How to Talk to Little Girls

ShimmyMommy

EmBleve wrote:

ShimmyMommy wrote:

Although I agree that it can be an ice-breaker, but why not ask them how they are feeling today, or what they are doing at that moment? When I really look at it, commenting on their looks is to make the adult comfortable talking to/about the child. Children don't really see beauty in the way an adult does, they only know feelings and actions.

It seems we only ask people (kids and adults alike) surface questions so we do not have to get connected with each other on a deeper level. We all need to know that they are connected on that deeper level. So why not engage someone in a way that makes them feel valued instead of viewed?

yes. Good point.
Last night it FINALLY rained here, and it was pouring, and a mom sent her son into the store to get something (he was maybe 10). When he got up to the counter, I said 'so, isn't it great that we're finally getting some rain? What do you think about it?'. He looked at me like I was nuts and laughed and laughed. He goes 'yeah, it's good'.

It's all about accommodating the adult, probably because we can get nervous talking to kids...who tend to call it like they see it.

EmBleve

ShimmyMommy wrote:

It's all about accommodating the adult, probably because we can get nervous talking to kids...who tend to call it like they see it.

yes, children laugh at me alot. :shock: I often say the same types of things to them as I would a peer or an adult (esp. like the preteen ones)....so, yeah...they find it humorous. They're like 'this chick is weird :? '.

ShimmyMommy

EmBleve wrote:

ShimmyMommy wrote:

It's all about accommodating the adult, probably because we can get nervous talking to kids...who tend to call it like they see it.

yes, children laugh at me alot. :shock: I often say the same types of things to them as I would a peer or an adult (esp. like the preteen ones)....so, yeah...they find it humorous. They're like 'this chick is weird :? '.

Probably not weird, just that they don't get what your telling them. So, they laugh because you made them as equally nervous as you are!

EmBleve

ShimmyMommy wrote:

EmBleve wrote:

ShimmyMommy wrote:

It's all about accommodating the adult, probably because we can get nervous talking to kids...who tend to call it like they see it.

yes, children laugh at me alot. :shock: I often say the same types of things to them as I would a peer or an adult (esp. like the preteen ones)....so, yeah...they find it humorous. They're like 'this chick is weird :? '.

Probably not weird, just that they don't get what your telling them. So, they laugh because you made them as equally nervous as you are!

yes, probably! But you can have some pretty intelligent conversations with some 8 and 9 year olds. I guess it depends on the child as well as the adult. But, yeah, the rain kid seemed very surprised that I made that comment to him. It hadn't even crossed his mind to get out in the pouring rain, or that rain was needed. Precious life moments.

ShimmyMommy

EmBleve wrote:

yes, probably! But you can have some pretty intelligent conversations with some 8 and 9 year olds. I guess it depends on the child as well as the adult. But, yeah, the rain kid seemed very surprised that I made that comment to him. It hadn't even crossed his mind to get out in the pouring rain, or that rain was needed. Precious life moments.

Exactly! Precious life moments are usually the most simple ones. That's why children are happy most of the time.

EmBleve

ShimmyMommy wrote:

EmBleve wrote:

yes, probably! But you can have some pretty intelligent conversations with some 8 and 9 year olds. I guess it depends on the child as well as the adult. But, yeah, the rain kid seemed very surprised that I made that comment to him. It hadn't even crossed his mind to get out in the pouring rain, or that rain was needed. Precious life moments.

Exactly! Precious life moments are usually the most simple ones. That's why children are happy most of the time.

:thumbup: I like to just let them talk. It's usually educational and quite entertaining. And, oftentimes, humbling because, as you mentioned, they call it like they see it.

ShimmyMommy

EmBleve wrote:

ShimmyMommy wrote:

EmBleve wrote:

yes, probably! But you can have some pretty intelligent conversations with some 8 and 9 year olds. I guess it depends on the child as well as the adult. But, yeah, the rain kid seemed very surprised that I made that comment to him. It hadn't even crossed his mind to get out in the pouring rain, or that rain was needed. Precious life moments.

Exactly! Precious life moments are usually the most simple ones. That's why children are happy most of the time.

:thumbup: I like to just let them talk. It's usually educational and quite entertaining. And, oftentimes, humbling because, as you mentioned, they call it like they see it.

:thumbup:

cbrunelle783

cbrunelle783 wrote:

I can't keep Purplicious on the shelves at work

It's a book by Elizabeth Kann. She did Pinkilicious, Goldilicious and Silverlicious. You have son right? So you don't have to worry about girly books

ShimmyMommy

cbrunelle783 wrote:

cbrunelle783 wrote:

I can't keep Purplicious on the shelves at work

It's a book by Elizabeth Kann. She did Pinkilicious, Goldilicious and Silverlicious. You have son right? So you don't have to worry about girly books

I do know Pinkilicious, one of my nieces loves that book. But I didn't know she had 4 books!

My son likes all kinds of books (mostly Elmo)...but I don't care which ones as long as he loves to read them, right?

puremagic

Here’s my take on this article.

1. The problem was not with the child being cute.

2. The problem was with the diner guest’s creepy over reaction to the child being cute.

3. The article goes on to speak against the ills of putting too much value on ones appearance, yet, the fact that the diner guest, judged that child’s intellect by her own reaction to the child’s appearance, to the point, she felt the need to see if there was a brain behind that cute face was even more disturbing.

4. The message this article seems to send is

a) You don’t have to be cute to be smart
b) If you’re cute, you have to Prove to people you’re smart

I found the article irritating because, it continued to promote the cycle of females having to PROVE themselves.

Would there had been an article of this type had the child been a ‘cute’ 2 year old boy? What intellectual test would he have to have passed?

ShimmyMommy

puremagic wrote:

Here’s my take on this article.

1. The problem was not with the child being cute.

2. The problem was with the diner guest’s creepy over reaction to the child being cute.

3. The article goes on to speak against the ills of putting too much value on ones appearance, yet, the fact that the diner guest, judged that child’s intellect by her own reaction to the child’s appearance, to the point, she felt the need to see if there was a brain behind that cute face was even more disturbing.

4. The message this article seems to send is

a) You don’t have to be cute to be smart
b) If you’re cute, you have to Prove to people you’re smart

I found the article irritating because, it continued to promote the cycle of females having to PROVE themselves.

Would there had been an article of this type had the child been a ‘cute’ 2 year old boy? What intellectual test would he have to have passed?

I can agree with your points.

My boy is almost 2. People call him cute/handsome all the time. Someone even once said, "If he were older..." :wtf: Then they say he's really big for his age, and ask if he can talk, if he's walking, is he using a big boy this or that, is he potty trained, can he recognize letters and numbers...it's like a dog doing tricks. I do find it irritating, I have to PROVE my parenting all the time.

We are damned if we do and if we don't.

So...I hope that I teach him to be good, kind and respectful to others, regardless of their brains or beauty.

inlet13

puremagic wrote:

Here’s my take on this article.

1. The problem was not with the child being cute.

2. The problem was with the diner guest’s creepy over reaction to the child being cute.

3. The article goes on to speak against the ills of putting too much value on ones appearance, yet, the fact that the diner guest, judged that child’s intellect by her own reaction to the child’s appearance, to the point, she felt the need to see if there was a brain behind that cute face was even more disturbing.

4. The message this article seems to send is

a) You don’t have to be cute to be smart
b) If you’re cute, you have to Prove to people you’re smart

I found the article irritating because, it continued to promote the cycle of females having to PROVE themselves.

Would there had been an article of this type had the child been a ‘cute’ 2 year old boy? What intellectual test would he have to have passed?

This is exactly right on.

Loulou

Thanks for the interesting read Shimmy. I don't think I can help it though, I will always think my daughter is the most beautiful girl in the whole world and I don't think I can ever stop saying it to her. However, I will always tell her how clever she is and funny she is too! I know, my little girl is going to have one massive ego but I love that!
I was shy and quiet and I felt like I missed alot of opportunities because of it so a massively confident child is okay with me.

ShimmyMommy

Loulou wrote:

Thanks for the interesting read Shimmy. I don't think I can help it though, I will always think my daughter is the most beautiful girl in the whole world and I don't think I can ever stop saying it to her. However, I will always tell her how clever she is and funny she is too! I know, my little girl is going to have one massive ego but I love that!
I was shy and quiet and I felt like I missed alot of opportunities because of it so a massively confident child is okay with me.

Loulou, It's what good parents do. We encourage, engage and love our children by recognizing all the good things about them. It's when we focus on what they aren't so great at, that we hurt them the most.

I am glad this thread has people talking. I love hearing everyone's perspective. Thank you all.

stardust1976

I'm sorry, but this article is stupid.

I have several problems with it. Firstly - who on earth does the author think she is, saying that she changed that little girl's perspective, at least for that night? She said that was the first time she met this particular child - how is it possible that in the short space of an evening she has gleaned from the child what her perspective on ANYTHING is? Trust me on this - a five year old child is a fickle instrument at best - what their perspective is, depends on many, many, many factors, least of which would be a friend of her parents asking her to read a book with her.

Second is probably the fact that although I DO believe society places women's looks way too high on the priority scale, the author clearly has little to no interaction with young children, let alone females. If she did, she would understand that society plays a smaller role than immediate family and peers within a child's life. YES, children, especially girls, are given unrealistic stereotypes that the media says we should live up to - but it is the parents responsibility to ensure that children are well balanced and adjusted, and understand that the whole of a person comes from everything they are, not from what they look like. YES, it's hard, but not as hard as this woman is making out.

For the record, I have 4 children, 3 of them are girls. One is still a little girl at 9, another is a relatively young 12, and the eldest is 13 (going on 21). They all have different personalities, they all are beautiful. Yes, I tell them that. I see absolutely no harm in telling them they are beautiful people, both inside AND out. They have extremely healthy self esteem. They read, they watch tv, they talk to their friends. They understand that the images they see on the television, in movies, in magazines are not realistic expectations of women, and they are ok with that.

Do I talk to them about things other than their looks? Yes, obviously. WHo doesn't? My biggest problem with this article, is the way the author assumes people talk to girls that way. Have I ever asked a girl about her hair, or her looks, or stupid stuff like that? Perhaps a new haircut may have come into conversation, maybe commenting on an article of clothing "Oh, I love that, I would so wear that, I wish they made it in my size!" Is it ok to say to a FIVE YEAR OLD girl - " Oh, you are SO cute"? Yes, it's perfectly fine. Should an entire conversation with ANY child, boy OR girl, revolve around superficial things? No. It's stupid to think that very many people do that. Only people who have little to no experience with children talk like that.

That's my problem with this article. Children grow up healthy inside AND out, when they have people around them who love them, and let them be who they want to be. When you are nurtured and loved, you feel beautiful, and it shows. Telling a girl she is beautiful is not a bad thing.

If every person told every child they were beautiful, there would be no self esteem issues in regards to the way people look. It's a very simple equation - love your child, nurture everything they do, have common sense, and do your absolute best to pass it on. SIMPLE. People should stop overthinking the way children are raised.

chadwick

couldn't read the entire story
got just a little bit into it and wanted to vomit

Jeanwah

stardust1976 wrote:

People should stop overthinking the way children are raised.

I think this is the best sentence in the thread.

cincybearcat

ShimmyMommy wrote:

It's when we focus on what they aren't so great at, that we hurt them the most.

Hmmm...strongly disagree with this. That is what parenting is. The teaching moments. NO problem with that, again, it's all in the delivery and purpose.

inlet13

cincybearcat wrote:

ShimmyMommy wrote:

It's when we focus on what they aren't so great at, that we hurt them the most.

Hmmm...strongly disagree with this. That is what parenting is. The teaching moments. NO problem with that, again, it's all in the delivery and purpose.

Good point.

ShimmyMommy

cincybearcat wrote:

ShimmyMommy wrote:

It's when we focus on what they aren't so great at, that we hurt them the most.

Hmmm...strongly disagree with this. That is what parenting is. The teaching moments. NO problem with that, again, it's all in the delivery and purpose.

You are absolutely right. It's how you nurture the child during what is not the best moment at the time is very important.

I am sorry. I did a terrible job explaining my thought there. I was pathetically trying to say: When a parent focuses on a not great moment in a negative or destructive way, it's not nurturing them, it's hurting them.

stardust1976, GREAT response. Completely agreed with you on all your points. Jeanwah is right, best quote in this thread :

People should stop overthinking the way children are raised.