Sex question for the guys

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How do I get my guy to be more communicative about what he likes (and what I like) in bed?

We have really good sex, but I think communication is the key to a great, long-lasting, intimate sexual relationship. He frequently tells me how much he enjoys it & I have every reason to believe him, but he won't be more specific. When I try to inquire about what he especially likes, he just says he likes everything I do, or "You'll just have to figure it out, just like I had to figure out what you like." (Frankly, I wish he would ask.) And just figuring out what he likes isn't easy, since there's not a lot of non-verbal communication either. Once I even told him, "You have a woman standing before you asking you exactly what you want sexually, so she can do it for you (within reason). How can you pass up that opportunity?" And he just said he was really happy with our sex life already.

I try to at least be communicative (verbally & non-verbally) about how I feel, but it's discouraging when I can't get him to reciprocate. I don't even feel comfortable trying new things because when I try to kind of make suggestions I don't feel like I get much (encouraging or discouraging) feedback from him.

We've only been together a few months, so maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable opening up about everything yet, or maybe his Catholicism makes him feel more reserved when it comes to sex... I don't know. All I know is that I'm getting frustrated. And I'm finding myself fondly remembering my last boyfriend, with whom the sex & intimacy were amazing because we had such great communication.

catefrances

you said he was catholic.. ever thoguht about dressing up as a priest??

Gary Carter

catefrances wrote:

you said he was catholic.. ever thoguht about dressing up as a priest??

or a nun or a naughty school girl

_

catefrances wrote:

you said he was catholic.. ever thoguht about dressing up as a priest??

Oh that's bad. You're going to Hell for sure.

catefrances

_ wrote:

catefrances wrote:

you said he was catholic.. ever thoguht about dressing up as a priest??

Oh that's bad. You're going to Hell for sure.

ill see you there.



i think that maybe just try a couple of things.. nothing too kinky or anything thatll scare him off.. just basic stuff.. and ask him if he likes it. and if he says yes then ask.. well how about this? you like this?(whilst trying something else or applying more pressure to soemthing youre already doing). make it as casual as you can. just manoeuvre yourself into 'situations' and ask him.

magicredbengal

This suggestion may do nothing for you but, it's what worked on me...

I had an ex that had the same problem with me, she eventually figured out one of my nuances was that I liked to read while using the toilet. She replaced my magazines and puzzle books with her magazines strategically turned to articles reasserting her argument. I wasn't stupid, I knew my stuff should be there but, I needed to read... lol I eventually stopped feeling so weird about saying what I would like to try in the bedroom and have benefited greatly from the experience.

I hope this helps or at least provides a good laugh!

Nothingman54

I went through the same thing until a couple ago. My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Only 2 months ago did we open up to each other about what we really like. I told her "no limits" I want to know everything that turns you on and I'll do the same. While your having sex you can ask him what he likes and that it would turn you on to hear what he likes. Let him know it's important to you that he expresses himself and is able to tell you things and be more open.

_

catefrances wrote:

_ wrote:

catefrances wrote:

you said he was catholic.. ever thoguht about dressing up as a priest??

Oh that's bad. You're going to Hell for sure.

ill see you there.

Oh yeah, seems like I'll definitely be there. I just got a lecture today from a friend at work about how it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage!

i think that maybe just try a couple of things.. nothing too kinky or anything thatll scare him off.. just basic stuff.. and ask him if he likes it. and if he says yes then ask.. well how about this? you like this?(whilst trying something else or applying more pressure to soemthing youre already doing). make it as casual as you can. just manoeuvre yourself into 'situations' and ask him.

Thanks. I've kind of tried that, but he just says he likes everything (except biting - he's been pretty communicative about not liking that ). I should probably just be happy that I have a man who's easy to please, I guess.

_

magicredbengal wrote:

This suggestion may do nothing for you but, it's what worked on me...

I had an ex that had the same problem with me, she eventually figured out one of my nuances was that I liked to read while using the toilet. She replaced my magazines and puzzle books with her magazines strategically turned to articles reasserting her argument. I wasn't stupid, I knew my stuff should be there but, I needed to read... lol I eventually stopped feeling so weird about saying what I would like to try in the bedroom and have benefited greatly from the experience.

I hope this helps or at least provides a good laugh!

Brilliant!

stipe19

Ask him if he wants to watch a movie. When he says "yeah" put on a porno. And be like oh that position or whatever looks like fun you want to try that? Cause he probably likes some kinky stuff and thinks you will think he is a pervert if he tells you what he likes. And if that dont work he is probably just a boring dude.

catefrances

_ wrote:

Oh yeah, seems like I'll definitely be there. I just got a lecture today from a friend at work about how it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage!...

it is... its very very wrong.



you know just between you and me, im having this same problem. and for someone as agressive as me its not a comfortable place to be.

_

Nothingman54 wrote:

I went through the same thing until a couple ago. My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Only 2 months ago did we open up to each other about what we really like. I told her "no limits" I want to know everything that turns you on and I'll do the same. While your having sex you can ask him what he likes and that it would turn you on to hear what he likes.

This (in bold) is something I hadn't thought of & I think it's a great idea. Do you think it would really work? If it doesn't, I might feel like an idiot.

Let him know it's important to you that he expresses himself and is able to tell you things and be more open.

I want to, and I've kind of tried, but I'm afraid he'll fee like I'm being critical. I guess I just need to phrase it perfectly.

_

stipe19 wrote:

Ask him if he wants to watch a movie. When he says "yeah" put on a porno. And be like oh that position or whatever looks like fun you want to try that? Cause he probably likes some kinky stuff and thinks you will think he is a pervert if he tells you what he likes. And if that dont work he is probably just a boring dude.

He already knows I'm not into porn... but I'm certainly not boring But maybe you're right that he doesn't want to tell me what he likes for fear I'll think he's a perv.

WaveRyder

is this what the forum has turned into?

_

catefrances wrote:

_ wrote:

Oh yeah, seems like I'll definitely be there. I just got a lecture today from a friend at work about how it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage!...

it is... its very very wrong.



you know just between you and me, im having this same problem. and for someone as agressive as me its not a comfortable place to be.

This same lack of communication problem? Or this same problem with getting lectured about having sex outside of marriage? Just between you and me...

catefrances

WaveRyder wrote:

is this what the forum has turned into?

hey! this is a community service thread.

_

WaveRyder wrote:

is this what the forum has turned into?

What? It's a serious question. And where better to ask it than on an anonymous forum with a wide variety of people whose opinions I generally value?

catefrances

_ wrote:

catefrances wrote:

_ wrote:

Oh yeah, seems like I'll definitely be there. I just got a lecture today from a friend at work about how it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage!...

it is... its very very wrong.



you know just between you and me, im having this same problem. and for someone as agressive as me its not a comfortable place to be.

This same lack of communication problem? Or this same problem with getting lectured about having sex outside of marriage? Just between you and me...

honestly whod be bold (or stupid) enough to even try and lecture me about extra marital sex?

my guy is straight as a laser and his last relationship wasnt exactly stellar so im trying to be patient but things are getting pretty close to a meltdown...

Suzi78

Do you discuss or talk about sex in general? I think a good way to start having an open sex dialogue is to do it while you're not having sex, or about to have sex. Try to bring up a fantasy while you're doing something else(and tell him all the details), ask him what he thinks about it, if it turns him on. I know some people hate texting, but sometimes it's actually a good way to build up a sexual mood when you're not physically together. And for sexually shy people, it's a good beginner's course on learning how to express your desires. And if you are being detailed about what you would like to do to him or want from him, then eventually he might become more comfortable and start responding verbally.

Good luck. Hope it works out for you guys

Nothingman54

_ wrote:

Nothingman54 wrote:

I went through the same thing until a couple ago. My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Only 2 months ago did we open up to each other about what we really like. I told her "no limits" I want to know everything that turns you on and I'll do the same. While your having sex you can ask him what he likes and that it would turn you on to hear what he likes.

This (in bold) is something I hadn't thought of & I think it's a great idea. Do you think it would really work? If it doesn't, I might feel like an idiot.

Let him know it's important to you that he expresses himself and is able to tell you things and be more open.

I want to, and I've kind of tried, but I'm afraid he'll fee like I'm being critical. I guess I just need to phrase it perfectly.

When the 2 of you are in the moment of passion and things are hot tell him a fantasy you have and let him know it would really turn you on and drive you crazy if he told you something and if he says "oh, I don't know" or "everything you do is great" tell him another fantasy and tell him the details and ask him of he likes that and keep on. After, let him know that it's important to you that you share those wonder things together and not to hold back. Sounds like your gonna have to lead the way. Don't pressure him too much. Maybe he will open up little by little.

_

catefrances wrote:

honestly whod be bold (or stupid) enough to even try and lecture me about extra marital sex?

my guy is straight as a laser and his last relationship wasnt exactly stellar so im trying to be patient but things are getting pretty close to a meltdown...

Well that sucks. :( Mind if I ask what you've tried to resolve the issue, or at least how long you've had to be patient?

My guy just got out of a bad marriage after having been with the same woman for most of his adult life. I kind of wonder if he was just stuck in a rut with his ex-wife & isn't accustomed to any other way of being in a sexual relationship.

_

Suzi78 wrote:

Do you discuss or talk about sex in general? I think a good way to start having an open sex dialogue is to do it while you're not having sex, or about to have sex. Try to bring up a fantasy while you're doing something else(and tell him all the details), ask him what he thinks about it, if it turns him on. I know some people hate texting, but sometimes it's actually a good way to build up a sexual mood when you're not physically together. And for sexually shy people, it's a good beginner's course on learning how to express your desires. And if you are being detailed about what you would like to do to him or want from him, then eventually he might become more comfortable and start responding verbally.

Good luck. Hope it works out for you guys

Thanks! No, we don't really talk about sex. I try to bring a little sexual innuendo (sp?) into our conversations now & then, but it never really takes off.

I agree that texting can be a good way to get shy people to open up, and I've tried that but it didn't work. I wonder if I should keep trying, or if I'll just start to bug him. One thing that makes me nervous about "sexting" though is the permanent record that then exists of your conversation. :oops:

_

Nothingman54 wrote:

_ wrote:

Nothingman54 wrote:

I went through the same thing until a couple ago. My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Only 2 months ago did we open up to each other about what we really like. I told her "no limits" I want to know everything that turns you on and I'll do the same. While your having sex you can ask him what he likes and that it would turn you on to hear what he likes.

This (in bold) is something I hadn't thought of & I think it's a great idea. Do you think it would really work? If it doesn't, I might feel like an idiot.

Let him know it's important to you that he expresses himself and is able to tell you things and be more open.

I want to, and I've kind of tried, but I'm afraid he'll fee like I'm being critical. I guess I just need to phrase it perfectly.

When the 2 of you are in the moment of passion and things are hot tell him a fantasy you have and let him know it would really turn you on and drive you crazy if he told you something and if he says "oh, I don't know" or "everything you do is great" tell him another fantasy and tell him the details and ask him of he likes that and keep on. After, let him know that it's important to you that you share those wonder things together and not to hold back. Sounds like your gonna have to lead the way. Don't pressure him too much. Maybe he will open up little by little.

Thanks! Totally opening up like that when I'm the only one doing it is kind of difficult for me too, so hopefully I can be a good leader! It's all a learning experience, though.

Jeremys Spoken

Personally.. wear a latex outfit.

_

Jeremys Spoken wrote:

Personally.. wear a latex outfit.

A man walks into a shrink's office wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The shrink says, I can clearly see you're/your nuts.


Just thought I'd throw that out there. :P

Gary Carter

Jeremys Spoken wrote:

Personally.. wear a latex outfit.

:wtf:

ZiggyStar

Do something to his arse or something you think he'll hate or be too shy to admit he likes at this stage in the relationship....something that will make him scream "OH NO NOT THERE!!" and then say "see, you obviously don't like everything I do....better start communicating or there will be a LOT more of that stuff".

Nothingman54

ZiggyStar wrote:

Do something to his arse or something you think he'll hate or be too shy to admit he likes at this stage in the relationship....something that will make him scream "OH NO NOT THERE!!" and then say "see, you obviously don't like everything I do....better start communicating or there will be a LOT more of that stuff".

There she is!!! "do something to his arse" love it!!!

ZiggyStar

Nothingman54 wrote:

ZiggyStar wrote:

Do something to his arse or something you think he'll hate or be too shy to admit he likes at this stage in the relationship....something that will make him scream "OH NO NOT THERE!!" and then say "see, you obviously don't like everything I do....better start communicating or there will be a LOT more of that stuff".

There she is!!! "do something to his arse" love it!!!

Johnny Aggro

ZiggyStar wrote:

Do something to his arse or something you think he'll hate or be too shy to admit he likes at this stage in the relationship....something that will make him scream "OH NO NOT THERE!!" and then say "see, you obviously don't like everything I do....better start communicating or there will be a LOT more of that stuff".

Thanks for that Ziggy (coffee just shot out of my nose reading that one!) Classic.


IMO dont talk about it during the fun times. Remember its meant to be enjoyable. Maybe try a group discussion over a few beers with ur mates. Not suggesting keys in a bowl or anything!!!, just maybe he will be more open in a group of his peers.

And if that don't work, try suspending his action account for a few weeks. Yeah you might crawl the walls for a bit, but i bet he will be more forthcoming!

ZiggyStar

Johnny Aggro wrote:

Thanks for that Ziggy (coffee just shot out of my nose reading that one!) Classic.

:thumbup: Anytime!