Being an outsider, the loneliness
Thoughts_Arrive
Posts: 15,165
Anyone here consider themselves an outsider?
Well I have recently come to realise I am one.
I've always struggled to make friends and when I had ''friends'' in my school years I never got invited out.
I had to always ask if I could come along which was embarrassing.
Same thing has happened at work recently, not being invited out by people I considered friends.
They talk about going out together clubbing (which I am not into) but they didn't care to ask if I want to come.
Perhaps they assume I wouldn't go because they know I don't like clubbing and RnB music.
The loneliness is unbearable.
People say, go out and make friends.
Well when I do I find everyone to be the same assholes and I cannot be bothered forming friendships with them.
Society where I live has become shit, everyone is violent, disrespectful, abuses alcohol, talks about shallow things, cares more for their iPhones and fake tans and muscles.
How will I find a future wife like this?
No girl wants to date a guy with one friend in his life, it creeps them out.
They will think I am some loser, which I kind of am.
But I am not some asshole, I just cannot find like minded people anywhere.
I feel I have hit rock bottom, my psychologist and managers at work are keeping a close eye on me as I have admitted to suicidal thoughts recently.
Especially with Christmas and New Year approaching, just makes me feel worse seeing everyone having fun.
Well I have recently come to realise I am one.
I've always struggled to make friends and when I had ''friends'' in my school years I never got invited out.
I had to always ask if I could come along which was embarrassing.
Same thing has happened at work recently, not being invited out by people I considered friends.
They talk about going out together clubbing (which I am not into) but they didn't care to ask if I want to come.
Perhaps they assume I wouldn't go because they know I don't like clubbing and RnB music.
The loneliness is unbearable.
People say, go out and make friends.
Well when I do I find everyone to be the same assholes and I cannot be bothered forming friendships with them.
Society where I live has become shit, everyone is violent, disrespectful, abuses alcohol, talks about shallow things, cares more for their iPhones and fake tans and muscles.
How will I find a future wife like this?
No girl wants to date a guy with one friend in his life, it creeps them out.
They will think I am some loser, which I kind of am.
But I am not some asshole, I just cannot find like minded people anywhere.
I feel I have hit rock bottom, my psychologist and managers at work are keeping a close eye on me as I have admitted to suicidal thoughts recently.
Especially with Christmas and New Year approaching, just makes me feel worse seeing everyone having fun.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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My nan used to say, "Friends are like diamonds precious and rare, false ones are like Autumn leaves found everywhere". It's true. It's hard when your not into what everyone else seems to be but who wants to be a sheep?
You never know what is around the corner my friend, No matter how cold the winter, there's a springtime ahead. Keep your chin up!
Adelaide 1998
Adelaide 2003
Adelaide 2006 night 1
Adelaide 2006 night 2
Adelaide 2009
Melbourne 2009
Christchurch NZ 2009
Eddie Vedder, Adelaide 2011
PJ20 USA 2011 night 1
PJ20 USA 2011 night 2
Adelaide BIG DAY OUT 2014
And always remember, it could always be worse. Don't let society bring you down. It used to bring me down. I am happier now that I don't let it bother me. Don't worry about things you cannot change.
Keep your head up, I don't even know who you are, but if you're a part of something as special as being a fan of Pearl Jam, and recognize how great this band is and how it can bring people together, you can't be that bad of a person...
Let this new year bring you new resolutions to be a better, happier person. Don't worry about what the others say.
Now throw on some PJ and KORITFW.....
2014: Moline, St. Paul, Milwaukee
2016: Greenville, SC, Fenway Night 1 & 2, Wrigley Night 1
If you don't like the people around you then you are better off alone (although if by your society you mean melbourne i have to say there are some pretty awesome people in melbourne). The trick is to realise that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely, none of us are 100% the person we want to be but learning to become someone we can like makes it a lot easier to be happy in our own company
Don't even entertain a suicidal thought. Fuck that. It is a permanent choice to a temporary problem. Think about how many people that have killed themselves were probably like"oh shit, what did I do?!" the moment there spirit left their body. I'd put my life on it that Kurt wishes he could go back and not pull that trigger. There's no gray area there. Once you've done it you're done and you're fucked. Well, I'm outta breath. Hang in there man and go out there and live!
Where do I go? With whom?
Thank you for your advice.
1. Travel.
2. Move somewhere you think you might find like minded people. The world is a big place, lots of different kinds of places and people. I guarantee you that you can find somebody, somewhere to connect with.
3. Go after your wildest dream. Any dream. If you feel like you're at rock bottom, what do you have to lose. Go abroad and teach English. Go for a masters degree in something that's always interested you. Become a skydiving instructor. Whatever.
4. Exercise. I don't mean the gym. I mean that's okay too, but I'm talking about something that you love doing. For me it's mountain biking, skiing, and surfing. These kinds of activities are good for the spirit and there is always a community of positive, upward looking folks to mingle with and befriend. Any kind of hobby or activity that you are passionate about is a good forum for meeting like minded people.
5. Pray
6. Do something crazy (I don't mean violent or destructive), make a drastic change, anything other than suicide. That is the worst possible choice anyone could ever make, the end of hope, a black hole. It only adds to the gloom in the world that you're describing. Find some light and move toward it. Hell mate, come to Lake Tahoe and hang out with me for a while. I'll be your friend.
Keep on keepin' on and let your light shine. Eventually some people are gonna take notice
THIS
What do you enjoy doing?
And don't be afraid to go places by yourself, i have met some amazing people when I have gone to gigs by myself
When I go gigs on my own which is rare it is hard to meet people, everyone is focused on the music.
Plus don't like going alone, not safe in the city anymore.
what else do you enjoy doing? Maybe take a class in something that interests you? Or get involved in a cause? If you feel lonely it is only going to be compounded by spending time alone at home
Nothing really, I am quite boring.
Music and that's about it.
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/
http://www.lifeline.org.au/
http://www.mensline.org.au/
http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
http://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/
I'm very sorry to hear that you've been having suicidal thoughts :(. Please reach out for support from your family and continue to talk to your psychologist and GP about your feelings. Some of the organisations listed above have phone numbers that you can call 24/7, so if you are having thoughts like this please contact them immediately.
Eddie Vedder Tribute Videos - Playlist
The EDvolution of Dance: youtu.be/-HtF3gRYHnE
eddievedderhallpass.tumblr.com
I cannot count on family, don't speak with some members and the rest don't care.
I have one friend, don't want to burden him with my shit, he has his own shit to deal with.
My parents don't know, I don't want them to, they don't get it.
Thanks for the advice.
I could go on and on about my own story but I'll just say this: I'm very lucky to be here, that's for sure. In retrospect, if I could go back to 1996 I would give myself these thoughts: 1) Give it time. 2) Do something different. 3) When you get out of the hospital somebody who cares and who has experienced great loneliest is going to send you a message that reads "I love you very much and at least understand what you are going through. I'm not in your shoes, but I wear mine and I believe I speak for the rest of the world: 'Life is hell. The earth burns, the air burns and the water is gasoline. You can't fight it. But you can go on.' You're cool, I'm cool. Cool". I'm not sure that makes total sense but the caring was very evident so I'll pass it along because it was from someone who was one of my tiny slivers of hope.
Try to find inner peace and gain strength from within..
Do you live close to the ocean? Can you walk along a shore and find strength from nature somehow.
Do you have a bike?
What do you think about joining an amateur acting curse or something like that?
Focus on yourself, be the best you can be !
Put all your effort on yourself and be your own best friend.
A big hug to you
(English is my second language so I apologize if it's lacking)
Do you play any instruments?
Try to make a difference in someone else's life.
one thing you should always remember: it's never as bad as you think. it really isn't. something better is always right around the corner.
chin up.
I was messed up in my head a decade ago. I started hiking. Then I did my first solo overnight trip. It was scary at first but it changed my life.
Don't rush into it. Baby steps as Doctor Leo Marvin would say.
If you are Aussie then try surfing. After doing it it i understand why surfers connect to the religious aspect of it.
If all else fails, get a NES and play some Metroid. :geek:
I would suggest seeking out all things spiritual. There I think you will find the connection that is so vital to human existence.
I felt that way my whole life. I was fortunate that I didnt face some of the things you do , BUT I used alcohol as a means of escape, comfort, courage you name it.
I have now been sober going on 8 years. First three years , really had only removed the booze. Still felt like shit. wasnt as kind to others as I could be, was HIGHLY JUDGEMENTAL of others and situations around me. Had gotten married and divorced in that first three years. Then I chose to try something different. Actually working and trying to apply the lessons I had learned in AA. In that , I found that I could feel the vital connection in nature. That my viewing an animal, pretty flower, etc, at that moment in time I WAS CONNECTED to this earth and everything in it. Peace was a result. Being present in the moment resulted in peace of mind body and soul. In time , real human connection was possible.
Look into support groups of the 12 step variety . see if there is something in your life that a particular program addresses.
quick search reveals this http://emotionsanonymous.org/
here is an online meeting to start http://eameeting.org/
Look into it. What do you have to lose but your current way of being? How well is it serving you?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Great advice. Getting outside ourselves and helping a cause that needs your help almost always puts things into perspective.
Seriously OP, loneliness and feeling sorry for oneself does nothing for one's peace and happiness. Especially this time of year, when giving of ourselves does wonders for the soul (and I'm not talking giving to a specific person who doesn't want our help). Give a toy for Toys for Tots. Volunteer for the Salvation Army. Look elsewhere and the loneliness and self victimization will be gone. Good luck, keep your head up.
Guitar, self taught, no maestro.
It is also the shame of having not many friends.
My family judge me for it and comment about it, it makes me feel like crap.
Last night I saw my friend for the first time in 2 months.
Saw him a month ago at his recital for his performance course, but couldn't talk properly.
He invited me over to hang out and chat and have a laugh which we did.
It helped me feel much better, plus I talked to my relatives overseas when I got home.
Plus got to also hang out with his partner and his brother which was cool.
My depression/anxiety makes me feel like my friend does not care for me and that we are drifting apart, but he was glad to see me last night and he was clowning around all night. It's my mind making me have these thoughts which are not true.
It's just that he is very busy and can't catch up with me like we used to years ago but when we catch up it's like nothing has changed.
Thank you, your English is fine.
I live not too far from the ocean.
My psychologist told me to go for walks as much as I can along the beach and to absorb the nature.
I done it twice last week, will aim to do it this weekend.
I have a bike and actually planned on cleaning it and getting it ready for some riding, my friend wants to go riding along the river near his house.
i think the majority of the people on here have gone through a similar experience. i hit rock bottom twice. once in 2010 and again here recently. both times i did what you did with this thread. i just posted and it was read by the strangers here. some of the strangers who reached out and replied to me became some of the best friends i have ever had. i have met most of them, but there are still some people on here that i haven't met that i still owe drinks because of what they did to help me through the shit. there are good people on here who have been through a lot in their lives. i see wisdom posted on these forums nearly every day. people are quick to give their advice and reach out to help.
you say you don't have a lot of friends, but look around you on this board. you are a part of this community. i don't know 99.99999% of people on this website, but we are united in our love for the music of this band. sure there are people on here that would probably never associate with a guy like me, and vice versa, but they reach out to offer help and support. i go on the moving train and fight with people on there, but at the end of the day, i like and respect every one of them because they are fans of this band, and we have that in common. look around, people care about you even though they do not know you. i was suicidal before. someone talked me off of the cliff. had that person not been there i don't know where i would be today.
just remember this. we can not control what happens to us. we can control how we react to it. we can choose to not let something hurt us. you can choose to make the decision that you are going to get through this shit and you are going to come out of this stronger, a better person, and you will know yourself better. never, ever, ever let someone make you feel bad enough that you consider suicide over living on. if nothing else, live on as a big fuck you to the people who have stepped on you. you are gonna get knocked down. but you choose to get up. it is not how many times you get knocked down, it is how many times you get up that counts.
you have to make the choice to get through all of this. this thing you are going through is not the end of the world. nothing is over until you decide it is. the only time something is really, truely lost is when you decide to give up. don't give up. reach out to people. talk to people. most times i think people suck, but there are a few out there who are amazing. choose to get through this. you have to perservere. you just have to. there is no other choice. no other option.
we are gonna fall hard. and fall often. just remember, it is not how hard you fall. it is how high you bounce. use this situation to make you a better person. don't do trendy shit because other people are doing it. be yourself. embrace your lonliness, embrace your individuality. most of the great art in the world came from people who feel like you do. you just need to work on your confidence. when bad things happen, we lose that sometimes. just stay confident and believe in yourself. this place is full of people like you and me. troubled souls. it is a whole army of troubled souls. but with these troubled souls in your corner, you can overcome anything.
bounce high, my man.
best of luck to you. you will get through this.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epRB03P1vvE
I know you
You were too short
You had bad skin
You couldn't talk to them very well
Words didn't seem to work
They lied when they came out of your mouth
You tried so hard to understand them
You wanted to be part of what was happening
You saw them having fun
And it seemed like such a mystery
Almost magic
Made you think that there was something wrong with you
You'd look in the mirror and try to find it
You thought that you were ugly
And that everyone was looking at you
So you learned to be invisible
To look down
To avoid conversation
The hours, days, weekends
Ah, the weekend nights alone
Where were you?
In the basement?
In the attic?
In your room?
Working some job - just to have something to do.
Just to have a place to put yourself
Just to have a way to get away from them
A chance to get away from the ones that made you feel
so strange and ill at ease inside yourself
Did you ever get invited to one of their parties?
You sat and wondered if you would go or not
For hours you imagined the scenarios that might transpire
They would laugh at you
If you would know what to do
If you'd have the right things on
If they would notice that you came from a different planet
Did you get all brave in your thoughts?
Like you were going to be able to go in there and deal with it
and have a great time.
Did you think that you might be the life of the party?
That all these people were gonna talk to you and you
would find out that you were wrong?
That you had a lot of friends and you weren't so
strange after all?
Did you end up going?
Did they mess with you?
Did they single you out?
Did you find out that you were invited because they
thought you were so weird?
Yeah, I think I know you
You spent a lot of time full of hate
A hate that was pure sunshine
A hate that saw for miles
A hate that kept you up at night
A hate that filled your every waking moment
A hate that carried you for a long time
Yes, I think I know you
You couldn't figure out what they saw in the way they lived
Home was not home
Your room was home
A corner was home
The place they weren't, that was home
I know you
You're sensitive and you hide it because you fear
getting stepped on one more time
It seems that when you show a part of yourself that is
the least bit vulnerable someone takes advantage of you
One of them steps on you
They mistake kindliness for weakness
But you know the difference
You've been the brunt of their weakness for years
And strength is something you know a bit about because
you had to be strong to keep yourself alive
You know yourself very well now
And you don't trust people
You know them too well
You try to find that special person
Someone you can be with
Someone you can touch
Someone you can talk to
Someone you don't feel so strange around
And you find that they don't really exist
You feel closer to people on movie screens
Yeah, I think I know you
You spend a lot of time daydreaming
And people have made comment to that effect
Telling you that you're self involved, and self centered
But they don't know, do they?
About the long night shifts alone
About the years of keeping yourself company
All the nights you wrapped your arms around yourself
so you could imagine someone holding you
The hours of indecision, self doubt
The intense depression
The blinding hate
The rage that made you stagger
The devastation of rejection
Well, maybe they do know
But if they do, they sure do a good job of hiding it
It astounds you how they can be so smooth
How they seem to pass through life as if life itself
was some divine gift
And it infuriates you to watch yourself with your
apparent skill at finding every way possible to screw it up
For you life is a long trip
Terrifying and wonderful
Birds sing to you at night
The rain and the sun the changing seasons are true friends
Solitude is a hard won ally, faithful and patient
Yeah, I think I know you
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
Music is the only thing that has kept me going.
My psychologist pretty much told me I am lonely because I choose not to be a sheep.
Too many people want to fit in and be cool by being fake and working on their vanity instead of their brain.
The thing that hurt me most is when my sister told me when we had a argument a few years ago "no wonder you don't have a girlfriend or any mates", not sure what she was referring to, but it's just the shame I am made to feel. She is a sheep anyways, always used to tell me "why don't you buy some nice shirts like all young guys your age wear, why don't you go gym and get muscles like guys have, why don't you use a solarium". Pretty much my whole life I have been made to feel bad about myself by family and people at work/school/frenemies.
wait... beach - australia
hhmmmm
they saw y'all have fish w/ big appetites... chomp chomp
by the way, you inspired me to start my own thread on my issues & whatnot. thank you for helping me have the courage to hit submit
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I already did university, not going back. Maybe a short course music related.
I was trying to clean my bike chain just before and it slipped off the cogs and now I cannot get it back on grrr, how the heck am I going to go bike riding now. :( I am not good with fixing things.
Didn't think I'd inspire people here, thank you.
I liked that, even better it has NIN A Warm Place which is one of my favourite instrumentals.
Thank you.