How can I say no?...How can I say yes?

Fifthelement

jimbojones1138 wrote:

wow i really wasnt expecting to read all of this when i clicked on your topic. I am now somewhat dpressed in reading about how this has effected people here. I am so sorry to hear about the hurt and loss people have dealt with due to drug addiction.

Yes, I was surprised and saddened too! My heart goes out to all who are affected by addiction(s) (((hugs)))

voidofman

My wife is pretty much in the same boat with her brother. He is in jail again for parole violation and assaulting a police officer while intoxicated. He went for the officer's gun when he got pulled over and the only reason they didn't shoot him was because someone on the force killed someone the week before and the whole town was really pissed off about it.

We do want him to get the help he needs but it seems like there is almost no help around here. We have a young daughter and don't want her to be put in that situation either.

I think the main problem with him is that he gets bored, there is almost nothing to do here. You can literally walk 5 minutes in either direction from our house and there is crack.

When he gets out he stays with his dad and everything is okay for a few months until he gets that itch and sells something. Usually work tools which dad needs for his job.



Side note: It's not just crack either, my brothers are like that with pot and beer. They spend all their disability checks on it the first of the month and then take whatever they can to a pawn shop, lawn mower, tvs, dvd players, game systems, my guitar and amp.

It really sucks wanting to help but they have to want to be helped and even then it's difficult. Keep your distance, it will only hurt more trying to help.

PureandEasy

Fifthelement wrote:

jimbojones1138 wrote:

wow i really wasnt expecting to read all of this when i clicked on your topic. I am now somewhat dpressed in reading about how this has effected people here. I am so sorry to hear about the hurt and loss people have dealt with due to drug addiction.

Yes, I was surprised and saddened too! My heart goes out to all who are affected by addiction(s) (((hugs)))

I too am shocked that so many here have been affected this closely by severe addiction. My heart goes out to all of you.

I agree with everyone as well, unless he's clean, I wouldn't let him near my kids.

whispering hands

VoidOfMan wrote:

My wife is pretty much in the same boat with her brother. He is in jail again for parole violation and assaulting a police officer while intoxicated. He went for the officer's gun when he got pulled over and the only reason they didn't shoot him was because someone on the force killed someone the week before and the whole town was really pissed off about it.

We do want him to get the help he needs but it seems like there is almost no help around here. We have a young daughter and don't want her to be put in that situation either.

I think the main problem with him is that he gets bored, there is almost nothing to do here. You can literally walk 5 minutes in either direction from our house and there is crack.

When he gets out he stays with his dad and everything is for a few mnonths until he gets that itch, then its time to sell some thing, most often it my dads tools.


Side note: It's not just crack either, my brothers are like that with pot and beer. They spend all their disability checks on it the first of the month and then take whatever they can to a pawn shop, lawn mower, tvs, dvd players, game systems, my guitar and amp.

It really sucks wanting to help but they have to want to be helped and even then it's difficult. Keep your distance, it will only hurt more trying to help.[/quote
Ok I totally don't want to sound like a fucked up bitch here.. But that last statement about your brothers made me think of that scene in the movie Half Baked with Dave Chapelle, Where the main Character goes to NA for Marijuana use and the Crack head stands up and yells " Man you came in here for some mother fucking WEEED????Man I used to suck Dick for Crack, you ever sucked dick for some Marijuana?!!?BOOO this man!!" Sorry but seriously!?!?!? Dude I've smoked pot seriously for about 25 years now and NEVER met a pothead that stole anything, or sold off all their possesions to get pot!! I truely feel for you, as that is utterly sad.. I am truly sorry you have to even experience that.

Loulou

Jokertt® wrote:

Glue everything down.

Crack heads steal everything !! Just saying

However true this may be, this 'Crack head' as you called him is obviously a loved family member of the OP, so try to be a little more respectful.

I think it's great that you are trying to help him but I agree, don't put your kids at risk. I have gone through a very similar experience too, it's hard because you just want to see them do well and when you hear that they want to get their life back on track, it's easy to get excited for them and jump the gun. I agree that he needs to get professional help first before you let him stay with you.
Good luck with everything.

pandora

The Crooked Heart wrote:

My husbands brother is almost 30 and has had problems with drugs for at least the past 15 years. I'm not sure how long he has been smoking crack but it has been several years. He can't keep a job, his ex girlfriend won't let him around their 2 year old daughter, he doesn't have a permanant residence, basically he has finally hit rock bottom. He called yesterday and asked if he could come up here for a while because he knows he can't get clean down there. We are in Missouri and he is in Florida. I was thrilled to hear that he wanted to do this for himself and that he really seemed to be thinking it through. Later that evening I started thinking more about it and I just don't know what to do. I can't see how I can say no but then again I don't know exactly what situation I will be bringing around my children. He has an anger problem and I don't know anything about detoxing from crack. I don't know where he would be in the process when he gets here. I don't really know what to expect at all. My husband works 12 hour night shifts so it's not like he would always be around if something happened. I have to put my kids first but it would kill me to say no when he has finally reached out for help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

keep your children safe...
my eldest sister you has since passed gave me great advice when I was in my twenties with
a young one and one on the way.

"Be careful who you allow into your lives" this for the children's sake.

I have tried to live by this.

Any reservations for me have always lead to no.

mysticweed

i know this is a complex situation
but to simplify
you have children at home
how can you NOT say no

FenwayFaithful

All I can say is best of luck to you, your family and your brother in law. All of the things I have to say have been said before. I just recently lost my best friend to drug addiction and I understand how difficult it is for all involved.

covered in bliss

Loulou wrote:

covered in bliss wrote:

not at all inappropriate! Addicts will steal, lie and cheat in a heartbeat.

However true this may be, this 'Crack head' as you called him is obviously a loved family member of the OP, so try to be a little more respectful.

I think it's great that you are trying to help him but I agree, don't put your kids at risk. I have gone through a very similar experience too, it's hard because you just want to see them do well and when you hear that they want to get their life back on track, it's easy to get excited for them and jump the gun. I agree that he needs to get professional help first before you let him stay with you.
Good luck with everything.

I didn't call anyone anything.

edit-although, some things shouldn't be sugar-coated, and it's not necessarily being disrespectful. The OP needs to realize the severity of the situation... the consequences of getting that deeply involved with children in the picture.

Loulou

covered in bliss wrote:

Loulou wrote:

covered in bliss wrote:

not at all inappropriate! Addicts will steal, lie and cheat in a heartbeat.

However true this may be, this 'Crack head' as you called him is obviously a loved family member of the OP, so try to be a little more respectful.

I think it's great that you are trying to help him but I agree, don't put your kids at risk. I have gone through a very similar experience too, it's hard because you just want to see them do well and when you hear that they want to get their life back on track, it's easy to get excited for them and jump the gun. I agree that he needs to get professional help first before you let him stay with you.
Good luck with everything.

I didn't call anyone anything.

edit-although, some things shouldn't be sugar-coated, and it's not necessarily being disrespectful. The OP needs to realize the severity of the situation... the consequences of getting that deeply involved with children in the picture.

Sorry, didn't mean for it to look like YOU called him anything. Was actually referring to the 'Glue everything down' comment.

Jokertt® wrote:

Glue everything down.

Crack heads steal everything !! Just saying

I do agree, it's a very serious situation and people can do some pretty nasty things sometimes to get their fix.

polaris_x

before your brother-in-law goes to rehab ... i would send him in for a catscan ... i suspect he has a brain injury ... possibly from many years ago ... even when he was a kid that was not properly diagnosed ... these brain injuries can lead to sudden mood swings and anger issues as well as dependency on things such as drugs ... it's easy to say he just got addicted to drugs but sometimes its something else altogether ...

pandora

Children are like little sponges, watching, listening, learning 24/ 7.

They understand far more than they can share and will store,
if even in their subconscious, what they experience.

This for a caring adult can be a bit overwhelming when you think about it,
when you are trying to protect and teach.

Every word, every moment counts and makes a child the adult they will be,
mixed with inherent personality traits.

Loved family members need to be on board to this fact and know the importance
of their interaction with a child. An addict, recovering or otherwise,
going through their own hell,
may not be able to be the example they would like to be.

IMO

of.the.girl

As hard as it may be, I'd say NO! He needs rehab first and foremost. Him getting clean on his own is going to be tough and more of a chance on him relapsing.

I know first hand how drugs and alcohol can affect a family. My brother has been using off and on for 10 plus years. Fines, jail, more fines, more arrests. Like another person said, How can you NOT say NO! You have to put your children first. As much as you want to help him and give him a place to stay, you can't put your own family in harms way with an addict. To this day I will not allow my brother to my home. He came down twice while he was suppose to be "clean" and stole from me to get a fix. Since then, I will not allow him near me, my house, or my children.

My mother I believe has a drinking problem, won't allow my kids around her either.

You never realize how affected your own family becomes until you let an addict or alcoholic around them for a short period of time. It's the kids who pay the price first. You need to protect them.