On "growing up"...

RKCNDY

Claireack wrote:

Don't worry about - as you get older people stop asking.

no, they don't. Instead of "when are you gonna have kids" it turns into "Don't you want kids?"

NO! I DON'T. I don't have many close female friends because the ones I do know all have kids and all they can talk about are "My kids this, my kids that". We don't go out much because we don't know any other childless couples that like to go to shows, bars, etc. Thank goodness my mother in law has 14 grandkids and one great grand child...she's stopped asking us for more grandkids.

Hub mentioned in France they have PACS: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacte_civi ... arit%C3%A9
wish we had that in the US, I don't really feel any different being married...well ok, sometimes I feel more like a maid. :x

Claireack

RKCNDY wrote:

Claireack wrote:

Don't worry about - as you get older people stop asking.

no, they don't. Instead of "when are you gonna have kids" it turns into "Don't you want kids?"

NO! I DON'T. I don't have many close female friends because the ones I do know all have kids and all they can talk about are "My kids this, my kids that". We don't go out much because we don't know any other childless couples that like to go to shows, bars, etc. Thank goodness my mother in law has 14 grandkids and one great grand child...she's stopped asking us for more grandkids.

Hub mentioned in France they have PACS: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacte_civi ... arit%C3%A9
wish we had that in the US, I don't really feel any different being married...well ok, sometimes I feel more like a maid. :x

I used to get asked all the time when I was having number 2. Now I'm mid-forties and my eggs have gone off, nobody bothers to ask. So aging has worked for me.

mca47

Claireack wrote:

I am married and have a teenager and I'm mostly happy. So disagree with the 'misery loves company' company comment.

I'm sure you're happy.
The idea of this thread is when you're late-20s into your early 30s, there is this stigma in not having kids (or being married), when everyone else is doing it. It's like peer pressure really. "C'mon man, do it...you're not cool unless you do it!"
I do generally think girls like the idea of having the kid. It's built in to their genetic code over millions of years of evolution. I also think they see their friends doing it, and want to join the club.

Mamasan23

RKCNDY wrote:

no, they don't. Instead of "when are you gonna have kids" it turns into "Don't you want kids?"

NO! I DON'T. I don't have many close female friends because the ones I do know all have kids and all they can talk about are "My kids this, my kids that". We don't go out much because we don't know any other childless couples that like to go to shows, bars, etc.

THIS!!! It's gotten to the point for us that our friends are starting to resent us for being able to do what we want when we want. :crazy:

RKCNDY

mca47 wrote:

I do generally think girls like the idea of having the kid. It's built in to their genetic code over millions of years of evolution. I also think they see their friends doing it, and want to join the club.

I've known since I was a little kid I never wanted kids. I never had a 'baby doll'...babies always creeped me out. They still creep me out.

mca47

Also, going back to my post on friends disappearing once they have children. It's interesting how single people like to hang out with single people, and baby-people, when not shut in from society....they like to hang out with other baby-people.
Single people never want to be around baby people because they are no longer fun, and if you hang out with them, they either bring the baby, or talk about the baby...none of which single people want to deal with.
I feel baby people like to associate with other baby people because of that common similarity. They don't want to hang out with single people because it reminds them of those times they had not too long ago that were FUN.

Claireack

mca47 wrote:

Claireack wrote:

I am married and have a teenager and I'm mostly happy. So disagree with the 'misery loves company' company comment.

I'm sure you're happy.
The idea of this thread is when you're late-20s into your early 30s, there is this stigma in not having kids (or being married), when everyone else is doing it. It's like peer pressure really. "C'mon man, do it...you're not cool unless you do it!"
I do generally think girls like the idea of having the kid. It's built in to their genetic code over millions of years of evolution. I also think they see their friends doing it, and want to join the club.

OK I'll but out then. I'm too old.

I will say before I go though, stick to your guns and try and to ignore people trying to put pressure on you to do something you don't want to do.

RKCNDY

Mamasan23 wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

no, they don't. Instead of "when are you gonna have kids" it turns into "Don't you want kids?"

NO! I DON'T. I don't have many close female friends because the ones I do know all have kids and all they can talk about are "My kids this, my kids that". We don't go out much because we don't know any other childless couples that like to go to shows, bars, etc.

THIS!!! It's gotten to the point for us that our friends are starting to resent us for being able to do what we want when we want. :crazy:

Why can't we live closer to each other?

Mamasan23

RKCNDY wrote:

Mamasan23 wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

no, they don't. Instead of "when are you gonna have kids" it turns into "Don't you want kids?"

NO! I DON'T. I don't have many close female friends because the ones I do know all have kids and all they can talk about are "My kids this, my kids that". We don't go out much because we don't know any other childless couples that like to go to shows, bars, etc.

THIS!!! It's gotten to the point for us that our friends are starting to resent us for being able to do what we want when we want. :crazy:

Why can't we live closer to each other?

I've always wanted to go to Seattle...

pandora

Claireack wrote:

OK I'll but out then. I'm too old.

I will say before I go though, stick to your guns and try and to ignore people trying to put pressure on you to do something you don't want to do.

:wave: :thumbup:



Really, I can't believe that is an issue still these days ... own your choices and get a voice
this from another old person... last thing you want is to be is sorry for the life you've lead
someday

RKCNDY

Mamasan23 wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

Why can't we live closer to each other?

I've always wanted to go to Seattle...

c'mon out! There is always something cool going on, all sorts of great bars, shows...i know you wanna see a game at the NFL's loudest stadium!

Mamasan23

RKCNDY wrote:

c'mon out! There is always something cool going on, all sorts of great bars, shows...i know you wanna see a game at the NFL's loudest stadium!

I've had a road trip to Seattle planned since 7th grade :oops: One of these days I'll get out there darnit! It would be cool to see a Seahawks game....

but Lambeau Field is better!

CorduroyGirl

he still stands wrote:

corduroy, watch this; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXpsT3e8UsM



you're not alone! and why the hell are you concerned about what other people say or think?!

That was hilarious!!!

My only concern is that I'll eventually sever some really strong bonds because of this... other than that, F it!

I was aprehensive about this thread, because I thought it could turn out to be the confirmation that I was REALLY alone on this one but it has been very refreshing to read all your posts! THANK YOU!
I think I'll really have to live with the fact that until "I join the group" (and if you ask me when will that be now, I'll have to answer never...) I'll have less and less people around me that have lots in common with me, but hey... I still have ma boy and the very selected few... And you guys to bear with me when I'm reaching the boiling point

DAMN, what took me so long to start posting on this forum!!??? It's not like I'm getting any younger, right???

stargazer76

Oh thank you, thank you for your post! I have been thinking of posting a similar one lately, since I turned 35 in August.

I got married three years ago and ever since then I'm constantly asked when we are going to start a family. Fact is, I DO have a family - my husband and our two dogs! And when I tell people that we aren't going to have kids, I get this really weird look, like I am some awful person for not wanting to pro-create. People almost seem angry about it! I can't help but think it's because, by me choosing the opposite of the norm, they are questioning their own decision. Who knows! :roll:

I can't believe that people are still so old-fashioned to still believe that one must be married and have two kids in order to be happy. Happiness in life comes in all forms and just because you choose the path less taken, doesn't mean you're missing out on anything.

I have nothing against children and I just adore babies, but I prefer a simpler life: just me and my husband, spending time with friends and family and our puppies, suits me just fine. To tell you the truth, I prefer the company of my dogs over children any day!

And "the call" to have babies....I have NEVER felt this, so why push it! I definitely do not want to have kids just because it's what I 'should' be doing. I've known many girls who've had children for all the wrong reasons and their lives are a mess.

I just don't get why everyone is so concerned with doing whatever everyone else is doing?? If we're all living cookie-cutter lives, what a boring place this would be....

pandora

stargazer76 wrote:

Oh thank you, thank you for your post! I have been thinking of posting a similar one lately, since I turned 35 in August.

I got married three years ago and ever since then I'm constantly asked when we are going to start a family. Fact is, I DO have a family - my husband and our two dogs! And when I tell people that we aren't going to have kids, I get this really weird look, like I am some awful person for not wanting to pro-create. People almost seem angry about it! I can't help but think it's because, by me choosing the opposite of the norm, they are questioning their own decision. Who knows! :roll:

I can't believe that people are still so old-fashioned to still believe that one must be married and have two kids in order to be happy. Happiness in life comes in all forms and just because you choose the path less taken, doesn't mean you're missing out on anything.

I have nothing against children and I just adore babies, but I prefer a simpler life: just me and my husband, spending time with friends and family and our puppies, suits me just fine. To tell you the truth, I prefer the company of my dogs over children any day!

And "the call" to have babies....I have NEVER felt this, so why push it! I definitely do not want to have kids just because it's what I 'should' be doing. I've known many girls who've had children for all the wrong reasons and their lives are a mess.

I just don't get why everyone is so concerned with doing whatever everyone else is doing?? If we're all living cookie-cutter lives, what a boring place this would be....

I agree with you, one does not need a child to be happy.

There is much more in life than personal happiness.

I feel that it is not others questioning their own choices it is most likely
them wanting you to realize what they think you are missing.

Because having a child, growing, learning, living your whole life with this person,
living the miracle, being a mother, is absolutely incredible.
The personal growth that comes from this role can not be matched by another experience.

It is a love like no other and a choice not often questioned
or regretted once you are someone's Mom.

As far as 'lives in a mess' it is a challenge to be a good parent, each day
a learning experience. Learning a very pure unselfishness, making choices
that effect another human being, a child.

Love will repair and time will heal and when these women look back on
their lives, when they hug their adult children, hopefully they will know they did their very best
and be proud of the people they created.

iamica

Just wanted to chime in...I just turned 30, I've been married for 4 years (we dated for a long time before we got married, and everyone was putting pressure on us to marry for most of the time we were dating). We don't want to have kids, and sometimes we get flack for that. It's especially hard now that a lot of my friends are having babies; I can't even look at Facebook anymore because every 10 minutes they're posting about how their little darling just threw up. :?
So no, you're not alone. People seem to want to pressure single people into marriage, and childless/childfree people into having kids. Live your own life, and do what's best for you.

pandora

What makes a person happy, what they want at thirty
is very different than what makes them happy and what they want at sixty.

Approaching that age now, having friends, business associates, former employees etc...
who have lived their lives 'double income no kids' some have deep regrets now.

Mortality, at this age, is a very real issue. Losing a life mate, dying alone or living loneliness
are factors in their regrets. They see the grown children, the family unit as a missed
opportunity, a missed opportunity for a unique form of love.

My daughter called the other night, we visited for an hour and a half on the phone,
my son beeped in twice. They are approaching thirty and all I wish for them is happiness,
no demands on how they live their lives.
Happiness is elusive though and often found in caring for others.

I know in my heart that being a parent will be a lifelong joy for them,
that choice, will be without regrets in the end.

blackredyellow

People who seem to think all married people or people with kids are miserable or only did it because they "are supposed to", are as ignorant and annoying as people questioning why others don't have kids or aren't married.

I'm 37, married with two little kids, and I am 100 times happier than before my wife and kids. If you are single and/or kidless and happy, then more power to you.

Do what ever makes you happy, and don't waste your time judging other people or worrying what they think about you or your choices.

CorduroyGirl

blackredyellow wrote:

People who seem to think all married people or people with kids are miserable or only did it because they "are supposed to", are as ignorant and annoying as people questioning why others don't have kids or aren't married.

I'm 37, married with two little kids, and I am 100 times happier than before my wife and kids. If you are single and/or kidless and happy, then more power to you.

Do what ever makes you happy, and don't waste your time judging other people or worrying what they think about you or your choices.

I never questioned this :? I have one very good example of a married couple with a 11 months old kid that is completely happy with their choice! Nor did I judge anyone, i acually emphasizied that I congratulate people when they tell me they will be getting married or they're pregnant... I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea from what I said...
The only thing I was wondering, and apparently I'm not the only one living this situation, was if other people around my age were constantly being "harrassed" with the marriage/kids never ending questions.
I am living my life the way it feels right to me right now and it just gets annoying when people keep bringing up the same questions over and over again about how I live MY life, not that it'll change anything, but it is still annoying! :roll:

Either way, I

stargazer76 wrote:

If we're all living cookie-cutter lives, what a boring place this would be....

Couldn't agree more

pandora wrote:

What makes a person happy, what they want at thirty
is very different than what makes them happy and what they want at sixty.

This is something I actually think about sometimes and how much the choices I make today will inffluence my happiness in the future, but in the end, I end up reaching the conclusion that whatever I do may turn out good or bad later so I'm better off living each day at a time, looking at a very near future and facing the consequences of my past as they come... I'm not saying there's nothing I regret, just that each day I'll have to live and learn from it...

blackredyellow

CorduroyGirl wrote:

blackredyellow wrote:

People who seem to think all married people or people with kids are miserable or only did it because they "are supposed to", are as ignorant and annoying as people questioning why others don't have kids or aren't married.

I'm 37, married with two little kids, and I am 100 times happier than before my wife and kids. If you are single and/or kidless and happy, then more power to you.

Do what ever makes you happy, and don't waste your time judging other people or worrying what they think about you or your choices.

I never questioned this :? I have one very good example of a married couple with a 11 months old kid that is completely happy with their choice! Nor did I judge anyone, i acually emphasizied that I congratulate people when they tell me they will be getting married or they're pregnant... I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea from what I said...
The only thing I was wondering, and apparently I'm not the only one living this situation, was if other people around my age were constantly being "harrassed" with the marriage/kids never ending questions.
I am living my life the way it feels right to me right now and it just gets annoying when people keep bringing up the same questions over and over again about how I live MY life, not that it'll change anything, but it is still annoying! :roll:

Sorry, this wasn't aimed at you or the original premise of your thread. I just kinda got annoyed at the "post-baby lameness","misery loves company" and "friends resenting us for being able to do what we want" comments by people who don't have kids.

I agree with you, the people who keeps asking young couples about having kids, or getting married, etc., need to mind their own business lol.