How to break the cycle of Hate

backseatLover12

It's everywhere, especially on Facebook but generally it's all over the internet. Everyone seems to be putting each other down, filled with negativity, and always full of judgment. We all can be prone to it.

Celebrities and people from around the world are coming together to discuss the reasons behind why people hurt other people.

The answer: they are hurt! Hurt people, hurt people.

It’s the cycle of passing on the negative energy that can only be broken thorough communication. We are all waking up, that includes coming together and talking about why and how we feel they way we do. The better we understand each other, the better we can understand ourselves.

The cycle of passing on your hurt to the next needs to stop in order for this world to truly change. That means acting on how you feel, being vulnerable to the world so it can be vulnerable back to you.

How does this video make you feel? And what are you going to do about it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzMNoeDovFg

hedonist

I think that some might mis-take disagreeing with hate. It's an important distinction.

And what if acting on how you feel is inherently negative?

Interesting, your sentence about understanding each other leading to self-enlightenment. Imagine it goes both ways.

Most everything goes both ways (and other ways too).

backseatLover12

So the video makes you feel this way Hedonist?

"mis-take disagreeing with hate"?

hedonist

Nope, that was one little slice of what I wrote but I guess I didn't articulate my point well enough.

What I meant was that some just get off on being an asshole, or being a victim. What might be a post that offers a different or counter-view is often skewed as bullying. I've seen it a few times in this place.

And...what constitutes negativity? Constructive criticism met with thin skin? Someone making a high-schoolish comment on social media that should be ignored or laughed at?

I think sometimes people jump the gun too quickly. Communication breakdown on Facebook is so odd, given that the whole point of it - I thought - is to speak to each other.

brianlux

I think its both OK and natural to feel angry toward bullies when you are on the receiving end but not OK to bully back. The hardest part for me is the forgiving and the nearly impossible is the loving. In my sophomore year high school, I was terrorized, victimized and bullied frequently by a guy who was a couple of years older that me. This guy was mean and tough and definitely dangerous. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of him over the years and hated him and wished great harm on him... but I know that's wrong. This film is spot on and a good reminder of how important it is to acknowledge our natural instinctive feelings but not to act on them but try to do something far more difficult which is to forgive. It helps a lot to remember that bullies are hurt people. The guy that bullied me was probably very scarred from something terrible and painful. I

Damn, this is a tough one. Good video, bsL. I hope it helps end the cycle.

brianlux

There's a question that's got my brain working overtime at 00.07 hrs in the morning about all this. I wonder if this can be taken to a larger scale? Is it not true that people seem to be becoming more pessimistic about life? It seems to me there are more people than ever who believe the human race is going down in flames. There is a lot of hurt and anger around that. Is that why there is so much violence and war going on in the world, one war after another and multiple wars? Is that why our first instinct is to INVADE and BOMB THE MOTHERFUCKERS! And is that why so many people have a hard time focusing on solutions? For example, look at AMT. What do we talk about the most here? War. Killings. Horrible atrocities. Violence. Environmental degradation. Climate change. What do we seldom talk about? Solutions. Watch how much discussion develops around the hemp thread (no, I will not take this personally) as opposed to the continued stream of talk about war and killing. Are we becoming incapable focusing on solutions and thinking positively? Is that because deep down inside we feel bullied by life and want to lash out against it? I wonder if we can give life and the world we live on the same consideration the fine video bsL posted talks about giving to bullies. I wonder...

callen

Big part of my frustrations on hate is that leaders and institutions blatantly use it to move their agenda and the masses eat it up not realizing they are pawns.

Brian, welcome back.

brianlux

callen wrote: »

Big part of my frustrations on hate is that leaders and institutions blatantly use it to move their agenda and the masses eat it up not realizing they are pawns.

Brian, welcome back.

Thanks Callen!

Yes, so right. That's the purpose of the "news"- not to inform but rather to condition thought.

Jason P

backseatLover12

brianlux wrote: »

I think its both OK and natural to feel angry toward bullies when you are on the receiving end but not OK to bully back. The hardest part for me is the forgiving and the nearly impossible is the loving. In my sophomore year high school, I was terrorized, victimized and bullied frequently by a guy who was a couple of years older that me. This guy was mean and tough and definitely dangerous. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of him over the years and hated him and wished great harm on him... but I know that's wrong. This film is spot on and a good reminder of how important it is to acknowledge our natural instinctive feelings but not to act on them but try to do something far more difficult which is to forgive. It helps a lot to remember that bullies are hurt people. The guy that bullied me was probably very scarred from something terrible and painful. I

Damn, this is a tough one. Good video, bsL. I hope it helps end the cycle.

Yeah, Brian, It's taken me a while, but I learned over the years that to wish the same to someone who's hurt us, is letting them win. That hate is still cycling if we still have it in us after dealing with a bully. To shift perception and realize that bullies are not healthy inside takes practice, but once we do it, it makes a world difference and even offers us closure. Do you have closure?

brianlux

backseatLover12 wrote: »

brianlux wrote: »

I think its both OK and natural to feel angry toward bullies when you are on the receiving end but not OK to bully back. The hardest part for me is the forgiving and the nearly impossible is the loving. In my sophomore year high school, I was terrorized, victimized and bullied frequently by a guy who was a couple of years older that me. This guy was mean and tough and definitely dangerous. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of him over the years and hated him and wished great harm on him... but I know that's wrong. This film is spot on and a good reminder of how important it is to acknowledge our natural instinctive feelings but not to act on them but try to do something far more difficult which is to forgive. It helps a lot to remember that bullies are hurt people. The guy that bullied me was probably very scarred from something terrible and painful. I

Damn, this is a tough one. Good video, bsL. I hope it helps end the cycle.

Yeah, Brian, It's taken me a while, but I learned over the years that to wish the same to someone who's hurt us, is letting them win. That hate is still cycling if we still have it in us after dealing with a bully. To shift perception and realize that bullies are not healthy inside takes practice, but once we do it, it makes a world difference and even offers us closure. Do you have closure?

Only in the sense that I view the whole thing as a big life lesson. Like anything, we can let things bring us down or learn from them and accept that life leaves scars sometimes. I can't change that person and I can't change the past- all I can do is just try to do better in my own life. Sometimes it's tempting to think bullies will reap what they sow or that their Karma will get them. I saw a another guy a few years ago who was a bully back in high school and he looked like hell so maybe sometimes what goes around comes around, but not necessarily. I think it's more useful to look at oneself and try to be a better person than to wish something bad on someone else. Maybe a bully will get what he or she deserves, but wishing that won't make us better. So yes, I believe that the life lesson is a kind of closure.

callen

Having a meal with the people you hate and vice versa. Get to know one another minus the middle man.

rgambs

Breaking bread, sharing water, and the option of passing the peace pipe or spirits are the only blocks needed to build a foundation of peace.

backseatLover12

brianlux wrote: »

backseatLover12 wrote: »

brianlux wrote: »

I think its both OK and natural to feel angry toward bullies when you are on the receiving end but not OK to bully back. The hardest part for me is the forgiving and the nearly impossible is the loving. In my sophomore year high school, I was terrorized, victimized and bullied frequently by a guy who was a couple of years older that me. This guy was mean and tough and definitely dangerous. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of him over the years and hated him and wished great harm on him... but I know that's wrong. This film is spot on and a good reminder of how important it is to acknowledge our natural instinctive feelings but not to act on them but try to do something far more difficult which is to forgive. It helps a lot to remember that bullies are hurt people. The guy that bullied me was probably very scarred from something terrible and painful. I

Damn, this is a tough one. Good video, bsL. I hope it helps end the cycle.

Yeah, Brian, It's taken me a while, but I learned over the years that to wish the same to someone who's hurt us, is letting them win. That hate is still cycling if we still have it in us after dealing with a bully. To shift perception and realize that bullies are not healthy inside takes practice, but once we do it, it makes a world difference and even offers us closure. Do you have closure?

Only in the sense that I view the whole thing as a big life lesson. Like anything, we can let things bring us down or learn from them and accept that life leaves scars sometimes. I can't change that person and I can't change the past- all I can do is just try to do better in my own life. Sometimes it's tempting to think bullies will reap what they sow or that their Karma will get them. I saw a another guy a few years ago who was a bully back in high school and he looked like hell so maybe sometimes what goes around comes around, but not necessarily. I think it's more useful to look at oneself and try to be a better person than to wish something bad on someone else. Maybe a bully will get what he or she deserves, but wishing that won't make us better. So yes, I believe that the life lesson is a kind of closure.

Awesome.

backseatLover12

brianlux said:

There's a question that's got my brain working overtime at 00.07 hrs in the morning about all this. I wonder if this can be taken to a larger scale? Is it not true that people seem to be becoming more pessimistic about life? It seems to me there are more people than ever who believe the human race is going down in flames. There is a lot of hurt and anger around that. Is that why there is so much violence and war going on in the world, one war after another and multiple wars? Is that why our first instinct is to INVADE and BOMB THE MOTHERFUCKERS! And is that why so many people have a hard time focusing on solutions? For example, look at AMT. What do we talk about the most here? War. Killings. Horrible atrocities. Violence. Environmental degradation. Climate change. What do we seldom talk about? Solutions. Watch how much discussion develops around the hemp thread (no, I will not take this personally) as opposed to the continued stream of talk about war and killing. Are we becoming incapable focusing on solutions and thinking positively? Is that because deep down inside we feel bullied by life and want to lash out against it? I wonder if we can give life and the world we live on the same consideration the fine video bsL posted talks about giving to bullies. I wonder...

I wonder too, Brian. I know that individually we can, for sure. Perhaps it needs to start there in order to get a bigger movement toward changing our perspectives to actually wanting to understand each other rather than not. Fantastic post, btw.

brianlux

It's the stubborn idealist in me, bsL. I grew up in a time and place where people my age were saying things like "give peace a chance" and "we're going to change the world". That generation grew into middle age and (I know its not quite fare to generalize, but this is mostly true) we got too caught up in our own pleasure and desires and really dropped the ball on that one. The punk generation came along and said "you phonies!" and used anger to try to forge a different world. And then the next generation came along and it seems to be plagued with despair a lot of sarcasm and hopelessness but also a kind of world savvy that's waiting to move into action. If we took the best of what all of us have to offer be it thoughts of peace and love, screaming at what doesn't work or an connected-through-social-media sense of worldliness and work it all together to create true changes for the better, maybe then we can move idealism away from being seen as airy fairly and actually get some shit done. We can break the cycle of despair as well as the cycle of hate.

benjs

brianlux wrote: »

There's a question that's got my brain working overtime at 00.07 hrs in the morning about all this. I wonder if this can be taken to a larger scale? Is it not true that people seem to be becoming more pessimistic about life? It seems to me there are more people than ever who believe the human race is going down in flames. There is a lot of hurt and anger around that. Is that why there is so much violence and war going on in the world, one war after another and multiple wars? Is that why our first instinct is to INVADE and BOMB THE MOTHERFUCKERS! And is that why so many people have a hard time focusing on solutions? For example, look at AMT. What do we talk about the most here? War. Killings. Horrible atrocities. Violence. Environmental degradation. Climate change. What do we seldom talk about? Solutions. Watch how much discussion develops around the hemp thread (no, I will not take this personally) as opposed to the continued stream of talk about war and killing. Are we becoming incapable focusing on solutions and thinking positively? Is that because deep down inside we feel bullied by life and want to lash out against it? I wonder if we can give life and the world we live on the same consideration the fine video bsL posted talks about giving to bullies. I wonder...

This might be pessimistic of me to say, but....

The way I see it, collective pessimism is probably a symptom of having access to more information than ever before. We know more about the world, so we have a more complete picture of the stupidity of our race.

That being said, I truly don't understand why we channel this pessimism through anger (followed by aggression), instead of sadness (followed by empathy). Both are actionable sentiments, only one of them could amount to something positive in the long run.

brianlux

benjs said:

brianlux wrote: »

There's a question that's got my brain working overtime at 00.07 hrs in the morning about all this. I wonder if this can be taken to a larger scale? Is it not true that people seem to be becoming more pessimistic about life? It seems to me there are more people than ever who believe the human race is going down in flames. There is a lot of hurt and anger around that. Is that why there is so much violence and war going on in the world, one war after another and multiple wars? Is that why our first instinct is to INVADE and BOMB THE MOTHERFUCKERS! And is that why so many people have a hard time focusing on solutions? For example, look at AMT. What do we talk about the most here? War. Killings. Horrible atrocities. Violence. Environmental degradation. Climate change. What do we seldom talk about? Solutions. Watch how much discussion develops around the hemp thread (no, I will not take this personally) as opposed to the continued stream of talk about war and killing. Are we becoming incapable focusing on solutions and thinking positively? Is that because deep down inside we feel bullied by life and want to lash out against it? I wonder if we can give life and the world we live on the same consideration the fine video bsL posted talks about giving to bullies. I wonder...

This might be pessimistic of me to say, but....



The way I see it, collective pessimism is probably a symptom of having access to more information than ever before. We know more about the world, so we have a more complete picture of the stupidity of our race.



That being said, I truly don't understand why we channel this pessimism through anger (followed by aggression), instead of sadness (followed by empathy). Both are actionable sentiments, only one of them could amount to something positive in the long run.





"The way I see it, collective pessimism is probably a symptom of having access to more information than ever before."

All the more reason to get more positive, constructive and forward-moving idea going out here, benjs. We can use this kind of media and it's far-reaching impact to do this so much easier than we could before the internet came along.

brianlux

brianlux said:

benjs said:

brianlux wrote: »

There's a question that's got my brain working overtime at 00.07 hrs in the morning about all this. I wonder if this can be taken to a larger scale? Is it not true that people seem to be becoming more pessimistic about life? It seems to me there are more people than ever who believe the human race is going down in flames. There is a lot of hurt and anger around that. Is that why there is so much violence and war going on in the world, one war after another and multiple wars? Is that why our first instinct is to INVADE and BOMB THE MOTHERFUCKERS! And is that why so many people have a hard time focusing on solutions? For example, look at AMT. What do we talk about the most here? War. Killings. Horrible atrocities. Violence. Environmental degradation. Climate change. What do we seldom talk about? Solutions. Watch how much discussion develops around the hemp thread (no, I will not take this personally) as opposed to the continued stream of talk about war and killing. Are we becoming incapable focusing on solutions and thinking positively? Is that because deep down inside we feel bullied by life and want to lash out against it? I wonder if we can give life and the world we live on the same consideration the fine video bsL posted talks about giving to bullies. I wonder...

This might be pessimistic of me to say, but....



The way I see it, collective pessimism is probably a symptom of having access to more information than ever before. We know more about the world, so we have a more complete picture of the stupidity of our race.



That being said, I truly don't understand why we channel this pessimism through anger (followed by aggression), instead of sadness (followed by empathy). Both are actionable sentiments, only one of them could amount to something positive in the long run.

"The way I see it, collective pessimism is probably a symptom of having access to more information than ever before."

All the more reason to get more positive, constructive and forward-moving idea going out here, benjs. We can use this kind of media and it's far-reaching impact to do this so much easier than we could before the internet came along.



There- "bold" option is back. That was weird.

oftenreading

This may be optimistic of me to say, but...

I don't think there is more hate in the world, or more anger, or more violence. For those of us lucky enough to live in the developed nations, we live lives remarkably free of violence (with the exception of a few areas over-run by gang violence). For much of history, most of the population lived in fear of their homes regularly being overrun by hostile armies, or being pressed into some lords army, poorly trained and even more poorly armed, or just being knifed for your few coins or the clothes on your back. You really only worried about what happened in your immediate area because news from even across the country took weeks or month to arrive, if it ever did. Despite what we see online, the number of major conflicts worldwide has decreased. We have had the capacity since the 1940s to destroy the entire planet and haven't yet done so (at least, not cataclysmically - we aren't doing a great job day by day).

Maybe the fact is we in the west have too little violence in our daily lives so we are drawn to hear and read and talk about it. Not that I'm advocating more violence, of course; just thinking that if we lived the sort of lives commonly lived in centuries past, we wouldn't have the luxury of wondering what was going on several thousand km away.

rr165892

oftenreading said:

This may be optimistic of me to say, but...

I don't think there is more hate in the world, or more anger, or more violence. For those of us lucky enough to live in the developed nations, we live lives remarkably free of violence (with the exception of a few areas over-run by gang violence). For much of history, most of the population lived in fear of their homes regularly being overrun by hostile armies, or being pressed into some lords army, poorly trained and even more poorly armed, or just being knifed for your few coins or the clothes on your back. You really only worried about what happened in your immediate area because news from even across the country took weeks or month to arrive, if it ever did. Despite what we see online, the number of major conflicts worldwide has decreased. We have had the capacity since the 1940s to destroy the entire planet and haven't yet done so (at least, not cataclysmically - we aren't doing a great job day by day).

Maybe the fact is we in the west have too little violence in our daily lives so we are drawn to hear and read and talk about it. Not that I'm advocating more violence, of course; just thinking that if we lived the sort of lives commonly lived in centuries past, we wouldn't have the luxury of wondering what was going on several thousand km away.

And we would die of malaria at 30,Have bad dental work,12 year olds would be pregnant and married and what's with that heavy armor everyone had to wear?

The world is not more violent now,not even close.Just 40 years ago we still had huge civil rights issues,before that the World was at war for the better part of the 20th century.Hate groups and crack pots ruled many areas.
Today we have a much more conscience world.With the exception of a few places.The world is full of more freedoms and opportunities.There is way more awareness of people's rights.The plugged in age has brought the world together as a giant community of humanity.Most seeking to better the lives of themselves and others.What we are faced with is instant info and news entertainment.What 10 years ago CNN still repeated the Headlines on HLN not anymore all entertainment now.What dials us in and brings us together also shines a light on the same tools used to sensationalize or over saturates with instant info.Progress is good and far out weighs the bad.We have come a very long way.

callen

Interesting posts.

So do we as humans naturally gravitate towards our tribe. Is this why we act so callously towards others?

Find it interesting that there appears to be stress between whites and blacks in US yet when I travel in my city on public transportation or going in and out of stores people are downright nice to each other. So we have this individual experience and take one Another as humans then back into tribal mode once separated back into them against us.

callen

News skews reality by showing just what sells or furthering machines motives so agree world is better place than any time in history.

rr165892

Callen,I thought we as a society had been long past the racial nonsense for the most part.But with the Mike Brown thing last year I think we as whole took a step back.That created a a new fracture that continues to be thrust upon us.Just look at the Grammy Awards.3 different performers referenced black lives matter.and made some show of hands up.You know what,that's selfish.
All lives matter.Black,White,,Muslim,Christian,Atheist Jewish.Straight or gay.We are one.
Those that choose to draw attention to separation continue to compound the problem.

oftenreading

Two good posts, callen. I'd agree that humans tend to automatically divide the world into "self" and "other". The tricky part is what we are identifying as "self" - this can be as small as the individual, but can expand to include the family, the social group, the city, the country, even the planet, depending on our willingness to see the similarities. This speaks to your experience of individuals on a commuter train treating each other well - it's harder to ignore that we're all in the same boat then.

And rr, you'd be lucky if you were the one wearing that heavy armour, because it meant you were pretty wealthy. Just don't fall off your horse.

rr165892

oftenreading said:

Two good posts, callen. I'd agree that humans tend to automatically divide the world into "self" and "other". The tricky part is what we are identifying as "self" - this can be as small as the individual, but can expand to include the family, the social group, the city, the country, even the planet, depending on our willingness to see the similarities. This speaks to your experience of individuals on a commuter train treating each other well - it's harder to ignore that we're all in the same boat then.

And rr, you'd be lucky if you were the one wearing that heavy armour, because it meant you were pretty wealthy. Just don't fall off your horse.

It's tough when you get your jugs of beer from the monk who was brewing it at his monestary.Have you ever tried to Joust with a beer buzz.You just end up looking like a big clunky mess.
And please I'm a land owner you will address me as Sir!!!

oftenreading

You're one of the 1%, definitely.

Annafalk

I once read a very great Japanese saying but unfortunately I can't remember it...
Something like forgive your enemies let go of your hatred and discover that you were the prisoner of your own hatred...

rr165892

Annafalk said:

I once read a very great Japanese saying but unfortunately I can't remember it...

Something like forgive your enemies let go of your hatred and discover that you were the prisoner of your own hatred...

Makes sense.Hate and anger weigh us down and hold us back

hedonist

Annafalk said:

I once read a very great Japanese saying but unfortunately I can't remember it...

Something like forgive your enemies let go of your hatred and discover that you were the prisoner of your own hatred...

This makes sense (and reminds me of Present Tense), but for some - well, ME - to actually reach that pinnacle?

Quite the journey. Takes time, strength, perspective.

Well-worth the effort and scars.

Best (worst?) part is, it never really ends since it's a part of living.

HughFreakingDillon

the problem is TOO MUCH communication and over-informing. and yes, being a "keyboard warrior". I have been guilty of it myself. we all have. responding to something on the internet without thinking about it deeply first. hell, I probably did it today.

people need to just breathe. myself included. sometimes life seems to move too fast to be able to do this, but we should all dictate our own pace.

-stop watching the news
-turn off your media devices and
1)read a book,
2)go for a walk,
3)pick up a guitar,
4)CALL someone or go for coffee with them and have a conversation.
-watch an old movie with zero violence. you'd be amazed at how different you feel.

I waste so much time on my fucking iPad it sickens me. it's like an addiction. I like to pride myself on not having a cell phone, yet I have something worse: an iPad. I told my wife when we got one that if we had that, I'd spend less time alone in the basement on the desktop and more time with the family. I really believed this to be true. I didn't use it as a ruse to get a new "thing". But it has turned into a part of my body. I get home from work, I pick up the iPad. I really want to stop looking at the internet and live my life, but it's just become so second nature to be all consumed with curiosity of what is going on in the world, that it is tough to reverse it.

thing is, if I don't use my pc or iPad for a long period of time (like in the summer spending time at th efamily cottage with no tv or devices), when I get home it takes a full freaking day to look at all the stupid emails I get and whatnot. how do you reverse this behaviour when it is how the world communicates now? I have sometimes wondered to my wife that we should cancel our internet service.

I remember a time, before owning a computer, just before the turn of the century, of being BORED. And when I was bored I'd pick up a hobby or meet someone for a beer. or, let's be honest, channel surf. I want to be bored again. and not so ridiculously informed of the world's events that it creeps into my daily attitudes on life.

hope I didn't stray off topic. sorry if I did!

/rant.