imo if youre keeping it from your partner then its cheating.
But should we tell our partners EVERYTHING?! Surely we can still be our own person without the need to tell our partner every single thing we talk/think about? My bf would hate some of the shit I've talked about on here....have I cheated on him with all of you then?
imo if youre keeping it from your partner then its cheating.
But should we tell our partners EVERYTHING?! Surely we can still be our own person without the need to tell our partner every single thing we talk/think about? My bf would hate some of the shit I've talked about on here....have I cheated on him with all of you then?
Yes you have. Remember the beard thread?!? :P
Seriously though, I agree. Although this isn't as extreme of an example as the "emotional void" thing I said earlier, but... if I'm in the super market and I encounter a very flirtatious clerk or something, I most likely won't say anything when I get home. Not because I'm trying to hide something, but simply because it's trivial.
I am sure that our spouses/significant others get attention in public that they know how to appropriately handle and move past, without having to inform us about it.
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
I think the internet has opened up a whole new wave of emotional cheating....Give it 5-10 more years and the internet will be the cause of a LOT of break ups....imo.
I don't even give it 5-10 years. I bet the internet, and people being opened up to the introduction to a lot more other personalities causes a lot more break-ups/divorces than we think.
there are lots of those 'internet games'...like halflife.com (I think that's the site) people make up an avatar, and live a virtual life, meet people, have virtual hook-ups, virtual jobs etc...real people get to live their life thru the safety of a computer screen. Some of these people meet for real, in-person.
I personally don't feel the need to tell my other half all the details of a girlfriend's personal life, she shares things with me she has asked I not tell others. (there's that 'I need to emotionally release some pent up feelings').
Being exactly the same and sharing absolutely everything with one person gets stagnant and boring, IMHO. I still want to be an individual, I still want to be 'me'. I love going to PJ concerts, and I would love to go to a burlesque show (without someone making comments about how stupid it all is).
And because you asked dc, are you ok with Miss dc having a close male friend? I've ALWAYS been 'ok' with boyfriends having female friends, and have in the past had many guy friends. I'm all for having platonic opposite sex friends...it evens out the drama...
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
imo if youre keeping it from your partner then its cheating.
But should we tell our partners EVERYTHING?! Surely we can still be our own person without the need to tell our partner every single thing we talk/think about? My bf would hate some of the shit I've talked about on here....have I cheated on him with all of you then?
tough question. I agree with catefrances if you are describing a close relationship you have with someone. I dont tell my wife everything and sure do not want to know everything about her day, who she talked to, etc.
However I would feel badly if I found out she had a very close guy friend that she talked to a lot and didnt tell me about it. I would not feel like she was banging him or anything, I fully trust her, but I would feel badly.
If I met a woman that I felt close with (emotionally) I would want her to be friends with my wife.
To each their own, but that is just my opinion.....everyone can have their own take on it. I was with my wife for 10 years before we got married so we knew for certain that we were with the people we wanted to be with.
imo if youre keeping it from your partner then its cheating.
But should we tell our partners EVERYTHING?! Surely we can still be our own person without the need to tell our partner every single thing we talk/think about? My bf would hate some of the shit I've talked about on here....have I cheated on him with all of you then?
Im not talking about telling your partner everyting but if you cant even share with them the fact that you have some sor of relationship with someone then you have to ask why you cant.
Zig your guy knows you come here and if he so desires can read what youve written. . Im sure hed probably just roll his eyes and see youre just being you.
The problem arises when you deny or downplay the extent of any relationship you have. Saying to your partner oh theyre just friend when you know full well theres more to it than that is deceitful and that deception is where the problem arises.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Im not talking about telling your partner everyting but if you cant even share with them the fact that you have some sor of relationship with someone then you have to ask why you cant.
Zig your guy knows you come here and if he so desires can read what youve written. . Im sure hed probably just roll his eyes and see youre just being you.
The problem arises when you deny or downplay the extent of any relationship you have. Saying to your partner oh theyre just friend when you know full well theres more to it than that is deceitful and that deception is where the problem arises.
Ahhh gotcha. Yeah, I understand what you're saying!
So one day she decides we cant talk. at all. She was falling for me and she couldn't do that to her kids. I understood. I had feelings for her by now and , well, I understood, let her go and that was that.
she decided to back off. what if she had decided to take it a step further? that when we commend the man on not cheating.. not when the option was taken from him. what if the option were different?
anyway i dont want anyone to think im ragging on the OP... its the concepts im addressing.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
So one day she decides we cant talk. at all. She was falling for me and she couldn't do that to her kids. I understood. I had feelings for her by now and , well, I understood, let her go and that was that.
she decided to back off. what if she had decided to take it a step further? that when we commend the man on not cheating.. not when the option was taken from him. what if the option were different?
anyway i dont want anyone to think im ragging on the OP... its the concepts im addressing.
Maybe they would have been absolutely super happy for the rest of their lives? If they were in total love with their real spouses, could they have fallen in love with each other?
Is it possible to fall in love with a second person if you are fully in love with the first?
So one day she decides we cant talk. at all. She was falling for me and she couldn't do that to her kids. I understood. I had feelings for her by now and , well, I understood, let her go and that was that.
she decided to back off. what if she had decided to take it a step further? that when we commend the man on not cheating.. not when the option was taken from him. what if the option were different?
anyway i dont want anyone to think im ragging on the OP... its the concepts im addressing.
Maybe they would have been absolutely super happy for the rest of their lives? If they were in total love with their real spouses, could they have fallen in love with each other?
Is it possible to fall in love with a second person if you are fully in love with the first?
in different types of 'love' probably...do you think that there is 'only one' person for another? Not talking about polygamy...people grow and change. Surely you are not the same person at 21 as you are at 31...or 41 (not that I've reached 41 yet) A person can 'outgrow' another...right?
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
in different types of 'love' probably...do you think that there is 'only one' person for another? Not talking about polygamy...people grow and change. Surely you are not the same person at 21 as you are at 31...or 41 (not that I've reached 41 yet) A person can 'outgrow' another...right?
Yes, people can definitely outgrow each other. And there couldn't possibly only be one person for another. That would mean that if my bf died, I'd never ever find someone else?
So maybe that means you could definitely fall in love with a second person if you are fully in love with your first....you're just lucky (unlucky?) enough to find both of those people you 100% connect with at exactly the same time.
in different types of 'love' probably...do you think that there is 'only one' person for another? Not talking about polygamy...people grow and change. Surely you are not the same person at 21 as you are at 31...or 41 (not that I've reached 41 yet) A person can 'outgrow' another...right?
Yes, people can definitely outgrow each other. And there couldn't possibly only be one person for another. That would mean that if my bf died, I'd never ever find someone else?
So maybe that means you could definitely fall in love with a second person if you are fully in love with your first....you're just lucky (unlucky?) enough to find both of those people you 100% connect with at exactly the same time.
Right Zig!
and now I feel like this thread has turned into one of those gawd awful women's magazine articles that never really gives you any answers.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
And because you asked dc, are you ok with Miss dc having a close male friend? I've ALWAYS been 'ok' with boyfriends having female friends, and have in the past had many guy friends. I'm all for having platonic opposite sex friends...it evens out the drama...
Yes I am okay with it. She does have a close male friend... he's gay, so maybe that makes me feel a bit more comfortable. I would expect her to not keep anything secret though, as I wouldn't either. I think that's just disrespectful and if you havce nothing to hide why keep it secret.
This is an interesting topic seeing that I found out a friend of mine and his girlfriend are going through something similar.. well, except that what I have heard is that the third person is a little manipulative, hateful, and has bad intentions. :(
I digress.. at the end of the day though... I think it all comes back to communication... it might be very difficult to do, but if you have a spouse and you feel that you don't get all needs met by them, it's important to let that person know and discuss it.
Ah fuck, I feel like I'm turning into Dr. Phil here.
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
and now I feel like this thread has turned into one of those gawd awful women's magazine articles that never really gives you any answers.
...perfect time to exit the thread.
:wave:
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
Maybe they would have been absolutely super happy for the rest of their lives? If they were in total love with their real spouses, could they have fallen in love with each other?
Is it possible to fall in love with a second person if you are fully in love with the first?
i am very thrilled and been in love with both my lady friends. each one is uniquely different than the other, giving me one hell of a decision to overcome. they know of each other and i quit hiding facts and stopped telling fibs long time ago. the whole thing is crying.
they each are so wonderful and smart, i am truly blessed even when being ripped apart and depleted.
i really don't know what i would do without them. i physically need each one of them to help me live. we all have saved each others' lives in more ways than one. and in return they need me too.
I'm married for several years. I went to school for a long time. One of the professors there was about 6 months older than me, very pretty, very smart, and we had a ton in common. I ended up having a huge crush on her. Like saying "oh I have a crush on the weather girl" but then I graduated and we ended up running in the same circles. She's married with two kids. Our spouses have met. We never physically have done anything. I am a pretty big jokester and love the innuendo's and teasing, but I might have said something maybe once with a dirty double meaning. After working on a couple of projects together, we discovered our childhoods were similar, our fears, anxiety, hobbies, music, etc were pretty on par with each other. Those irrational fears that no one understands and so you don't tell anyone? well, she could call me and I knew just what to say, because I had the same ones and I knew what I wanted someone to tell me. So we were close. we let down walls. Had we been single, then it would have been hot and heavy. So one day she decides we cant talk. at all. She was falling for me and she couldn't do that to her kids. I understood. I had feelings for her by now and , well, I understood, let her go and that was that. We both felt guilty because it was like "work spouses" but even more.
its been a long time since i've seen her, talked to her, and she unfriended me on face book. like 1&1/2 yrs now.
some days, by spouse is a pain in the ass and doesn't communicate with me and it makes me think that all those people that cheat and are "bad people" who leave their spouses aren't that bad. I miss her, but I know we did the right thing.
This happens to a whole lotta people, this is not unique.
Must remember this relationship is also glorified because it is the
forbidden relationship, the wanting relationship,
which brings much excitement that has been lost to the mundane tried and true.
Common... grass is greener... syndrome.
My only suggestion but I know you asked for none, would be don't flirt like this again.
You are playing with fire that extinguishes true love.
Your spouse can read you though she may not speak if it.
She knows all about this relationship and perhaps has had her own time in the 'sun',
this putting both 'betrayals' in perspective.
Marriages or the like go through many phases and if not both parties committed
to each other and the changes it will fail.
I can tell you after being married for over three decades it is worth anything
you pass up along the way. It is worth concessions, it is worth the less than
perfect times. It is worth the work.
The unity itself becomes more than just you and your partner, it takes on an entity,
a bond that completes your life. It is more than love ... it is life.
Marriages or the like go through many phases and if not both parties committed
to each other and the changes it will fail.
I can tell you after being married for over three decades it is worth anything
you pass up along the way. It is worth concessions, it is worth the less than
perfect times. It is worth the work.
The unity itself becomes more than just you and your partner, it takes on an entity,
a bond that completes your life. It is more than love ... it is life.
I agree with Pandora's suggestion that one should avoid this type of flirtation in the future. It's easier to stay out of trouble if you don't let it get started in the first place!
Luckily if you're with someone you love and respect and value it's easy to think "This person really can't compete with my love so..."
Comments
But should we tell our partners EVERYTHING?! Surely we can still be our own person without the need to tell our partner every single thing we talk/think about? My bf would hate some of the shit I've talked about on here....have I cheated on him with all of you then?
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
you have with me...in your dreams :wave:
Well if we bring dreams into it I'm totally fucked then!!
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Yes you have. Remember the beard thread?!?
Seriously though, I agree. Although this isn't as extreme of an example as the "emotional void" thing I said earlier, but... if I'm in the super market and I encounter a very flirtatious clerk or something, I most likely won't say anything when I get home. Not because I'm trying to hide something, but simply because it's trivial.
I am sure that our spouses/significant others get attention in public that they know how to appropriately handle and move past, without having to inform us about it.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
there are lots of those 'internet games'...like halflife.com (I think that's the site) people make up an avatar, and live a virtual life, meet people, have virtual hook-ups, virtual jobs etc...real people get to live their life thru the safety of a computer screen. Some of these people meet for real, in-person.
I personally don't feel the need to tell my other half all the details of a girlfriend's personal life, she shares things with me she has asked I not tell others. (there's that 'I need to emotionally release some pent up feelings').
Being exactly the same and sharing absolutely everything with one person gets stagnant and boring, IMHO. I still want to be an individual, I still want to be 'me'. I love going to PJ concerts, and I would love to go to a burlesque show (without someone making comments about how stupid it all is).
And because you asked dc, are you ok with Miss dc having a close male friend? I've ALWAYS been 'ok' with boyfriends having female friends, and have in the past had many guy friends. I'm all for having platonic opposite sex friends...it evens out the drama...
- Christopher McCandless
:thumbup:
tough question. I agree with catefrances if you are describing a close relationship you have with someone. I dont tell my wife everything and sure do not want to know everything about her day, who she talked to, etc.
However I would feel badly if I found out she had a very close guy friend that she talked to a lot and didnt tell me about it. I would not feel like she was banging him or anything, I fully trust her, but I would feel badly.
If I met a woman that I felt close with (emotionally) I would want her to be friends with my wife.
To each their own, but that is just my opinion.....everyone can have their own take on it. I was with my wife for 10 years before we got married so we knew for certain that we were with the people we wanted to be with.
Oh I agree with that....if there's a need to hide the entire close relationship, something's not right.
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Im not talking about telling your partner everyting but if you cant even share with them the fact that you have some sor of relationship with someone then you have to ask why you cant.
Zig your guy knows you come here and if he so desires can read what youve written. . Im sure hed probably just roll his eyes and see youre just being you.
The problem arises when you deny or downplay the extent of any relationship you have. Saying to your partner oh theyre just friend when you know full well theres more to it than that is deceitful and that deception is where the problem arises.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Yup.
Ahhh gotcha. Yeah, I understand what you're saying!
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
So one day she decides we cant talk. at all. She was falling for me and she couldn't do that to her kids. I understood. I had feelings for her by now and , well, I understood, let her go and that was that.
she decided to back off. what if she had decided to take it a step further? that when we commend the man on not cheating.. not when the option was taken from him. what if the option were different?
anyway i dont want anyone to think im ragging on the OP... its the concepts im addressing.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Maybe they would have been absolutely super happy for the rest of their lives? If they were in total love with their real spouses, could they have fallen in love with each other?
Is it possible to fall in love with a second person if you are fully in love with the first?
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
in different types of 'love' probably...do you think that there is 'only one' person for another? Not talking about polygamy...people grow and change. Surely you are not the same person at 21 as you are at 31...or 41 (not that I've reached 41 yet) A person can 'outgrow' another...right?
- Christopher McCandless
Yes, people can definitely outgrow each other. And there couldn't possibly only be one person for another. That would mean that if my bf died, I'd never ever find someone else?
So maybe that means you could definitely fall in love with a second person if you are fully in love with your first....you're just lucky (unlucky?) enough to find both of those people you 100% connect with at exactly the same time.
★ 2009 - Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Christchurch ★
★ 2011 - EV Newcastle, Melbourne 1, Melbourne 2 ★
Right Zig!
and now I feel like this thread has turned into one of those gawd awful women's magazine articles that never really gives you any answers.
- Christopher McCandless
Yes I am okay with it. She does have a close male friend... he's gay, so maybe that makes me feel a bit more comfortable.
This is an interesting topic seeing that I found out a friend of mine and his girlfriend are going through something similar.. well, except that what I have heard is that the third person is a little manipulative, hateful, and has bad intentions. :(
I digress.. at the end of the day though... I think it all comes back to communication... it might be very difficult to do, but if you have a spouse and you feel that you don't get all needs met by them, it's important to let that person know and discuss it.
Ah fuck, I feel like I'm turning into Dr. Phil here.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
...perfect time to exit the thread.
:wave:
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
they each are so wonderful and smart, i am truly blessed even when being ripped apart and depleted.
i really don't know what i would do without them. i physically need each one of them to help me live. we all have saved each others' lives in more ways than one. and in return they need me too.
oneday things will be different...i am afraid
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Must remember this relationship is also glorified because it is the
forbidden relationship, the wanting relationship,
which brings much excitement that has been lost to the mundane tried and true.
Common... grass is greener... syndrome.
My only suggestion but I know you asked for none, would be don't flirt like this again.
You are playing with fire that extinguishes true love.
Your spouse can read you though she may not speak if it.
She knows all about this relationship and perhaps has had her own time in the 'sun',
this putting both 'betrayals' in perspective.
Marriages or the like go through many phases and if not both parties committed
to each other and the changes it will fail.
I can tell you after being married for over three decades it is worth anything
you pass up along the way. It is worth concessions, it is worth the less than
perfect times. It is worth the work.
The unity itself becomes more than just you and your partner, it takes on an entity,
a bond that completes your life. It is more than love ... it is life.
(and one of the life-lessons I value most)
Luckily if you're with someone you love and respect and value it's easy to think "This person really can't compete with my love so..."