emotional cheating

justjoshingu

I'm married for several years. I went to school for a long time. One of the professors there was about 6 months older than me, very pretty, very smart, and we had a ton in common. I ended up having a huge crush on her. Like saying "oh I have a crush on the weather girl" but then I graduated and we ended up running in the same circles. She's married with two kids. Our spouses have met. We never physically have done anything. I am a pretty big jokester and love the innuendo's and teasing, but I might have said something maybe once with a dirty double meaning. After working on a couple of projects together, we discovered our childhoods were similar, our fears, anxiety, hobbies, music, etc were pretty on par with each other. Those irrational fears that no one understands and so you don't tell anyone? well, she could call me and I knew just what to say, because I had the same ones and I knew what I wanted someone to tell me. So we were close. we let down walls. Had we been single, then it would have been hot and heavy. So one day she decides we cant talk. at all. She was falling for me and she couldn't do that to her kids. I understood. I had feelings for her by now and , well, I understood, let her go and that was that. We both felt guilty because it was like "work spouses" but even more.
its been a long time since i've seen her, talked to her, and she unfriended me on face book. like 1&1/2 yrs now.
some days, by spouse is a pain in the ass and doesn't communicate with me and it makes me think that all those people that cheat and are "bad people" who leave their spouses aren't that bad. I miss her, but I know we did the right thing.

catefrances

and what do you want from us... congratulations that you didnt cheat on your partner?? or agreeance that not all people who do cheat on their partners arent 'bad' people.

stargirl69

I don't understand the point this thread is trying to make :?

mysticweed

geeeeezzzz
give the guy a break
he's just expressing his fucking feelings for fuck's sake
or his non-fucking feelings rather

green mountain man

This post came from a pharmacist. I think a med count should be done.

F Me In The Brain

I usually like reflecting back on a past temptation and knowing that I did the right thing.
(Much prefer to looking back on making the WRONG decision!)

chadwick

i hear ya, dude. women, women, and more women. i am not married, never been and have no kids. it isn't even easy for me. i can't really imagine myself going through what you are going through. to me, what you are going through sounds to be something like sheer pain and agony from within.

women are the most amazing creatures this planet and (my) life have ever known. i say you go find her, grab her up and make love to her like a champion... :twisted:

then again, i am always in trouble and fucking things up. thank goodness i am not married with kids. if i were it would be a disaster i am afraid.

in my defense... i am trying very hard to be a good boy and i am succeeding.

i wish you the best of luck with your circumstance

RKCNDY

Good for you for being strong enough to not cheat on your mate.

your lady friend certainly held a special place in your heart. you had a good friendship, and felt something that perhaps you are missing from your current relationship...hence the longing for her.

a case of 'right person, wrong time'

I don't believe that one person can be my 'everything'

I tell my girlfriends things that I would never tell Mr. RK.

if I had a gay male friend, there would be things I would tell him that I wouldn't tell my girlfriends.

whatever, keep her in your heart, and think about the good times you shared when you feel down.

catefrances

RKCNDY wrote:

...
if I had a gay male friend, there would be things I would tell him that I wouldn't tell my girlfriends.
...

why would he have to be gay???

RKCNDY

catefrances wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

...
if I had a gay male friend, there would be things I would tell him that I wouldn't tell my girlfriends.
...

why would he have to be gay???

most gay males have extreme feminine qualities that most straight males don't understand.
I have had several gay male friends in the past...I prefer them over close female friends.

catefrances

RKCNDY wrote:

catefrances wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

...
if I had a gay male friend, there would be things I would tell him that I wouldn't tell my girlfriends.
...

why would he have to be gay???

most gay males have extreme feminine qualities that most straight males don't understand.
I have had several gay male friends in the past...I prefer them over close female friends.

thats interesting. thanx.

PJPixie

You fucking people amaze me (some of you). Jeez, he just came here to express some things that were on his mind. He wasn't looking for anything. Fuck, this is why I don't come around here much these days.

Hope you are well justjoshingyou......

catefrances

PJPixie wrote:

You fucking people amaze me (some of you). Jeez, he just came here to express some things that were on his mind. He wasn't looking for anything. Fuck, this is why I don't come around here much these days.

Hope you are well justjoshingyou......

it just seems weird to me that someone would post something so personal on an open forum where theoretically his wife could read it.

dcfaithful

catefrances wrote:

PJPixie wrote:

You fucking people amaze me (some of you). Jeez, he just came here to express some things that were on his mind. He wasn't looking for anything. Fuck, this is why I don't come around here much these days.

Hope you are well justjoshingyou......

it just seems weird to me that someone would post something so personal on an open forum where theoretically his wife could read it.

If his wife even knows who he is on here... but as you said theoretically, I understand what you mean.

Honestly though, the guy was probably just using this as a medium for voicing a way he feels that he (most likely) can't confide in anyone else. I know I've felt that way.

I feelya justjoshingyou. There have been plenty of times I have wanted to come on here and share something that I am feeling that I can't share with anyone else, but I haven't mainly because I don't completely understand it yet therefore I don't want to share something I don't fully comprehend. Anyway, I commend you and her for doing the right thing.

PJPixie

catefrances wrote:

PJPixie wrote:

You fucking people amaze me (some of you). Jeez, he just came here to express some things that were on his mind. He wasn't looking for anything. Fuck, this is why I don't come around here much these days.

Hope you are well justjoshingyou......

it just seems weird to me that someone would post something so personal on an open forum where theoretically his wife could read it.

Then that's on him. He's been around here for a long time. I'm sure he went over many scenarios in his mind before he posted it. Sometimes we just need to get things out, this place has been great to a lot of us.....he obviously needed to express these things, i don't think he was looking for any response in particular...........just my humble opinion.


****hello****at catefances

dcfaithful

F Me In The Brain wrote:

I usually like reflecting back on a past temptation and knowing that I did the right thing.
(Much prefer to looking back on making the WRONG decision!)

This is good too. At times we don't realize it was the right decision and we second guess our best instincts... not everyone is strong enough to see past the moment.

PJPixie

dcfaithful wrote:

F Me In The Brain wrote:

I usually like reflecting back on a past temptation and knowing that I did the right thing.
(Much prefer to looking back on making the WRONG decision!)

This is good too. At times we don't realize it was the right decision and we second guess our best instincts... not everyone is strong enough to see past the moment.

***LIKE***

catefrances

PJPixie wrote:

catefrances wrote:

PJPixie wrote:

You fucking people amaze me (some of you). Jeez, he just came here to express some things that were on his mind. He wasn't looking for anything. Fuck, this is why I don't come around here much these days.

Hope you are well justjoshingyou......

it just seems weird to me that someone would post something so personal on an open forum where theoretically his wife could read it.

Then that's on him. He's been around here for a long time. I'm sure he went over many scenarios in his mind before he posted it. Sometimes we just need to get things out, this place has been great to a lot of us.....he obviously needed to express these things, i don't think he was looking for any response in particular...........just my humble opinion.


****hello****at catefances

:wave:

ZiggyStar

RKCNDY wrote:

Good for you for being strong enough to not cheat on your mate.

your lady friend certainly held a special place in your heart. you had a good friendship, and felt something that perhaps you are missing from your current relationship...hence the longing for her.

a case of 'right person, wrong time'

I don't believe that one person can be my 'everything'

I tell my girlfriends things that I would never tell Mr. RK.

if I had a gay male friend, there would be things I would tell him that I wouldn't tell my girlfriends.

whatever, keep her in your heart, and think about the good times you shared when you feel down.

You're a smart woman.

RKCNDY

ZiggyStar wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

Good for you for being strong enough to not cheat on your mate.

your lady friend certainly held a special place in your heart. you had a good friendship, and felt something that perhaps you are missing from your current relationship...hence the longing for her.

a case of 'right person, wrong time'

I don't believe that one person can be my 'everything'

I tell my girlfriends things that I would never tell Mr. RK.

if I had a gay male friend, there would be things I would tell him that I wouldn't tell my girlfriends.

whatever, keep her in your heart, and think about the good times you shared when you feel down.

You're a smart woman.

why, thank you Ziggy!

dcfaithful

This makes me curious, because RCKNDY, you pointed out this:

"your lady friend certainly held a special place in your heart. you had a good friendship, and felt something that perhaps you are missing from your current relationship...hence the longing for her."

and the OP used the words "emotional cheating." I am now curious to know what the general consensus is on this board of the following:

Is it wrong to have a friend of the opposite sex, while in a committed relationship, that may fill some emotional voids for you? In theory, this is strictly platonic. It just so happens to be that you find what you need in someone that is of the other sex.

I ask this because I kind of agree with you Lisa... I have a hard time believing that one person can be anothers "everything."

Food for thought......

ZiggyStar

I think the internet has opened up a whole new wave of emotional cheating....Give it 5-10 more years and the internet will be the cause of a LOT of break ups....imo.

dcfaithful

ZiggyStar wrote:

I think the internet has opened up a whole new wave of emotional cheating....Give it 5-10 more years and the internet will be the cause of a LOT of break ups....imo.

I don't even give it 5-10 years. I bet the internet, and people being opened up to the introduction to a lot more other personalities causes a lot more break-ups/divorces than we think.

catefrances

dcfaithful wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

I think the internet has opened up a whole new wave of emotional cheating....Give it 5-10 more years and the internet will be the cause of a LOT of break ups....imo.

I don't even give it 5-10 years. I bet the internet, and people being opened up to the introduction to a lot more other personalities causes a lot more break-ups/divorces than we think.

it certainly has made it easier to cheat given that we trust what were told and compartmentalism is so much easier on the internet... what with the various time zones and all.

dcfaithful

catefrances wrote:

dcfaithful wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

I think the internet has opened up a whole new wave of emotional cheating....Give it 5-10 more years and the internet will be the cause of a LOT of break ups....imo.

I don't even give it 5-10 years. I bet the internet, and people being opened up to the introduction to a lot more other personalities causes a lot more break-ups/divorces than we think.

it certainly has made it easier to cheat given that we trust what were told and compartmentalism is so much easier on the internet... what with the various time zones and all.

The internet; it is great, educational, destructive, and horrible... all in one.

PJPixie

I'm very guilty of "emotional cheating".

It happens...................I'm not even married, or in a relationship.

rollings

Is that Jonny America's wig?

catefrances

dcfaithful wrote:

This makes me curious, because RCKNDY, you pointed out this:

"your lady friend certainly held a special place in your heart. you had a good friendship, and felt something that perhaps you are missing from your current relationship...hence the longing for her."

and the OP used the words "emotional cheating." I am now curious to know what the general consensus is on this board of the following:

Is it wrong to have a friend of the opposite sex, while in a committed relationship, that may fill some emotional voids for you? In theory, this is strictly platonic. It just so happens to be that you find what you need in someone that is of the other sex.

I ask this because I kind of agree with you Lisa... I have a hard time believing that one person can be anothers "everything."

Food for thought......

imo if youre keeping it from your partner then its cheating.

mikalina

dcfaithful wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

I think the internet has opened up a whole new wave of emotional cheating....Give it 5-10 more years and the internet will be the cause of a LOT of break ups....imo.

I don't even give it 5-10 years. I bet the internet, and people being opened up to the introduction to a lot more other personalities causes a lot more break-ups/divorces than we think.

this is very true....

ZiggyStar

dcfaithful wrote:

This makes me curious, because RCKNDY, you pointed out this:

"your lady friend certainly held a special place in your heart. you had a good friendship, and felt something that perhaps you are missing from your current relationship...hence the longing for her."

and the OP used the words "emotional cheating." I am now curious to know what the general consensus is on this board of the following:

Is it wrong to have a friend of the opposite sex, while in a committed relationship, that may fill some emotional voids for you? In theory, this is strictly platonic. It just so happens to be that you find what you need in someone that is of the other sex.

I ask this because I kind of agree with you Lisa... I have a hard time believing that one person can be anothers "everything."

Food for thought......

I don't think just having a close friend of the opposite sex is wrong at all....although a lot of chicks find it hard to deal with their husband having a close female friend....I know....I've lost a BEST mate over it last year....and several other mates as well since high school. Girlfriends don't like me. So good for you if you can even pull off having a really close friend of the opposite sex with no jealousy etc.

I think it depends on the emotional voids the 'friend' is fulfilling eg if you suddenly can't tell your wife anything and start telling ALL your troubles to your 'friend', it's going to get messy. Because you suddenly "need" this friend for shit you should need your spouse for....which to me shows big issues with your real relationship. Depends on the type of emotional void....and the size of the emotional void.

I also think it's pretty much impossible to be close friends with a lot of contact with someone if the scenario is "right person, wrong time"....because you're emotionally attached in a way that two 'friends' shouldn't be. It could be done....but it would be fucking hard.

And you've got to keep sex out of it....talking to your friend about sex with your spouse isn't so bad....sexual talk or even sexual innuendo which involves you and the friend is just heading for trouble.

dcfaithful

ZiggyStar wrote:

dcfaithful wrote:

This makes me curious, because RCKNDY, you pointed out this:

"your lady friend certainly held a special place in your heart. you had a good friendship, and felt something that perhaps you are missing from your current relationship...hence the longing for her."

and the OP used the words "emotional cheating." I am now curious to know what the general consensus is on this board of the following:

Is it wrong to have a friend of the opposite sex, while in a committed relationship, that may fill some emotional voids for you? In theory, this is strictly platonic. It just so happens to be that you find what you need in someone that is of the other sex.

I ask this because I kind of agree with you Lisa... I have a hard time believing that one person can be anothers "everything."

Food for thought......

I don't think just having a close friend of the opposite sex is wrong at all....although a lot of chicks find it hard to deal with their husband having a close female friend....I know....I've lost a BEST mate over it last year....and several other mates as well since high school. Girlfriends don't like me. So good for you if you can even pull off having a really close friend of the opposite sex with no jealousy etc.

I think it depends on the emotional voids the 'friend' is fulfilling eg if you suddenly can't tell your wife anything and start telling ALL your troubles to your 'friend', it's going to get messy. Because you suddenly "need" this friend for shit you should need your spouse for....which to me shows big issues with your real relationship. Depends on the type of emotional void....and the size of the emotional void.

I also think it's pretty much impossible to be close friends with a lot of contact with someone if the scenario is "right person, wrong time"....because you're emotionally attached in a way that two 'friends' shouldn't be. It could be done....but it would be fucking hard.

And you've got to keep sex out of it....talking to your friend about sex with your spouse isn't so bad....sexual talk or even sexual innuendo which involves you and the friend is just heading for trouble.

Ziggy... insightful as always.