Being an outsider, the loneliness

Thoughts_Arrive

Anyone here consider themselves an outsider?
Well I have recently come to realise I am one.
I've always struggled to make friends and when I had ''friends'' in my school years I never got invited out.
I had to always ask if I could come along which was embarrassing.

Same thing has happened at work recently, not being invited out by people I considered friends.
They talk about going out together clubbing (which I am not into) but they didn't care to ask if I want to come.
Perhaps they assume I wouldn't go because they know I don't like clubbing and RnB music.

The loneliness is unbearable.
People say, go out and make friends.
Well when I do I find everyone to be the same assholes and I cannot be bothered forming friendships with them.
Society where I live has become shit, everyone is violent, disrespectful, abuses alcohol, talks about shallow things, cares more for their iPhones and fake tans and muscles.

How will I find a future wife like this?
No girl wants to date a guy with one friend in his life, it creeps them out.
They will think I am some loser, which I kind of am.
But I am not some asshole, I just cannot find like minded people anywhere.

I feel I have hit rock bottom, my psychologist and managers at work are keeping a close eye on me as I have admitted to suicidal thoughts recently.
Especially with Christmas and New Year approaching, just makes me feel worse seeing everyone having fun.

Loulou

I'm really sorry that your feeling so low. If it's any consolation, my hubby doesn't talk to his family or have any close friends and he's the love of my life. if a girl doesn't like you because your a superficial twat, she's not worth it anyway.
My nan used to say, "Friends are like diamonds precious and rare, false ones are like Autumn leaves found everywhere". It's true. It's hard when your not into what everyone else seems to be but who wants to be a sheep? your uniqueness is what makes you special, anyone that doesn't want to be your friend because of that just isn't intelligent enough to have open mind to anything outside of the box. Ignore them.
You never know what is around the corner my friend, No matter how cold the winter, there's a springtime ahead. Keep your chin up!

asaters

You're never alone in your thoughts of being alone and feeling lonely.
And always remember, it could always be worse. Don't let society bring you down. It used to bring me down. I am happier now that I don't let it bother me. Don't worry about things you cannot change.

Keep your head up, I don't even know who you are, but if you're a part of something as special as being a fan of Pearl Jam, and recognize how great this band is and how it can bring people together, you can't be that bad of a person...

Let this new year bring you new resolutions to be a better, happier person. Don't worry about what the others say.

Now throw on some PJ and KORITFW.....

your move now

I'm not meaning to be unsympathetic, and I know it isn't as simple as choosing to be happy, but I assume there are things that make you happy? So those are the things you should be doing/concentrating on, or if necessary meeting people through.
If you don't like the people around you then you are better off alone (although if by your society you mean melbourne i have to say there are some pretty awesome people in melbourne). The trick is to realise that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely, none of us are 100% the person we want to be but learning to become someone we can like makes it a lot easier to be happy in our own company

Jason78

Dude, everything is gonna be okay. As stated before, focus on the things you love doing and that make you happy and open yourself up to people that feel likewise. You gotta put yourself out there. But also don't close yourself off from those that are different from you. I'm in the Air Force and not exactly surrounded by people that have the same interests. I am a chef/welder and most people thing I'm a "manly man" with a good head on his shoulders but much of the time I feel very lonely, depressed, at times suicidal for similar reasons. I've been called "good looking" and manage to date girls fairly easily but it usually goes to crap because yes our society is going to the dogs. Meaning; I'm not one of those Facebook self celebrity types. People that concern themselves with surface bullshit. I'm in to getting to to know the real person and that scares many people especially in todays anti social society. The "funny", "interesting" thing wears off after a while and I think most people are very guarded…at least by the time you reach your 30's. So anyway….tangent!
Don't even entertain a suicidal thought. Fuck that. It is a permanent choice to a temporary problem. Think about how many people that have killed themselves were probably like"oh shit, what did I do?!" the moment there spirit left their body. I'd put my life on it that Kurt wishes he could go back and not pull that trigger. There's no gray area there. Once you've done it you're done and you're fucked. Well, I'm outta breath. Hang in there man and go out there and live!

Thoughts_Arrive

I don't know how to "put myself out there".
Where do I go? With whom?
Thank you for your advice.

bilaboy

I have a few suggestions.

1. Travel.
2. Move somewhere you think you might find like minded people. The world is a big place, lots of different kinds of places and people. I guarantee you that you can find somebody, somewhere to connect with.
3. Go after your wildest dream. Any dream. If you feel like you're at rock bottom, what do you have to lose. Go abroad and teach English. Go for a masters degree in something that's always interested you. Become a skydiving instructor. Whatever.
4. Exercise. I don't mean the gym. I mean that's okay too, but I'm talking about something that you love doing. For me it's mountain biking, skiing, and surfing. These kinds of activities are good for the spirit and there is always a community of positive, upward looking folks to mingle with and befriend. Any kind of hobby or activity that you are passionate about is a good forum for meeting like minded people.
5. Pray
6. Do something crazy (I don't mean violent or destructive), make a drastic change, anything other than suicide. That is the worst possible choice anyone could ever make, the end of hope, a black hole. It only adds to the gloom in the world that you're describing. Find some light and move toward it. Hell mate, come to Lake Tahoe and hang out with me for a while. I'll be your friend.

Keep on keepin' on and let your light shine. Eventually some people are gonna take notice

Jason78

bilaboy wrote:

I have a few suggestions.

1. Travel.
2. Move somewhere you think you might find like minded people. The world is a big place, lots of different kinds of places and people. I guarantee you that you can find somebody, somewhere to connect with.
3. Go after your wildest dream. Any dream. If you feel like you're at rock bottom, what do you have to lose. Go abroad and teach English. Go for a masters degree in something that's always interested you. Become a skydiving instructor. Whatever.
4. Exercise. I don't mean the gym. I mean that's okay too, but I'm talking about something that you love doing. For me it's mountain biking, skiing, and surfing. These kinds of activities are good for the spirit and there is always a community of positive, upward looking folks to mingle with and befriend. Any kind of hobby or activity that you are passionate about is a good forum for meeting like minded people.
5. Pray
6. Do something crazy (I don't mean violent or destructive), make a drastic change, anything other than suicide. That is the worst possible choice anyone could ever make, the end of hope, a black hole. It only adds to the gloom in the world that you're describing. Find some light and move toward it. Hell mate, come to Lake Tahoe and hang out with me for a while. I'll be your friend.

Keep on keepin' on and let your light shine. Eventually some people are gonna take notice

THIS

your move now

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I don't know how to "put myself out there".
Where do I go? With whom?
Thank you for your advice.

What do you enjoy doing?

And don't be afraid to go places by yourself, i have met some amazing people when I have gone to gigs by myself

Thoughts_Arrive

your move now wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I don't know how to "put myself out there".
Where do I go? With whom?
Thank you for your advice.

What do you enjoy doing?

And don't be afraid to go places by yourself, i have met some amazing people when I have gone to gigs by myself

When I go gigs on my own which is rare it is hard to meet people, everyone is focused on the music.
Plus don't like going alone, not safe in the city anymore.

your move now

fair enough maybe you have to be more open and approachable?

what else do you enjoy doing? Maybe take a class in something that interests you? Or get involved in a cause? If you feel lonely it is only going to be compounded by spending time alone at home

Thoughts_Arrive

your move now wrote:

fair enough maybe you have to be more open and approachable?

what else do you enjoy doing? Maybe take a class in something that interests you? Or get involved in a cause? If you feel lonely it is only going to be compounded by spending time alone at home

Nothing really, I am quite boring.
Music and that's about it.

-Emma-

Thoughts_Arrive, have you tried called organisations like the following for help?

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

http://www.lifeline.org.au/

http://www.mensline.org.au/

http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

http://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

I'm very sorry to hear that you've been having suicidal thoughts :(. Please reach out for support from your family and continue to talk to your psychologist and GP about your feelings. Some of the organisations listed above have phone numbers that you can call 24/7, so if you are having thoughts like this please contact them immediately.

Thoughts_Arrive

I spend $195 almost weekly now seeing a psych, none of those sites can rebuild my life, not even my psych can, he can just help me cope.
I cannot count on family, don't speak with some members and the rest don't care.
I have one friend, don't want to burden him with my shit, he has his own shit to deal with.
My parents don't know, I don't want them to, they don't get it.
Thanks for the advice.

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive, your story reads so very familiar. Rock bottom sucks big time. But I don't imagine you to be without hope. I've known a few people who were like bottomless pits. One of them wanted to drink herself to death and succeeded. The other one is an extended family member who has gone missing and we are fairly certain she is dead as well. The one thing these two people had in common and that you do not have in common is that they never really tried to find their way out. Your post here would have been a major step for either of these two people. The things is, we knew that to have even a chance of finding their way they had to make that first step. You can't do that for someone. So kudos to you for reaching out, Thoughts, and for doing so in a good place. There are lots of good people here. I always suspected that just from logging on here and then I met some of them at a PJ show and I was right- there are some really fine people here.

I could go on and on about my own story but I'll just say this: I'm very lucky to be here, that's for sure. In retrospect, if I could go back to 1996 I would give myself these thoughts: 1) Give it time. 2) Do something different. 3) When you get out of the hospital somebody who cares and who has experienced great loneliest is going to send you a message that reads "I love you very much and at least understand what you are going through. I'm not in your shoes, but I wear mine and I believe I speak for the rest of the world: 'Life is hell. The earth burns, the air burns and the water is gasoline. You can't fight it. But you can go on.' You're cool, I'm cool. Cool". I'm not sure that makes total sense but the caring was very evident so I'll pass it along because it was from someone who was one of my tiny slivers of hope.

Annafalk

I think you seem very normal, many people are lonely.
Try to find inner peace and gain strength from within..
Do you live close to the ocean? Can you walk along a shore and find strength from nature somehow.
Do you have a bike?
What do you think about joining an amateur acting curse or something like that?
Focus on yourself, be the best you can be !
Put all your effort on yourself and be your own best friend.

A big hug to you

(English is my second language so I apologize if it's lacking)

JonnyPistachio

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

your move now wrote:

fair enough maybe you have to be more open and approachable?

what else do you enjoy doing? Maybe take a class in something that interests you? Or get involved in a cause? If you feel lonely it is only going to be compounded by spending time alone at home

Nothing really, I am quite boring.
Music and that's about it.

Do you play any instruments?

stuckinline

Don't focus on you, help someone else. Surely there is an organization near you that could use your time or money. If you don't like to interact with people, "adopt" a child for the holidays.

Try to make a difference in someone else's life.

The Juggler

hang in there buddy. plenty of people here like you.

one thing you should always remember: it's never as bad as you think. it really isn't. something better is always right around the corner.


chin up.

Jason P

Start hiking and camping out. Seriously.

I was messed up in my head a decade ago. I started hiking. Then I did my first solo overnight trip. It was scary at first but it changed my life.

Don't rush into it. Baby steps as Doctor Leo Marvin would say.

If you are Aussie then try surfing. After doing it it i understand why surfers connect to the religious aspect of it.

If all else fails, get a NES and play some Metroid. :geek:

mickeyrat

comin gto this realization is a good thing. You are on the road to acceptance of it. From there it is becoming okay with this fact of your life. At some point , if you allow yourself to, you will begin to redirect your focus on simple things in life that bring joy and a sense of connection and away from the misery of morbid reflection on what you dont have that others SEEM to have.

I would suggest seeking out all things spiritual. There I think you will find the connection that is so vital to human existence.


I felt that way my whole life. I was fortunate that I didnt face some of the things you do , BUT I used alcohol as a means of escape, comfort, courage you name it.

I have now been sober going on 8 years. First three years , really had only removed the booze. Still felt like shit. wasnt as kind to others as I could be, was HIGHLY JUDGEMENTAL of others and situations around me. Had gotten married and divorced in that first three years. Then I chose to try something different. Actually working and trying to apply the lessons I had learned in AA. In that , I found that I could feel the vital connection in nature. That my viewing an animal, pretty flower, etc, at that moment in time I WAS CONNECTED to this earth and everything in it. Peace was a result. Being present in the moment resulted in peace of mind body and soul. In time , real human connection was possible.

Look into support groups of the 12 step variety . see if there is something in your life that a particular program addresses.

quick search reveals this http://emotionsanonymous.org/

here is an online meeting to start http://eameeting.org/

Look into it. What do you have to lose but your current way of being? How well is it serving you?