My dad's medical condition - difficult decision

JOEJOEJOE

My dad is 84, and for the past few years, trips to the ER have become more frequent.

He was in the hospital for two weeks earlier this month because of low blood sugar, pneumonia and a staph infection. He also suffers from dementia and COPD (a pulmonary disease). At the end of his latest hospital stay, the doctor recommended hospice care, and estimated a life expectancy of 1 year.

He was home for a week, during which he insisted on going out to lunch a few times, and visiting his brother, who is in a nursing home recovering from a few broken bones.

Yesterday, he felt very weak, so my mom had him carted back to the ER. They suspected a stroke at first, but now they think it is his refusal to eat that is causing his weakness. His dementia is progressing to very advanced levels.

Today, the hospital doctor recommended hospice care, and mentioned that he may only have a few months to live.

My mom is 76, and the past few years have been very hard on her. We have to decide if we want to continue getting him treated to prolong his life, or, if we want to bring in hospice care to make him as comfortable as possible for his remaing time.

Anyone else dealing with this?

pinkbutterfly

I just want to send my prayers to you and your family. *HUG*

tinkerbell

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. We went through a similiar thing with my grandfather last year. He had Parkinsons and had trouble swallowing and lost a lot of weight. He collapsed at my mums on Christmas day 09 and while in hospital the doctors recommended he didn't go home. After spending some time in the hospital he was transferred to a rest home. He was miserable and it was really hard on him but it was what was best for him and Nana. He past away a year ago yesterday. He was 86.

mfc2006

we went through this when my Dad was diagnosed with ALS. so sorry that he's not doing well, Joe. did your parents talk about this & come up with a "plan?" fortunately for us, my parents had that discussion & it made the decision much easier b/c we all knew what he wanted. thoughts & prayers are with you & your family.

Matt

RKCNDY

joe, I am so sorry to hear about your father. This is a very personal choice to make and it does take time to come to a decision.

From what I remember about my grandmother, she had severe denentia and suffered a stroke. While she was in the hospital, her health declined further, and she no longer recognized anybody, so the decision was made to let her go. Everybody was asked to come to say goodbye...

IMHO: I am a firm believer in 'quality of life' rather then 'longevity'. If a person can no longer enjoy life's purpose, it is not fair to them to prolong their life for the sake of others unless it it to be sure that others have the chance to say their 'goodbye'. If that person is still eager to live life, looks forward to upcoming events, still engages in conversation, then prolong it as long as possible. Life is precious and a gift to enjoy.

I wish you and your family peace in your hearts.{{{HUGS}}}

norm

RKCNDY wrote:

IMHO: I am a firm believer in 'quality of life' rather then 'longevity'. If a person can no longer enjoy life's purpose, it is not fair to them to prolong their life for the sake of others unless it it to be sure that others have the chance to say their 'goodbye'. If that person is still eager to live life, looks forward to upcoming events, still engages in conversation, then prolong it as long as possible. Life is precious and a gift to enjoy.

I wish you and your family peace in your hearts.{{{HUGS}}}

this


joe i went through this last year but i'm not in the mood right now to go through it all but i will later

JOEJOEJOE

Thanks for the kind words.

JOEJOEJOE

norm wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

IMHO: I am a firm believer in 'quality of life' rather then 'longevity'. If a person can no longer enjoy life's purpose, it is not fair to them to prolong their life for the sake of others unless it it to be sure that others have the chance to say their 'goodbye'. If that person is still eager to live life, looks forward to upcoming events, still engages in conversation, then prolong it as long as possible. Life is precious and a gift to enjoy.

I wish you and your family peace in your hearts.{{{HUGS}}}

this


joe i went through this last year but i'm not in the mood right now to go through it all but i will later

No worries, Norm. Peace.

Neil

RKCNDY wrote:

IMHO: I am a firm believer in 'quality of life' rather then 'longevity'. If a person can no longer enjoy life's purpose, it is not fair to them to prolong their life for the sake of others unless it it to be sure that others have the chance to say their 'goodbye'. If that person is still eager to live life, looks forward to upcoming events, still engages in conversation, then prolong it as long as possible. Life is precious and a gift to enjoy.

I wish you and your family peace in your hearts.{{{HUGS}}}

Hey Joe,

My heart and thoughts go out to you.

I too agree with the RKCNDY. With my grandmother, the one thing that helped me and my family more than anything else was knowing that the person, the thoughts, the smile, had passed a long time before the breath had left her body. Being able to separate the physical and the spirit was truly important.

I wish you and your family strength,

Neil

CAVSTARR313

Man, this tugs at my heart strings... No matter what happens, be thankful you have had so many years with your father. Many of us have not been so fortunate. Fathers are a beautiful thing.. Nothing but my best wishes for you and your family.

Matt

CH156378

my thoughts are with you also man. my father in law just passed in feb. kind of went through the same thing. it sucks. my father in law was 55 when he passed. 84 is a great run. his hospice was kind of like a nursing home. you can have guests in and out all day and he can leave or go vivsiting with you whenever. also its nice to know he had the professinal care he needed. much love.

ShimmyMommy

We went through this 2 years ago with my Opa. I wish love and light to your mom, you, and all your family during this time. BIG HUGS.

lukin2006

Prayers and thoughts goes out to you and your family.

wolfbear

First, so sorry for what you're going through. We're there as well. My mother in law is 90 and in hospice care with pancreatic cancer. She's in Alaska, and we aren't, so it's been especially hard due to travel etc.
Hospice is wonderful in my experience. We also had a cousin that just died in Colorado who used hospice and they were wonderful with him. I suppose it differs, as they are mostly volunteers, but I've heard nothing but good things.
Good luck to you and best wishes.

he.who.forgets

Joe i dont know either that i can offer better words than rkcndy. just know that i'm thinking about you and sending good vibes and i believe that it will all be ok. life's tough and this situation is certainly one of the toughest. best of wishes to you and your family.
jamie

Wilds

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

My dad is 84, and for the past few years, trips to the ER have become more frequent.

He was in the hospital for two weeks earlier this month because of low blood sugar, pneumonia and a staph infection. He also suffers from dementia and COPD (a pulmonary disease). At the end of his latest hospital stay, the doctor recommended hospice care, and estimated a life expectancy of 1 year.

He was home for a week, during which he insisted on going out to lunch a few times, and visiting his brother, who is in a nursing home recovering from a few broken bones.

Yesterday, he felt very weak, so my mom had him carted back to the ER. They suspected a stroke at first, but now they think it is his refusal to eat that is causing his weakness. His dementia is progressing to very advanced levels.

Today, the hospital doctor recommended hospice care, and mentioned that he may only have a few months to live.

My mom is 76, and the past few years have been very hard on her. We have to decide if we want to continue getting him treated to prolong his life, or, if we want to bring in hospice care to make him as comfortable as possible for his remaing time.

Anyone else dealing with this?

Joe,

Sorry to hear this.


My grandfather had the same situation. My grandmother suffered terribly and if we could do it over, we would have chosen to make him as comfortable as possible, and not prolong his life.

That would have been best for everyone. But that is not an easy choice to make.

Many blessing whichever path you decide to take.

pjfan31

Geez pal, that is terrible...

Unfortunately I have no advise. What I do can do is to send good vibes to you, your mother and father....

JOEJOEJOE

Thanks again for the nice comments.

My brother is a chassidic Jew, so he may have differing ideas on handling the eventual end of our dads life.

Claireack

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

Agree with RKCNDY.

Jeanwah

I agree with RKCNDY too.

My thoughts are with you and your family Joe. Too bad there's not a 'hugs' smilie, I'd insert one here.

EmBleve

I also agree with RKCNDY. I am very sorry to hear about your situation; I know it must be very difficult. My parents are older, too, but I am not dealing with such situations as of yet. I think hospice would be helpful if that is what the doctors suggest and if they believe the situation to be at that point. It sounds like you and your family have been there for your dad, and that's the best thing that you can do (although it's very hard). I think it's very sweet that your dad wanted to go out to lunch and go see his brother (for me, that is one thing that tugged at my heart strings). I'm not sure what his situation is now after his possible stroke, but as long as it's possible and he is coherent enough, I would try to do little things like that for him if he wants to and is able. Hospice can be very helpful to the patient, and to the family. My thoughts are with you and your family, and I wish you all the best.