My dad's medical condition - difficult decision

dimitrispearljam

my best wishes to you and your family..stay positive..

PureandEasy

Another one chiming in with thoughts and prayers and in agreement with RKCNDY.

You want your loved ones to be comfortable and not suffering. Anything else is just prolonging the inevitable.

take it easy.

pandora

I think everyone can say if it was them ... themselves they would not want to prolong the inevitable.

Having said goodbye to many loved ones
all I know is give lots of love and let them go in their own time as comfortably as possible.

My thoughts and prayers for strength are with you and your family.

Ms. Wes C.addle

Its never easy to know what the 'right' decision is, not in a time like this. You may second guess every opinion, every decision, but with love in your heart, you and your family will do what you feel is best for your father.

Cherish every waking moment, every breath, every embrace, every smile, every laugh...
My love and prayers to your father, you, and your family during this most difficult time. Hugs Joe.

~jen

PilateOfTheStorm

Sad to hear this, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family

i can't offer any advice as i've not been in your position but i also agree with RKCNDY - quality of life is the most important. cherishing what you have now, making him feel as comfortable and loved as possible.
it's a very difficult decision and one that you'll probably think over and over again - but i hope and believe that whatever decision you make will be the best one - for your dad, your mum, yourself and your family.

best wishes to you and your family, stay strong and positive

Lizard

Sorry to read this Joe.....another one with no practical advice but I wish you the best.

markymark550

Very sorry that you are having to go through this. I think that hospice is a good and helpful service provided by people who truly care (at least that's been my experience). However, without knowing you and your family, it's tough to give any kind of advice on what to do. You and your family are in my prayers and I pray that God gives you the guidance and strength that you need during this time.

JOEJOEJOE

Thanks again to everybody for the kind words.

My mom and I met with the doctor today, and it looks like we will go with the hospice care. My sister, who lives in NY, supports our decision.

I saw my dad in the hospital today...he was all doped-up and sleeping. Very sad to see him so frail.

My mom is starting to show signs of cracking, but I assured her that I would handle the necessary arrangements, and, I made sure that she knows she made the right choice.

I told her I would handle the calls from my sister today so that she doesn't have to field the barrage of questions my sister would rightfully ask.

My mom told me that on his birthday this past December, my dad wept at the fact that it may have been his last birthday. :(

My mom started mentioning funeral arrangements.....that really made this more of a harsh reality. She has always seen the cup as full, even when it was obviously empty, so for her to mention funeral plans is a big step for her.

dimitrispearljam

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

.

My mom told me that on his birthday this past December, my dad wept at the fact that it may have been his last birthday. :(

.

that just brake my heart....feel so sorry... :(

appie

Its a heartbreaking story to read Joe and i wish you and your family the best in this sad period..
Sending thoughts and prayers and hugs to you all...

vduboise

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Thanks again to everybody for the kind words.

My mom and I met with the doctor today, and it looks like we will go with the hospice care. My sister, who lives in NY, supports our decision.

I saw my dad in the hospital today...he was all doped-up and sleeping. Very sad to see him so frail.

My mom is starting to show signs of cracking, but I assured her that I would handle the necessary arrangements, and, I made sure that she knows she made the right choice.

I told her I would handle the calls from my sister today so that she doesn't have to field the barrage of questions my sister would rightfully ask.

My mom told me that on his birthday this past December, my dad wept at the fact that it may have been his last birthday. :(

My mom started mentioning funeral arrangements.....that really made this more of a harsh reality. She has always seen the cup as full, even when it was obviously empty, so for her to mention funeral plans is a big step for her.

Its a hard decision that y'all have to make. But in the end, he will be comfortable, have people around to watch over him 24/7, and it will give your mom a much needed break. We went through a similar situation in January with my husbands aunt. She had dementia and congestive heart failure. She was only 68.

my thoughts are with you and your family.

molten_toothpaste

Wishing you and your mom some peace of mind--it wasn't an easy decision to make, but hospice will make your dad more comfortable. Stay strong, positive, and don't forget to just breathe....

**Hugs**

mikalina

I am sending you and your family prayers ... I'm sorry for what you are going through and hope that the hospice care will help make your dad more comfortable.

chiquimonkey

Joe, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm facing similar issues with my own mom at the moment so I can relate for sure. I will definitely keep you and your family in my thoughts. Take care of yourself and much love to you and yours.

norm

good to hear you're doing hospice...just a couple thoughts...the hospice we used for my mom was really good but they are very strict about their procedures....example, toward the end, they kept wanting to give my mother drugs to "make her comfortable"...she wasn't very coherent but she told us she didn't want them but the nurses wouldn't listen to us...eventually we got them to stop

i guess my point is you have to keep an eye on them at all times...most of the nurses were great but there were some that rubbed me the wrong way

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

My mom is starting to show signs of cracking, but I assured her that I would handle the necessary arrangements, and, I made sure that she knows she made the right choice.

i believe you have...it is not an easy decision to stop trying to help but at some point you have to do what's best for your dad

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

My mom started mentioning funeral arrangements.....that really made this more of a harsh reality. She has always seen the cup as full, even when it was obviously empty, so for her to mention funeral plans is a big step for her.

i was fortunate in that my mom was still relatively healthy when we were told there was nothing left to try on her cancer...literally the next day after being told this, she had called the mortuary & hospice to arrange everything...her strength through all of this was extraordinary

let me know if you have any questions or just need to vent...hang in there

JOEJOEJOE

Thanks again for the kind words, wisdom and insights.

We opted for a hospice service that has extensive experience with concentration camp survivors.

EmBleve

I wish peace for you and your family, and it is good that you all came to a decision. That's wonderful that you found a hospice specifically focused on your father's needs. Best wishes.

StillHere

Joe I'm so sorry to be hearing this. I wish you and your family all the best. Other than what's been said I would just wonder if your dad was able to let you all know what he wants, while he was still able to? Or if there are times when he's lucid still when you two can have a real sit-down. I only ask this because my dad said for his whole life that if he ever got into this kind of situation that he would not want any heroic measures taken. But when it came down to it, and he knew he might be facing the need for that, his outlook changed entirely. While it was hard, we had a long talk about it. More than one talk really. He and my mom never talked about it after he got sick, and she refused to believe that he'd actually wanted what we'd talked about, not only life saving measures, but final arrangements as well. My dad was mentally pretty solid most of the time. There were times when he was not totally lucid, and times when my mom thought he was not with it, when i thought that he actually was probably more with it than he'd ever been. I don't know why he chose to confide in me and not my mom..but he did. So, some of his wishes were honored, but some were not, and I've felt bad not trying harder to convince my mom that some things had changed for him, and that what he truly wanted should have been done. I only say this Joe, so that, if you have the chance to speak candidly with your dad during lucid times, that you take every advantage of those opportunities. You'll be happy you did.
Best of everything to you and yours. We're here for you Joe, whenever you feel like talking

Hugs

JOEJOEJOE

StillHere wrote:

Joe I'm so sorry to be hearing this. I wish you and your family all the best. Other than what's been said I would just wonder if your dad was able to let you all know what he wants, while he was still able to? Or if there are times when he's lucid still when you two can have a real sit-down. I only ask this because my dad said for his whole life that if he ever got into this kind of situation that he would not want any heroic measures taken. But when it came down to it, and he knew he might be facing the need for that, his outlook changed entirely. While it was hard, we had a long talk about it. More than one talk really. He and my mom never talked about it after he got sick, and she refused to believe that he'd actually wanted what we'd talked about, not only life saving measures, but final arrangements as well. My dad was mentally pretty solid most of the time. There were times when he was not totally lucid, and times when my mom thought he was not with it, when i thought that he actually was probably more with it than he'd ever been. I don't know why he chose to confide in me and not my mom..but he did. So, some of his wishes were honored, but some were not, and I've felt bad not trying harder to convince my mom that some things had changed for him, and that what he truly wanted should have been done. I only say this Joe, so that, if you have the chance to speak candidly with your dad during lucid times, that you take every advantage of those opportunities. You'll be happy you did.
Best of everything to you and yours. We're here for you Joe, whenever you feel like talking

Hugs

Thanks!

Sprunkn7

My heart goes out to you Joe. My dad is 84, CHF, throat cancer ( survivor so far, no tumor as of right now), heart valve problems and trouble walking with a degenerative bone disease. Geez, it sounds so bad when I write it all down. But I know what your going through. My father does not want to die and he does not want to give up and live a life in a hospital bed. It's so hard to watch him deteriorate. His mind after chemo is a bit whacky and it's trying for my mom and I.
The decision you have just made is right around the corner with me too. It sounds like you have made the right one and you seem at peace with it.
The best advice I can give is to hold his hand and tell him what a great life he gave you. Even if you think he can't hear you.
Good luck to you and I hope you find comfort in friends and family.

Sue