Admitting you're a Racist

Jeanwah

GTFLYGIRL wrote:

Jeanwah wrote:

I was notified by a good friend last week that she is racist after years of thinking that she wasn't.

I am curious... as to me this isn't very clear and really makes a difference... IMO.

Re: the above quote.

Did your friend realize she is racist after years of thinking SHE wasn't?

Yes.

Or did she notify you that she is racist after years of YOU thinking she wasn't.[/quote]

no. It had nothing to do with me. All her.

Who was caught off guard by this realization... just you or both of you?

Thanks....

pandora

I mentioned I feel racism is a 'taught fault' that prejudice is a choice...
both are learned from life experience and by example.

I too have let my emotions take me to an irrational place because of negative experience.

Perhaps this is a fleeting place for your friend and is based on something
she is experiencing now in her life or collectively.

My son was beaten, held at gunpoint and robbed as a teen by a couple of black boys.
This brought me to a really bad place although I knew it was irrational.

After being brought up without prejudice, and teaching my children the same by example,
I just couldn't get over the hate that came over me.

It was wrong to judge all for something just two did and I knew this but it took time to work through it.

I hope this might be the case with your friend Jean.
Opinions can change daily most especially when we let love in.

blackredyellow

ShimmyMommy wrote:

As for having prejudicial and stereotypical views of others, I actually end up wondering what shaped someone to have views like that. Usually it is a conditioned fear, learned through an (or many) experience. I could have chosen to hate based on many of the things I that I have experienced, however, I just choose not to let the fear rule me. To me, it's as simple as that. For others, it doesn't come so easily and I understand that completely.

While some are based in fear, stereotypes in general don't have to have an association with fear, as there are many harmless stereotypes, and even some complementary stereotypes. It seems like it's just something that we are told or hear at some point and our minds selectively pick experiences or observations to back that up (while ignoring contradictory ones).

If you have been told that Chinese people are bad drivers, and one day a Chinese person cuts you off, for some reason that might stick with you because it backs up your preconceived notion about a race's driving ability. But on another day, if a white guy cuts you off, you quickly forget about it and move on.

We all have stereotypes ingrained in us, whether they are based on race, nationality, sex, age, what sports team someone roots for/plays for, what college they went to, what political party they belong to, etc etc etc., but most people can see through it and acknowledge that they are irrational and see people for who they are, or how they act individually.

But some people, whether it's out of a deeper ingrained hatred or fear, seem to rely on these stereotypes and take them to unhealthy levels.

Jeanwah

pandora wrote:

I mentioned I feel racism is a 'taught fault' that prejudice is a choice...
both are learned from life experience and by example.

I too have let my emotions take me to an irrational place because of negative experience.

Perhaps this is a fleeting place for your friend and is based on something
she is experiencing now in her life or collectively.

My son was beaten, held at gunpoint and robbed as a teen by a couple of black boys.
This brought me to a really bad place although I knew it was irrational.

After being brought up without prejudice, and teaching my children the same by example,
I just couldn't get over the hate that came over me.

It was wrong to judge all for something just two did and I knew this but it took time to work through it.

I hope this might be the case with your friend Jean.
Opinions can change daily most especially when we let love in.

I don't know Pandi. Out of nowhere she "proclaims" this, and expects me to agree. Then she goes on, and that she'd never let her daughters marry out of her race, regardless of love. It's just sad.

ShimmyMommy

blackredyellow wrote:

ShimmyMommy wrote:

As for having prejudicial and stereotypical views of others, I actually end up wondering what shaped someone to have views like that. Usually it is a conditioned fear, learned through an (or many) experience. I could have chosen to hate based on many of the things I that I have experienced, however, I just choose not to let the fear rule me. To me, it's as simple as that. For others, it doesn't come so easily and I understand that completely.

While some are based in fear, stereotypes in general don't have to have an association with fear, as there are many harmless stereotypes, and even some complementary stereotypes. It seems like it's just something that we are told or hear at some point and our minds selectively pick experiences or observations to back that up (while ignoring contradictory ones).

If you have been told that Chinese people are bad drivers, and one day a Chinese person cuts you off, for some reason that might stick with you because it backs up your preconceived notion about a race's driving ability. But on another day, if a white guy cuts you off, you quickly forget about it and move on.

We all have stereotypes ingrained in us, whether they are based on race, nationality, sex, age, what sports team someone roots for/plays for, what college they went to, what political party they belong to, etc etc etc., but most people can see through it and acknowledge that they are irrational and see people for who they are, or how they act individually.

But some people, whether it's out of a deeper ingrained hatred or fear, seem to rely on these stereotypes and take them to unhealthy levels.

Agreed

MotoDC

haffajappa wrote:

the only time i'm racist is against my chinese-canadian friend.
and the only time she's racist is with me.
i guess that's a double standard and offensive to some people but we joke about each other being asian.
:oops:

Haha, haffa, I didn't get your screenname until just now. On topic: is it racist when you're joking about your own race? Isn't that kinda like talking bad about mothers? You can say what you want about your own mother, but you better shut your face when you talk about mine?

Back to business, I'm confused by the OP. Was your friend happy b/c they realized they were racist and so knew that they needed to work on their worldview? I.e., they identified the problem and as a result knew what had to be done to fix it? Or were they simply happy that they'd discovered they were racist?

Jeanwah

MotoDC wrote:

haffajappa wrote:

the only time i'm racist is against my chinese-canadian friend.
and the only time she's racist is with me.
i guess that's a double standard and offensive to some people but we joke about each other being asian.
:oops:

Haha, haffa, I didn't get your screenname until just now. On topic: is it racist when you're joking about your own race? Isn't that kinda like talking bad about mothers? You can say what you want about your own mother, but you better shut your face when you talk about mine?

Back to business, I'm confused by the OP. Was your friend happy b/c they realized they were racist and so knew that they needed to work on their worldview? I.e., they identified the problem and as a result knew what had to be done to fix it? Or were they simply happy that they'd discovered they were racist?

The bolded part. And Haffajappa, I just now get your screenname, too!

cajunkiwi

MotoDC wrote:

Haha, haffa, I didn't get your screenname until just now. On topic: is it racist when you're joking about your own race? Isn't that kinda like talking bad about mothers? You can say what you want about your own mother, but you better shut your face when you talk about mine?

I think it's context. I know every joke about New Zealanders known to man (living next to the Aussies we get to hear them a lot). I make plenty of jokes about Kiwis, and my mates make plenty of jokes as well... but if someone I didn't know made a comment that seemed mean-spirited or uncalled for, I'd probably be pissed. But at the same time, if they were just generally joking around I'd try and see the funny side of it... unless the joke wasn't funny, in which case I'd just think they were a weirdo

cajunkiwi

Byrnzie wrote:

My mothers boyfriend constantly uses terms such as 'Wog', 'cookie boy', 'Coon', Paki', 'Jock', 'Wop', e.t.c. I just ignore him. I figure that nobody's gonna change the mind of a 56 year old. I just don't respond to him whenever he throws such words into a conversation.

That's a tough thing to do. My father-in-law is like that - he'll readily argue with anyone who'll listen that he should be allowed to use the n-word if he wants to. He genuinely believes that him not being allowed to use that word is just the PC police being prejudiced towards white people (he thinks white people are now the most persecuted people in America). I try and ignore him whenever possible (he's pushing 60 and, like you said, won't ever change), but there's usually a devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear that I should tell him to shut the fuck up and stop acting like a bigoted idiot. That devil is pretty damn loud, too.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

cajunkiwi wrote:

I think it's context. I know every joke about New Zealanders known to man (living next to the Aussies we get to hear them a lot). I make plenty of jokes about Kiwis, and my mates make plenty of jokes as well... but if someone I didn't know made a comment that seemed mean-spirited or uncalled for, I'd probably be pissed. But at the same time, if they were just generally joking around I'd try and see the funny side of it... unless the joke wasn't funny, in which case I'd just think they were a weirdo

it seems to be same across the board with that.........like black people who choose to use the N word. if they do it, it's ok, cause it's empowering or something. I'm ok with it, cause I don't use it anyway.

pandora

Jeanwah wrote:

pandora wrote:

I mentioned I feel racism is a 'taught fault' that prejudice is a choice...
both are learned from life experience and by example.

I too have let my emotions take me to an irrational place because of negative experience.

Perhaps this is a fleeting place for your friend and is based on something
she is experiencing now in her life or collectively.

My son was beaten, held at gunpoint and robbed as a teen by a couple of black boys.
This brought me to a really bad place although I knew it was irrational.

After being brought up without prejudice, and teaching my children the same by example,
I just couldn't get over the hate that came over me.

It was wrong to judge all for something just two did and I knew this but it took time to work through it.

I hope this might be the case with your friend Jean.
Opinions can change daily most especially when we let love in.

I don't know Pandi. Out of nowhere she "proclaims" this, and expects me to agree. Then she goes on, and that she'd never let her daughters marry out of her race, regardless of love. It's just sad.

Hmmm... she has a lot learn about daughters to say the least!

I guess we can be sorry for her but you know this idea is becoming more frequent....
the thought of 'saving' the white race

its being said that natural redheads and then blondes in the not too terribly distant future will be extinct.
That's a little sad I guess. It's nice to have variety.

I'm blonde as are my kids but of course I have no say in who they fall in love with or marry
or if they do either.

even flow - question mark

Hell the way people pretend to be politically correct now a days, you tell a joke and you are racist. My nephew will call me racist and then sit down and laugh at the same thing I said because it is on South Park. So there you go.

Idris

even flow - question mark wrote:

Hell the way people pretend to be politically correct now a days, you tell a joke and you are racist. My nephew will call me racist and then sit down and laugh at the same thing I said because it is on South Park. So there you go.

It's all about the way something is presented, shape shit into a chicken nugget form, market it correctly and people will eat it. They will line the streets for it,

satansbed

i personally think that "racist" joke are only racist when they are meant to be insulting and if you actually dislike them for there race, for example me and my friend whose english always slag eachothers nationalitys but don't really mean what we say, its more like banter, same with me and my girlfriend whose a different religion, we slag each other over it but don't mean it in an offensive way

some people are two quick to see slagging as being racist or sectarian though, its all about what the intent behing the comments is

ShimmyMommy

satansbed wrote:

i personally think that "racist" joke are only racist when they are meant to be insulting and if you actually dislike them for there race, for example me and my friend whose english always slag eachothers nationalitys but don't really mean what we say, its more like banter, same with me and my girlfriend whose a different religion, we slag each other over it but don't mean it in an offensive way

some people are two quick to see slagging as being racist or sectarian though, its all about what the intent behing the comments is

I can totally get that...except my friend does it as an acceptable way to take shots/give insults. I don't make jokes like that with her (or anyone for that matter). The one time when she did it to me, I did tell her I never talk to her like that, so she shouldn't talk to me like that. It's a two way street. If people are cool with giving and receiving such jokes and insults, then they can have at it. And yes, we are still friends, and we do joke, as I do have a sense of humour, after all. I just don't think it's a respectful thing to do if you really want to be friends with people of other races, religions, gender, looks, etc...kwim?

fanch75

I'm one of Pearl Jam's few black fans. It can be a bit lonely at shows, let me tell ya.

ShimmyMommy

fanch75 wrote:

I'm one of Pearl Jam's few black fans. It can be a bit lonely at shows, let me tell ya.

I can relate...actually I feel this way at a lot of functions... :oops:

gabers

fanch75 wrote:

I'm one of Pearl Jam's few black fans. It can be a bit lonely at shows, let me tell ya.

Hmm. Even though you used to post all those "Stuff white people do posts" the fact that you're a 80's hair metal fan makes me seriously doubt that claim. Prove it!

81

i'm not a racist, i'm just a bigot.

ShimmyMommy

81 wrote:

i'm not a racist, i'm just a bigot.

ahhhh....that explains a lot :P