Chained and silenced
Aafke
Posts: 1,219
Chained and silenced
Chained not only to the bed…,
Connected not only to the needle …,
But shackled to the silence…,
Not allowed to speak…
Not allowed to feel…
Wanna cry out for help
But no one listens
Learning quickly to shut up…
Trying to be brave…
Fleeing in my mind, fleeing in fantasy…
Trying to feel nothing to survive…
Building up walls to hide my feelings inside…
Wanna cry out for help
But who cares?
Behind the walls I survived
Always on the lookout…anxious
How do they expect me to act…
Faking what they wanna see…
But damaged … inside and outside.
Wanna cry out for help
But don’t know how anymore
Frightened, angry and sad…
No one sees cause I won’t let them…
Always pretending… to be strong and independent…
But fragile, lonely and broken …
I stay behind… so lonely
Wanna cry out for help
But imprisoned behind the walls,
There is no escape…
See trough the tough mask…
See the pain…see the fear…
Hear the cry…
Please, listen to me this one time
Speak out for me because I can’t any more
Wanna cry out for help
But no one listens
Wanna cry out for help
But who cares?
Wanna cry out for help
But don’t know how anymore
Wanna cry out for help
But imprisoned behind the walls,
There is no escape…
Help me to help myself…
Help me… cry out
Chained not only to the bed…,
Connected not only to the needle …,
But shackled to the silence…,
Not allowed to speak…
Not allowed to feel…
Wanna cry out for help
But no one listens
Learning quickly to shut up…
Trying to be brave…
Fleeing in my mind, fleeing in fantasy…
Trying to feel nothing to survive…
Building up walls to hide my feelings inside…
Wanna cry out for help
But who cares?
Behind the walls I survived
Always on the lookout…anxious
How do they expect me to act…
Faking what they wanna see…
But damaged … inside and outside.
Wanna cry out for help
But don’t know how anymore
Frightened, angry and sad…
No one sees cause I won’t let them…
Always pretending… to be strong and independent…
But fragile, lonely and broken …
I stay behind… so lonely
Wanna cry out for help
But imprisoned behind the walls,
There is no escape…
See trough the tough mask…
See the pain…see the fear…
Hear the cry…
Please, listen to me this one time
Speak out for me because I can’t any more
Wanna cry out for help
But no one listens
Wanna cry out for help
But who cares?
Wanna cry out for help
But don’t know how anymore
Wanna cry out for help
But imprisoned behind the walls,
There is no escape…
Help me to help myself…
Help me… cry out
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
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"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
Connected with pain
Connected not only to the needle
Chained not only to the bed
By force interwoven with silence
Shackled onto loneliness
Melted with fear
Integrated with incomprehension
Cry out for help
But no one listens
No one cares
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Blind
Running for my first photo gig
Out of breath, black spots in my sight
Became black clouds, bleedings in my eyes
Clouding my view
I saw it happening in my eyes
I saw, I saw… I was going blind
And there was nothing I could do to stop it
The doctors confirmed my fear
Shooting lasers in my eyes to slow the process down
Treatment after treatment, operation after operation
But the damage done was irreversible
I saw it happening in my eyes
I saw, I saw… I was going blind
And there was nothing I could do to stop it
Wasn’t able to work no more
Being focused on my sight
Couldn’t handle being confronted with my loss, time after time
But by making art… I feel
I saw it happening in my eyes
I saw, I saw … I was going blind
And there was nothing I could do to stop it
Fear, panic, despair, hopeless and furious
It all grew in me while treatments failed
Couldn’t handle it, overwhelming as it where
Terrified off losing myself….Suicide? Yes
I saw it happening in my eyes
I saw, I saw… I was going blind
And there was nothing I could do to stop it
In despair making up my mind
Stop feeling or go down
Trying to survive, grabbing onto live
Pulling my feeling deep inside vaulted behind bars
I saw it happening in my eyes
I saw, I saw… I was going blind
And there was nothing I could do to stop it
Survive, survive, survive…
All of this to survive…
Not to become totally insane and show the emotional storm inside
I Threw away the key of that prison
I saw it happening in my eyes
I saw, I saw… I was going blind
And there was nothing I could do to stop it
Still alive, still able to see a fraction of what I used to see
Feelings firmly locked behind bars
Amazing fear is what has remained
But feeling is healing…my art using as crowbar,
I begin to feel again, I begin to live again
I saw it happening in my eyes
I saw, I saw… I was going blind
And there was nothing I could do to stop it
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Always looking for a balance…
Always on the edge…
Scared…
Frightened…
Depending on a needle….
Dependent of that shot…
Not by choice,
but out of pure necessity…
Shooting too little…
Going out…
Shooting too much…
Conscious is also lost…
I can’t feel it coming until it’s too late…
Now I am on my own again…
It’s scaring…
Because I can’t feel it until it’s too late…
Depending on my boys, if I go out…
But it’s not their responsibility…
It's not theirs, it’s mine…
So I act strong and independent…
Until I lose conscious again…
The sirens scream…
Needles put into place…
Slowly I regain conscious…
But when they’re not around…
I am lost….
I can’t cry out any more…
Slipping in and out of conscious…
Unable to speak…
Unable to move…
Feeling so helpless, so scared…
Knowing that I can die out here…
Knowing that I did depend too much on my ex…
Help me to stay alive…
Now that help is gone….
I have to do it on my own…
Conscious is lost again…
I have to move ….
I have to find help…
Unable to move…
I lay helpless on the floor…
I have to cry out…
But I can only softly moan …
I have to...
I have...
I...
Out I go again…
Why can’t I be free?
FUCKING DISEASE!
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
This little snow fox shows how I felt when I made it...
But he can show his madness, while the spectators don't show any sign of emotions...
Well who is behind the bars?
Who's more imprisoned?
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Pretty much sums up how I feel right now.
Thank you, very well written.
Without darkness there will be no light...
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Maybe temporary relief is a start?
Out of my own experience I know how difficult it is, to share the storm of emotions with flowed inside my head. It looked like more easy to play the role off a strong and independent person. But by hiding my true feelings to myself, I became more lonely and isolated.
I believe it's not healthy to keep all your problems to yourself. It's like building up a dam inside your own head. But as with a real dam in a river, the water (emotions) are building up behind that dam, become more and more powerful. I believe it's more healthy to flow along with the water (emotions) in that river. The water takes the lighter obstacles with the flow and changes it's course when the obstacles are to heavy. I believe that damming this flow takes a lot more power than flowing with it. By damming it you become estranged from yourself, and the fear is given room to grow.
How you choose to express your emotions is entirely up to what feels fit for you. For me it's writing and making it visually. Sharing these kind of emotions is in my opinion not weakness, but strength. It takes a lot of courage to show your weakness and fragility. But feeling is healing....
This one is called: Many faces
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
A conflicted person, someone with many thoughts and feelings.
Nice one...
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Nice one...
"The selfish they're all standing in line. Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time"......
The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrows denied....
All the innocents broken with lies.....
gotta dedicate a song to this one, I am mine.
I am so fucking glad I left it behind, am working it out...to be mine.
Aafke, "Speaks for itself" is a masterpiece....I want that one, consider me to care for it and appreciate it forever. Would you part with it?
:-O =D>
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
So fuck off, I'll do it my way.
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
LOST
Hidden in a corner
Seeking for myself
Lost
My tears
Can't cry
Lost my feelings
Estranged
Not lonely
Running away
From myself
My feelings
So intense
Imprisoned
My sadness
Suffocated
Lost
Ascending
With them
The feelings
Die
Loosing
I'm no longer me
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Like this Dying Dancer...
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
It's now called Clouded View...
I think it's an improvement this way, but I would love to hear your feedback on it...So please let me know...
Clouded view
Out of breath, black spots in my eyes
Became red clouds
Swirling around in sight
Clouding my focus…clouding my view
Red strings swirl in sight
Clouded view
Out goes the light…
Doctors confirm the fear
Shooting lasers, treatment after treatment
Operation after operation
But the damage done is irreversible
Red strings swirl in sight
Clouded view
Out goes the light…
Wasn't able to work
Couldn't handle being confronted
Being focused on my sight
By making art… feelings were dealt with
Red strings swirl in sight
Clouded view
Out goes the light…
Fear, panic, despair, hopeless and furious
While treatments failed
Couldn't handle it
Terrified off losing….Suicide? Yes!
Red strings swirl in sight
Clouded view
Out goes the light…
In despair…
Stop feeling... or go down
Try to survive, grabbing onto live
Feelings deep inside vaulted behind bars
Red strings swirl in sight
Clouded view
Out goes the light…
Survive, survive, survive…
All of this to survive…
The emotional storm hidden inside
Thrown away the prison key
Cause what is there to see?
Red strings swirl in sight
Clouded view
Out goes the light…
Still Alive, in loss of all depth
Amazing fear is what remained
But feeling is healing…art using as crowbar,
I begin to feel again, I begin to live again
Red strings swirl in sight
Clouded view
Out goes the light…
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Always on the lookout
Always insecure
Always expecting bad things to happen
Always fucking up
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy
Why do I find it so difficult to break this chain?
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Always on the side
Observing
Always in hiding
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee