Is this good parenting?

arq

I'm not asking if this is good parenting in a negative way, there's zero irony in my words believe me, I just would like to know your opinion, when I was a little kid, my mom allowed me to wear anything I wanted and I was happy wearing even a spider-man costume in April, I was just happy to be spider-man , but wearing girls clothes was never in my mind. I think the boy in the picture is just unaware and he's just happy because he likes the color and because they look like ninja's shoes.

So how would you respond to this? be aware this is not a report made by a news agency in anyway, this is just a comment made by a regular person.

http://r0bertbrowniejr.tumblr.com/post/ ... acebook-of

Thoughts?

justam

I think it's cute that the child himself explains that he likes them because they look like zebras, his favorite animal, not because they are pink.

Why don't people just ask kids what they're thinking? It'd be so much more effective!

StillHere

i don't see one thing wrong with it
children should be able to express themselves
pink zebra shoes are no biggie, believe me
later there will be blue hair, all sorts of body jewelry or some other body modification
shoes are temporary
and hey, they're cute!
the kid is lucky to have parents who don't try to hold back his personality
and let him express himself freely
and like what he wants to like
and be what he wants to be
don't come across that all to often

i am so happy to read that the other kids in school did not judge him for his awesome taste in footwear
as for the relatives....let them worry about their own children

and as for the remark about pink shoes and the like "turning him gay"
i doubt it
and even if years down the road he turns out to be other than heterosexual
it will have had nothing to do with shoes
and who cares anyway?
as long as he's happy

whygohome

I hope the kid knows karate. I have no problem with the shoes; I think it is quite funny. Society, and other kids, on the other hand.......that's a different story.

cowboypjfan

I disagree with letting kids wear whatever they want. Your kids are a reflection of your parenting and you need to be the one in control. I don't have kids yet, but from what I see with some friends' kids, it is very important to be the one calling the shots as a parent and adult.

BinauralJam

He's not going to keep those clean.

cowboypjfan

StillHere wrote:

and as for the remark about pink shoes and the like "turning him gay"

There's no such thing as 'turning' someone gay. Coming out of the closet is another thing but this kid may already be gay. It's something you are born with, imo

StillHere

crazypjfan wrote:

I disagree with letting kids wear whatever they want. Your kids are a reflection of your parenting and you need to be the one in control. I don't have kids yet, but from what I see with some friends' kids, it is very important to be the one calling the shots as a parent and adult.

key to this is bolded
not to be disrespectful
but in the grand scheme of things
you gotta choose your battles
this is harmless...a little nothing
and i would think it would reflect on wonderful parenting
after all, who made the rules of what is and is not appropriate for boys/girls?
causes a lot of emotional conflict in this world
better off without all that

being the mom of 3 grown (anatomically anyway) children
and 5 grandchildren
i must respectfully disagree
out of pure exhaustion

but when you have children, of course, you make the decisions
hopefully with compassion and room for growth

StillHere

crazypjfan wrote:

StillHere wrote:

and as for the remark about pink shoes and the like "turning him gay"

There's no such thing as 'turning' someone gay. Coming out of the closet is another thing but this kid may already be gay. It's something you are born with, imo

exactly my point

cincybearcat

Seems fine to me.

Not going to lie, if he were my son I would have had an internal struggle when it came up. But I think that the parent in this case did a fine job. Not to mention, she knows her kid far better than any of us.

cowboypjfan

StillHere wrote:

but when you have children, of course, you make the decisions
hopefully with compassion and room for growth

Thanks for the tip It won't be too long since we want to have kids soon. You MUST be exhausted running around with those 5 little ones(I'm assuming they are little)

arq

crazypjfan wrote:

StillHere wrote:

but when you have children, of course, you make the decisions
hopefully with compassion and room for growth

Thanks for the tip It won't be too long since we want to have kids soon. You MUST be exhausted running around with those 5 little ones(I'm assuming they are little)

With the older ones I would say is harder because you can't control them even a tiny bit

_

It depends on whether she wants to teach him to stand up for his beliefs or conform to everyone else. To me, the answer is clear.

StillHere

arq wrote:

crazypjfan wrote:

StillHere wrote:

but when you have children, of course, you make the decisions
hopefully with compassion and room for growth

Thanks for the tip It won't be too long since we want to have kids soon. You MUST be exhausted running around with those 5 little ones(I'm assuming they are little)

With the older ones I would say is harder because you can't control them even a tiny bit

all aged 3 to 5 running around is right
and arq is right too
save the energy for later

Cosmo

arq wrote:

I'm not asking if this is good parenting in a negative way, there's zero irony in my words believe me, I just would like to know your opinion, when I was a little kid, my mom allowed me to wear anything I wanted and I was happy wearing even a spider-man costume in April, I was just happy to be spider-man , but wearing girls clothes was never in my mind. I think the boy in the picture is just unaware and he's just happy because he likes the color and because they look like ninja's shoes.

So how would you respond to this? be aware this is not a report made by a news agency in anyway, this is just a comment made by a regular person.

http://r0bertbrowniejr.tumblr.com/post/ ... acebook-of

Thoughts?

...
I think it is more a problem with the parents who are okay with their kid, beating up/bullying the kid with the pink shoes and...
What the HELL is that avatar of yours???

Jeanwah

I see this as a non-issue. So he likes the shoes, so what!

I think it is more a problem with the parents who are okay with their kid, beating up/bullying the kid with the pink shoes

I agree with this.

bjo1015

As a parent of a boy who loved to play dress up with his sister and cousins (both girls), I think the mother is doing the right thing. Some family members would make comments about my son and what he would want to wear to play with. I would often have to defend him. When he was in preschool, he would play with both the boy and the girl dress up clothes. He would play with legos one day and in the play kitchen or with dolls the next day.

He is 7 now and he no longer does this. I really believe that young kids don't know the difference between what toys are "made" for boys vs. girls.

JonnyPistachio

cincybearcat wrote:

Seems fine to me.

Not going to lie, if he were my son I would have had an internal struggle when it came up. But I think that the parent in this case did a fine job. Not to mention, she knows her kid far better than any of us.

This is the same thing I was thinking.
And he may have several reasons for wanting to wear them, even if its ninja related, zebra related, love of pink related, or something else, I think its good to let them chose these things. There is no doubt that he will encounter problems at some point if it persists though. And maybe at this age its best to be dealt with rather than suppressed, whatever his motivation may be.

SxDx1982

Cosmo wrote:

...
I think it is more a problem with the parents who are okay with their kid, beating up/bullying the kid with the pink shoes and...
What the HELL is that avatar of yours???

Bwahahaha!!! I wouldn't have noticed it if you hadn't pointed it out!

Anyway, back on topic.. I looked like a boy until I was 15! My mom let me wear boys' clothes because I wasn't comfortable in girly clothes, and I continued to wear whetever I liked in high school. I turned out okay.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

Seems like it presented the opportunity to explain the differences in the way boys and girls dress. Although not a huge deal, let's be honest... the pink shoes are not 'right' for the kid. He needed to have the differences between boys and girls' styles explained in 'kid-like' fashion.

Just because a kid wants to 'express himself' doesn't make it right. What if the boy wanted a nighty because it had Blues Clues on it? Kids need to be educated about these things. The opportunity presented itself and the parent chose to let the kid prevail with his naive desire.

My wife works as a lab tech dispensing eyeglasses. Many times boys want frames that are clearly for girls. With little difficulty, she manages to have the young boy understand that the frames they have picked out aren't 'right' for the boy.

When people speak of 'picking your battles'... you had better have your kids attention and respect when they reach young adulthood. If they have grown up always getting their way and never being re-directed (parented) when appropriate, they will not be as receptive when they feel as if they've 'got it'! I'm not saying fight them on everything, but relative to social issues, I think parental intervention is necessary.

My son used to want to turn his underwear backside to the front- so he could see the Tarzan, Shrek, and whatever other images underwear companies placed on the bum. Not worth a fight. Opting for panties... a fight.

JonnyPistachio

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

Seems like it presented the opportunity to explain the differences in the way boys and girls dress. Although not a huge deal, let's be honest... the pink shoes are not 'right' for the kid. He needed to have the differences between boys and girls' styles explained in 'kid-like' fashion.

Just because a kid wants to 'express himself' doesn't make it right. What if the boy wanted a nighty because it had Blues Clues on it? Kids need to be educated about these things. The opportunity presented itself and the parent chose to let the kid prevail with his naive desire.

None of us know this kid. What if he had a Jim Carrey sense of humor? I once went outside to play with my friends wearing my moms high heels. They laughed like hell. But i'm sure most other people's concerns are surrounding a bigger elephant in the room...
lets not deny it, there is an underlying theme that parents might be concerned their boy is like a girl, or possibly gay. So what. Is it better he becomes comfortable with it at 8 years old, or at 18 when he's struggling through college?
What's his motivation? None of us here know.

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

My wife works as a lab tech dispensing eyeglasses. Many times boys want frames that are clearly for girls. With little difficulty, she manages to have the young boy understand that the frames they have picked out aren't 'right' for the boy.

I dont know too much about glasses, but i've also never noticed too much of a difference between male and female design. And if I had a son who wanted glasses that were designed for a female, i think I'd be more annoyed that someone who doesnt know him is telling him what's 'right' for him...especially something that is ambiguous. If they're 'clearly for girls' why all the confusion?

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

When people speak of 'picking your battles'... you had better have your kids attention and respect when they reach young adulthood. If they have grown up always getting their way and never being re-directed (parented) when appropriate, they will not be as receptive when they feel as if they've 'got it'! I'm not saying fight them on everything, but relative to social issues, I think parental intervention is necessary.

My son used to want to turn his underwear backside to the front- so he could see the Tarzan, Shrek, and whatever other images underwear companies placed on the bum. Not worth a fight. Opting for panties... a fight.

Now, I do agree that there are many things you have to be cautious about and pick your battles wisely, but there are some that just shouldnt matter. Funny story about the backwards undies though!

Prince Of Dorkness

Good GOD no.

What the hell is that mother thinking?

Pink Pumps with Blue Jeans in January? What are we, Cavemen?

Prince Of Dorkness

For the record... when I was a little boy and was told "this is for girls" and "that is for boys" it only made think the adult telling me that was an A-hole.

If an adult told me "you can't wear those glasses, those are for girls," I'd have insisted on the glasses I wanted and told the woman "I'm glad I'm not your kid."

But I was an A-hole too. Even at 6.

Let the kid wear what he wants. I loved to play dress up when I was a little boy. I wore my dad's shoes and my mom's shoes, my sister's cheerleading uniform and my father's army fatigues. IT had no impact on me other than my attitude of not giving a crap what anyone else says, thinks or wants for me. I'll live on my own terms.

Telling a kid "that's not for you" and forcing our societal gender roles on a child not old enough to understand them isn't going to do anything other than annoy them.

bjo1015

Prince Of Dorkness wrote:

For the record... when I was a little boy and was told "this is for girls" and "that is for boys" it only made think the adult telling me that was an A-hole.

If an adult told me "you can't wear those glasses, those are for girls," I'd have insisted on the glasses I wanted and told the woman "I'm glad I'm not your kid."

But I was an A-hole too. Even at 6.

Let the kid wear what he wants. I loved to play dress up when I was a little boy. I wore my dad's shoes and my mom's shoes, my sister's cheerleading uniform and my father's army fatigues. IT had no impact on me other than my attitude of not giving a crap what anyone else says, thinks or wants for me. I'll live on my own terms.

Telling a kid "that's not for you" and forcing our societal gender roles on a child not old enough to understand them isn't going to do anything other than annoy them.

Prince Of Dorkness

Oh... and try this one on..

I asked for a Ken. My sister had Barbie and I wanted Ken.

My parents thought that it would be better if I got the "boys" dolls like Steve Austin and GI Joe. They got me Steve and Joe (the 12" one with the reddish fuzzy beard and the "Kung Foo Grip.")

They were a bit flummoxed when they saw that they had evicted my sister's barbie and moved in together in Barbie's Dream Townhouse and took long bareback rides on the beach together on their horses, slept in the same bed and drove around in the two-seater Dune Buggy that came with Ken.

JonnyPistachio

Prince Of Dorkness wrote:

Oh... and try this one on..

I asked for a Ken. My sister had Barbie and I wanted Ken.

My parents thought that it would be better if I got the "boys" dolls like Steve Austin and GI Joe. They got me Steve and Joe (the 12" one with the reddish fuzzy beard and the "Kung Foo Grip.")

They were a bit flummoxed when they saw that they had evicted my sister's barbie and moved in together in Barbie's Dream Townhouse and took long bareback rides on the beach together on their horses, slept in the same bed and drove around in the two-seater Dune Buggy that came with Ken.

...and it took them HOW long to figure you out?!
You crack me up POD.

Jeanwah

My brother used to steal a couple of my sister's shirts and wear them to school in the late 70s. They weren't girly shirts, just typical 70s like dorky looking shirts. And no, he is not gay.

Cheeks

It's fine parenting. At two, my daughter already picks her clothes and often goes out looking either like Punky Brewster or a boy. Some days she wants a pretty dress... other days her "rocket ship shirt" and nothing else.
The only thing I insist on when we leave the house is that her face is washed and her teeth and hair are brushed.
Let kids be kids and wear what they want--especially if they can articulate the reasoning behind it.
Kids will face enough social pressure as they get older. Let them enjoy their childhood while they are blissfully unaware.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

Seems like it presented the opportunity to explain the differences in the way boys and girls dress. Although not a huge deal, let's be honest... the pink shoes are not 'right' for the kid. He needed to have the differences between boys and girls' styles explained in 'kid-like' fashion.

Just because a kid wants to 'express himself' doesn't make it right. What if the boy wanted a nighty because it had Blues Clues on it? Kids need to be educated about these things. The opportunity presented itself and the parent chose to let the kid prevail with his naive desire.

None of us know this kid. What if he had a Jim Carrey sense of humor? I once went outside to play with my friends wearing my moms high heels. They laughed like hell. But i'm sure most other people's concerns are surrounding a bigger elephant in the room...
lets not deny it, there is an underlying theme that parents might be concerned their boy is like a girl, or possibly gay. So what. Is it better he becomes comfortable with it at 8 years old, or at 18 when he's struggling through college?
What's his motivation? None of us here know.

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

My wife works as a lab tech dispensing eyeglasses. Many times boys want frames that are clearly for girls. With little difficulty, she manages to have the young boy understand that the frames they have picked out aren't 'right' for the boy.

I dont know too much about glasses, but i've also never noticed too much of a difference between male and female design. And if I had a son who wanted glasses that were designed for a female, i think I'd be more annoyed that someone who doesnt know him is telling him what's 'right' for him...especially something that is ambiguous. If they're 'clearly for girls' why all the confusion?

Thirty Bills Unpaid wrote:

When people speak of 'picking your battles'... you had better have your kids attention and respect when they reach young adulthood. If they have grown up always getting their way and never being re-directed (parented) when appropriate, they will not be as receptive when they feel as if they've 'got it'! I'm not saying fight them on everything, but relative to social issues, I think parental intervention is necessary.

My son used to want to turn his underwear backside to the front- so he could see the Tarzan, Shrek, and whatever other images underwear companies placed on the bum. Not worth a fight. Opting for panties... a fight.

Now, I do agree that there are many things you have to be cautious about and pick your battles wisely, but there are some that just shouldnt matter. Funny story about the backwards undies though!

This thread boils down to values. I just think that kids need some guidance and- right or wrong- this would be have been a moment where I would have provided some. Don't get me wrong here though... this is not a huge deal. We're just talking philosophical standpoints.

fife

_ wrote:

It depends on whether she wants to teach him to stand up for his beliefs or conform to everyone else. To me, the answer is clear.

Really, while i agree with everyone here that this is not a sign of bad parenting at all. i think it does raise an issue. is the kid going to be safe? we live in a world where people who are perceived to be"different" do get beat up and sometimes killed. its sad but true.

fife

Cheeks wrote:

It's fine parenting. At two, my daughter already picks her clothes and often goes out looking either like Punky Brewster or a boy. Some days she wants a pretty dress... other days her "rocket ship shirt" and nothing else.
The only thing I insist on when we leave the house is that her face is washed and her teeth and hair are brushed.
Let kids be kids and wear what they want--especially if they can articulate the reasoning behind it.
Kids will face enough social pressure as they get older. Let them enjoy their childhood while they are blissfully unaware.

completely agree but another question. is it more socially accepted for a girl to look more like a boy as compared to a boy looking like a girl?