My dad's medical condition - difficult decision
JOEJOEJOE
Posts: 10,483
My dad is 84, and for the past few years, trips to the ER have become more frequent.
He was in the hospital for two weeks earlier this month because of low blood sugar, pneumonia and a staph infection. He also suffers from dementia and COPD (a pulmonary disease). At the end of his latest hospital stay, the doctor recommended hospice care, and estimated a life expectancy of 1 year.
He was home for a week, during which he insisted on going out to lunch a few times, and visiting his brother, who is in a nursing home recovering from a few broken bones.
Yesterday, he felt very weak, so my mom had him carted back to the ER. They suspected a stroke at first, but now they think it is his refusal to eat that is causing his weakness. His dementia is progressing to very advanced levels.
Today, the hospital doctor recommended hospice care, and mentioned that he may only have a few months to live.
My mom is 76, and the past few years have been very hard on her. We have to decide if we want to continue getting him treated to prolong his life, or, if we want to bring in hospice care to make him as comfortable as possible for his remaing time.
Anyone else dealing with this?
He was in the hospital for two weeks earlier this month because of low blood sugar, pneumonia and a staph infection. He also suffers from dementia and COPD (a pulmonary disease). At the end of his latest hospital stay, the doctor recommended hospice care, and estimated a life expectancy of 1 year.
He was home for a week, during which he insisted on going out to lunch a few times, and visiting his brother, who is in a nursing home recovering from a few broken bones.
Yesterday, he felt very weak, so my mom had him carted back to the ER. They suspected a stroke at first, but now they think it is his refusal to eat that is causing his weakness. His dementia is progressing to very advanced levels.
Today, the hospital doctor recommended hospice care, and mentioned that he may only have a few months to live.
My mom is 76, and the past few years have been very hard on her. We have to decide if we want to continue getting him treated to prolong his life, or, if we want to bring in hospice care to make him as comfortable as possible for his remaing time.
Anyone else dealing with this?
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You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
Matt
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
From what I remember about my grandmother, she had severe denentia and suffered a stroke. While she was in the hospital, her health declined further, and she no longer recognized anybody, so the decision was made to let her go. Everybody was asked to come to say goodbye...
IMHO: I am a firm believer in 'quality of life' rather then 'longevity'. If a person can no longer enjoy life's purpose, it is not fair to them to prolong their life for the sake of others unless it it to be sure that others have the chance to say their 'goodbye'. If that person is still eager to live life, looks forward to upcoming events, still engages in conversation, then prolong it as long as possible. Life is precious and a gift to enjoy.
I wish you and your family peace in your hearts.{{{HUGS}}}
- Christopher McCandless
this
joe i went through this last year but i'm not in the mood right now to go through it all but i will later
No worries, Norm. Peace.
Hey Joe,
My heart and thoughts go out to you.
I too agree with the RKCNDY. With my grandmother, the one thing that helped me and my family more than anything else was knowing that the person, the thoughts, the smile, had passed a long time before the breath had left her body. Being able to separate the physical and the spirit was truly important.
I wish you and your family strength,
Neil
Matt
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Hospice is wonderful in my experience. We also had a cousin that just died in Colorado who used hospice and they were wonderful with him. I suppose it differs, as they are mostly volunteers, but I've heard nothing but good things.
Good luck to you and best wishes.
jamie
Joe,
Sorry to hear this.
My grandfather had the same situation. My grandmother suffered terribly and if we could do it over, we would have chosen to make him as comfortable as possible, and not prolong his life.
That would have been best for everyone. But that is not an easy choice to make.
Many blessing whichever path you decide to take.
Unfortunately I have no advise. What I do can do is to send good vibes to you, your mother and father....
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My brother is a chassidic Jew, so he may have differing ideas on handling the eventual end of our dads life.
Agree with RKCNDY.
My thoughts are with you and your family Joe. Too bad there's not a 'hugs' smilie, I'd insert one here.
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
You want your loved ones to be comfortable and not suffering. Anything else is just prolonging the inevitable.
take it easy.
Having said goodbye to many loved ones
all I know is give lots of love and let them go in their own time as comfortably as possible.
My thoughts and prayers for strength are with you and your family.
Cherish every waking moment, every breath, every embrace, every smile, every laugh...
My love and prayers to your father, you, and your family during this most difficult time. Hugs Joe.
~jen
i can't offer any advice as i've not been in your position but i also agree with RKCNDY - quality of life is the most important. cherishing what you have now, making him feel as comfortable and loved as possible.
it's a very difficult decision and one that you'll probably think over and over again - but i hope and believe that whatever decision you make will be the best one - for your dad, your mum, yourself and your family.
best wishes to you and your family, stay strong and positive
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
My mom and I met with the doctor today, and it looks like we will go with the hospice care. My sister, who lives in NY, supports our decision.
I saw my dad in the hospital today...he was all doped-up and sleeping. Very sad to see him so frail.
My mom is starting to show signs of cracking, but I assured her that I would handle the necessary arrangements, and, I made sure that she knows she made the right choice.
I told her I would handle the calls from my sister today so that she doesn't have to field the barrage of questions my sister would rightfully ask.
My mom told me that on his birthday this past December, my dad wept at the fact that it may have been his last birthday. :(
My mom started mentioning funeral arrangements.....that really made this more of a harsh reality. She has always seen the cup as full, even when it was obviously empty, so for her to mention funeral plans is a big step for her.
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Sending thoughts and prayers and hugs to you all...
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