Assholes: A Theory

Hugh Freaking Dillon

pandora wrote:

I guess people can treat an asshole like this :?

nah, just shoot em.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

Byrnzie wrote:

And on top of that he was so ugly if he'd looked out the window he'd have been arrested for mooning.

the train is a fucking comedy show tonight! Love it!

BinFrog

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

Aside from the theoretical stuff presented... what practical strategies might be available for 'dealing with an asshole'?

Adding them to your foe list

Thirty Bills Unpaid

BinFrog wrote:

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

Aside from the theoretical stuff presented... what practical strategies might be available for 'dealing with an asshole'?

Adding them to your foe list

Really really sound advice that... sad to say... many (including myself) do not adhere to.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

Byrnzie wrote:

I encountered the 'Pompous Asshole' type the other week in a bar. This prize asshole walked into the bar with his phone pressed against his ear pretending to be important. I could see straight away it was just an act and that there was actually nobody on the other end of the phone. He then sat down and before long started hollering at the bar staff to change the channel on the t.v - we were watching the football game. After a while I called over to him "Oy Dickhead! Shut your fucking mouth! We're watching the football." Mingbai la ma?" ("Do you understand?"). He then giggled sheepishly like many a Chinese asshole is apt to do, nodded, and piped down. I found it hard to take my eyes off him though. He was such a huge asshole it beggared belief. One of these pompous ignorant assholes who think that because they've got money they can walk into a bar and start telling people what to do. And on top of that he was so ugly if he'd looked out the window he'd have been arrested for mooning.

Byrnzie... I'm going to add the 'I have a lot of money so I'm better than you' quality that some category 3 assholes possess. This is a characteristic I neglected to mention when I detailed the 'pompous asshole' and it is definitely a distinguishing quality that separates this type of asshole from the other two, less offensive categories.

Thank Gawd you hadn't been drinking too much. I can tell you hadn't because if the guy was a full-blown level 3 and also ugly as sin... well... let's just say even a gentleman such as yourself might have had a hard time not delivering several right hands to the melon in light of his general obscenity. Add copious amounts of liquor to your side of the equation and things may have gotten very troublesome for yourself.

I mean... how would you be able to respond to DS or Fear typing with only your left hand?

Byrnzie

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

Thank Gawd you hadn't been drinking too much. I can tell you hadn't because if the guy was a full-blown level 3 and also ugly as sin... well... let's just say even a gentleman such as yourself might have had a hard time not delivering several right hands to the melon in light of his general obscenity. Add copious amounts of liquor to your side of the equation and things may have gotten very troublesome for yourself.

I mean... how would you be able to respond to DS or Fear typing with only your left hand?

True. It was early in the evening.

push me and i will resist

Byrnzie wrote:

Hmm, the thing about assholes eating smelly food on trains, or buses, is that not only does it stink the train or bus out, but it makes your face greasy. Personally, I don't think anything annoys me more than some asshole eating hot food on public transport. I mean, why not eat your shit whilst waiting for the bus to arrive, instead of waiting until you get into an enclosed space with other people before unwrapping your stink bomb?

Anyway...

I'm not sure what type of asshole I am but I can assure you I'm an asshole, a real prick.

Here's the deal, if I'm waiting on a platform somewhere waiting for a train or a bus, I might get hungry. I might get some food, I don't care where I am when I'm hungry I'm gonna eat. If that means I'm sitting beside you in a train, so be it. I'm gonna eat. The last thing I'm concerned with is, am I offending anybody?
I could give a flying fuck about who is around or where I am. I'm hungry I'm gonna eat.

Oh and one last thing. What happens if I'm eating my hot food waiting for the train and the train gets there before I'm done my food? Do I throw it out? Or do I take my food on the train, sit down and eat?

Lets face it, if you're more concerned with other people eating on a train, maybe ask everybody not to eat while you're on the train and see if you get a positive response.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

push me and i will resist wrote:

Byrnzie wrote:

Hmm, the thing about assholes eating smelly food on trains, or buses, is that not only does it stink the train or bus out, but it makes your face greasy. Personally, I don't think anything annoys me more than some asshole eating hot food on public transport. I mean, why not eat your shit whilst waiting for the bus to arrive, instead of waiting until you get into an enclosed space with other people before unwrapping your stink bomb?

Anyway...

I'm not sure what type of asshole I am but I can assure you I'm an asshole, a real prick.

Here's the deal, if I'm waiting on a platform somewhere waiting for a train or a bus, I might get hungry. I might get some food, I don't care where I am when I'm hungry I'm gonna eat. If that means I'm sitting beside you in a train, so be it. I'm gonna eat. The last thing I'm concerned with is, am I offending anybody?
I could give a flying fuck about who is around or where I am. I'm hungry I'm gonna eat.

Oh and one last thing. What happens if I'm eating my hot food waiting for the train and the train gets there before I'm done my food? Do I throw it out? Or do I take my food on the train, sit down and eat?

Lets face it, if you're more concerned with other people eating on a train, maybe ask everybody not to eat while you're on the train and see if you get a positive response.

This thread is a light one. Let's leave it at that.

We all have our moments and turns being the asshole. We can laugh at ourselves can't we?

STAYSEA

Theory is almost correct.

I've dated so many, it make nice guys strange.

Assholes Keep up the Good work! (not really)

Nice Dudes.. She may come around....



What about Beaches (BEET-CHEZZZ)?
Theories ??

STAYSEA

Byrnzie wrote:

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

Category 2 Asshole 'The Rude Asshole'
Description: These assholes are aware of the impact of their behaviour on other people, however they could care less as long as the behaviour is one that serves them some form of satisfaction. In short, they exhibit many of the same behaviours as the Category 1 Asshole, but understand they are doing it. For example, a Category 2 Asshole would purchase things at a checkout while conversing with someone on a cell phone- ignoring manners normally expected with the human interaction... or deliberately moving ahead of people who have been waiting in a line.

Approach: This type of asshole might best be avoided. Frustrations resulting from dealing with such an asshole are not worth acting out on. To avoid tension or anger building within oneself... it is encouraged to avoid the offender.

I encounter the 'Rude Asshole' type quite frequently here in China. I.e, people who smoke cigarettes in lifts (elevators). I encountered one just the other day. As the lift door opened he was standing inside puffing on a cigarette. I just stared at him and shook my head and waited for the doors to close again. One time about a year ago I got into a lift here and some asshole was smoking on a cigarette inside. I was in a bad mood that day. I snatched the fag out of his hands and chucked it outside the doors. I then looked at him to see if he had a problem with what I'd done, and he did nothing. This asshole must have known he was being an asshole. A knowing asshole will seldom try and defend his asshole behaviour, especially in the presence of a 6ft, 4" Byrnzie in a bad mood.

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

Category 3 Asshole 'The Pompous Asshole'
Description: These assholes possess some or all the qualities present in Category 2 assholes, however there are definite signs of intelligence in the Category 3 Asshole. Capable of intelligent thought, they tend to think that others are not on the same level as them. They think others are best put to use for servicing them. They generally are quick to dismiss other opinions regardless of merit- in particular the ones in opposition to their belief system. The Category 3 Asshole may reflect a serious level of disdain for others of a different gender or race. For example, the Category 3 Asshole might be a racist or sexist. They are generally the loud and obnoxious ones yelling over others at parties or other social events.

Approach: Abstain from the presence of such an extreme asshole. These assholes generally need to be punched out and often, many people that fall outside the asshole taxonomy will assume this task: only to face legal implications. The Category 3 Asshole is incapable of understanding the fact that they deserved to be punched out and will use the law for their personal gain.

I encountered the 'Pompous Asshole' type the other week in a bar. This prize asshole walked into the bar with his phone pressed against his ear pretending to be important. I could see straight away it was just an act and that there was actually nobody on the other end of the phone. He then sat down and before long started hollering at the bar staff to change the channel on the t.v - we were watching the football game. After a while I called over to him "Oy Dickhead! Shut your fucking mouth! We're watching the football." Mingbai la ma?" ("Do you understand?"). He then giggled sheepishly like many a Chinese asshole is apt to do, nodded, and piped down. I found it hard to take my eyes off him though. He was such a huge asshole it beggared belief. One of these pompous ignorant assholes who think that because they've got money they can walk into a bar and start telling people what to do. And on top of that he was so ugly if he'd looked out the window he'd have been arrested for mooning.

I've found myself in a bar a few times. (I still don't know why.) A guy wants to buy me a drink, " I don't drink", then he wants to get me water, "I'm not thirsty." Then the Ass WHOLE storms off.. only to send a new friend in his place. Sorry Jackass, I'm on a date? but he's an ass too.



Moral of this SILLY STORY? Don't go To BARS single :nono:

gimmesometruth27

hey B,

when i first read your thread title it seemed like an annoucement to all of us or something.... like you were saying

"hey assholes, i have a theory!!"

adropinthepark

STAYSEA wrote:

Theory is almost correct.

I've dated so many, it make nice guys strange.

Assholes Keep up the Good work! (not really)

Nice Dudes.. She may come around....



What about Beaches (BEET-CHEZZZ)?
Theories ??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPlgtAhOZMo

STAYSEA

OMG!!!

Fooking FUNNY stuff

I hope some get to see before they pull it

Byrnzie

push me and i will resist wrote:

I'm not sure what type of asshole I am but I can assure you I'm an asshole, a real prick.

Here's the deal, if I'm waiting on a platform somewhere waiting for a train or a bus, I might get hungry. I might get some food, I don't care where I am when I'm hungry I'm gonna eat. If that means I'm sitting beside you in a train, so be it. I'm gonna eat. The last thing I'm concerned with is, am I offending anybody?
I could give a flying fuck about who is around or where I am. I'm hungry I'm gonna eat.

Oh and one last thing. What happens if I'm eating my hot food waiting for the train and the train gets there before I'm done my food? Do I throw it out? Or do I take my food on the train, sit down and eat?

Lets face it, if you're more concerned with other people eating on a train, maybe ask everybody not to eat while you're on the train and see if you get a positive response.

Food tastes a lot better the hungrier you are. There's nothing wrong with putting it off for an hour or so.

Alternatively, there's food, and then there's hot smelly food. This is why snacks were invented, like chocolate bars and crisps (potato chips), and/or apples. An apple doesn't smell.

Anyway, as Thirty Bills said, this is a lighthearted thread - albeit one for old grumpy bastards with low levels of tolerance. :P

Byrnzie

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

hey B,

when i first read your thread title it seemed like an annoucement to all of us or something.... like you were saying

"hey assholes, i have a theory!!"

Come on man, when would I ever write something on the AMT that could possibly cause offense to anyone?

adropinthepark

Byrnzie wrote:

One time about a year ago I got into a lift here and some asshole was smoking on a cigarette inside. I was in a bad mood that day. I snatched the fag out of his hands and chucked it outside the doors. I then looked at him to see if he had a problem with what I'd done, and he did nothing. This asshole must have known he was being an asshole. A knowing asshole will seldom try and defend his asshole behaviour, especially in the presence of a 6ft, 4" Byrnzie in a bad mood.

:shock: That is a bold move. He may have done nothing out of shock.

Pap

adropinthepark wrote:

Byrnzie wrote:

One time about a year ago I got into a lift here and some asshole was smoking on a cigarette inside. I was in a bad mood that day. I snatched the fag out of his hands and chucked it outside the doors. I then looked at him to see if he had a problem with what I'd done, and he did nothing. This asshole must have known he was being an asshole. A knowing asshole will seldom try and defend his asshole behaviour, especially in the presence of a 6ft, 4" Byrnzie in a bad mood.

:shock: That is a bold move. He may have done nothing out of shock.

It takes guts and belief in yourself (confidence).

pandora

It's obvious assholes don't know they are.
It's like personal responsibility, we can see that lacking in others
but can't see it in the mirror.

The point with the taped bound and gaged passenger I posted is that no one knew
what hidden trauma he could have had. He may have died from that
treatment. There should be more humane forms of restraint on planes.
Preparing for this would control the situation.
In this case he was drunk but sometimes people assume someone is drinking
or on drugs when they have a stroke or thyroid incident or mental break.

People respond to assholes and judge them without at least trying
some understanding,
add a vigilantie type crowd and that is trouble.

badbrains

pandora wrote:

It's obvious assholes don't know they are.
It's like personal responsibility, we can see that lacking in others
but can't see it in the mirror.

The point with the taped bound and gaged passenger I posted is that no one knew
what hidden trauma he could have had. He may have died from that
treatment. There should be more humane forms of restraint on planes.
Preparing for this would control the situation.
In this case he was drunk but sometimes people assume someone is drinking
or on drugs when they have a stroke or thyroid incident or mental break.

People respond to assholes and judge them without at least trying
some understanding,
add a vigilantie type crowd and that is trouble.

I'm sorry but if you're an asshole and don't know it, well then, you're an asshole..... :fp:

Byrnzie

pandora wrote:

The point with the taped bound and gaged passenger I posted is that no one knew
what hidden trauma he could have had. He may have died from that treatment.

And many other people on that plane may have died because of this drunken selfish asshole.

Fuck him. And if his being restrained had killed him then he'd only have himself to blame. Though I understand that in your World every single selfish, irresponsible asshole, including some prick who's just massacred 20 children with a semi-automatic weapon, should be wrapped in cotton candy, fed his favourite flavour of ice-cream, and given a bed-time story, before being tucked in for a night of sweet dreams.

Unfortunately, most people have to contend with the real World.