Retaeh Parsons

Hugh Freaking Dillon

Jeanwah wrote:

Agonizing decision, perhaps, but a quick one, you can't deny that. I don't know the logistics of this particular case, but victims don't weigh their options for weeks or months it seems, it's pretty decided and done rather quickly, like a couple days it seems. To me, that's a casual and not clear minded, long thought about decision. A quick way out.

Listen, I'm not here to argue with you. But there's a thing to be said about resilience. We need to teach our kids that no matter what anyone says or does to them, they have the power of rising above it. That photo or video you reference? Only the kids themselves allow the evidence to tear them apart - yes, it's damaging, but you don't allow another person to win. You don't allow them to drive you to suicide!!! These kids have power, power that they don't use or know how to. They don't have coping skills. That's where we come in.

You think you are scared about your daughters, I have a daughter with Down syndrome - talk about a reason to bully, bullies take refuge on the ones who can't protect themselves. That's why we need to teach them how to. I'm scared shitless of her being tormented, ever. But she knows that if someone says something mean to her, she knows to ignore it, to not let them get the best of her. I drive that into her every single day. And my girl has confidence to stand up for herself. At least until I have to step in, God forbid.

I know Jean, I'm just trying to say a teenager rising above and not letting the bullies win is something some adults have a hard time practicing (I deal with it at work and it's fucking stressful), and couple that with the fact that times have changed technology-wise and it's uncharted territory for kids and parents. that's all.

pandora

Just not true to blame parents and say they must not be supportive. I had loving family
and much support when I considered suicide.
For me what happened was depression and a feeling of being trapped.
I was mostly disappointed in myself and ashamed for feeling as I did.
I couldn't forgive myself for my mistakes. It's possible this is how this young girl felt,
except she was not 35 and able to see beyond that terrible place she was.

josevolution

The only parents i blame are the boy's parents , i have a 19yr old son and i can tell you with out a doubt in my mind my kid would never be part of anything like this ..Why am i so sure because me and him have an open channel of communication there is no out of bound topics i've taught him that everysingle human being should be treated with respect and compassion specially the girls he comes in contact with and that NO MEANS FUCKING NO .........

Jeanwah

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

Jeanwah wrote:

Agonizing decision, perhaps, but a quick one, you can't deny that. I don't know the logistics of this particular case, but victims don't weigh their options for weeks or months it seems, it's pretty decided and done rather quickly, like a couple days it seems. To me, that's a casual and not clear minded, long thought about decision. A quick way out.

Listen, I'm not here to argue with you. But there's a thing to be said about resilience. We need to teach our kids that no matter what anyone says or does to them, they have the power of rising above it. That photo or video you reference? Only the kids themselves allow the evidence to tear them apart - yes, it's damaging, but you don't allow another person to win. You don't allow them to drive you to suicide!!! These kids have power, power that they don't use or know how to. They don't have coping skills. That's where we come in.

You think you are scared about your daughters, I have a daughter with Down syndrome - talk about a reason to bully, bullies take refuge on the ones who can't protect themselves. That's why we need to teach them how to. I'm scared shitless of her being tormented, ever. But she knows that if someone says something mean to her, she knows to ignore it, to not let them get the best of her. I drive that into her every single day. And my girl has confidence to stand up for herself. At least until I have to step in, God forbid.

I know Jean, I'm just trying to say a teenager rising above and not letting the bullies win is something some adults have a hard time practicing (I deal with it at work and it's fucking stressful), and couple that with the fact that times have changed technology-wise and it's uncharted territory for kids and parents. that's all.

You lost me on the bolded part. ? What are some adults doing?

brianlux

Teen suicide has been a problem for a long time. In this world, in our society, with us lacking proper initiation rituals, it is very difficult being a teen. But now, so much more so with increased violence, rape and bullying. I went through my teens in the 60's and teen suicide was a concern then but there was far less violence. Gang rape was extremely rare. The world is becoming more violent. A shit storm of trouble is brewing. It's ancient Rome all over again. Maybe worse. What a sad state of affairs.

polaris_x

i'm not sure i would say the bullies win ... as much as i hold a significant amount of disdain for the youths that violated her - i hope they didn't think she would end up like this ...

either way - they are screwed ... anonymous is not gonna sit idly by if they get off ...

the other people to consider are the people who choose to do nothing ... the kids who saw her raped ... the kids who abandoned her ... the kids who ridiculed her ... i hope they develop a conscience ...

Jeanwah

brianlux wrote:

Teen suicide has been a problem for a long time. In this world, in our society, with us lacking proper initiation rituals, it is very difficult being a teen. But now, so much more so with increased violence, rape and bullying. I went through my teens in the 60's and teen suicide was a concern then but there was far less violence. Gang rape was extremely rare. The world is becoming more violent. A shit storm of trouble is brewing. It's ancient Rome all over again. Maybe worse. What a sad state of affairs.

Granted, there is no news but bad news. But I am not a cynical person, much unlike the majority on AMT. It's our outlook on life that dictates our life. Take that from someone who lived in a wheelchair with severely broken femurs and a dead right hand for a year. Yes, it is a more violent world, that's a fact. But dropping ourselves in a sweeping bucket of cynicism and killing ourselves is certainly not the answer. Rising above, overcoming, and making it through the difficult teen years is the answer if one insists on not living in a depressed society, NOT withering within ourselves in a heap of despair and suicide. That's not a way to live. Sorry.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

Jeanwah wrote:

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

Jeanwah wrote:

Agonizing decision, perhaps, but a quick one, you can't deny that. I don't know the logistics of this particular case, but victims don't weigh their options for weeks or months it seems, it's pretty decided and done rather quickly, like a couple days it seems. To me, that's a casual and not clear minded, long thought about decision. A quick way out.

Listen, I'm not here to argue with you. But there's a thing to be said about resilience. We need to teach our kids that no matter what anyone says or does to them, they have the power of rising above it. That photo or video you reference? Only the kids themselves allow the evidence to tear them apart - yes, it's damaging, but you don't allow another person to win. You don't allow them to drive you to suicide!!! These kids have power, power that they don't use or know how to. They don't have coping skills. That's where we come in.

You think you are scared about your daughters, I have a daughter with Down syndrome - talk about a reason to bully, bullies take refuge on the ones who can't protect themselves. That's why we need to teach them how to. I'm scared shitless of her being tormented, ever. But she knows that if someone says something mean to her, she knows to ignore it, to not let them get the best of her. I drive that into her every single day. And my girl has confidence to stand up for herself. At least until I have to step in, God forbid.

I know Jean, I'm just trying to say a teenager rising above and not letting the bullies win is something some adults have a hard time practicing (I deal with it at work and it's fucking stressful), and couple that with the fact that times have changed technology-wise and it's uncharted territory for kids and parents. that's all.

You lost me on the bolded part. ? What are some adults doing?

I meant to say "something EVEN some adults have a hard time practicing".

Thirty Bills Unpaid

The social medias have made kids too accessible.

Back in my day, if someone thought I was a dick... that's all they could do. They couldn't post it on facebook and get 25 likes supporting the comment. The dial phone made it too cumbersome to try and spread the idea that someone was a loser or a whore... so people rarely made the efforts.

Girls' mentalities have remained somewhat the same. They took pictures of themselves naked as well back in my day... but it was with a polaroid and those didn't photocopy very well. Not everyone had a polaroid either to take the pictures. You couldn't take pictures with the regular cameras because you had to take your film to the shop to have the pictures developed. The damage was minimal in terms of publication and viewing- let alone the rampant commenting and everlasting stigma that naive girls tend to receive after erroneously trusting a male and making a poor decision.

The tools teens and adolescents have at their disposal now are beyond their coping mechanisms. Parenting skills need work to in this changing world- we cannot parent the same way our parents did: it's a different world. We are right in the midst of a changing world and everybody is trying to figure out how to deal with it. Until we do... we need to teach our kids to like and love each other. Respect and forgiveness must be the key things taught from day one.

Jeanwah

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

Jeawah wrote:

You lost me on the bolded part. ? What are some adults doing?

I meant to say "something EVEN some adults have a hard time practicing".

Oh yeah, adult bullies in the work place are everywhere. But as adults, we seemingly deal with these insecure bullies quite differently than we do as teens. They're annoying as he'll, but we're mature enough to know that an office bully doesn't equate to being dramatic enough to ending our lives over it.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

Jeanwah wrote:

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

Jeawah wrote:

You lost me on the bolded part. ? What are some adults doing?

I meant to say "something EVEN some adults have a hard time practicing".

Oh yeah, adult bullies in the work place are everywhere. But as adults, we seemingly deal with these insecure bullies quite differently than we do as teens. They're annoying as he'll, but we're mature enough to know that an office bully doesn't equate to being dramatic enough to ending our lives over it.

no, we don't, but my point was that even as adults it can be incredibly stressful and distressing, so being a teen you would have to multiply that by 100. for a while I dreaded going to work, was even close to tears in my cube a few times. finally the inept management where I work actually stepped in and did something about it, so for now it's ok.

I just don't think it's anyone's place to judge this girl for the choice she made. she obviously felt that her life was at a point of no return. it's incredibly sad, but it's not unusual. I've known quite a few people who have done this, and it never gets easier. you wish they could have seen the world as a better place and would still be with us, but they didn't feel that way. a guy I went to school with did himself in by TRAIN a couple years back. he laid down on the fucking railroad tracks-how awful is that, not just for him and his family, but to put the engineer in that position of being traumatized for life over it-that's how irrational these people are thinking at the time they do this.

brianlux

Jeanwah wrote:

brianlux wrote:

Teen suicide has been a problem for a long time. In this world, in our society, with us lacking proper initiation rituals, it is very difficult being a teen. But now, so much more so with increased violence, rape and bullying. I went through my teens in the 60's and teen suicide was a concern then but there was far less violence. Gang rape was extremely rare. The world is becoming more violent. A shit storm of trouble is brewing. It's ancient Rome all over again. Maybe worse. What a sad state of affairs.

Granted, there is no news but bad news. But I am not a cynical person, much unlike the majority on AMT. It's our outlook on life that dictates our life. Take that from someone who lived in a wheelchair with severely broken femurs and a dead right hand for a year. Yes, it is a more violent world, that's a fact. But dropping ourselves in a sweeping bucket of cynicism and killing ourselves is certainly not the answer. Rising above, overcoming, and making it through the difficult teen years is the answer if one insists on not living in a depressed society, NOT withering within ourselves in a heap of despair and suicide. That's not a way to live. Sorry.

I get what your say, Jeanwah. My outlook is usually pretty good but some days more than others I need reminders like yours here. Too much news will taint ones outlook.

But my weekend just started so there is absolutely no need for adjusting of my screen right now.

hedonist

brianlux wrote:

Jeanwah wrote:

It's our outlook on life that dictates our life.

I get what your say, Jeanwah. My outlook is usually pretty good but some days more than others I need reminders like yours here. Too much news will taint ones outlook.

But my weekend just started so there is absolutely no need for adjusting of my screen right now.

I'm with you both on your points, and yes, that reminder is necessary (and brought a smile).

HFD, I'm glad the work situation has eased up. I think I've become spoiled by having worked with people who just...get it. No mindfucks or games.

(although one woman who used to work under me claimed to management - several times - that I was the devil. Fun times)

*edit - guess I should clarify on the bolded part, that I think our outlook dictates how we handle our life.

mysticweed

here's another one
so far these guys are looking at sexual battery but no charges so far

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04 ... icide?lite

Three boys accused of sexually assaulting a 15-year-old California girl who took her own life after pictures of the attack were posted online are due in court this week, as authorities ramp up their investigation into the latest case involving rape and cyber bullying.
NBC Bay Area reported that three 16-year-olds from Saratoga, a town about 30,000 that is 13 miles west of San Jose, were arrested last week in connection with the September, 2012, sexual assault of Audrie Pott.
Pott, 15, hanged herself eight days after the alleged assault, apparently despondent after photos of the attack were posted online and shared amongst classmates at Saratoga High School.

"We're talking about, other than murdering someone, the highest degree of a crime you could possibly do, which is to violate them in the worst of ways ... and then to effectively rub her face in it afterwards," Robert Allard, the attorney representing the girl's mother, father and step-mother, told the Associated Press on Friday.
Allard said Pott was intoxicated and unconscious when the assault occurred, and that "there were multiple boys in the room with her."

even flow - question mark

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scot ... rests.html

polaris_x

this new law in NS is pretty aggressive ... you can actually sue parents of kids who cyber-bully ... lots of grey area ...

lukin2006

The 1 law that must change in Canada is this bullshit that the media can not identify these offenders if they are under 18. I can understand not identifying them until they are convicted, but once they are convicted or plea they should be identified.

even flow - question mark

polaris_x wrote:

this new law in NS is pretty aggressive ... you can actually sue parents of kids who cyber-bully ... lots of grey area ...

Just to pick at one specific point. If you as a parent have not taught your son (in this case) that knocking out a chick with booze, and whatever else, having your way with her, videoing, taking pictures and sending them all over the world via the internet IS WRONG. Well you deserve what is coming down the turn pike.

and please no "boys will be boys" excuses.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

The authorities are concerned for vigilantism.

This case bugs the hell out of me. We need to treat our women better and to be frank, as much as some might hate what I am about to say, perhaps a few severe beatings might make some young males watch their conduct a little more closely.

"Hey, everybody makes mistakes" type justice has no effect at all. People are great at being sorry- so much so that being sorry is cheap nowadays. It's getting tough to tell who truly is sorry for their acts and who's saying it to get out of responsibility for their acts.

Raping and tormenting a young woman to the point where she takes her life? Yeah... you need a beating.

even flow - question mark

lukin2006 wrote:

The 1 law that must change in Canada is this bullshit that the media can not identify these offenders if they are under 18. I can understand not identifying them until they are convicted, but once they are convicted or plea they should be identified.

That is the 2nd law that must change. The first is the young offenders act.