Why do male doctors treat women like it's all in our head?
Flutter Girl
Posts: 548
I told my doc that the heartburn was getting worse (I thought maybe it's the beginning of an ulcer as acids are my vice..esp lemon..), that I had fatigue that was kicking my ass..to a point of not even being able to get up to eat a little something..and that I had shortness of breath. He looked at me like I was stupid regarding the shortness of breath. Said I look a healthy weight so I don't have anemia, regarding the fatigue, and didn't even say anything in re to the heartburn. He has always had a bad habit of treating me like a hypochondriac. I told him my back was so bad that I can't stand for more than an hour without it becoming excruciating, and this is with him being well aware of how I had been my mother's caretaker since I was 7, having to do a lot of heavy lifting from a young age..I'm only 30..It's not normal or acceptable to have this kind of back pain. He actually said so, what, you are telling me so I would write a letter for you for medicaid? What?? really? I'm not even trying to get on medicaid, why would you think this is what I'm after?? Bastard. Besides, if I were a hypochondriac, wouldn't I have bothered to go see him more than 5 times in the past 10 years??
In any case, it took Barbara Streisand, of all people, and my heart feeling like it has a belt strapped around it, to get me to find a new doc. Streisand mentioned those symptoms in an interview, along with a few others, all of which I have, when talking about heart disease. My new doctor says I have every single common symptom that women and men get for an oncoming heart attack. I have an appt on the 26th for an ekg, echo, and chest x-ray now..
The thing that pisses me off is I learned that, despite doctor's being very well aware that heart disease is the #1 killer of women in the US, they still ignore female patients complaints, esp male doctor's, as if it's all in our head.
If I hadn't changed doctor's, I likely would have ended up having a heart attack before understanding what was going on.
In any case, it took Barbara Streisand, of all people, and my heart feeling like it has a belt strapped around it, to get me to find a new doc. Streisand mentioned those symptoms in an interview, along with a few others, all of which I have, when talking about heart disease. My new doctor says I have every single common symptom that women and men get for an oncoming heart attack. I have an appt on the 26th for an ekg, echo, and chest x-ray now..
The thing that pisses me off is I learned that, despite doctor's being very well aware that heart disease is the #1 killer of women in the US, they still ignore female patients complaints, esp male doctor's, as if it's all in our head.
If I hadn't changed doctor's, I likely would have ended up having a heart attack before understanding what was going on.
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
The new doc didn't actually tell me, I should call her and ask..but I know it's hard to go by certain indicators with me cos I was born with tachycardia (result of a complicated pregnancy and premature birth..) so I've always had heart problems.
i agree its hard to find a doc who will treat you as a person.
Good luck.
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Well done with going to seek a second opinion.
@Tinkerbell - glad you got a better doctor now too..I actually tried getting a new one years ago and she was fantastic. But she was also about to retire. Found out when I went in for my consult. Figures..just my luck LoL..I've had to deal with a number of specialists too, and it's always the case, the female doctors listen, and the male doctors think I'm crazy, save for one..And I hear it from others all the time too..none of the men I know have had this problem..it's so irritating.
I don't generally ask for help. So when I do go in and tell him something is wrong, it's pretty serious already.
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Got a good one now.
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
When I started with gall bladder problems, I was sent for all kinds of tests over 6 months before they found out what it was. After having two nights of crawling around on the floor in agony (this was before I was diagnosed with gall bladder problems) I saw a female doctor, she was completely disinterested, wouldn't give me any painkillers and basically showed me the door.
Glad you have your tests planned ....hope it is not anything serious, positive thoughts
and prayers for you!
Beware of prescription meds, they are not a cure all. I hope your new Doc has this frame of mind
and gets you feeling tip top very soon
Thank God for Babs.. in more ways than one!
So, since your male doctor ignored your complaints, all male doctors ignore all female patient complaints? That seem logical. Actually, there are just some terrible doctors out there...male and female...and they will either not listen or they will just do whatever the patient wants them to.
Hope everything turns out ok for you.
I will never have a female doctor and I'll never have a straight doctor. I'll only go to a gay male doctor who understands my life and activities.
I remember moving to America and not understanding the fucked up "health care" system down here. I was assigned an HMO doctor who asked me if I was married. I told him that yes, my husband and I had been together for 14 years.
He looked up a bit frightened and confused and said "Oh, we better go for an HIV test then."
I explained that no, I don't need an HIV test. After 14 years together, I'm going to say that if we had it, we'd know by now. He was almost insistent that I get an HIV test and kept asking me why I was "scared" and explaining that "it's treatable now, you know."
When I explained that I was there for just a regular check up like all men my age should get yearly and that I was having neck issues relating to a spill off of a motorcycle I'd had a few months before, he kept harping on me getting screened for STDs and for some reason kept saying I needed a colonoscopy.
He then asked me "have you ever been heterosexually married?"
I told him to go fuck himself and walked out of his office.
I paid extra and got a gay PPO doctor who is about a million times more understanding of gay men's health issues (and yes, we have different health issues).
The point of my story is that if your doctor isn't giving you health care that seems like it makes sense, welcome to America. Pay more for a PPO and choose a doctor that you feel understands your healthcare needs and doesn't just rubber-stamp you on the forehead with "hysterical woman who needs a date."
Flutter girl, I don't want to upset you but my husband's aunt complained to her doctor 2 weeks ago of being short of breath, she didn't have any major heart issues but did have a blood clot. Her doctor dismissed her, the following day she went to the ER with the same shortness of breath and they dismissed her. 2 days later, she called 911 for the same breathing issues and as she arrived at the hospital, she died. Cause was a heart attack. Good for you for changing doctors, you can't take a chance with your health with only one doctor's advice, especially if you're uncomfortable with him.
It makes sense tho, to find the doctor most like you in some instances. At the same time, "most like me" would mean young, and I deffo didn't want someone fresh out of medical school. This new doc, I was actually searching for a few hours online and after I saw it was 2am, and feeling exhausted, I just picked her cos I wanted to go to sleep..Not the smartest way to pick a doctor..thankfully I got lucky LoL..I found this site online called healthgrades.com..I found her on there after seeing her, and I wasn't surprised to see she had 5 stars for everything listed there..I checked some of the others I was thinking of seeing, just to see how they compared, and wow..one in particular that I thought she looked like a total bitch in her photo, got only 1 star for everything listed LoL..boy did I call that one dead on!
Jeanwah, I'm so sorry for you and your husband's loss. I've been thinking of just going to the hospital ahead of my appt cos it has been getting consistently worse..and the breathing is getting weird..I have to consistently remember to breathe cos I keep just stopping, without realising until I'm suddenly gasping for air...and other times it will feel like the wind just got knocked out of me..I'm hoping it's not serious, but I definately need to take it serious with my heart condition, and with my dad's family history of heart disease..My dad says to wait for my appt..I dunno...
But then I ask them when their doctor last checked them for HPV. They look at me confused. I tell them "my doctor told me there was an outbreak of a certain strain of HPV in gay men in Los Angeles and he gave all his patients an inoculation against it."
He also knows to check for warts or lesions in places a straight doctor might not think to look, if you know what I mean. He'll be more likely to be up on info pertaining to health risks that gay men have and aren't going to bother suggesting that we get a sperm count or vasectomy.
its cool that you have a doctor who understands you now..one question though..i'm interested in hearing ...how did you go about finding out if your new prospective doc was gay? i mean, even with the supposed openness in society today, its still somewhat of a taboo in some circles. just interested in knowing if the docs you interviewed were open and honest with you as you went on your search for the right MD.
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
just my 2 cents, but IMO is surely sounds like you should not be waiting. go get help now, please.
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
I asked around.
my doctor is quite well known in LA. He's a former COLT model and International Mr. Leather.
And I live in Los Angeles. Being gay in Los Angeles isn't taboo.
This also has nothing to do with the health care system.
You need to take responsibility for your own health. If you didn't trust your mechanic, you'd go to a new mechanic. If you don't trust your doctor, find a new doctor. It sounds like you didn't trust your doctor from the beginning.
Like any profession, there are good, bad and in between. If you felt the way you say you do about this doctor, why did you go back to him?
Regarding the gay doctor - that's great, but I'm not sure that's necessary, either. My wife's ob's covering was a man, and his bed side manner at her delivery was better than the other 3 times when her regular female ob delivered. I'm not sure, but I think he had no idea first hand (or first womb) what delivering a baby felt like for a woman.
You need to find a doctor that you are comfortable with (which also means you have to be willing to accept bad news, etc. from such).
I am very glad to hear that you used your own research and found a doctor that was willing to work with you to get to the bottom of your issues. I hope you get the correct diagnosis quickly, so you can determine with you doctor(s) the proper course of action to managing it within a healthy lifestyle. An informed patient is the best patient!
(and btw to the comments regarding the American Healthcare System - a good managed care company/hmo would prefer you have those tests than you have a disastrous health issue that you need numerous hospital stays for followed by re-hab that would cost 100x's more than the tests. Even if you believe they are evil, that "evilness" would lead to that conclusion)
Fixed (unfortunately)
Not the same thing. Pretty much all my friends agree that yes... we need a gay doctor and no matter how cool the straight doctors are, they're just not going to be as effective.
really? cool
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
there are two major components imo
~ a well educated, well informed, up to date, open minded doc
and
~ a doc who listens to you, talks with you, answers your questions, offers you all the info you want and need (whether or not you may want it) and with whom you feel very comfortable
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
I'm sure there are plenty of clueless gay doctors.
That said... I would be very surprised if a straight male doctor from the north valley was as up on gay men's health issues as my doctor whose office is in West Hollywood and is very up on everything going on.
Yup.
Here he is now...
http://positivelyaware.com/2008/08_04/a ... alist.html
And here is was then...
http://leathermen.wordpress.com/2010/12 ... y-596x856/
And here's his Wiki page.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Mills
(sorry, I've been dying to tell that joke this whole thread and I just couldn't help myself)
I don't disagree that that might be the right doctor for you, but I will maintain my contention. I don't see how a man knowing about a woman's uterus issues is different than a straight doctor (male or female) knowing about gay health issues. At least the male doctor has access to the equipment of a gay male. I'm not trying to make light (just a little Seinfeld reference). Both doctors need to educate themselves on the patients that they take care of. You may be more comfortable with a gay doctor and that's fine. You may even recommend that to your friends. But that doesn't make it any more correct than saying black people should only see black doctors because white doctors don't understand their unique health issues (or vice versa). Pure silliness.
Just curious, but do you also think straight men should only see straight doctors, women should only see female doctors of the same sexual orientation, etc?
Flutter Girl: I hope you get to the bottom of things & feel better soon. Please keep us posted!
Not necessarily. Whether I like it or not, about 95-98% of the people out there are straight and their health issues are probably going to be front and center not only in medical school but just in general society.
Without trying to get more graphic than would be appropriate on the Pearl Jam forum, I can't imagine a straight doctor giving all his gay male patients paps because he's heard of a local uptick in HPV and I can't imagine a gay patient telling a straight doctor that he was going on a cruise and the straight doctor saying something like "then we better make sure your hep vaccine is up to date if you want to get in the hot tub."
And before I start to describe anterior sphincter repair therapy... I hope I've made my point.