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Sloppy Poems & Other Senseless Banter Barely Worthy of a...

JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
edited July 2013 in All Encompassing Trip
As some of you know, I'm testing the self-publishing world with my poems/short stories. I'd love some honest feedback.
My new book is called: Sloppy Poems & Other Senseless Banter Barely Worthy of a Bar Napkin.

I hope to offend some of you, cause a few laughs, and possibly make you attempt to contact me to get your money back..

Here is the link to the paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/Sloppy-Senseless- ... oppy+poems

Kindle Ebook:
http://www.amazon.com/Sloppy-Senseless- ... oppy+poems

I believe the kindle app for iphone/smartphones is free if you'd like to go the cheaper route...
Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
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Comments

  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    Now everybody's going to know your real name....Look i just found your address.... and your phone number....hey pick it up that's me calling!!!

    I get the answering machine?

    Really?....Really
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    "Penis to Hole" seems catchy.
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    BinauralJam wrote:
    Now everybody's going to know your real name....Look i just found your address.... and your phone number....hey pick it up that's me calling!!!

    I get the answering machine?

    Really?....Really

    :shock: :problem: ... dont be silly, that's a pen name. And for the record I have your calls forwarded to the urgent line. It blinks red when you call.
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    Dissidentman wrote:
    "Penis to Hole" seems catchy.

    I didnt catch anything from that one. (that I know of)
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    JonnyPistachio wrote:
    BinauralJam wrote:
    Now everybody's going to know your real name....Look i just found your address.... and your phone number....hey pick it up that's me calling!!!

    I get the answering machine?

    Really?....Really

    :shock: :problem: ... dont be silly, that's a pen name. And for the record I have your calls forwarded to the urgent line. It blinks red when you call.


    Emergency B.J.? i know the feeling well.
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    I have Amazon Prime, i should get by Friday, give my thoughts on Monday! If i remember any of them.
  • peacefrompaulpeacefrompaul Posts: 25,293
    :lol:

    I'll have to pick that up
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    It looks good. :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    BinauralJam wrote:
    I have Amazon Prime, i should get by Friday, give my thoughts on Monday! If i remember any of them.
    peacefrompaul wrote:
    :lol:

    I'll have to pick that up
    justam wrote:
    It looks good. :)

    Thanks guys! :mrgreen:

    I'll get your refunds ready in the form of some beer, pJ boots, or pics of my wife. :P
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    JonnyPistachio wrote:
    I'll get your refunds ready in the form of some beer, pJ boots, or pics of my wife. :P

    I will buy you the motion sensor cam
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    So can anyone have a pen name? I see yours is "Mr. J.Lee Glassman". I've always wanted one, but I haven't written a book or anything.

    I was thinking something like "Mr. F. Hugh Long"
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    Dissidentman wrote:
    So can anyone have a pen name? I see yours is "Mr. J.Lee Glassman". I've always wanted one, but I haven't written a book or anything.

    I was thinking something like "Mr. F. Hugh Long"

    :lol:
    Yeah, you sure can. Amazon added the "Mr." though. I've never felt like I deserved that type of thing. I was actually thinking of using Jonny Pistachio. But you have to put a bit of thought into your name. Believe it or not, not everyone wants to be F. Hughed Longtime... you may lose a few reader who prefer F.Hugh Alitle and/or F. Hugh Quigly.

    By the way, I was trying to avoid this, but my Mother found out about this book and bought a copy. She's going to hate me so much.
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    JonnyPistachio wrote:
    Dissidentman wrote:
    So can anyone have a pen name? I see yours is "Mr. J.Lee Glassman". I've always wanted one, but I haven't written a book or anything.

    I was thinking something like "Mr. F. Hugh Long"


    By the way, I was trying to avoid this, but my Mother found out about this book and bought a copy. She's going to hate me so much.


    Holy shit!

    :lol::lol::lol::lol:
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    Dissidentman wrote:
    JonnyPistachio wrote:
    Dissidentman wrote:
    So can anyone have a pen name? I see yours is "Mr. J.Lee Glassman". I've always wanted one, but I haven't written a book or anything.

    I was thinking something like "Mr. F. Hugh Long"


    By the way, I was trying to avoid this, but my Mother found out about this book and bought a copy. She's going to hate me so much.


    Holy shit!

    :lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Is this going to be like Seinfeld getting shit from Uncle Leo for using him and the family in his act?

    Good luck, JP!

    (with family AND the book :P )
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Holy shit!

    :lol::lol::lol::lol:

    Yeah, my Mom is very nice and pure. There are some very vile stories... :fp:
    hedonist wrote:
    Is this going to be like Seinfeld getting shit from Uncle Leo for using him and the family in his act?

    Good luck, JP!

    (with family AND the book :P )

    :lol: Thanks Hedo.. There is one poem (maybe two) that I specifically mention Mom... not in a bad way though. But most of the poems are made up shit. Some are obviously very real though.. I hope she assumes the bad ones are fictitious. Maybe I'll post a few here...
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    I got my first amazon review.. :D (5 stars!) ...not sure if it was my Mom, or someone from here :P 8-)
    but I wanted to re-post the links in case anyone is interested...

    So I got a touch of confidence from some kind words... so go out and get this book, and read it over a few drinks and laugh with your friends about the silliness that comes with the heat and spirits of Florida...

    Here is the link to the paperback:
    http://www.amazon.com/Sloppy-Senseless- ... oppy+poems

    Kindle Ebook:
    http://www.amazon.com/Sloppy-Senseless- ... oppy+poems
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    It fit's in your back pocket so you can take it to the bathroom at work without getting those weird looks from your co-workers.
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    BinauralJam wrote:
    It fit's in your back pocket so you can take it to the bathroom at work without getting those weird looks from your co-workers.

    I did not know that, but I do see how that could be a selling point.
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • mikalinamikalina Posts: 7,206
    Thanks for sharing this with us.... The title alone is awesome and I will get your book :thumbup:
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  • EnkiduEnkidu Posts: 2,996
    Just ordered it for my Kindle. Look forward to reading - especially the vile bits.
  • SVRDhand13SVRDhand13 Posts: 26,166
    Good luck with sales! :thumbup:
    severed hand thirteen
    2006: Gorge 7/23 2008: Hartford 6/27 Beacon 7/1 2009: Spectrum 10/30-31
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    2013: Brooklyn 10/18-19 Philly 10/21-22 Hartford 10/25 2014: ACL10/12
    2015: NYC 9/23 2016: Tampa 4/11 Philly 4/28-29 MSG 5/1-2 Fenway 8/5+8/7
    2017: RRHoF 4/7   2018: Fenway 9/2+9/4   2021: Sea Hear Now 9/18 
    2022: MSG 9/11  2024: MSG 9/3-4 Philly 9/7+9/9 Fenway 9/15+9/17
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    mikalina wrote:
    Thanks for sharing this with us.... The title alone is awesome and I will get your book :thumbup:
    Enkidu wrote:
    Just ordered it for my Kindle. Look forward to reading - especially the vile bits.
    SVRDhand13 wrote:
    Good luck with sales! :thumbup:

    Thanks everyone! I appreciate it. Hope you enjoy :)
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Posts: 49,948
    Cool! Just as soon as I can't resist buying some vinyl anymore(shouldn't be long :fp: ) so that I can spend enough for free shipping, I'll grab it. I put it on my wishlist so I won't forget. :)
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    PJ_Soul wrote:
    Cool! Just as soon as I can't resist buying some vinyl anymore(shouldn't be long :fp: ) so that I can spend enough for free shipping, I'll grab it. Put it on my wishlist so I won't forget. :)

    Well the book goes just fine with vinyl, but it goes better with alcohol ;):D ..sounds like a plan!
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Posts: 49,948
    JonnyPistachio wrote:
    PJ_Soul wrote:
    Cool! Just as soon as I can't resist buying some vinyl anymore(shouldn't be long :fp: ) so that I can spend enough for free shipping, I'll grab it. Put it on my wishlist so I won't forget. :)

    Well the book goes just fine with vinyl, but it goes better with alcohol ;):D ..sounds like a plan!
    If Amazon sold and delivered booze, that's what I would be buying.... but my liver is glad that they don't! :lol:
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • Jason PJason P Posts: 19,138
    PJ_Soul wrote:
    If Amazon sold and delivered booze, that's what I would be buying.... but my liver is glad that they don't! :lol:
    They do sell booze in some US states (not mine :evil: )
  • Jason PJason P Posts: 19,138
    There had better be stories of men from Nantucket or I'm going to be pissed.
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    PJ_Soul wrote:
    If Amazon sold and delivered booze, that's what I would be buying.... but my liver is glad that they don't! :lol:


    :think: :ugeek: This needs to happen
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Posts: 49,948
    Jason P wrote:
    PJ_Soul wrote:
    If Amazon sold and delivered booze, that's what I would be buying.... but my liver is glad that they don't! :lol:
    They do sell booze in some US states (not mine :evil: )
    It's a good idea for Amazon! Not so much for alcoholics! At least in Canada, we still have to actually go out of the house to buy our liquor. :lol:
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    holy crap... so a quick search and amazon does sell Captain Morgan. Thankfully the price isnt any better. Fuckin amazon. crazy.

    Jason, sorry dude, no characters that claim to be from Nantucket. In fact, most of the themes are about guy who battles his inability to be from Nantucket, if you know what I mean. :ugeek:
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
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