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Drummerboy’s Deep Thought for the Day

drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
edited April 2012 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
...so back in '04/'05, I used to post these daily in the "Message Pit" and the "Red Mosquito" forums. They're sort of my own spin on and tribute to "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" from 90's SNL. Not long ago, I stumbled onto the Word file I had copied them all onto in a long forgotten folder buried many fathoms deep in my hard drive.

So now meeza thinkin' "New year/almost a decade later...why not share some of my personal faves, as well as resume the creation of new ones, and see what might inspire my twisted wit these days?"

So, without further adieu, for your reading / viewing / laughing / crying / thinking / criticizing / analyzing / smelling / tasting / farting / politicizing pleasure, I present to you once again, in stunning Trebuchet MS font:

"Drummerboy’s Deep Thought for the Day"

275980_100000051236061_2088114361_n.jpg


One neat thing about panda bears is if you’re color blind, you’re not really missing anything.


Originally posted in the Pearl Jam Mesage Pit 01/06/05.
Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    I once learned a valuable lesson about procrastination. I'll share it with you sometime...just not right now.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    If I ever got my pilot’s license, I would buy an airplane and have charter flights for tourists over the Bermuda Triangle. When we got close to it, I’d make the plane go into a nosedive on purpose, and tap on my instrument panel, making it look like something was wrong. Then I’d turn around and laugh, and say “Just Kidding folks!” I might even wet my own pants to add to the effect.


    Originally posted in the Pearl Jam Mesage Pit 12/22/04.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    D'ya ever call somebody and then quick hang up the phone when they answer!?
    Yeah...I have too.
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    Did you ever slam on the brakes in traffic just to look in the rearview to see what would happen?
    No, I've never done that either.
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    Sometimes I wonder.....
    if you lay down flat in the middle of a ski slope, and a skier hit you,
    would you serve as a small ramp?
    or would the skies instead go under you.....taking you for a teeny joy ride?
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    Consider the daffodil...
    and while you're doing that, I'll be over here....going through your stuff

    (Jack Handey said that first? yeah, ok. right.)
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,514
    edited November 2012
    .
    Post edited by OffSheGoes35 on
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    Sometimes when it rains real lightly, and the drops of rain make small, circular ripples in a pond, I'll throw a big rock into that pond, 'cause think about it - what business do those little ripples have being in that pond?


    Originally posted in the Pearl Jam Mesage Pit 12/30/04.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • Godfather.Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    if you could read my mind love
    what a tale my thoughts would tell
    just like a paper back novel
    about a ghost in a wishing well.

    Gordon Lightfoot
  • Godfather.Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    Sometimes I dream
    sometimes I stop and think
    but everyday I face the day and its challengs
    and I enjoy its magic and wonder
    so I save these memories of each and every day
    and I keep them all in my heart so that I can share them with the ones I love.

    Godfather.
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    Godfather. wrote:
    if you could read my mind love
    what a tale my thoughts would tell
    just like a paper back novel
    about a ghost in a wishing well.

    Gordon Lightfoot

    Godfather,

    You completely encapsulized the essence of this thread
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    drummerboy_73 wrote:
    Sometimes when it rains real lightly, and the drops of rain make small, circular ripples in a pond, I'll throw a big rock into that pond, 'cause think about it - what business do those little ripples have being in that pond?

    I do the same thing! Except I throw that big rock in and then tell people "Look, it didn't rain in that spot"
    Ensuing amazement never fails.
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    A funny thing to do would be to fill a hot tub with boiling water, and when someone gets in and starts screaming, be sure to videotape it - this way, once the burns heal, they'll have something to look back on and laugh about the whole thing.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • Godfather.Godfather. Posts: 12,504
    drummerboy_73 wrote:
    A funny thing to do would be to fill a hot tub with boiling water, and when someone gets in and starts screaming, be sure to videotape it - this way, once the burns heal, they'll have something to look back on and laugh about the whole thing.
    :shock: really ?

    Godfather.
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    When I was a kid, I used to think if I punched somebody, it would make a cool sound like you see on TV. Then one day, my brother laughed at me and said it was a sound effect they put in afterwards. I didn’t believe that, and we got into a big argument over it. Then, I punched him real hard in the face. Turns out he was right, but I’ll bet he was sorry he brought it up.


    Originally posted in the Pearl Jam Mesage Pit 01/17/05.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    drummerboy_73 wrote:
    When I was a kid, I used to think if I punched somebody, it would make a cool sound like you see on TV. Then one day, my brother laughed at me and said it was a sound effect they put in afterwards. I didn’t believe that, and we got into a big argument over it. Then, I punched him real hard in the face. Turns out he was right, but I’ll bet he was sorry he brought it up.

    The very same thing happened to me!

    And from that day forward, I have refused to fight anything but celery stalks.
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    I think a good way for banks to protect the money is to put it all in a big pile in front, and let customers jump into it, as though it were a big pile of freshly-raked, autumn leaves. Everyone would be having such a grand time, that they'd forget all about the money part.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    If I ever got lost in the woods and became hungry, and then a nice, old lady came up to me and invited me back to her house made from candy, I'd quickly find a stick and beat her like there was no tomorrow. If it turned out she was in fact a nice lady and not an evil cannibalistic witch like I had suspected, I would promptly apologize and ask if the candy offer was still good.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    Lately I've been thinking...

    if deep thoughts were not really in fact deep thoughts at all....

    how cool it would be if they were instead like ...humorous or something.....

    WHAT
    ...what?
    Not a good idea then? then WHAT
    ok.
    WHAT? Nevermind ...
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    Billy laughed and laughed at the way his Mom was chasing him and couldn’t catch up – but it wasn’t until it was too late that he realized her joke about running with scissors in your hand really wasn’t a joke at all.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    If instead of paper clips we used monkeys to hold together pieces of paper, I think that would be a good way to help out the monkey population.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    drummerboy_73 wrote:
    Billy laughed and laughed at the way his Mom was chasing him and couldn’t catch up – but it wasn’t until it was too late that he realized her joke about running with scissors in your hand really wasn’t a joke at all.


    But it was a joke--and this time on the mom for chasing Billy.
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    drummerboy_73 wrote:
    If instead of paper clips we used monkeys to hold together pieces of paper, I think that would be a good way to help out the monkey population.

    the benefit would be the boost in self-esteem for those monkeys not landing the business card-holder positions

    9066.jpg
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    My deep thought: "Jokes should at least be funny."
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    A lot of people think cannibalism is a bad thing, but I don't really see anything wrong with it, other than the fact you're eating another person.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    drummerboy_73 wrote:
    A lot of people think cannibalism is a bad thing, but I don't really see anything wrong with it, other than the fact you're eating another person.

    :lol:
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    If I ever meet an alien, the first thing I would ask him is if they watch a lot of people movies where he's from.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • drummerboy_73drummerboy_73 Posts: 2,011
    I think ant sheriffs would find it easier to maintain law and order in the colony by carrying around a big magnifying glass, rather than a gun.
    Osaka, Japan (2/21/95), San Diego (7/10/98), Las Vegas (10/22/00), San Diego (10/25/00), Las Vegas (6/6/03), Las Vegas (7/6/06), Los Angeles (7/9/06), VH1 Rock Honors (7/12/08), Ed Solo (7/8/11), Ed Solo (11/1/12), Los Angeles (11/23/13)
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    drummerboy_73 wrote:
    I think ant sheriffs would find it easier to maintain law and order in the colony by carrying around a big magnifying glass, rather than a gun.

    The cracker jack magnifying glass is actually the type used by ant sheriffs. They did away with "big" magnifying glasses when they did away with "team sheriff".

    And, didn't ya hear? Ants now live in what are called "states".
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    When somebody calls you a "bonehead",
    that's not really an insult, is it?
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