How to get a teenager to tidy their room?

Claireack

This is very trivial, but its driving me bonkers. I know there's more important things in life, but I can't change the big stuff but maybe I can change this.

My 15 year old son has a room about 12ft by 6ft, I happened to look in it yesterday - big mistake! It's horrendous! So whilst he was at work I tried to sort it out a bit. I took out 5 black bin bags of clothes (cleanliness debatable) these were located in all kinds of places other than cupboards, including shoved down the side of the pillow, 1 black bin bag of rubbish, 16 bath towels, two mixing bowls that had I had been looking for for weeks, 6 pint glasses, a fork, reems of tissue paper, a hand held pepper spray, umpteen chewed up pens. There was also his missing memory stick that he swore was nowhere and his school tie which he thought he'd left somewhere and which I had to replace yesterday so he didn't get in trouble at school.

I've asked politely, I've tried bribery and I've tried not going in there. Any ideas???

P.s. I'm not a clean freak, I believe there's more to life, but there really is a limit.

mfc2006

my parents used to tell me that i couldn't leave the house until my room was clean. when you're a teenage boy, all you want to do is leave the house...so their method worked!

mookeywrench

What do teenagers love the most...?

Privacy

When he's out of the house, take off the door to his room. If he wants the door back...he'll have to clean his room.

Enkidu

mookeywrench wrote:

What do teenagers love the most...?

Privacy

When he's out of the house, take off the door to his room. If he wants the door back...he'll have to clean his room.

I like the door idea. I just went in my daughter's room to get her laundry - and there are clean piles of clothes stacked on the floor from last weekend she's never put away.

I'm going to tell her about the door. Thanks.

Bathgate66

bread and water?

stargirl69

Oh Claire,I don't expect you wrote this to be funny but it was very funny to read,it was the 16 bath towels that stunned me

I have seen two methods that worked.
When my friends son has his mates around she shouts to keep his bedroom door shut as she can smell the stench of testosterone seeping downstairs,he got so fed up with her embarrassing him in front of his friends he asked her what she wanted him to do about it,she told him she didn't mind clean testosterone it was the rank smelling stuff that was permeating from his room that she objected to.

My nephew brought a girl home to meet my sister,my sister took the girl up to his room and told her she was welcome in it any time if she could stand it,then opened the door to carnage,sis told the girl to consider the myre he lived in before letting him kiss/touch her as he may not be all hygienic,it worked he spent the next week gutting his room.

Seems humiliation in front of their mates/girl is the way to get results

conman

a swift kick in the ass always worked for me at that age

stargirl69

mookeywrench wrote:

What do teenagers love the most...?

Privacy

When he's out of the house, take off the door to his room. If he wants the door back...he'll have to clean his room.

I like that idea ... I bet that would work

norm

threaten to throw out all of his stuff (clothes and all) if he doesn't keep his room clean...when that doesn't happen, do it...worked on my sisters...they left for school one day and when they came home they saw garbage bags at the curb...my mom rarely made idle threats

redrock

Had to laugh Claire.. probably one of those 'crazy' laughs too.....

H... meet G! You two seem to be similar. Though her max was 5 towels...

photogirlliz

norm wrote:

threaten to throw out all of his stuff (clothes and all) if he doesn't keep his room clean...when that doesn't happen, do it...worked on my sisters...they left for school one day and when they came home they saw garbage bags at the curb...my mom rarely made idle threats

mikalina

My daughter can get a bit sloppy .... she just turned 14.

I just take away her cell phone til she cleans up her room.

You wouldn't believe how quickly she gets moving.....

guitar59

A terry robe keeps the towels in check. Our teen wants an ipad, we won't buy it for him, but if his room is clean, his laundry is in the appropriate places (clean put away, dirty in the hamper) and I say it passes a weekly inspection, and he helps with the dishwasher unloading, we transfer $10 into his bank account every Saturday. Seems to be doing the trick, room has been clean for 3 weeks.

I love the door removal idea! I may have to use that with my daughters!

Claireack

Mmmm door removal - a definite possibility. Robe - won't work he has 2 already (one which was his dads that somehow ended up there). Bread and water?? That might be a good idea, as he left the house this evening he grabbed a quorn roast that was on the side ready for our tea - spent ages looking for it until we realised it was gone. Rung him 'I was hungry, theres other stuff in the house' grrrr ..... Chuck it out?? Maybe .....

We sat him down when he got in and gave him a talking to. I told him he wouldn't be allowed out if his room wasn't tidy, that I was charging him this weeks £5 pocket money for cleaning fees. Then we told him that because he left his retainer lying around the dog had eaten it (it's funny that upset him most).

I guess we'll wait and see.

Stargirl69 - I don't know what on earth possessed me to count the towels, I think it must have been blind fury

stargirl69

Claireack wrote:

Mmmm door removal - a definite possibility. Robe - won't work he has 2 already (one which was his dads that somehow ended up there). Bread and water?? That might be a good idea, as he left the house this evening he grabbed a quorn roast that was on the side ready for our tea - spent ages looking for it until we realised it was gone. Rung him 'I was hungry, theres other stuff in the house' grrrr ..... Chuck it out?? Maybe .....

We sat him down when he got in and gave him a talking to. I told him he wouldn't be allowed out if his room wasn't tidy, that I was charging him this weeks £5 pocket money for cleaning fees. Then we told him that because he left his retainer lying around the dog had eaten it (it's funny that upset him most).

I guess we'll wait and see.

Stargirl69 - I don't know what on earth possessed me to count the towels, I think it must have been blind fury

Claire this is getting funnier with each post ... sorry :oops:

Where did you look for the roast?
Why did the dog eat the retainer instead of the roast?
You must have many towels

My sister was having friends over for dinner once,she had made lasagne and cheesecake,when she got home to prepare for her friends arriving the lasagne dish and cake platter were lying in the sink empty.

She couldn't figure out what had happened until my nephew came down the stairs with 5 of his mates,they all thanked her for their tea ... of lasagne and cheesecake

Fifthelement

norm wrote:

threaten to throw out all of his stuff (clothes and all) if he doesn't keep his room clean...when that doesn't happen, do it...worked on my sisters...they left for school one day and when they came home they saw garbage bags at the curb...my mom rarely made idle threats

That method always worked on my siblings as well. You really have to follow through though. Give him fair warning.

Realistically though, as a teen they do need to have a sense of their own space. So determine, with him, what is acceptable mess and what isn't. Dirty dishes, towels, etc. are definitely not okay; any missing/lost school-related stuff that has to be replaced comes out of his spending money. Make him accountable. If that doesn't work, do a deep clean and toss everything that's on the floor. Do it just before bin day. Good luck and stick to your guns; it will serve him well when he's out on his own (although he'll probably hate you now :? )

PJaddicted

I've never made my kids clean their rooms, they could keep them any way they wanted to, except if we had company coming and they were going to sleep in one of their rooms. Now three of them are in their 20s and all keep their rooms where they live....clean. I keep a clean/neat home, and they always had to respect our mutual living space including the kitchen, so I guess they learned by example. Also, they all learned to cook and do their own laundry when they were young. I never found nagging them to clean their rooms to be worth the stress that it would create.

ZiggyStar

At what age do you stop entering your child's room and going through their stuff without permission? I'm trying to think back to see whether I would have been pissed off at 15 if my mum went through my entire room? I know I would have been at 16 or 17....she might have found my bong!

He probably came home and thought FUCK!! She's found my porn!!! And my tissues!!!! :shock: :?

RKCNDY

ZiggyStar wrote:

He probably came home and thought FUCK!! She's found my porn!!! And my crusty stuck together socks!!!! :shock: :?

fixed!

well Claire, teenagers at that age are trying to define who they are. They don't want to be 'mothered' and want to figure out how to live on their own. So, maybe you could agree to a 'your room must be neat and tidy every Friday (or any other day)'-the rest of the week, he can keep it however he likes it. He will get sick of cleaning and (hopefully) keep it more tidy. The repercussions could be: it is not kept clean on the agreed upon days, then I remove the door for 3 months.

If you force a teenager to keep his room tidy every day...eventually he will rebel when he lives on his own...and guess who gets to deal with that mess? :x

norm

this conversation reminded me of this

http://youtu.be/LaDjjNph4-Y

ZiggyStar

RKCNDY wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

He probably came home and thought FUCK!! She's found my porn!!! And my crusty stuck together socks!!!! :shock: :?

That's why he needed 16 towels....too embarrassed to give them to mum to wash....so he just jizzed on a new one each time....well, I am talking about a 15 year old boy here....he probably used each towel a few of times before throwing it on the "used" pile and getting a new one!

Claireack

ZiggyStar wrote:

At what age do you stop entering your child's room and going through their stuff without permission? I'm trying to think back to see whether I would have been pissed off at 15 if my mum went through my entire room? I know I would have been at 16 or 17....she might have found my bong!

He probably came home and thought FUCK!! She's found my porn!!! And my tissues!!!! :shock: :?

Well I found condoms in there last year when I was dropping off washing, nearly had a heart attack, although was pleased that he had some (didn't tell them I'd seen them).
Re: the porn, I said to him all the things I found in there and then said I'd found his porn stash. He just laughed, he didn't have any, but he has got a laptop :?

stargirl69 wrote:

Where did you look for the roast?
Why did the dog eat the retainer instead of the roast?
You must have many towels

The roast - well we thought we must have mislaid it, so the fridge, back in the oven, through in the lounge (you never know - might have mistaken it for the tv control). Molly ate the retainer because she's too little to get to the kitchen unit - one of the advantages of having a little dog. We though we only had a couple of towels left until I found them up there - now we have an abundance

Who Princess

This is one of the most entertaining threads I've read in a long time!

As a former messy teenager, I'm thinking that my mom wasn't nearly creative enough in trying to cure me of it. Removing the door? That is brilliant!

JaneNY

I don't really have a good answer, but know that this is a time limited problem. My daughter is 17, and she's gotten better, but things really go down hill at times. However, she is studying, getting A's, lead in her school musical and auditioning for colleges. I cut her some slack as long as we don't get ants in the rooms.

We live in the country and occasionally get a mouse in the house (despite 5 lovable but useless cats), and when one ran across her room a few weeks ago, I think it inspired her to do a little better. It is great when natural consequences of actions turn into a teaching moment.


But I think this is the most important thing to keep in mind - one day, your child will be gone, and your house will be the way you want it to be, and you will miss your child being there :( .

Given to...

JaneNY wrote:

But I think this is the most important thing to keep in mind - one day, your child will be gone, and your house will be the way you want it to be, and you will miss your child being there :( .

This.


My son (and best friend) spent his entire Christmas break at home with us. This is his second year of college, and it messes me up every time he leaves. He left me all sorts or reminders that we never held him to the highest standard when it comes to a clean room. Bicycle trainer and bike still hooked up and sitting in the downstairs living room; filthy floor mats in my truck from his escapades to the desert and mountains ---clay and mud! Spare 10-speed laying in my garage waiting to be hung up. Wheels and tires thrown amuck. Yet his room is put together before he leaves.


As for my 16 year old daughters' room... I actually just do not go near the place. It seriously increases my blood pressure to even peek in. Nothing has seemed to work, and although the door idea and surgical removal from the phone sound like good options, I refer to JaneNY's wisdom and go about loving the mess while I can.

Jennytree

Claire!

I don't think I ever had to be told to tidy up after myself - we never ate in our rooms, and we would have to leave our dirty washing downstairs every day. We didn't have much stuff after that :roll:

I still love the door idea though

Johnny Abruzzo

My dad used to throw my shit away - that worked. I'm still kind of messy, slow to put my clothes away, but much better than I used to be - good thing since I'm 34 and have 2 sons.

My boyz are both under 18 months, but I am NOT looking forward to this.

conman

JaneNY wrote:

But I think this is the most important thing to keep in mind - one day, your child will be gone, and your house will be the way you want it to be, and you will miss your child being there :( .

my mother would beg to differ

chadwick

how to get a 39 year old to tidy their room:
this my next thread

Who Princess

chadwick wrote:

how to get a 39 year old to tidy their room:
this my next thread

When we get that sorted out, we can move on to getting a 57 year old to tidy her room.

RKCNDY

chadwick wrote:

how to get a 39 year old to tidy their room:
this my next thread

I will eagerly await this thread! Really...I think I want to move to the guest room...