Kids and alcohol

shep

Very interesting conversation...

As someone who is not yet a parent, I can only supply my thoughts...

I'm currently in my late 20's, finished schooling, great job, make good money...

I had my first beer when I was 12 (and by beer, I mean not a sip from dad, but an actual beer), drank a few times when I was 14, and drinking fairly regularly by 16-17....

However, drinking at a "party" supervised by someone's parents was unheard of. Everything was done outside, or while people had empty houses... and I lived in Canada where the whether wasn't always so nice for that sort of thing... definitely a lot more dangerous to drink outside in -10 degrees C weather, than indoors at a house with supervision...

Anyway, I'm definitely not in agreement with providing them alcohol (I had to work damn fucking hard to get mine), but it's going to happen sooner or later, so why shouldn't it be with parental supervision? I know that that situation might have helped me out of a couple of jams I experienced as a result of alcohol... take that as you will.

Again, I don't know how I'll feel about it when I have kids... but I would urge a parent to be considerate of some of these thoughts when setting down hard lines....

BabaBooey1979 wrote:

I dread the day that this happens.

It doesn't matter how old a parent was when they started drinking. You need to do what's right for your child's overall well beng. I'm pretty sure this situation is against the law in the US.

It's not. In the state of Texas you are allowed to serve anyone over the age of 16 (i think? not quite sure on the exact age), as long as there is parental consent... that being said, a lot of wait staff will flat up refuse to do it... and that is their choice.

JTH

stardust1976 wrote:

I also have found out tonight that it's actually perfectly legal here to supply a minor with alcohol in your own home, so long as you have their parent or guardian's permission. Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely NUTS???!!!!!

Judging by the responses so far, it looks like I'm in the minority here because I DON'T think this is absolutely nuts.

Slightly wacky? Perhaps.

I do think it's crazy to allow minors to get drunk, whether or not you have permission. But say you serve a small glass of wine to a teenager with dinner and you have that teenager's parents' permission, I don't think that should be a criminal offense.

For the record, I have three kids (boy/8, girl/5, boy/4) and I totally dread the day this kind of thing comes up.

stardust1976

So it seems like a lot of people think like me. For the record, a very similar thing happened to me at 12, and my friends switched my drinks, and I got drunk along with them. I was 12, never tasted alcohol, and especially had no idea what it tasted like mixed with Coke. In that instance, the mother had gone out and none of our parents knew until the next day. I have told my daughter of this situation. I was 16 when I had the odd drink with a friend on the sly, maybe once or twice, then once I turned 18 I started drinking.

I have also said to her that maybe if they were all 16 year olds I MIGHT consider it. MIGHT. Because I understand the concept of supervised drinking at home. But 14 is just too young. Thanks for all your input everyone!

Yellow Ledbelly

I am not a parent but I believe if I was that this would piss me off...i mean this idiot is giving children alcohol and you end up being the one looking like the bad guy.

Leyna Minai

Wow...I can't fathom why a parent would even want to introduce alcohol to a 14 year old kid...it doesn't take much for younger kids to get addicted and therefore find ways to get alcohol. OR maybe they'll think that alcohol tastes nasty and never touch it again until they're adults That would be nice!

In Japan it was custom to serve kid 1 little tiny shot cup of Sake for New Years. I had it when I was a kid and it was so disgusting and never tried again! Until I was 20. I waited until my 21st birthday was just around the corner to start drinking. And I don't think I missed out on anything being a 'sober high school kid' or whatever.

All in all, I think you handled it very well! And I am very impressed with how your daughter handled it as well. She seems to be pretty understanding. I was a little startled when you mentioned that all of her friends parties will be like that from now on...that's such a scary though..=/

Monster Rain

You definitely made the right decision. 14 is way too young. Also, you mentioned the older sister's boyfriend lives with them. Who's to say he's not the type of guy to take advantage of some drunk young girls? It's a bad situation, so you're right to not let your daughter go.

mca47

Yeah, 14 is on the young side. Late high school is when most people I know of started "partying".
It's one thing if it's a celebration (New Years, Christmas) and she has a half glass of wine or something at HOME under your supervision, but there is no way I'd let my kid go to a party where it's advertised that they are going to drink.
I'm also pretty sure if I found that out, I'd be making a phone call to that parent who's allowing that to happen!

tinkerbell

Wow either I am very liberal or a little crazy but I wouldn't have an issue with this (as long as I knew the mum). I am a mum of 2 who are 7 & 4.

As a child from about 10 I was allowed a small glass of wine (mixed with Sprite) on special occasions, this didn't make me want to drink more - it taught me about moderation. At 14 I was going to parties and having 1 or 2 drinks and by 16 having a few more, I got drunk but I also knew my limits, friends of mine who had not been taught that would get plastered every weekend. Now I hardly ever drink - I have an occasional glass of wine with a meal.

As a mum I would rather my kids be honest with me than sneak behind my back (as so many teenagers do). And I would rather my kids be doing such things in a supervised environment or with me than lying and trying things in dangerous situations.

Also what is wrong with the older sisters boyfriend living there? How old is he? I wouldn't be so quick to judge that without knowing his circumstances first.

Saying no all the time to teenagers just breeds deception. My parents were pretty straight, but trusted me, and with that trust I had self respect and felt that I could go to them with anything.

Having said all of that ask me again in another 7 years when my daughter is 14 and I may have her chained to her desk and locked away like Rapunzel

LikeAnOcean

Ah, I remember my first party when I was 16. Parent supervised.


I got wasted off of just two beers. I had a blast!

Yefa

I started drinking with friends after school when I was 14. I never got drunk until I was 17. Lots of younger teens do drink too much when they are new to it though, so it's probably better to err on the side of caution.
I think it's insane that the drinking age is 21 here in the USA. It doesn't work and leads to lots of driving while under the influence. If citizens are allowed to vote, smoke cigarettes, and serve in the military at 18, then it follows that they shold be allowed to drink at that age as well.

BinauralJam

i beleive all learning experiances are educational, perhaps something that will happen one way or the other is better supervised. but i don't have kids.

bionicamy

Many times I wondered about some of the choices I made as a parent but all you can do is follow your gut and make these choices for your children with love and their best intrest at heart.



http://www.empoweringparents.com/Teens- ... y-Behavior

http://www.empoweringparents.com/blog/s ... nagers-don’t-mix-and-how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-drinking/?key=Substance-Abuse-And-Risky-Behavior

JK_Livin

Yefa wrote:

I started drinking with friends after school when I was 14. I never got drunk until I was 17. Lots of younger teens do drink too much when they are new to it though, so it's probably better to err on the side of caution.
I think it's insane that the drinking age is 21 here in the USA. It doesn't work and leads to lots of driving while under the influence. If citizens are allowed to vote, smoke cigarettes, and serve in the military at 18, then it follows that they shold be allowed to drink at that age as well.

Just curious, why do you think the drinking age has anything to do with driving under the influence?

Suziemay

I think you did the right thing, and I don't even have kids if it makes you feel better

Only thing that would concern me if this is the "norm", will your daughter end up feeling like an outcast if she can't go to any parties because they all end up having alcohol. At that point maybe you will have to re-evaluate and allow her to attend a few that aren't overnight stays and see how those go. I hope that's not the case, though. Is that what kids do these days?

mfc2006

we aren't parents yet....but i completely agree with the OP. nice work.

g under p

stardust1976 wrote:

So my 14 year old daughter comes home from school today and happily starts talking about a few of her close friends who have birthdays coming up soon. They will be turning 15, she is 14 and a half. The conversation kind of goes like this..."She's having an all girl party, it's a sleepover and there will be drinks there". I kind of did a double take (after all , you don't expect to hear 'drinks' in any alcoholic meaning from a 14 year old, right?) So I said "drinks? Like, alcoholic?" She nodded and said yes. I was fairly dumbfounded and wanted some more information.
So it turns out that the said friend's mother advised said friend that she could have alcoholic punch and other drinks at her party provided she got the permission from parents. So basically, she had to state on the invite that there would be alcohol. I said "no, not happening...I'm sorry, but you won't be going". She said that another friend wasn't allowed to drink so she wouldn't be, and that her best friend WAS allowed, but only one drink. The ensuing conversation went back and forth between me telling her that it's not her I don't trust, and her saying she won't drink. (and it's not her I don't trust - I know she has every intention of not drinking, it's her friends and her friend's mother! )And she might start out the night intending to remain completely sober, however how do any of us know if the mother will actually provide supervision (after all, she is letting 14 year olds drink, and is happy having the older sister's boyfriend live with them at their house, so clearly trying to be a friend not a parent), and how do we know if her friends will switch her drinks? What about peer pressure? That's enormous at that age, I get it. Her awesomely honest intentions have every chance to be sidetracked through no fault of her own.

I also have found out tonight that it's actually perfectly legal here to supply a minor with alcohol in your own home, so long as you have their parent or guardian's permission. Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely NUTS???!!!!! I'm sorry, but a 14 year old does not have the maturity required to cope with drinking alcohol. Most 18 year olds don't either, but the damage to a brain that young is too great to risk in my opinion.

I have absolutely no intention of backing down on my decision and she has taken it with very good grace actually - none of the usual temper tantrums - she was just really sad. Her friends have all said that they will be having alcohol at their parties as well. So she will therefore be excluded from them. I know this doesn't make me a bad mother, just the opposite, but surely I am not the only one who is appalled at the idea that we need to speed up their growing up so much? Don't they have plenty of time to grow up and experience things, without giving in to their demands to be 'older'?

Maybe I'm the insane one. Thoughts?

I totally agree with your stance and your decision as a parent. I have 2-15 year olds and a 14 yo and i would make the very same decision. Actually they would make it for us they don't like us having a glass of wine or even beer. We just don't use alcholol much in fact on Valentine's Day I bought a bottle of Jamaican White Rum Overproof left it in my truck. The kids saw it and asked what was it for and and i let my daughter answer...oh my dad is going to use it in a bath with lemons, candles and sea salts for his honey...
he doesn't drink it!

True just never around them. The environment before me was quite the opposite so they are very watchful for any alcohol usage in our home. Two sweet 16 parties are coming up this summer, no alcohol and we'll rent a community center in Royal Palm where all their friends can come and have a good, safe time.

Peace

chadwick

i was a teenage disaster on legs
this lasted until? .....................

in high school i was drunk and whatever else
wine, whiskey, schnapps, (don't remember having beer at school...that would just be stupid)(duh, beer don't get ya wazed, takes up to much space)

i went from boxing club, football field, baseball field, swimming pool, bike riding, and everything else nice and good and healthy to the depths of drug and alcohol abuse

summer vacation between years of schooling grades we were drunk all summer camping out in the yard. parents didn't catch on until it was long gone fucked.

dad is a good father and a good-buddy at same time. that isn't a good thing in most cases. i am not going into details. it isn't pretty.

i can't tell you how many times i have drank myself into a alcoholic induced coma. if i said 200 times i would have to agree with that.

the state of iowa and the school boards psychologists & psychiatrists all started it to my notion anyway
feeding me Ritalin and fucking with my head and placing me in segregated classrooms that housed the best fuck ups then taking me off Ritalin during summer months, then back on drugs during class, then off drugs for summer vacation, then on drugs, then off drugs again and again... fuck

my real bad pals used sharps during school. lots of them slept during class, marijuana seeds in a testtube fell out of his leather jacket,,,crash, weed seeds everywhere, thousands of em

someone was kicked out

i have a friend who had 2 owi's before he was legal age to drink. the 1st owi age 17 or 18

houston, i think we have a problem. ten four, gotta spacecraft capt dickwad...we read you loud and clear. i think you're fucked. better kiss your ass goodbye

Yefa

JK_Livin wrote:

Yefa wrote:

I started drinking with friends after school when I was 14. I never got drunk until I was 17. Lots of younger teens do drink too much when they are new to it though, so it's probably better to err on the side of caution.
I think it's insane that the drinking age is 21 here in the USA. It doesn't work and leads to lots of driving while under the influence. If citizens are allowed to vote, smoke cigarettes, and serve in the military at 18, then it follows that they shold be allowed to drink at that age as well.

Just curious, why do you think the drinking age has anything to do with driving under the influence?

Bars can be held accountable for accidents caused by drunk drivers who are allowed to leave their establishments and get behind the wheel. Drinkers who are 18-20 are typically drinking in more casual settings and so are not subject to bartenders who want to avoid liability & so will call the person a cab.