Moving to Southern California?

PearlJamVixen

Hi all,

So, I'm thinking about moving to Southern California--I have a cousin in the Long Beach area. My husband and I are getting a divorce (we currently live in Massachusetts) and I'm about 95% sure I'd like to move to California after the divorce. I feel like moving out to Cali would give me a nice fresh start in life. My cousin has offered to let me stay with her until I get on my feet. Also, I want to add that not only have I been to California on and off throughout the years, I used to live there when I was a kid (we moved to the East Coast when I was 11)--my point being that I'm not going out to California not knowing what it's like. And, my parents are retired and live in Arizona, and I'd be closer to them.

I guess I'm just wondering if this is a good idea....any thoughts? It would be a big move and I guess I'm just a little scared. Part of me just wants to just do it, though!

And, if there are any female PJ fans (mid 30's to mid 40's) who would like to meet up with me when I move out there, that would be awesome...it would be great to have some PJ friends.

SD48277

There are a few folks on here in the SoCal region, so they might be able to give you some advice. As far as wondering if this is a good idea: yes. As long as you are not uprooting your kids (but it doesn't sound as if you have kids), then why not? You have a place to stay. Do you have the possibility of a job lined up? It sounds as if you are ready to make the move, so why not? You can always change your mind and move somewhere else.

PearlJamVixen

Thanks for the support SD. Nope--no kids. And, no, no job lined up...so that is part of what makes it kind of scary, I guess.

eeriepadave

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_RELjHhD2s

hedonist

If there's nothing to hold you back, then why not go for a new path? Just do your research first; in terms of the current cost of living (depending on the area you choose) and job opportunities - not to mention the income levels.

This would apply to any area, really.

It's trite (and takes me back to my childhood!), but knowledge is power. The more you have under your belt, the better you'll feel about the informed decision you make.

Good luck!

whispering hands

I was born and raised there in So Cal.. Moved out of theRe as FAST as I could, could NOT get out fast enough. I HATE So Cal.. But many folks love it. It has some good appeals, as you may know. But I DO NOT miss it.. It was dirty, the air was filthy and you couldn't breathe in the summers.. You could never get away from the Smog enough to enjoy the cities.. But, there are beaches and mountains and deserts as easily as an hour or two drive from each of the other. Some gorgeous scenery, including the people.
If you have money, Cali can be fun.. If you don't it's miserable. Everything there depends on who you know when it comes to getting jobs, IF you can land one; there 1500 folks fighting against you for every job you apply for. In a good financial setting I sat outside of places for four days in a row, 8 hrs, and never even made it to filling out an app, cause the spot had been filled.
California is for the strong.. If you are weak in any respect it will eat you alive, and the LBC is one of the worst in that capacity. But like I said.. I grew up there, and with no money.. So it sucked for me.. But if you have money and me Degrees to find a good paying job you'll be fine.. Just be prepared go fight hand over fist tooth claw and soul for anything and everything when you get there. I would NEVER live there again, fun to visit, fuck living there!

But that's me..
Good luck wherever you end up.. Just know California is often more disappointing than glamorous or great..

whispering hands

I know that sounds harsh.. But I think often people have this glamorous view of that state.. So I'm just being honest.. I hated it..

PearlJamVixen

Thanks for your honesty Whispering hands. Truthfully, I am a little concerned about the smog...we have such clean air here in Massachusetts. In fact, smog was one of the reasons we moved back to the East coast when I was 11....my dad couldn't stand it. And that was years and years ago!
My parents don't think me moving out there is a great idea either...I'm just confused listening to conflicting opinions....

RKCNDY

If you are 95% sure, then go for it. You have family that are close, it is very generous of your cousin to offer you to stay with her. I think that helps immensely when you have a support system in place when making a big change like that.
I moved to Silicon Valley years ago, I only knew one person, but they weren't very understanding or supportive. Had a hard time out there, so I moved back home. Maybe if I had more support it would have been easier, but maybe I just belong at 'home'...I kind of feel that everybody has a calling as to where they feel most 'settled' and 'at home'.

If you feel that it is your calling, then go for it. Things will all be new and different, that can be enough to distract you, being scared is natural...but you never know, it may be the best thing you can do for yourself, and that's all that matters right now...'you'.

whispering hands

RKCNDY said:

If you are 95% sure, then go for it. You have family that are close, it is very generous of your cousin to offer you to stay with her. I think that helps immensely when you have a support system in place when making a big change like that.
I moved to Silicon Valley years ago, I only knew one person, but they weren't very understanding or supportive. Had a hard time out there, so I moved back home. Maybe if I had more support it would have been easier, but maybe I just belong at 'home'...I kind of feel that everybody has a calling as to where they feel most 'settled' and 'at home'.

If you feel that it is your calling, then go for it. Things will all be new and different, that can be enough to distract you, being scared is natural...but you never know, it may be the best thing you can do for yourself, and that's all that matters right now...'you'.

This is the truth! Only YOU can decide what is good for you. And having someone there as support helps. A LOT! And honestly, if you are set on doing it, you are going to do whatever it takes to make that a reality.. So just because I hated it, doesn't mean you will.. My
Brother REFUSES to leave Cali.. He loves it tge reported, but he's an asshole too so he fits right in.. It all depends on what you want out of the experience, because that is what will make or break you out there.

Enkidu

I moved to LA from Virginia for graduate school many (way too many) years ago. Met my husband, had my kids, we both work in the TV/movie industry so it's the place for jobs. But WH is right, it can be rough. LA is for the strong, absolutely 100%.

The good - the weather is amazing. You get very spoiled by pretty days and eating outside all the time and sitting in the sun. Where I am (San Fernando Valley near the hills) the smog isn't horrible. I love living in a city with sports teams and concert venues and theatres and great restaurants. A lot of the people I've met out here are wonderful.

The bad - way too many people. Too much traffic. People who feel entitled. People who give a shit about the Kardashians. It can get too hot. Earthquakes are scary. A lot of the people I've met out here would stab me in the back in a heartbeat. And they have.

But if it feels right for you, do it. I moved out here and I didn't know a soul. My parents thought I was crazy. Any questions, shoot me a PM.

SD48277

Plus, you can use your cousin's place as a home base while you check out other areas in Southern California. Maybe San Diego is more to your liking. Or Maybe San Francisco. Or maybe some other point in between. It's worth a try.

PearlJamVixen

Enkidu, yes the too many people and too much traffic are other concerns of mine. As far as people who are a-holes....eh, plenty of those here in Massachusetts too.

SD--I like Northern California a lot (vacationed there with my husband), but, part of my reason for moving out to SoCal would be to be close to my cousin. Otherwise, Northern California would probably be something I would seriously consider.

Amongst the Ani

So Cal broke me as well. It can be great but can be harsh. We moved back to Nor Cal within a year. It was the only time I was ever fired from a job, not for anything I did but for who I was friends with. A power play happened and I got stabbed in the back. Used the old 'making personal calls at work' to get me. The only calls I ever made was on my way home to let my wife know that. Traffic is a bitch like nowhere else. You really have to plan your life around it.

If you need a change it can't hurt to try. As others said some people love it and will never leave. You have so much so close. Never a dull moment if you don't want it.

hedonist

whispering hands said:

I know that sounds harsh.. But I think often people have this glamorous view of that state.. So I'm just being honest.. I hated it..

Wait...so you didn't like living here?

whispering hands

Nope. I think the last straw was that we lived in the same house for like 15 years, and never met our neighbors.. Until he got twacked out one night, and shot one of my WOLFDOGS from over his fence.. And I think by then I'd just had it with the people, the gangs, ghe drugs, and the mentality that people like myself that made 30,000 a Yr or under were pariah.. I just got sick of the whole So Cal BS packed up my shit and left..

whispering hands

That and my fiancé at that time had fucked me over..

Wobbie

Enkidu said:

The bad - way too many people. Too much traffic. People who feel entitled. People who give a shit about the Kardashians. It can get too hot. Earthquakes are scary. A lot of the people I've met out here would stab me in the back in a heartbeat. And they have.

you forgot to mention d**ger and l*kers fans....they're the worst....that blue/white, purple/gold will make you want to puke.

seriously, the whole state has major, major problems.....the weather and scenery are first class but earthquakes, drought, sky high real estate, traffic, etc make it less than a paradise for me.....and I prefer NorCal, hands down, but the problems are basically the same.....except the teams are likeable.

F Me In The Brain

I loved my 20 years in SoCal -- 18-38 years old, best years of my life thus far. That being said, I missed the community feeling of living almost anywhere else in the US.
The traffic is mind-numbing and the people can be pretty fake.
I really miss many things about the area but think that there are easier places to move to and make it relatively quickly. I think the pace is more of a younger person's pace to get out & meeting lots of people but that could have just been my experience.

Lift is what you make it -- if you have the right attitude and work at it I am sure you can have a great new start there. Good luck!

mfc2006

I say do it.

My wife & I moved to Portland from Texas about 2.5 years ago (it'll be 3 years in August...wow!) with shaky job prospects, no family out here....hell, we didn't even have an apartment lined up. But, it felt right, so we did it. I'm so glad that we did. We'd visited Portland before & it just felt like home. We were sad when we had to go back to Texas.

We now visit SoCal (San Diego) once a year & it's absolutely beautiful. It's a tad pricey...(we did look into moving to San Diego from TX) the cost of living can be high.

It can be daunting to make a big move like that, but it's good that you have support in SOCal. Again, I say go for it. Good luck!

RKCNDY

mfc2006 said:

I say do it.

My wife & I moved to Portland from Texas about 2.5 years ago (it'll be 3 years in August...wow!) with shaky job prospects, no family out here....hell, we didn't even have an apartment lined up. But, it felt right, so we did it. I'm so glad that we did. We'd visited Portland before & it just felt like home. We were sad when we had to go back to Texas.

We now visit SoCal (San Diego) once a year & it's absolutely beautiful. It's a tad pricey...(we did look into moving to San Diego from TX) the cost of living can be high.

It can be daunting to make a big move like that, but it's good that you have support in SOCal. Again, I say go for it. Good luck!

Matty Matt did know some peeps out in Oregon though...that helps out soooooo much!

mfc2006

RKCNDY said:

mfc2006 said:

I say do it.

My wife & I moved to Portland from Texas about 2.5 years ago (it'll be 3 years in August...wow!) with shaky job prospects, no family out here....hell, we didn't even have an apartment lined up. But, it felt right, so we did it. I'm so glad that we did. We'd visited Portland before & it just felt like home. We were sad when we had to go back to Texas.

We now visit SoCal (San Diego) once a year & it's absolutely beautiful. It's a tad pricey...(we did look into moving to San Diego from TX) the cost of living can be high.

It can be daunting to make a big move like that, but it's good that you have support in SOCal. Again, I say go for it. Good luck!

Matty Matt did know some peeps out in Oregon though...that helps out soooooo much!

very true, but I didn't know them that well at that point. now they know me too well.

PJSiren

I know nothing about Cali, in any respect, but I say do it, as I once uprooted myself and moved to Kentucky for a change, much like you, and had family to stay with and a support system, no job lined up, and it was one of the best things I ever did...I loved it there and had a wonderful time. I ended up moving back to portland after a couple years but that is just because Portland is "home" but I definitely needed that change for a while, and I don't regret doing it at all.

You're free of ties(soon) and have nothing to keep you in MA...so why not do something amazing for yourself...even if you end up not liking it...you can always pick to go somewhere else...

PJSiren

mfc2006 said:

RKCNDY said:

mfc2006 said:

I say do it.

My wife & I moved to Portland from Texas about 2.5 years ago (it'll be 3 years in August...wow!) with shaky job prospects, no family out here....hell, we didn't even have an apartment lined up. But, it felt right, so we did it. I'm so glad that we did. We'd visited Portland before & it just felt like home. We were sad when we had to go back to Texas.

We now visit SoCal (San Diego) once a year & it's absolutely beautiful. It's a tad pricey...(we did look into moving to San Diego from TX) the cost of living can be high.

It can be daunting to make a big move like that, but it's good that you have support in SOCal. Again, I say go for it. Good luck!

Matty Matt did know some peeps out in Oregon though...that helps out soooooo much!

very true, but I didn't know them that well at that point. now they know me too well.

Where in Oregon do you live?

mfc2006

PJSiren said:

mfc2006 said:

RKCNDY said:

mfc2006 said:

I say do it.

My wife & I moved to Portland from Texas about 2.5 years ago (it'll be 3 years in August...wow!) with shaky job prospects, no family out here....hell, we didn't even have an apartment lined up. But, it felt right, so we did it. I'm so glad that we did. We'd visited Portland before & it just felt like home. We were sad when we had to go back to Texas.

We now visit SoCal (San Diego) once a year & it's absolutely beautiful. It's a tad pricey...(we did look into moving to San Diego from TX) the cost of living can be high.

It can be daunting to make a big move like that, but it's good that you have support in SOCal. Again, I say go for it. Good luck!

Matty Matt did know some peeps out in Oregon though...that helps out soooooo much!

very true, but I didn't know them that well at that point. now they know me too well.

Where in Oregon do you live?

Portland

PJSiren

mfc2006 said:

PJSiren said:

mfc2006 said:

RKCNDY said:

mfc2006 said:

I say do it.

My wife & I moved to Portland from Texas about 2.5 years ago (it'll be 3 years in August...wow!) with shaky job prospects, no family out here....hell, we didn't even have an apartment lined up. But, it felt right, so we did it. I'm so glad that we did. We'd visited Portland before & it just felt like home. We were sad when we had to go back to Texas.

We now visit SoCal (San Diego) once a year & it's absolutely beautiful. It's a tad pricey...(we did look into moving to San Diego from TX) the cost of living can be high.

It can be daunting to make a big move like that, but it's good that you have support in SOCal. Again, I say go for it. Good luck!

Matty Matt did know some peeps out in Oregon though...that helps out soooooo much!

very true, but I didn't know them that well at that point. now they know me too well.

Where in Oregon do you live?

Portland

Cool, I'm from there, but we live in Salem now...but I work out of Woodburn...

whispering hands

I sooo need to go see Portland! I
Hear it's amazingly artsy., which I love, and really miss about living in KC.

PJSiren

whispering hands said:

I sooo need to go see Portland! I
Hear it's amazingly artsy., which I love, and really miss about living in KC.

It is...it's just amazing period...we're going to move back that direction when we buy a house because of where my hubby just got a job, he has to commute over an hour from Salem...

PearlJamVixen

So, I wrote a list of pros and cons about moving to Southern California vs. pros and cons of staying in Massachusetts, and though there are plenty of cons on the California list ...I decided I'm just going to do it! It's really what I want and need to do. And it's going to be great!

Thanks for all the input/words of encouragement.

oftenreading

PearlJamVixen said:

So, I wrote a list of pros and cons about moving to Southern California vs. pros and cons of staying in Massachusetts, and though there are plenty of cons on the California list ...I decided I'm just going to do it! It's really what I want and need to do. And it's going to be great!

Thanks for all the input/words of encouragement.

If you've thought it through in a clear-headed way and still want to go, then go for it! Now is the time to take some risks, since you're making the decision just for yourself. It may work out, it may not, but it sounds as if you'll regret it if you don't so give it a try. Nothing stops you from moving back "home" in a year, or moving somewhere else, as long as you have a way of supporting yourself. I moved overseas without any real clear plan in my mid-twenties and it was a fantastic experience; planned on one year and stayed for four, then came home when we were ready. Best of luck!

whispering hands

PearlJamVixen said:

So, I wrote a list of pros and cons about moving to Southern California vs. pros and cons of staying in Massachusetts, and though there are plenty of cons on the California list ...I decided I'm just going to do it! It's really what I want and need to do. And it's going to be great!

Thanks for all the input/words of encouragement.

Good luck! :-) any new adventure like this is exciting and fun.