Life stress and how to deal...

Cheeks

I'm sure everybody out there is facing some kind of stress, some worse than others. I'm at a point right now where I feel like I'm on the brink of everything falling apart. Money is a massive issue, as is the fact that my daughter and I are living away from my husband because of work and we only see him once a month—it's been like this for 18 months. There are a few other major things going on, but I won't bore you with all the details. I just feel like something has to give, and soon, and I don't think the fallout is going to be good.

I'm not a complainer... my husband and I have been through a lot together—including the loss of our first baby girl. I can usually stay pretty positive, since most “bad” things in life pale in comparison to some of the other things we've dealt with. But, honestly, right now... I just want to put my head down and cry.

Anyway, mostly I think I'm just venting, but I guess I just wondered how other people cope with stressful times... I quit smoking, I don't drink—I do smoke a little of the good stuff, but that's mainly to help manage my Crohn's disease. My usual outlets, listening to music, playing my uke, poetry... my heart's just not in it right now. What do other people do?

pjhawks

hug your daughter, or watch her just doing something normal and boring and realize what a gift you've been given. in the long run the only thing that really matters is the people in our lives. really everything else is just window dressing. when i get down i just think about my incredible family and freinds, and knowing even if i lose my job, my money, my house i am so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life. it's a cliche i know, but it's so true.

Black Diamond

Cheeks wrote:

I'm sure everybody out there is facing some kind of stress, some worse than others. I'm at a point right now where I feel like I'm on the brink of everything falling apart. Money is a massive issue, as is the fact that my daughter and I are living away from my husband because of work and we only see him once a month—it's been like this for 18 months. There are a few other major things going on, but I won't bore you with all the details. I just feel like something has to give, and soon, and I don't think the fallout is going to be good.

I'm not a complainer... my husband and I have been through a lot together—including the loss of our first baby girl. I can usually stay pretty positive, since most “bad” things in life pale in comparison to some of the other things we've dealt with. But, honestly, right now... I just want to put my head down and cry.

Anyway, mostly I think I'm just venting, but I guess I just wondered how other people cope with stressful times... I quit smoking, I don't drink—I do smoke a little of the good stuff, but that's mainly to help manage my Crohn's disease. My usual outlets, listening to music, playing my uke, poetry... my heart's just not in it right now. What do other people do?

I am in the same situation with you and your husband...
I commute to a job 1200 miles away and will see my kids and wife once this month... It's unbelievably stressful and hard on everyone... More for you as the wife quite honestly... Because you are the one on the homefront and basically a single parent.
The way we cope is two fold... All out honesty and make sure we skype/facetime multiple times a day... In fact we do dinner together over the computer and talk about the day... I punish the kids from afar and help them with the homework.... she sends it to me with pictures...

What you are doing for the stress... is perfect... just make it as though the two of you can be closer....

pinkbutterfly

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your child. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I also feel
bad that you are both currently going through a rough time. The biggest thing that helps me cope, when under stress is laughter. Prayer is good, too. I really hope all is well soon. *HUGS*

JonnyPistachio

Cheeks wrote:

My usual outlets, listening to music, playing my uke, poetry... my heart's just not in it right now. What do other people do?

Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope it gets better.
My usual outlets (some of which are very similar to yours) suffered a bit when I went through a stressful time. Its amazing how differently our psyche might perform differently without us noticing...but, I relied on nature to light my fire again. Take a step back and a very large look at all the beauty in the world around you, perhaps.

Also, I found that my music, writing, and painting, stalled and needed a jumpstart because of my actual physical environment. maybe you need a change of scenery?

Cheeks

Well, you guys made me run and hide in the bathroom at work so I could cry Seriously, your kindness is very much appreciated. Our situation is so complicated and I'm just at a loss for how to make things better... my husband is sick and alone, and I'm can't leave here because of work, he can't leave where he is because that is where our house is--if we sell, we'll still owe, and I'm the sole earner while he's sick. Like I said, it's complicated. Thanks for your support... it helps. I know we'll survive, we always do.

pjhawks wrote:

hug your daughter, or watch her just doing something normal and boring and realize what a gift you've been given. in the long run the only thing that really matters is the people in our lives.

This is very true. I cherish my daughter more than I could ever explain. If it wasn't for her... well, we don't need to go there. She is a gift.

Black Diamond wrote:

What you are doing for the stress... is perfect... just make it as though the two of you can be closer....

With things how they are these days, I think there are a number of families living apart because of the availability of jobs. My daughter is only two but she will talk to her daddy on speaker phone. He's not much of a computer person... but perhaps I'll teach him to use Skype. He's intelligent, I'm sure he can figure it out. Thanks for the suggestion.

pinkbutterfly wrote:

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your child. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I also feel
bad that you are both currently going through a rough time. The biggest thing that helps me cope, when under stress is laughter. Prayer is good, too. I really hope all is well soon. *HUGS*

Thanks. Yes, laughter is good--I just need to figure how to to do that. And prayer... I haven't prayed in a really long time. Perhaps I should...

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Also, I found that my music, writing, and painting, stalled and needed a jumpstart because of my actual physical environment. maybe you need a change of scenery?

You may be right. I'm going make a point of spending some time on the beach over the weekend. It may be cold and rainy here, but I find the winter waves can be good for inspiration, and oddly comforting.

JonnyPistachio

Cheeks wrote:

You may be right. I'm going make a point of spending some time on the beach over the weekend. It may be cold and rainy here, but I find the winter waves can be good for inspiration, and oddly comforting.

Ah yes! I didnt know you were near a beach! I dont like to taunt people that I am by the beach and its still relatively warm here -- but that is a perfect idea! I almost suggested to find a beach.

In fact, just last week, I took my kayak to the beach and just paddled as far out as I could into the ocean. It felt good to feel a hint of cold heading our way, be surrounded by water, relying on a tiny boat, and seeing the land so far off. I had a moment.

Cheeks

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Cheeks wrote:

You may be right. I'm going make a point of spending some time on the beach over the weekend. It may be cold and rainy here, but I find the winter waves can be good for inspiration, and oddly comforting.

Ah yes! I didnt know you were near a beach! I dont like to taunt people that I am by the beach and its still relatively warm here -- but that is a perfect idea! I almost suggested to find a beach.

In fact, just last week, I took my kayak to the beach and just paddled as far out as I could into the ocean. It felt good to feel a hint of cold heading our way, be surrounded by water, relying on a tiny boat, and seeing the land so far off. I had a moment.

Yes, I need "a moment." That is exactly what I need. The best ones always take you by surprise, but I know exactly what you mean--some brief situation that puts you and your place in the world into perspective again after it's become all skewed from life's struggles. You know, I think typing that was a partial moment...

Anyway, I'm about three blocks from the beach. I go a lot, but usually with other people. I'm taking a solo trip tomorrow... maybe I'll take my uke and walk far enough along to the spots where there are no other people (although it's pretty empty this time of year anyway). Thanks. I'm feeling a lot better about things already, just from the people in this club--the post on this thread and a few PMs. Incredible--truly.

JonnyPistachio

Good luck! Keep that moment going!

brianlux

You came to the right place for support, Cheeks. I've gotten a great deal of encouragement and good vibes from the good people here on the P.J. forum.

Wishing you well. Hang in there in keep us posted.

ShimmyMommy

It sounds like you need to just cry, be sad and then recharge. When I get overwhelmed...I just step back from everything, like some of the other posters said, and give myself some breathing room. Use that beach near you, it sounds incredible. Or come visit here...this place usually gives me a smile just when I need it. Lots of love, light and hugs to you and all your family.

Welcome to the forum, Cheeks :wave:

Cheeks

Thanks again everyone, really I'm kind of at a loss for words. This kind of response is not what I was expecting. The past few days I've been feeling like the whole universe is working against me and my family. However, I seem to have a whole army of support from you guys. I can take comfort in that, if nothing else.

Thoughts_Arrive

A few beers works magic.

Cheeks

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

A few beers works magic.

Maybe for some people. Somehow I always end up in worse situations.... oh, you said a FEW beers, not 10? ... aaaaaand that is why I don't drink anymore--the word FEW leaves my vocabulary after the first sip.

MAS

There's a great book called Practicing the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle....
It really gives you the tools to clear the mind....It explains that stress and anxiety are just a resistance to what is, and is relieved with acceptance...you should check it out, it has helped me a great deal....

pandora

I agree with a good cry and my Mamas words have always helped me

"This as all things shall pass"

she forgot to say it might be replaced by something worse though ...

such is life such is our path it was never meant to be easy but you are strong
and can overcome!

Such wonderful advice here for you from your PJ friends

Love is the best stress fighter

stargirl69

A good cry
An even better laugh
Coffee
Friends
Swimming
Chocolate
Cuddles
Spending time with my friends wee girl
Kissing
Walking at the beach
Music
A day in bed
A pedicure

Or if all else fails therapy :?

Cheeks

Thanks again everyone...
I got up super early and went to a yoga class by the beach (been a while and I got by butt kicked), then I came home and cleaned out my closet. I may not be able to control a lot of what happens in life, but I can control the state of my closet!
Anyway, I've got some plans to discuss our situation with a few people who may be able to help--as least mentally. Thanks so much for the support and advice--I didn't realize how much I needed it or how much I would appreciate it.

musicismylife78

do something that can allow you to express how you feel. paint, draw, knit, collage, write, film, act, talk. go on a hike. take a bath. meditate. do nothing for 30 minutes. put on some music and close your eyes for the entire album. put on some music and draw to the music. If you believe in god, its often useful to have a God Jar, a jar/vase/box where you write all your fears and anger and stress and sadness, madness, and drop it in the box...God has it now. When bad thoughts come creeping in, keep in mind God has control, and its no use to worry, whats going to happen will happen as its meant to happen. Let go and Let God is the saying, let go of bad thoughts. Light incense and candles. Take a walk. Go see a movie. Go to a concert. Go see a play. Enroll in some painting classes. Go back to school. Dream. Do one thing that will move you forward in life, right now, one thing. Doesnt have to be quitting a job or going back to school. Could just be looking at the financial aid situation for school, or looking at knitting classes offered at the library. Go to a store you've never been to before. Go to the art store, and buy some supplies. Read a chapter of a book. Go on a day trip. Try and artistically capture, in any medium, how you feel currently. rent a favorite comedy movie. Turn on the top 40 radio station and belt out that Adele or Beyonce song, those songs were written as life affirming songs for these stressful moments. Act out how you feel, stamp your feet, scream, shake your legs. Turn on some music and dance to it. Go do one thing you havent ever done before, go try that new restauraunt, go to that museum you always pass by on the way to work, walk through that park near your apartment, that weird fabric store near your office may have some cool stuff in it. Take a walk, but really take a walk, listen to the wind in the trees, and the sound of the leaves, the crunch of snow or frost under your feet, take a look at that bird on the tree, or those flowers. Turn off the tv, the radio, the computer, the phone, and just sit in your room, in silence, taking in, the moment, and the sounds you hear. Take in the moment. Pray. Acknowledge your feelings. I think too often the advice is to NOT DEAL with the sadness or stress you feel. I feel the complete opposite, how can you move on if you dont accept that the situation is what it is. You feel stressed out. Go do something that makes you feel like a child. Too often as adults we are expected to act a certain way, when in acuality we really are children inside. Rent the Toy Story Trilogy. Watch some Disney Channel or Nickelodeon. Go rent some Pixar films. Grab some crayons. Fingerpaint.

Digital Twilight

Cheeks wrote:

I got up super early and went to a yoga class by the beach

Yoga by the beach? That sounds amazing.

I miss doing yoga :(

musicismylife78

you also say you feel like crying, as if thats not a way to deal with stress in and of itself. Dealing with and accepting how you feel is important and essential. Crying is as good a response to stress as anything. your goal i would assume is to feel better and more positive, but theres nothing wrong with letting the feelings in, and letting them wrap around you, envelop you.

stargirl69

musicismylife78 wrote:

you also say you feel like crying, as if thats not a way to deal with stress in and of itself. Dealing with and accepting how you feel is important and essential. Crying is as good a response to stress as anything. your goal i would assume is to feel better and more positive, but theres nothing wrong with letting the feelings in, and letting them wrap around you, envelop you.

I agree,having a really good cry is very cleansing

dottles

Digital Twilight wrote:

Cheeks wrote:

I got up super early and went to a yoga class by the beach

Yoga by the beach? That sounds amazing.

I miss doing yoga :(

Down by me they run beach yoga sessions, oh and zumba on the beach too :?

Pamela0222

Life sucks sometimes... keep doing what you're doing. Sometimes a good cry does a lot of good, even throwing a few things from time to time help relieve stress.

Maybe consider a little vacation, just to re-group your inner self, and add a little meditation or yoga to the mix of your daily life. The effects did wonders for me.

Thoughts_Arrive

And if all fails and it sucks like every day throw in the towel and see a psych.

rollings

i like to post

Heisenberg

Get yourself a cheap drum set. Beating the shit out of something in a musical way really helps

JonnyPistachio

Heisenberg wrote:

Get yourself a cheap drum set. Beating the shit out of something in a musical way really helps

haha, this is exactly why I got my start in music.
I used to leave work and either go to the golf driving range, or beat on my roomates drums. Good stress relief.

Cheeks, did ya make it to the beach?!

g under p

JonnyPistachio wrote:

Heisenberg wrote:

Get yourself a cheap drum set. Beating the shit out of something in a musical way really helps

haha, this is exactly why I got my start in music.
I used to leave work and either go to the golf driving range, or beat on my roomates drums. Good stress relief.

Cheeks, did ya make it to the beach?!

Cheeks wrote:

I'm sure everybody out there is facing some kind of stress, some worse than others. I'm at a point right now where I feel like I'm on the brink of everything falling apart. Money is a massive issue, as is the fact that my daughter and I are living away from my husband because of work and we only see him once a month—it's been like this for 18 months. There are a few other major things going on, but I won't bore you with all the details. I just feel like something has to give, and soon, and I don't think the fallout is going to be good.

I'm not a complainer... my husband and I have been through a lot together—including the loss of our first baby girl. I can usually stay pretty positive, since most “bad” things in life pale in comparison to some of the other things we've dealt with. But, honestly, right now... I just want to put my head down and cry.

Anyway, mostly I think I'm just venting, but I guess I just wondered how other people cope with stressful times... I quit smoking, I don't drink—I do smoke a little of the good stuff, but that's mainly to help manage my Crohn's disease. My usual outlets, listening to music, playing my uke, poetry... my heart's just not in it right now. What do other people do?

For me there's a good reason I keep a softball bat and batting gloves in my truck. I go to the batting cage to take the stress, frustration out on those balls. Sometimes riding my bicycle south for undetermined distance for hours till its time to turn back with NO CELL PHONE.

Sorry for the loss of a child that can be totally traumatic for anyone to live through. I wish for you all the best throughout this year...meditation or yoga are at times could be helpful to relieve your stress.

Peace

JonnyPistachio

g under p wrote:

...meditation or yoga are at times could be helpful to relieve your stress.

Peace

Ah, the batting cages are good too!!!

And Yoga! (sidenote Earle, they have free yoga at the downtown WPB library on Clematis Street on (i think) tuesday, and defintely two classes on saturdays.) I went a lot last year. The teacher is awesome. Classes fill up fast though...I am going to start going back again next week hopefully...helps a lot with EVERYTHING!

g under p

JonnyPistachio wrote:

g under p wrote:

...meditation or yoga are at times could be helpful to relieve your stress.

Peace

Ah, the batting cages are good too!!!

And Yoga! (sidenote Earle, they have free yoga at the downtown WPB library on Clematis Street on (i think) tuesday, and defintely two classes on saturdays.) I went a lot last year. The teacher is awesome. Classes fill up fast though...I am going to start going back again next week hopefully...helps a lot with EVERYTHING!

Going into Palm Beach is such a hike for me especially with all the traffic and snowbirds in town.

Yes my fiance is one of the best yoga teachers at LA Fitness Wellington....I've taken her class a couple times in the past, i think I'll try it a few more times this year....that's funny just this morning we were looking up where yoga conferences are around the country closest one Atlanta Ga, furtherest Vancouver BC.

Peace