The power of the word "NO"

Thoughts_Arrive

conman wrote:

didn't you start this exact same thread a while back?

Maybe not.

pandora

Just say no one time and you will see how easy that is.
Then be choosy with it.

This is a problem for the young, most older people have learned to say no ...
it is self preservation.

Along with your no comes an explanation as to why,
then that should help to avoid having to say no again for the same reason
to the same person.

Your friend needs you though for the nightclubing, perhaps a compromise can be made.

You just never know ...
there may be a certain someone who is being dragged there also, just like you
and you find each other ...

I am a hopeless romantic.

Trust in your path and roll with it, one day you'll look back and see how it fits,
the good and the not so good.

Thoughts_Arrive

Everytime I go clubbing I get depressed, the music sucks, the girls are not interesting, overly materialistic and stuck up and end up being wooed by assholes.
Plus nightclubs attract thugs and fights occur.
Every time I've gone to a rock place everyone is friendly, you bump into someone both apologies.
At clubs you get your head kicked in.

-Emma-

If you still want to be friends with this person then I think you should just start suggesting other alternative things that you could do together that you would both enjoy.

Eg. If your friend tells you that you're going to a club, then just be honest and say that you really don't enjoy going to clubs and you would rather do A, B or C instead (eg. go and see a band, go to the movies, have a drink at a pub instead). You don't need to feel guilty, and if you can find things that you both enjoy, then surely this would be better than just going to wherever your friend wants to go. If you don't speak up for yourself and he is more of a dominant person, then he will just continue to invite you out to places where you don't feel comfortable.

At work as well, if you are being asked to do something that isn't your responsibility and is dangerous, then please speak up for yourself. Eg. "I'm actually not responsible for that, Pete the electrician is, can I give him a call for you/would you like his number?"

With your annual leave, perhaps you could have a read through your contract and contact somewhere like Fair Work Australia for advice (http://www.fwa.gov.au/). Or join a union if you are having ongoing problems at work, then you would have somewhere to turn to for advice if needed.

Lastly, you sound like a nice and genuine person. Not everyone is a naturally dominant person, so don't feel like you have to change who you are. Just try and speak up for yourself if people aren't treating you well though!

Thoughts_Arrive

-Emma- wrote:

If you still want to be friends with this person then I think you should just start suggesting other alternative things that you could do together that you would both enjoy.

Eg. If your friend tells you that you're going to a club, then just be honest and say that you really don't enjoy going to clubs and you would rather do A, B or C instead (eg. go and see a band, go to the movies, have a drink at a pub instead). You don't need to feel guilty, and if you can find things that you both enjoy, then surely this would be better than just going to wherever your friend wants to go. If you don't speak up for yourself and he is more of a dominant person, then he will just continue to invite you out to places where you don't feel comfortable.

At work as well, if you are being asked to do something that isn't your responsibility and is dangerous, then please speak up for yourself. Eg. "I'm actually not responsible for that, Pete the electrician is, can I give him a call for you/would you like his number?"

With your annual leave, perhaps you could have a read through your contract and contact somewhere like Fair Work Australia for advice (http://www.fwa.gov.au/). Or join a union if you are having ongoing problems at work, then you would have somewhere to turn to for advice if needed.

Lastly, you sound like a nice and genuine person. Not everyone is a naturally dominant person, so don't feel like you have to change who you are. Just try and speak up for yourself if people aren't treating you well though!

Thank you.
With the work thing, leave always get knocked back, I only ever ask for one day off, then it gets questioned, why do you need the day off, I always have to explain why then the boss tells me I don't need days off for what I want days off for (medical appointments or car servicing). Yet others in the office take weeks off for holidays. It's bullshit, looking to change career's anyways.

DinghyDog

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Thoughts_Arrive

DinghyDog wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

DinghyDog wrote:

I agree with Iamwishingyouawell. Tell your friend that you not really interested in going clubbing. Ask if he wants to catch up with you to do something else (have an offer ready like going out for coffee or to play soccer or what ever it is that might be of interest to you). If he doesn't, he doesn't. You might find the friendship just fades out, but don't worry too much, you will find others. You sound like the kind of person I'd like to hang out with, and I'm sure many other people feel the same way.

I lived in Melbourne for 2 years, and it is a great place with many opportunities to do the things you want. Be brave and go out by yourself to see a band or get involved in some hobby or club you might enjoy and you will meet like minded people who will become your friend. Making friends is a bit like getting pretty hair by using Pantene, it won't happen over night, but it will happen.

Thank you.
It is hard to find like minded artistic people who have some intelligence.
I find conversation with your "normal cool crowd" type of people boring and depressing, "you go gym" "you into hotted up cars" or some sexist remark like "I wanna fuck that bitch up the ass".
Better to be alone than with fools.
Melbourne is becoming a violent shit hole btw.

Sounds like you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. Go see a local band play at a pub and enjoy yourself. What kind of music do you like?

Is this guy of any interest to you? He's in Melbourne and plays around the place quite regularly...
http://soundcloud.com/chasingghosts

I don't hang out with crowds, I end up surrounded by clubbing types, don't know them.
I've drifted off from people I used to hang with back 10 years ago, people who were friends, they've stayed with the clubbing and gone into gym and I'm not into that so I never go out with them, they've pretty much turned their backs on me for me not going clubbing with them. I was young then, I now am not prepared to fake having a good time out.

I am more into punk rock and punk rock inspired rock.
It's okay the songs, more into something heavier but.