to when I was 21. I was involved in a near fatal motorcycle accident that would change my life for better and for worse. After the surgeries, and the release from the hospital after nearly a month of being laid up I was about to embark on a journey that still affects me to this day. It wasn't the physical therapy or the recovery process - it was the pain killers.
For nearly two years, I had what was essentially an umlimited supply of narcotic pain pills. As someone that had never been around drugs, or exposed to addiction for that matter, I was clueless as to the ramifications these damn pills would have on me. It was prescribed by the Dr. I had valid reasons to be taking large doses day after day, so it must have been ok, right? I thought so anyways...
And then, it happened...The prescriptions ceased to exist and I was lost. Absolutely terrifingly lost. The withdrawel alone was enough to make me wish I would just die. So many days I struggled, I struggled to go on, I struggled to maintain relationships with friends, with families. I struggled to hold a job. Life sucked, was an absolute black hole. I resorted to the black market of the streets, just to get a few pills here and there. Those days I could get pills, I felt better. But it was always temporary. A few hours of relief, followed by days of agony. The sleepless night, the sweats, the restless legs, the depression. I couldn't handle it.
I have always been the optimistic person, the person full of life, the one that would bring others up when they were down. But now, I was down, very very down and had no idea how to dig myself out. I couldn't talk to anybody about my issues, for fear of what they may think, what they may say, the stigma that would be protrayed upon me. I was better than this and I knew it.
A few things that have always brought peace to my soul - photography, traveling, and hiking/backpacking. For those few years, none of this was a part of my life...Then one day, I come across the book 'Into the Wild'. I read it cover to cover in one night. So much of the story spoke to me in a way I can't describe. I have always had very nomadic desires, desires to step away from society as we know it..Despite the material and personal items of day to day life, I have always felt a void, very similar to McCandless. Shortly after the book stumbled upon me, here comes the movie - I watched it over and over. Not only was the movie fantastic, there was something about the sound track. It would give me chills every single time.
Fast forward some years - I'm about to turn 31. I still struggle with the damn addiction from time to time, I have a 4 year old son that is undoubtedly the light of my life, so now it's time for dad to be strong for Alexander (Supertramp). What does dad turn to when he is feeling weak, depressed or down in the dumps? It's not pills, alcohol, or drugs - it's not a Dr's appt praying that I can act well enough for them to believe they should give me an RX for something.
It's Eddie Vedder. It's Pearl Jam. It's the Into the Wild soundtrack. I take every opportunity to hike and explore the wild as I can, and I never go without Eddie Vedder playing through my earphones. I have always always been a big Pearl Jam fan, but the Into the Wild soundtrack, unexpectedly saved my life and for that I am forever grateful and forever in debt to you.
At least once a month my wife will say to me "You're reading that AGAIN?"...You're watching that AGAIN?" or everytime she gets in my car "You're listening to that STILL?" She understands the connection it's had to me, but little does she understand just truly how much the music means to me. A sense of calm immediately comes over me once that magical intro of Guaranteed begins to play.
I understand you get lots of fan mail, and honestly I'm sure my story is not all that unique. Regardless, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
We are moving back to Seattle in less than two weeks, you can bet your ass I will be seeing you soon, hopefully at a small venue. You may not see me, but I will see you. I'll be the guy standing there with a peaceful smile of bliss on my face.
Thank you thank you thank you.
-Chris Browning
If by any slim chance this reaches you and would care to reply my email is
clbrowning@gmail.com
Post edited by CBintothewild on
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Gonna read yours now
found e-mail I got:
Second: Thank you for sharing your story. There is a thread on AET for people in recovery. I encourage you to look at it and post there. There are plenty of people here to lend an ear and offer support. Best wishes for continued success on your sobriety. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me.
be stronge..
hope u meet eddie soon..and i m sure admins here knows what to do with this post so eddie can read it
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Be well & we'll see you in the PNW soon!
Matt
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
and like frank y59 says ''stay strong''
Their music has been a main artery of life to me for 20 yrs now and only becomes more vital on every listen
Thanks for your story,I have found in this world "a little is a lot " , the little this stranger by vision can offer you is ,keep up the good fight man and I hope that guy that fronts the greatest band on the planet gets to read your letter and I honestly believe that same guy will take in every word expressed in that read because Mr Vedder could strut his stuff and act the big rock star he is but NO ,he remains the most humble down to earth (as do the whole band) one of the people person we have grown to love,connect ,respect and admire
I have an amazing story that one day I will post when I had the opportunity to meet ED in Australia 2009 but now is not that time , I know first hand how genuine he is.Fingers crossed Chris you get a your wish for filled and maybe the best email reply you will receive in your life.
And it's great to read the response your post has received,some great people follow the path of this great music✌️
Good luck mate
PJ * 10/21/00 - Phx * 6/7/03 - Phx * 6/29/06 - Milwaukee * 6/30/06 - Milwaukee * 11/19/13 - Phx *
EV * 11/4/12 - Phx, AZ *
Again, good job sharing this stuff and Good Luck.. If you ever want to chat.. I'm a guy who has been down in the hole before and knows the way out.. I'm sober over 10 years now and my life is very different. I will always be an addict though.
Steve 954.298.5171
Bless music, and bless you.
Truly is food for the soul. I will definitely be posting more as I have more time - pretty busy right now between work and getting the house packed up and everything ready for the move.
SD is pretty frickin great.
Those that can be trusted can change their mind.
I've lost far too many friends, that I loved dearly, to that poison... keep up the good work
Strapping on my hiking boots, going for one last Arizona hike before returning to the Northwest. This is a great time of year to explore the desert - Had the option of working today and making double pay, or I could take the day off, and strap on my boots. It's a no brainer. I cannot express how beneficial it is for other people suffering through any type of addiction to get out of the rat race as much as possible and into the wilderness. Through the beauty of nature, the exercise, and of course good music there is simply no better release for the mind, body and soul.
Thank you for sharing your story and all the best to you and your family!
Leaving is for the answering machine.
I can't imagine how the band feels when reading these stories. It has to feel great to be able to influence so many people's lives (including thousands of complete strangers) for the good.
Less than two weeks ago, work flew me up to Seattle so I could find a new place for us to live. It was Sunday evening, my flight left for Denver (Layover) at 5:20. I was at the airport about 2 hours early, got through tsa quicker than normal so had time to kill. I hadn't ate all day, so I got a burger and a beer at the Africa Lounge. I finished my food, and got about 2/3rds of my Stella and I started feeling very very weird. In a way that is hard to even describe. I started feeling disoriented, light headed, it was becoming harder and harder to breath, my limbs (arms/legs) were going numb and tingly. I literally felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, I couldn't get a good breath to save my life.
I thought it was all in my head, so I tried walking it off - I made it about 10 feet and dropped my bags and sat down at another booth. The restaurant staff could tell something wasn't right. They brought me some water, asked me some questions - asked if I needed medical assistance - I was freaking out so bad at this point, that I told them yes. While I was waiting for the EMT's to arrive, I was sitting there trying to focus on my breathing. It got to the point where I started saying "No no no no no", over and over because I literally thought I was dying. Never in my life had I experienced anything like that. The EMT's arrive, ask questions, take all my vitals etc and basically could only conclude that I was hyperventilating/having a panic attack.
One of the EMT's saw my boarding pass and says "Seattle to Denver...Any recreational drug use"? I couldn't help but laugh and say "I wish, that would explain this whole thing". After about 15 minutes, they left, and told me that if they came back I would be going to the hospital but since my vitals checked out, and I seemed to be able to communicate ok with them, they left it as my choice. So now they are gone, I sit at the lounge a bit longer, until if I didn't go I wouldn't make my flight. I very slowly made my way to the gate, and went straight to the agent - "Do you have any other flights that would get me to Phoenix tonight"? I explained to her what happened and told her I wasn't sure if I was okay to get on the flight. At this point, the flight crew is literally waiting on me so they can close the doors so the plane could leave. The next flight available to Phoenix didn't leave until 630am Monday morning. I had to get back so I made the last second choice to get on the plane.
Let me state also, I am not afraid of flying in the slightest. In fact, I enjoy it and always get window seats when I book. Thankfully, I get on the flight and there wasn't many passengers. I had my row of seats to myself which in itself was a blessing. The entire departure process seemed like it took an eternity in my head, I was still freaking out and questioning whether or not I should even be on this plane.
As we start to taxi to the runway, I look down at my bag and I see my headphones sticking out - I managed to grab my mp3 player, managed to turn it on and get my favorite playlist which is essentially EV solo/A few PJ songs, some Jack Johnson, Some Hendrix and Dwight Yoakum (Don't judge me haha - I love country too). It's in essence my anxiety playlist.
I'm sitting there on the plane, listening to hard sun, guaranteed, society etc over and over and it occurred to me just how many times over the years I have resorted to this same set of songs time and time again to get me through those times in life where I felt like I couldn't keep pushing. I started reflecting a bit on life, past mistakes, the present, and the future and that's when I realized just how much EV has saved my ass over the years. And while I know it's "just music", not necessarily "the man". In this case, I can't agree with that - at least from everything I know which is of course not 1st hand experience. But you can just tell in the performances, in the interviews, in the lyrics of the songs he's wrote, that he is as genuine as they come and that my friends in my humble opinion deserves a genuine thank you!
I apologize if I am rambling - I saw a dr here in Arizona a few days after the flight and he also thinks I had a panic attack. I still don't know, never ever in my life have I ever felt anything like that or honestly thought I was going to die. Not even laying in the road in Tucson after getting plawed by a 90 year old lady in a 79 Ford Fairmont on my motorcycle. Even then, I knew I was in bad shape - but never thought I was going to die. That episode at the airport though -- scary - honestly thought I was dying.