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On "growing up"...
CorduroyGirl
Posts: 283
Well, this is a subject that I laughed at at first but now is becoming more frequent and, consequently, annoying...
I just turned 30 this Summer and it seems like everybody around me (except for a selected few) is getting married and having kids and all of sudden (seriously, most of them would laugh at this 1 year ago) they seem to think that's the only way to live one's life!
So whenever we (me and my better half) go to nearly ANY social event like a family party, a bachelor or bachelorette party, a wedding, whatever, EVERYONE seems to have nothing else to say to us but:
"So... 13 year together huh?... When's the wedding then?"
"Hey, bio clock is ticking... When are you planning to have kids?"
And over a hundred variations of the same two questions....
I am NOT planning to get married because I couldn't care less about it, I respect everyone to whom marriage has a special meaning, but for me it's just a contract and as far as I investigated, it doesn't even have any tax benefits
(not even mentioning church because I'm an atheist) and I couldn't be thinking less about having kids right now... I'm light years away from the economic and psychological stability I should have to have kids plus... I really don't feel "the call", so to speak...
It's not that I'm feeling under pressure, because I'm not... It's just my patience that's running out and I'm on the verge of rudely telling off people I really care about because I already tried to politely explain that I'm not into any of that! :evil:
Do you guys ever get this??? Or is it a "portuguese thing", this obsession with the 30s barrier?! :roll:
I just turned 30 this Summer and it seems like everybody around me (except for a selected few) is getting married and having kids and all of sudden (seriously, most of them would laugh at this 1 year ago) they seem to think that's the only way to live one's life!
So whenever we (me and my better half) go to nearly ANY social event like a family party, a bachelor or bachelorette party, a wedding, whatever, EVERYONE seems to have nothing else to say to us but:
"So... 13 year together huh?... When's the wedding then?"
"Hey, bio clock is ticking... When are you planning to have kids?"
And over a hundred variations of the same two questions....
I am NOT planning to get married because I couldn't care less about it, I respect everyone to whom marriage has a special meaning, but for me it's just a contract and as far as I investigated, it doesn't even have any tax benefits
(not even mentioning church because I'm an atheist) and I couldn't be thinking less about having kids right now... I'm light years away from the economic and psychological stability I should have to have kids plus... I really don't feel "the call", so to speak...It's not that I'm feeling under pressure, because I'm not... It's just my patience that's running out and I'm on the verge of rudely telling off people I really care about because I already tried to politely explain that I'm not into any of that! :evil:
Do you guys ever get this??? Or is it a "portuguese thing", this obsession with the 30s barrier?! :roll:
~Can't escape from the common rule
If you hate something, don't you do it too...~
If you hate something, don't you do it too...~
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Three years ago, I was with a girl on and off for about 5 years at that point. We were living together at the time and a friend of mine who was getting married who is a year younger than me asked me when I was going to ask her to marry me. Which I had no intention of doing. He knew that, kept asking me, I gave him the same answer, I'm not even thinking about marriage, it's not anywhere in my near future. He tells me, "Y'know dude, we're not getting any younger. The good ones will all be gone soon, and you're not going to be able to pull anyone in since we'll be older." He was twenty fucking four telling me we're not getting any younger, as if old age was right around the corner!
A lot of them still have this mentality, rushed into marriage and kids, and they're having a grand ole fucking time with life. One set of my friends, they've been married for about 7 years now and have a couple of young ones, and it's worked out great for them. The others that tried to follow suit, not so much. They're all struggling, and one is going through a nasty divorce, and they have two kids. One being a newborn.
So yeah...I know exactly what you're going through! My last wingman buddy is now in a serious relationship where he's living with his girlfriend. They recently bought a home together, so now I'm kind of the odd one out being the only single one showing up to things. Except, I only get invited to things about half as much as I used to. However, I seem to be okay with that. :P
They also used this as a 'maturity calling' so to speak. They think just because they forced themselves to do this, that makes them more mature in life and tried to dangle it above my head as if they can guide me to happiness with all the life experience they've gained, as if I just sat on my ass this whole time in life.
Fast forward to now - been separated soon will not be married legally anymore. My girlfriend never was married and never wanted kids, she is ok 'borrowing' mine.
So I understand what you mean. Don't do what everyone else is doing, do what is right for you.
and the comment about all the good ones will be taken, we are not getting any younger - bullshit.
if you are annoyed with people saying stuff it may actually mean something to you...
just know that the people that bother you are showing they care in a wierd way...
spend less time with those people and hang with others...
most of the people married with kids may envy your freedom or just want you to experience the great times they are having...
i secretly hope that some of my best friends would find someone they'd enjoy being with and have a great kid like mine...but i never suggest or ask those questions...we just talk about fishing...
If you and your partner are living life to its fullest and agree with each other, GREAT!
Now, I want to visit Portugal. Will I need to speak Portuguese, or will my redneck English suffice? It will not be for about 10 years, but I want to visit Portugal and Spain very much!
how free and uncumbered your life is without marriage and children.
yeah....that's it.
I'll get to this first because it is simple
About the "growing up" subject, I feel a little more understood now!
I mean I even bought a house with my boyfriend, so that's pretty serious and pretty much the same as being married and still, people keep making this uncomfortable remarks when we're together like (to him) "so... why haven't you proposed yet???" as if that would be the final evidence that we are actually in love (after 13 years, 3 of those living together!)...
Well, I do feel that somehow unintencionally I stopped seeing some of these people so much, I still care for them, but who wants to be frequently with someone who only has one conversation subject, right?
For me, as of now, this is the way it's gonna be but just as I didn't bother anyone for getting married or having kids (I actually congratulate them), I would like them to just let me be and everything would be fine
In the end of the day, what matters is that neither them nor me feel like anything is missing (in their cases, the partying, in mine, some kids).
If you hate something, don't you do it too...~
you're not alone! and why the hell are you concerned about what other people say or think?!
I'm 34 and a single dude. I get a lot of the shit about getting married and all. I've got it pretty good and i'm definitely not complaining but sometimes I do get a little envious of my friends who are married and have kids.
Marriage is becoming harder and harder to believe in for me when everywhere around me supposedly happy couples are getting divorced, this one's cheating on that one and it all gets ugly and public in a small town.
I want to believe that it works and it is something special, but I'm kind of like the OP in that it doesn't seem to me like a legal document saying I am married to the person i love makes it legitimate. To me the love in someone's heart for someone else is all that matters.
I may not have made much sense there. A wee bit tired today I am, mind not really working all that well
They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all
I'll log in to Facebook and 90% of the pictures are wedding or baby pictures.
It's also amazing at how fewer "close friends" I have now. You see them less once they get married, and you NEVER see them once a baby pops out. I honestly had a couple friends that I would hang out with probably once a week (going out, happy hour, whatever). Those same friends I haven't seen in 5 months! I've pretty much given up trying to see if they ever want to do anything, because I already know the answer.
What's funny is how it seems like everyone's become brainwashed into wanting that life just because their friends are doing it and apparently "now's the time". F that!
Uh oh!
I wonder how much of the post-baby lameness is the guy becoming lame vs. how much the wife makes him lame?
I'm thinking:
10% guy just getting lame once he has offspring
90% the wife making him lame through a combination of a) "it's family time" b) you can't spend money on fun things when I'm at home with the baby c) Nag nag nag d) guys being afraid of their wives
I'm convinced that your friends and family get on your case about getting married and having kids because they are absolutely miserable and they want you to be miserable as well.
I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the idea! I couldn't agree more. I have been married for 6 years now, but I would have been just as happy going the non-marriage route. Every time I meet someone new when they find out that I've been married that long and don't have any kids yet they look at me like I'm a circus animal. The pressure we get from friends and family is out of this world. It drives me nuts. It's nobody's business. Why must everyone have kids?? Or get married? Everyone's path in life is different but some people just don't get that.
To further my point - all of my friends that do have children ARE miserable.
Being a tried and true believer in soul mates
I realize because we do, we may not find that mate until we have grown to
that perfect point that joins us.
I see that in couples I know who have stayed together happily for 50+ years
and have grown together.
I've seen friends divorce very early on to separate and find their perfect mate
even just months later, now happily still together 25 years later.
And I have seen people alone for decades only to meet their soulmate
close to the end of their lives after some attempts or none.
It matters not marriage, it is the union, and never giving up on your soulmate,
whether you have yet found them or not.
no, they don't. Instead of "when are you gonna have kids" it turns into "Don't you want kids?"
NO! I DON'T. I don't have many close female friends because the ones I do know all have kids and all they can talk about are "My kids this, my kids that". We don't go out much because we don't know any other childless couples that like to go to shows, bars, etc. Thank goodness my mother in law has 14 grandkids and one great grand child...she's stopped asking us for more grandkids.
Hub mentioned in France they have PACS: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacte_civi ... arit%C3%A9
wish we had that in the US, I don't really feel any different being married...well ok, sometimes I feel more like a maid. :x
- Christopher McCandless
I used to get asked all the time when I was having number 2. Now I'm mid-forties and my eggs have gone off, nobody bothers to ask. So aging has worked for me.
The idea of this thread is when you're late-20s into your early 30s, there is this stigma in not having kids (or being married), when everyone else is doing it. It's like peer pressure really. "C'mon man, do it...you're not cool unless you do it!"
I do generally think girls like the idea of having the kid. It's built in to their genetic code over millions of years of evolution. I also think they see their friends doing it, and want to join the club.
THIS!!! It's gotten to the point for us that our friends are starting to resent us for being able to do what we want when we want. :crazy:
I've known since I was a little kid I never wanted kids. I never had a 'baby doll'...babies always creeped me out. They still creep me out.
- Christopher McCandless
Single people never want to be around baby people because they are no longer fun, and if you hang out with them, they either bring the baby, or talk about the baby...none of which single people want to deal with.
I feel baby people like to associate with other baby people because of that common similarity. They don't want to hang out with single people because it reminds them of those times they had not too long ago that were FUN.
OK I'll but out then. I'm too old.
I will say before I go though, stick to your guns and try and to ignore people trying to put pressure on you to do something you don't want to do.
Why can't we live closer to each other?
- Christopher McCandless
I've always wanted to go to Seattle...
Really, I can't believe that is an issue still these days ... own your choices and get a voice
this from another old person... last thing you want is to be is sorry for the life you've lead
someday