My mom and I met with the doctor today, and it looks like we will go with the hospice care. My sister, who lives in NY, supports our decision.
I saw my dad in the hospital today...he was all doped-up and sleeping. Very sad to see him so frail.
My mom is starting to show signs of cracking, but I assured her that I would handle the necessary arrangements, and, I made sure that she knows she made the right choice.
I told her I would handle the calls from my sister today so that she doesn't have to field the barrage of questions my sister would rightfully ask.
My mom told me that on his birthday this past December, my dad wept at the fact that it may have been his last birthday. :(
My mom started mentioning funeral arrangements.....that really made this more of a harsh reality. She has always seen the cup as full, even when it was obviously empty, so for her to mention funeral plans is a big step for her.
Its a hard decision that y'all have to make. But in the end, he will be comfortable, have people around to watch over him 24/7, and it will give your mom a much needed break. We went through a similar situation in January with my husbands aunt. She had dementia and congestive heart failure. She was only 68.
Wishing you and your mom some peace of mind--it wasn't an easy decision to make, but hospice will make your dad more comfortable. Stay strong, positive, and don't forget to just breathe....
**Hugs**
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I am sending you and your family prayers ... I'm sorry for what you are going through and hope that the hospice care will help make your dad more comfortable.
Joe, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm facing similar issues with my own mom at the moment so I can relate for sure. I will definitely keep you and your family in my thoughts. Take care of yourself and much love to you and yours.
good to hear you're doing hospice...just a couple thoughts...the hospice we used for my mom was really good but they are very strict about their procedures....example, toward the end, they kept wanting to give my mother drugs to "make her comfortable"...she wasn't very coherent but she told us she didn't want them but the nurses wouldn't listen to us...eventually we got them to stop
i guess my point is you have to keep an eye on them at all times...most of the nurses were great but there were some that rubbed me the wrong way
My mom is starting to show signs of cracking, but I assured her that I would handle the necessary arrangements, and, I made sure that she knows she made the right choice.
i believe you have...it is not an easy decision to stop trying to help but at some point you have to do what's best for your dad
My mom started mentioning funeral arrangements.....that really made this more of a harsh reality. She has always seen the cup as full, even when it was obviously empty, so for her to mention funeral plans is a big step for her.
i was fortunate in that my mom was still relatively healthy when we were told there was nothing left to try on her cancer...literally the next day after being told this, she had called the mortuary & hospice to arrange everything...her strength through all of this was extraordinary
let me know if you have any questions or just need to vent...hang in there
I wish peace for you and your family, and it is good that you all came to a decision. That's wonderful that you found a hospice specifically focused on your father's needs. Best wishes.
Joe I'm so sorry to be hearing this. I wish you and your family all the best. Other than what's been said I would just wonder if your dad was able to let you all know what he wants, while he was still able to? Or if there are times when he's lucid still when you two can have a real sit-down. I only ask this because my dad said for his whole life that if he ever got into this kind of situation that he would not want any heroic measures taken. But when it came down to it, and he knew he might be facing the need for that, his outlook changed entirely. While it was hard, we had a long talk about it. More than one talk really. He and my mom never talked about it after he got sick, and she refused to believe that he'd actually wanted what we'd talked about, not only life saving measures, but final arrangements as well. My dad was mentally pretty solid most of the time. There were times when he was not totally lucid, and times when my mom thought he was not with it, when i thought that he actually was probably more with it than he'd ever been. I don't know why he chose to confide in me and not my mom..but he did. So, some of his wishes were honored, but some were not, and I've felt bad not trying harder to convince my mom that some things had changed for him, and that what he truly wanted should have been done. I only say this Joe, so that, if you have the chance to speak candidly with your dad during lucid times, that you take every advantage of those opportunities. You'll be happy you did.
Best of everything to you and yours. We're here for you Joe, whenever you feel like talking
Hugs
peace,
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Joe I'm so sorry to be hearing this. I wish you and your family all the best. Other than what's been said I would just wonder if your dad was able to let you all know what he wants, while he was still able to? Or if there are times when he's lucid still when you two can have a real sit-down. I only ask this because my dad said for his whole life that if he ever got into this kind of situation that he would not want any heroic measures taken. But when it came down to it, and he knew he might be facing the need for that, his outlook changed entirely. While it was hard, we had a long talk about it. More than one talk really. He and my mom never talked about it after he got sick, and she refused to believe that he'd actually wanted what we'd talked about, not only life saving measures, but final arrangements as well. My dad was mentally pretty solid most of the time. There were times when he was not totally lucid, and times when my mom thought he was not with it, when i thought that he actually was probably more with it than he'd ever been. I don't know why he chose to confide in me and not my mom..but he did. So, some of his wishes were honored, but some were not, and I've felt bad not trying harder to convince my mom that some things had changed for him, and that what he truly wanted should have been done. I only say this Joe, so that, if you have the chance to speak candidly with your dad during lucid times, that you take every advantage of those opportunities. You'll be happy you did.
Best of everything to you and yours. We're here for you Joe, whenever you feel like talking
My heart goes out to you Joe. My dad is 84, CHF, throat cancer ( survivor so far, no tumor as of right now), heart valve problems and trouble walking with a degenerative bone disease. Geez, it sounds so bad when I write it all down. But I know what your going through. My father does not want to die and he does not want to give up and live a life in a hospital bed. It's so hard to watch him deteriorate. His mind after chemo is a bit whacky and it's trying for my mom and I.
The decision you have just made is right around the corner with me too. It sounds like you have made the right one and you seem at peace with it.
The best advice I can give is to hold his hand and tell him what a great life he gave you. Even if you think he can't hear you.
Good luck to you and I hope you find comfort in friends and family.
Sue
Thank you fellow 10 clubber for saving my ass....again!!!
Just an update. My dad passed suddenly on Monday, right after he got into the car to go to his cardiologists office of all things. It was very quick and painless. One second he was there, walking to the car and talking, then without a sound he was gone.
Although I am so sad, I can't tell you how peaceful I feel he did not suffer. We had many talks and I will cherish the closeness we always shared. We were two of a kind my dad and I. He will live on through me and I will make him proud till the end of my days.
Thank you fellow 10 clubber for saving my ass....again!!!
Just an update. My dad passed suddenly on Monday, right after he got into the car to go to his cardiologists office of all things. It was very quick and painless. One second he was there, walking to the car and talking, then without a sound he was gone.
Although I am so sad, I can't tell you how peaceful I feel he did not suffer. We had many talks and I will cherish the closeness we always shared. We were two of a kind my dad and I. He will live on through me and I will make him proud till the end of my days.
Awwww I'm so sorry. But I'm also glad that you'll have great memories of a loving relationship forever and ever.
Hearts and Thoughts
peace,
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Hey Joe, i am very sorry about your dad. I think you made the right decision. I think now what you have to do is be there for your mom. I remember when my dad died along time ago my mom went through alot. she been married to him for over 35 years. try to be there for your mom (i know you will be)
losing a parent is a hard thing and please make sure that not only are you taking care of her but also take care of yourself. Speaking from personal experience, when my mom died last year i became a robot and i am still trying to come to grips of her not being here. take some time for yourself to process everything.
Just an update. My dad passed suddenly on Monday, right after he got into the car to go to his cardiologists office of all things. It was very quick and painless. One second he was there, walking to the car and talking, then without a sound he was gone.
Although I am so sad, I can't tell you how peaceful I feel he did not suffer. We had many talks and I will cherish the closeness we always shared. We were two of a kind my dad and I. He will live on through me and I will make him proud till the end of my days.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you feel peaceful. He is already proud of you!
Just an update. My dad passed suddenly on Monday, right after he got into the car to go to his cardiologists office of all things. It was very quick and painless. One second he was there, walking to the car and talking, then without a sound he was gone.
Although I am so sad, I can't tell you how peaceful I feel he did not suffer. We had many talks and I will cherish the closeness we always shared. We were two of a kind my dad and I. He will live on through me and I will make him proud till the end of my days.
Sorry to hear that. Actually tearing up at this.
Believe me, when I was growin up, I thought the worst thing you could turn out to be was normal, So I say freaks in the most complementary way. Here's a song by a fellow freak - E.V
I'm so sorry for your loss. It was fortunate that it was quick and painless and that you all can have peace with that. And I'm sure he will always be proud of you. Continued peace and healing to you and your family.
Very sorry to hear this but be glad he didn't suffer.
They put my uncle on hospice yesterday. He's been suffering so long after a bone marrow transplant last year. He passed early last evening. My father was ok with it though (it was his youngest brother) because he knew he was ready to let go and rid himself of the pain he's suffered so much lately.
It is hard to make these decisions about family members, but you really don't want them to suffer any longer.
Comments
Its a hard decision that y'all have to make. But in the end, he will be comfortable, have people around to watch over him 24/7, and it will give your mom a much needed break. We went through a similar situation in January with my husbands aunt. She had dementia and congestive heart failure. She was only 68.
my thoughts are with you and your family.
**Hugs**
Tres MTS. - Gramercy - Mar 26, 2011
i guess my point is you have to keep an eye on them at all times...most of the nurses were great but there were some that rubbed me the wrong way
i believe you have...it is not an easy decision to stop trying to help but at some point you have to do what's best for your dad
i was fortunate in that my mom was still relatively healthy when we were told there was nothing left to try on her cancer...literally the next day after being told this, she had called the mortuary & hospice to arrange everything...her strength through all of this was extraordinary
let me know if you have any questions or just need to vent...hang in there
We opted for a hospice service that has extensive experience with concentration camp survivors.
Best of everything to you and yours. We're here for you Joe, whenever you feel like talking
Hugs
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Thanks!
The decision you have just made is right around the corner with me too. It sounds like you have made the right one and you seem at peace with it.
The best advice I can give is to hold his hand and tell him what a great life he gave you. Even if you think he can't hear you.
Good luck to you and I hope you find comfort in friends and family.
Sue
Although I am so sad, I can't tell you how peaceful I feel he did not suffer. We had many talks and I will cherish the closeness we always shared. We were two of a kind my dad and I. He will live on through me and I will make him proud till the end of my days.
I am so sorry for your loss.
JOEJOEJOE, How's is your dad doing?
Hearts and Thoughts
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
losing a parent is a hard thing and please make sure that not only are you taking care of her but also take care of yourself. Speaking from personal experience, when my mom died last year i became a robot and i am still trying to come to grips of her not being here. take some time for yourself to process everything.
again i am sorry to hear about your dad.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you feel peaceful. He is already proud of you!
And yes, now taking care of my mom
Very sorry to hear this but be glad he didn't suffer.
They put my uncle on hospice yesterday. He's been suffering so long after a bone marrow transplant last year. He passed early last evening. My father was ok with it though (it was his youngest brother) because he knew he was ready to let go and rid himself of the pain he's suffered so much lately.
It is hard to make these decisions about family members, but you really don't want them to suffer any longer.