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What's in a name?

jnimhaoileoinjnimhaoileoin Posts: 2,682
in All Encompassing Trip
Need a little advice here. As you can see, I was quite unimaginative with my user name and it is my real name - Jenny Coyle. However, my problem is that Coyle is my mothers ex-husband's name, a man who is (a) a complete tool and (b) not my father.

This presents an additional issue for me as the name I use for work and on social media is my Irish language name, Jenny Ní Chumhaill. In according with our traditions, this translates as Jenny, the daughter of Cumhall, essentially suggesting that Coyle is my father's surname. To me, this bothers me even more than having his surname in English.

So basically I'm thinking of changing my name to my mother's maiden name and I'm wondering if this is a bit drastic when I've been known by the other name for all of my 29 years. Incidentally, my mother has not returned to her maiden name and I believe when I asked her about it before she said she didn't want her children having a different name to her. I think perhaps this is less valid now that we're all adults though.

Would appreciate any thoughts that might help me make a decision either way :)

Comments

  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    Anyone else think of "a rose by any other name..."?

    Names mean different things to different people. I kept my last name when I got married for my own reasons (thank goodness my husband gets it).

    Go with what makes you feel best.

  • Who PrincessWho Princess Posts: 7,305
    A good friend of mine changed her name when she was about 30. Her situation was much like yours, with a last name of a stepfather who was no longer part of the family. She chose her grandfather's name. She also changed her first name to one that her family had always called her by and kept her previous first name as her middle name. She wondered how other people would react but everyone responded very well.

    I think going through life with a name you dislike sound miserable. Go ahead and change it to something meaningful to you.
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
  • northerndragonnortherndragon Posts: 9,851
    Your reasons for wanting to change it sound valid and well thought out. I would say that you should go for it.
    Anything you lose from being honest
    You never really had to begin with.


    Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
  • HobbesHobbes Posts: 6,419
    hedonist said:

    Anyone else think of "a rose by any other name..."

    Yep. :rose:

    Jen, if it will make you feel better, then do it. :plus_one:

  • 2-feign-reluctance2-feign-reluctance Posts: 23,253
    You have ownership on how YOU represent your name, and the right to change it if you like.
    www.cluthelee.com
  • brianluxbrianlux Posts: 41,856
    I would say go with what makes you feel best, perhaps taking into account how your mother would feel if you changed it. Maybe that would not bother her? Maybe you mom you and your siblings all want to change to her maiden name? If you stick with Jenny Coyle at least know that it looks/sounds good. And remember, you are who you are no matter what last name you keep- you're a good person and no need to feel burdened by another persons karma good or bad.
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













  • g under pg under p Posts: 18,189
    edited September 2015
    hedonist said:

    Anyone else think of "a rose by any other name..."?

    Names mean different things to different people. I kept my last name when I got married for my own reasons (thank goodness my husband gets it).

    Go with what makes you feel best.

    Hah, I told my daughter to do the same thing long ago but these teens today they never listen. I told her she's my only child and it would be nice for her name to live on a few more decades. :smile:

    Oh op well go with something....a name that is unique to you, special to you and DEFINES YOU!

    Peace

    Post edited by g under p on
    *We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti

    *MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
    .....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti

    *The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)


  • dankinddankind Posts: 20,839
    edited September 2015
    Jenny, similar to you, my surname was was provided by some creep who married my mother, and he only hung around for a year or so (if that).

    I didn't meet my biological father until I was 23 years old -- it's a long story, and you can read about it here if you care to -- but after we met and it was apparent how alike we were, I immediately changed my last name to match his.

    I know it sounds strange, but I've felt more at home with myself ever since then.

    Also, since my dad died in 2002, it's almost like preserving a heritage or some such intangible tribute.
    Post edited by dankind on
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • jnimhaoileoinjnimhaoileoin Posts: 2,682
    Thanks all for the input! As far as my dad goes, he seems a decent enough guy but I only see him once a year and have no contact with his side of the family, other than minimal contact with my younger brothers and sister. So sharing their name isn't really an option. My mothers name is the only name I believe truly belongs to me.

    I suppose researching our family tree is what brought these thoughts up again. It just feels wrong to have a name to which I have no blood connection, especially when he is such a repulsive individual. It certainly wouldn't bother me to have a different name to my older brothers, sure if I ever got married my name could change anyway. I will certainly discuss it with my mother and get her thoughts though. Would obviously need to look into the legal practicalities as well of course
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Posts: 49,922
    edited September 2015
    Most women do still change their last names when they get married, so I don't think this is even out of the realm of normalcy. Others often revert back to their maiden names when they divorce or just do it for the sake of future genealogical research (I know my mom has considered this because our last name is Jones, from my dad, which is totally useless as far as genealogical research goes). People are very used to female surname changes. You might have to field the "did you get married?" queries for a while though.
    Go for it! Eddie Vedder did it, so why not you? ;)
    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • jnimhaoileoinjnimhaoileoin Posts: 2,682
    Well it seems it's a much simpler process than I expected! Changing my name by deed poll could be done by next week, the real challenge will be to change it on all my documents etc. Getting a new email address will probably be the biggest pain in the arse haha
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