Almost Bathroom Mishap

mca47

Dissidentman wrote:

JonnyPistachio wrote:

On New Years Eve about 2002 I was hanging out with these two girls who were sisters. They got drunk and passed out in my bed that night. (Nothing had happened yet though, I was working on one of them). The next morning I had to go number-2 real bad, but my bathroom was literally like 10 feet from my bed and the girls were still passed out, so I ran down the street to the boat ramp park where there are public toilets. Needless to say, it was a beautiful new years day, maybe 80 degrees or so - south florida of course...) so the boat ramp was quite busy. I went in the bathroom and realized that NONE of the stalls had doors, and the seats were very dirty. The only way I could use one of those toilets was if I completely disrobed and kinda crouched, holding onto the wall and my junk for dear life. And by the time I got this all figured out, I really had to go. I didnt aim well, for starters, and the open stalls required me nervously waving at several people walking by, who were wondering if I was sick or hoped up on drugs. I think a few kids might have walked in, by that point I was trying my best not to make eye contact.

Most of this was a waste of time, because I also realized that there was no toilet paper, and I was sweating like a pig. I went back to my apartment, passed the sisters as quickly as possible (who were awake at this point), and got directly in the shower. I never felt so dirty. :fp:

Best poop story EVER!

My thoughts exactly!

mca47

When I was in college the place my roommate and I rented had a pretty weak toilet/flush. You really had to be careful and plan things out otherwise you'd have to plunge that thing.
So one night I do my business, flush, hop in the shower, get ready to go out drinking. Roommate and I go out, get good and loaded, get back home around 2:30 or so.
He goes into the bathroom when we get back, flushes and all I can here is "SHIT, ah, SHIT!" Before he had the chance to open up the back of the toilet to stop the waterflow, my previous business came up over the edges. Made a huge f'n mess! For whatever reason, his drunk ass thought it was something he did, so he decided to fix the toilet. He grabs the plunger, I'm watching at this point laughing . He's plunging away when he slips and falls down into the overflow. I don't think there was a point in my life where I laughed harder!

JonnyPistachio

mca47 wrote:

When I was in college the place my roommate and I rented had a pretty weak toilet/flush. You really had to be careful and plan things out otherwise you'd have to plunge that thing.
So one night I do my business, flush, hop in the shower, get ready to go out drinking. Roommate and I go out, get good and loaded, get back home around 2:30 or so.
He goes into the bathroom when we get back, flushes and all I can here is "SHIT, ah, SHIT!" Before he had the chance to open up the back of the toilet to stop the waterflow, my previous business came up over the edges. Made a huge f'n mess! For whatever reason, his drunk ass thought it was something he did, so he decided to fix the toilet. He grabs the plunger, I'm watching at this point laughing . He's plunging away when he slips and falls down into the overflow. I don't think there was a point in my life where I laughed harder!

jason

Love hearing I am not alone!!!

madtowndave

JonnyPistachio wrote:

On New Years Eve about 2002 I was hanging out with these two girls who were sisters. They got drunk and passed out in my bed that night. (Nothing had happened yet though, I was working on one of them). The next morning I had to go number-2 real bad, but my bathroom was literally like 10 feet from my bed and the girls were still passed out, so I ran down the street to the boat ramp park where there are public toilets. Needless to say, it was a beautiful new years day, maybe 80 degrees or so - south florida of course...) so the boat ramp was quite busy. I went in the bathroom and realized that NONE of the stalls had doors, and the seats were very dirty. The only way I could use one of those toilets was if I completely disrobed and kinda crouched, holding onto the wall and my junk for dear life. And by the time I got this all figured out, I really had to go. I didnt aim well, for starters, and the open stalls required me nervously waving at several people walking by, who were wondering if I was sick or hoped up on drugs. I think a few kids might have walked in, by that point I was trying my best not to make eye contact.

Most of this was a waste of time, because I also realized that there was no toilet paper, and I was sweating like a pig. I went back to my apartment, passed the sisters as quickly as possible (who were awake at this point), and got directly in the shower. I never felt so dirty. :fp:

Phenomenal story!!

Dissidentman

madtowndave wrote:

JonnyPistachio wrote:

On New Years Eve about 2002 I was hanging out with these two girls who were sisters. They got drunk and passed out in my bed that night. (Nothing had happened yet though, I was working on one of them). The next morning I had to go number-2 real bad, but my bathroom was literally like 10 feet from my bed and the girls were still passed out, so I ran down the street to the boat ramp park where there are public toilets. Needless to say, it was a beautiful new years day, maybe 80 degrees or so - south florida of course...) so the boat ramp was quite busy. I went in the bathroom and realized that NONE of the stalls had doors, and the seats were very dirty. The only way I could use one of those toilets was if I completely disrobed and kinda crouched, holding onto the wall and my junk for dear life. And by the time I got this all figured out, I really had to go. I didnt aim well, for starters, and the open stalls required me nervously waving at several people walking by, who were wondering if I was sick or hoped up on drugs. I think a few kids might have walked in, by that point I was trying my best not to make eye contact.

Most of this was a waste of time, because I also realized that there was no toilet paper, and I was sweating like a pig. I went back to my apartment, passed the sisters as quickly as possible (who were awake at this point), and got directly in the shower. I never felt so dirty. :fp:

Phenomenal story!!

Pistachio, you going to Chicago? We may need a camera following you around.

madtowndave

I will preface by apologizing to the janitor. My wife and I were in a mall. I had to find a toilet NOW. Find the toilet, and I can go NO further, and there is caution tape across the door. The toilet was broken. I had no other choice but to wiggle under the tape and do the deed. Not pretty, and I'm not happy about it, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Dissidentman

A few years back, we took 8 drunks to Block Island on our boat for the weekend. Its a nice slow 3 hour cruise from where we were docked. I told the girls NO TP in the toilet, and the guys can just piss off the side. Wouldn't ya know by the time we docked at the island, I had a full to the rafters toilet of god knows what in there...While everyone else was at the bar, I was bailing out a nasty toilet with a solo cup, walking up to the deck and tossing it overboard.

81

mca47 wrote:

When I was in college the place my roommate and I rented had a pretty weak toilet/flush. You really had to be careful and plan things out otherwise you'd have to plunge that thing.
So one night I do my business, flush, hop in the shower, get ready to go out drinking. Roommate and I go out, get good and loaded, get back home around 2:30 or so.
He goes into the bathroom when we get back, flushes and all I can here is "SHIT, ah, SHIT!" Before he had the chance to open up the back of the toilet to stop the waterflow, my previous business came up over the edges. Made a huge f'n mess! For whatever reason, his drunk ass thought it was something he did, so he decided to fix the toilet. He grabs the plunger, I'm watching at this point laughing . He's plunging away when he slips and falls down into the overflow. I don't think there was a point in my life where I laughed harder!

81

Dissidentman wrote:

A few years back, we took 8 drunks to Block Island on our boat for the weekend. Its a nice slow 3 hour cruise from where we were docked. I told the girls NO TP in the toilet, and the guys can just piss off the side. Wouldn't ya know by the time we docked at the island, I had a full to the rafters toilet of god knows what in there...While everyone else was at the bar, I was bailing out a nasty toilet with a solo cup, walking up to the deck and tossing it overboard.

Waste of a good flip cup

81

madtowndave wrote:

I will preface by apologizing to the janitor. My wife and I were in a mall. I had to find a toilet NOW. Find the toilet, and I can go NO further, and there is caution tape across the door. The toilet was broken. I had no other choice but to wiggle under the tape and do the deed. Not pretty, and I'm not happy about it, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Never go to macys restroom. Nrver

Dissidentman

81 wrote:

Dissidentman wrote:

A few years back, we took 8 drunks to Block Island on our boat for the weekend. Its a nice slow 3 hour cruise from where we were docked. I told the girls NO TP in the toilet, and the guys can just piss off the side. Wouldn't ya know by the time we docked at the island, I had a full to the rafters toilet of god knows what in there...While everyone else was at the bar, I was bailing out a nasty toilet with a solo cup, walking up to the deck and tossing it overboard.

Waste of a good flip cup

Rinsed it right out...

81

Dissidentman wrote:

81 wrote:

Dissidentman wrote:

A few years back, we took 8 drunks to Block Island on our boat for the weekend. Its a nice slow 3 hour cruise from where we were docked. I told the girls NO TP in the toilet, and the guys can just piss off the side. Wouldn't ya know by the time we docked at the island, I had a full to the rafters toilet of god knows what in there...While everyone else was at the bar, I was bailing out a nasty toilet with a solo cup, walking up to the deck and tossing it overboard.

Waste of a good flip cup

Rinsed it right out...

madtowndave

81 wrote:

madtowndave wrote:

I will preface by apologizing to the janitor. My wife and I were in a mall. I had to find a toilet NOW. Find the toilet, and I can go NO further, and there is caution tape across the door. The toilet was broken. I had no other choice but to wiggle under the tape and do the deed. Not pretty, and I'm not happy about it, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Never go to macys restroom. Nrver

It wasn't Macys. It was one of the "mall" bathrooms. It was in CO, so if there are any WI janitors in here....it wasn't me. That time.

81

madtowndave wrote:

81 wrote:

madtowndave wrote:

I will preface by apologizing to the janitor. My wife and I were in a mall. I had to find a toilet NOW. Find the toilet, and I can go NO further, and there is caution tape across the door. The toilet was broken. I had no other choice but to wiggle under the tape and do the deed. Not pretty, and I'm not happy about it, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Never go to macys restroom. Nrver

It wasn't Macys. It was one of the "mall" bathrooms. It was in CO, so if there are any WI janitors in here....it wasn't me. That time.

Just sayin for future refrence. Their tp is thinner than thin

madtowndave

Good to know. I hate shitty TP. So does the next person to shake my hand after I use shitty TP.

oceaninmyeyes

Note to self: Do not shake Dave's hand.

madtowndave

oceaninmyeyes wrote:

Note to self: Do not shake Dave's hand.

Dissidentman

madtowndave wrote:

Good to know. I hate shitty TP. So does the next person to shake my hand after I use shitty TP.

It's all shitty at one point or another.

JonnyPistachio

Dissidentman wrote:

Pistachio, you going to Chicago? We may need a camera following you around.

I wish! but sadly, Im not. I get shy in front of cameras.... until 8-14 rum n cokes.. then its on. 8-)

Back to bathroom fun though -- Im thinking about waiting for my boss to go in for his afternoon crap (he's usually in there for awhile), and i'll draw a picture of a dog pooping, his face all squinty... and write at the bottom "I know what you're doing right now," And slide it under the door and run back to my desk.