Relative of mine stuck in past

iluvcats

On Facebook (and before that, in email) my relative constantly speaks of deceased relatives (but her mom only died within the past 5 years.) She brags about our family's greatness so much, you'd think we were the Kennedy's Sadly, my uncle told me she is crazy.

She keeps calling me her cousin. The only relative in common we have is my Great Grandmother's mom! I drew a family tree and I asked my coworker once if she is my cousin and he said no. She is from "a different generation." I guess she's closer to the top dogs in our family than I am. I actually started hiding my FB posts from her...

thanks for listening.

81

iluvcats

she talks of relatives who died 20-40 yrs ago :(

I miss them too.

JOEJOEJOE

hence the reason I am not on Facebook...it gives people too much access into your life...and, to me, it gets weird if too many different facets of your life are brought together.

81

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

hence the reason I am not on Facebook...it gives people too much access into your life...and, to me, it gets weird if too many different facets of your life are brought together.

two worlds collide, rival nations

JOEJOEJOE

81 wrote:

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

hence the reason I am not on Facebook...it gives people too much access into your life...and, to me, it gets weird if too many different facets of your life are brought together.

two worlds collide, rival nations

ebony and ivory

Nami

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

hence the reason I am not on Facebook...it gives people too much access into your life...and, to me, it gets weird if too many different facets of your life are brought together.

I think Facebook is the root of all evil. I see what the wife goes through. unnessecary stress. so stupid Updates this Updates that.

Any really, why the "F" does anybody care what joeblow from your high school class is doing now.

blah

mickeyrat

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

81 wrote:

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

hence the reason I am not on Facebook...it gives people too much access into your life...and, to me, it gets weird if too many different facets of your life are brought together.

two worlds collide, rival nations

ebony and ivory

black and white cookie.

iluvcats

yes facebook drama is worse than drama here...

F Me In The Brain

Nami wrote:

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

hence the reason I am not on Facebook...it gives people too much access into your life...and, to me, it gets weird if too many different facets of your life are brought together.

I think Facebook is the root of all evil. I see what the wife goes through. unnessecary stress. so stupid Updates this Updates that.

Any really, why the "F" does anybody care what joeblow from your high school class is doing now.

blah

I refer to facebook as facetard. **I know this is insensitive and all of that, but it is a joke**
Will never in a million years sign up for that shit. I cannot understand why people like it so much -- trying to be everything to everyone must be awfully tiring.

JTH

iluvcats wrote:

She keeps calling me her cousin. The only relative in common we have is my Great Grandmother's mom! I drew a family tree and I asked my coworker once if she is my cousin and he said no. She is from "a different generation."

Is your great-great grandmother a blood relative to both of you? If so, then you are cousins.

Just because you're from different generations doesn't negate that. If you're familiar with the concept of "X-times removed" this makes sense.

For example, my parents' first cousins are my first cousins once removed. They're my kids' first cousins twice removed.

I don't have enough details to be sure how it breaks down exactly but you and this relative could be something like third cousins, once removed.

JOEJOEJOE

Whats the fun of calling someone and asking "what's new?" if you've already read about it on Facebook?

iluvcats

JTH wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

She keeps calling me her cousin. The only relative in common we have is my Great Grandmother's mom! I drew a family tree and I asked my coworker once if she is my cousin and he said no. She is from "a different generation."

Is your great-great grandmother a blood relative to both of you? If so, then you are cousins.

Just because you're from different generations doesn't negate that. If you're familiar with the concept of "X-times removed" this makes sense.

For example, my parents' first cousins are my first cousins once removed. They're my kids' first cousins twice removed.

I don't have enough details to be sure how it breaks down exactly but you and this relative could be something like third cousins, once removed.

Yes, she is a blood relative to both of us. However, Great Great Grandma to me is not her great great grandma.
It goes like this:
great great grandma's name is mary jones (as an example.)
then she had 5 children. one of those children (betsy) is my great grandmother; betsy's brother -- one of the five children, is "my cousin's" grandfather (see how we are a different generation.) I am definitely related, I just don't feel we are cousins. My cousin is my uncle's son. I think you explained it like my coworker did, he may have said she is my second cousin, once removed. On Facebook, she is constantly comparing the youngsters to old people that died a century ago and it's creeping me out. She was barely old enough to remember them.

iluvcats

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Whats the fun of calling someone and asking "what's new?" if you've already read about it on Facebook?

one of my friends i used to work with -- she will not call me back if i call her and leave her a message; but she will write a novel to me on facebook. i truly believe it has replaced adult human contact for her.

rollings

PHEW!

For a moment there, I thought a relative from your past was stuck in a mine!

....and like I said, ..PHEW!

SxDx1982

That's why I only have 16 friends on Facebook (my closest friends and family members). I used to have almost 150. I decided that I don't need Facebook to keep in touch with people. If they can't pick up the phone or send me a text message, they don't deserve to be my friends.

Also, people who I went to school with, who didn't even talk to me, who didn't do anything to stop the bullying... why the fuck would I add them on Facebook and pretend that they're my friends now? What in the hell is going through their minds when they send friend requests? :evil:

josevolution

The topic is of a woman stuck in the past not stuck in Facebook wich by the way i'm not on .....

iluvcats

SxDx1982 wrote:

That's why I only have 16 friends on Facebook (my closest friends and family members). I used to have almost 150. I decided that I don't need Facebook to keep in touch with people. If they can't pick up the phone or send me a text message, they don't deserve to be my friends.

Also, people who I went to school with, who didn't even talk to me, who didn't do anything to stop the bullying... why the fuck would I add them on Facebook and pretend that they're my friends now? What in the hell is going through their minds when they send friend requests? :evil:

you were bullied? I'm sorry :(

to jose, well....my relative stuck in the past is GLUED to FB. I believe she has radar when one of us updates our status...

josevolution

iluvcats wrote:

SxDx1982 wrote:

That's why I only have 16 friends on Facebook (my closest friends and family members). I used to have almost 150. I decided that I don't need Facebook to keep in touch with people. If they can't pick up the phone or send me a text message, they don't deserve to be my friends.

Also, people who I went to school with, who didn't even talk to me, who didn't do anything to stop the bullying... why the fuck would I add them on Facebook and pretend that they're my friends now? What in the hell is going through their minds when they send friend requests? :evil:

you were bullied? I'm sorry :(

to jose, well....my relative stuck in the past is GLUED to FB. I believe she has radar when one of us updates our status...

Oh ok that sucks is she all alone that has to be the worst thing to be alone at and advanced age ...

SxDx1982

^Thanks.
And sorry, I get sidetracked sometimes. :roll:

I agree, she is probably lonely, but that doesn't mean she has to stalk people on facebook 24/7. My best advice is to just ignore her, and block as many updates from her as you can without causing drama, if you know what I mean.
A friend of my best friend's fiancé is a little on the crazy side too, and he kept sending me facebook requests for a really long time (before it was possible to block them). But even that doesn't always help... after a few months of ignoring his requests, he somehow got my phone number and started texting me. :eh: :roll:

Yefa

OP - Your coworker is correct. The relative in question is your second cousin, once removed. It's explained at the link below.

http://www.genealogy.com/16_cousn.html

I'm not Facebook friends with any of my relatives. My best friend isn't on there but I am Facebook friends with his wife. I rarely post updates.

pandora

iluvcats wrote:

On Facebook (and before that, in email) my relative constantly speaks of deceased relatives (but her mom only died within the past 5 years.) She brags about our family's greatness so much, you'd think we were the Kennedy's Sadly, my uncle told me she is crazy.

She keeps calling me her cousin. The only relative in common we have is my Great Grandmother's mom! I drew a family tree and I asked my coworker once if she is my cousin and he said no. She is from "a different generation." I guess she's closer to the top dogs in our family than I am. I actually started hiding my FB posts from her...

thanks for listening.

I understand stuck in the past as far as tracing ancestry
and I love it!

It has more than enriched my life. It's hard to explain the spiritualism involved
in learning about those who came before me of the same flesh and blood.

My personal circumstances lead to not knowing anyone on my fathers side
so this brought even more meaning and helped me to feel connected to those I never
had the privilege to know.

I get her enthusiasm and craziness understand bragging rights too

perhaps if you can ... embrace this and her ...
someday you may understand if you start tracing your family tree...
it is oh so rewarding!

iluvcats

Oh ok that sucks is she all alone that has to be the worst thing to be alone at and advanced age ...

jose, she isn't alone, she has 5 grown children (she could be alone although...)

iluvcats

pandora wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

On Facebook (and before that, in email) my relative constantly speaks of deceased relatives (but her mom only died within the past 5 years.) She brags about our family's greatness so much, you'd think we were the Kennedy's Sadly, my uncle told me she is crazy.

She keeps calling me her cousin. The only relative in common we have is my Great Grandmother's mom! I drew a family tree and I asked my coworker once if she is my cousin and he said no. She is from "a different generation." I guess she's closer to the top dogs in our family than I am. I actually started hiding my FB posts from her...

thanks for listening.

I understand stuck in the past as far as tracing ancestry
and I love it!

It has more than enriched my life. It's hard to explain the spiritualism involved
in learning about those who came before me of the same flesh and blood.

My personal circumstances lead to not knowing anyone on my fathers side
so this brought even more meaning and helped me to feel connected to those I never
had the privilege to know.

I get her enthusiasm and craziness understand bragging rights too

perhaps if you can ... embrace this and her ...
someday you may understand if you start tracing your family tree...
it is oh so rewarding!

thanks for reply but that's not it....

pandora

iluvcats wrote:

pandora wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

On Facebook (and before that, in email) my relative constantly speaks of deceased relatives (but her mom only died within the past 5 years.) She brags about our family's greatness so much, you'd think we were the Kennedy's Sadly, my uncle told me she is crazy.

She keeps calling me her cousin. The only relative in common we have is my Great Grandmother's mom! I drew a family tree and I asked my coworker once if she is my cousin and he said no. She is from "a different generation." I guess she's closer to the top dogs in our family than I am. I actually started hiding my FB posts from her...

thanks for listening.

I understand stuck in the past as far as tracing ancestry
and I love it!

It has more than enriched my life. It's hard to explain the spiritualism involved
in learning about those who came before me of the same flesh and blood.

My personal circumstances lead to not knowing anyone on my fathers side
so this brought even more meaning and helped me to feel connected to those I never
had the privilege to know.

I get her enthusiasm and craziness understand bragging rights too

perhaps if you can ... embrace this and her ...
someday you may understand if you start tracing your family tree...
it is oh so rewarding!

thanks for reply but that's not it....

Oh I think I get...
its the top dogs ... yes?

well we all know they can be full of shit or at least themselves

iluvcats

yes, since she is of a different generation, she is closer to the top dogs

pandora

iluvcats wrote:

yes, since she is of a different generation, she is closer to the top dogs

I see... I traced my tree on my Dads side back to the 1600's
my mothers is much harder to trace ...

but it's all family ... I don't get top dogs really

iluvcats

pandora wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

yes, since she is of a different generation, she is closer to the top dogs

I see... I traced my tree on my Dads side back to the 1600's
my mothers is much harder to trace ...

but it's all family ... I don't get top dogs really

we have two relatives tracing our family tree via the Internet (which I have found to be inaccurate when I tried to do it that way.) correct it is all family and I don't understand the constant name dropping of my distant cousin.

StillHere

iluvcats wrote:

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Whats the fun of calling someone and asking "what's new?" if you've already read about it on Facebook?

one of my friends i used to work with -- she will not call me back if i call her and leave her a message; but she will write a novel to me on facebook. i truly believe it has replaced adult human contact for her.

i'm on facebook..and i'm STILL always out of the loop
but that's the case in real life too...soooooooo :roll:

pandora

iluvcats wrote:

pandora wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

yes, since she is of a different generation, she is closer to the top dogs

I see... I traced my tree on my Dads side back to the 1600's
my mothers is much harder to trace ...

but it's all family ... I don't get top dogs really

we have two relatives tracing our family tree via the Internet (which I have found to be inaccurate when I tried to do it that way.) correct it is all family and I don't understand the constant name dropping of my distant cousin.

my husbands mother did an in depth tracing of their trees and found them related to
Abe Lincoln ... there's a name to toss around
but you know many many many people are related to him, so the meaning
of such kind of unimportant.

I found out some unhappy things but it gave me new respect
for some of my relatives for what they endured.

And yes one can try to document events but sometimes it remains a guess ...
a stretch, accuracy if not truth itself not found

it is a great hobby though but at this point, for me, requires some travel which is out of reach.

redrock

iluvcats - whilst quite a number of 'x removed', this person is a cousin! Also a very lonely person, it would seem, if her life revolves around FB and the past. Whilst remembering the deceased and embracing one's roots, origins and distant family, to dwell in it so much seems a bit strange.

Maybe your relative who said she was crazy might exaggerate but it's certainly not a healthy outlook on life. Toward the end of her life, my mother was always on about those that had died (and it would seem their deaths the cause of all of her 'woes' - a bit of a 'escape' if you ask me!).

Just try not to let it get to you - let it glide over your head!

We've managed to trace our family back to 1010 (on my Dad's side). Internet helped a bit but not all that much - as you said, a lot of inaccuracies there. It took a cousin and three years of his life, lots of traveling, etc. to piece everything together (and write a book about it too!). A labour of love it was!