What do I do?...

KM43590

So we've got a lot of snow here in South Jersey, and I'm taking a break from being outside (listening to Vs.) shoveling snow, and a (So-called) "neighbor" of mine, who's got an enormous tractor with a plow on it takes his time this morning to plow every other driveway on the entire street, (there's almost 10 houses) and mine was the only house he didn't plow. It would have taken him less then 5mins to help me dig out my driveway but instead he just drove past me, looking in the other direction as to not make eye contact with me. He's helped us in the past and he has no reason not to help now.

Is the concept of being a "good neighbor" nonexistent anymore? We're the oldest family on the block and over the last few years it seems that we're not welcome any longer. So, I'm at a loss as to what to do, should I ignore it or ask him what the hell the deal is? My mother is beside her self crying because this isn't the first time neighbors have treated us poorly for no reason at all.

Once the neighbor directly to our side hoped our fence and buried a huge rabbit in our yard. Of course my dog found it the next day, and I had to rebury it in the woods. These people have no reason to treat us this way.

We keep to ourselves but we're friendly. We say hello, we stop to chat, we even exchanged Christmas cards this year. We've helped them out when needed in the past. My mother spent years babysitting their children. But lately we're being treated like we're not even here. My mother wants to move and forget about all of them. But we've been here over 30 years, and I'm at a loss as to what to do.

I thought I'd ask the community here if you have any suggestions, or if anyone else has had a similar situation with neighbors that act like their better than you and who do petty things like what this jackass did today!

Thanks for your suggestions, and thanks for letting me vent. I had to take a break from shoveling, what would have taken him 5mins is taking me about 2.5hrs. (oooooh, "Leash" just came on my iPod) I better go enjoy this. Thanks friends!

Cree Nations

hhmmmm neighbours are a tricky thing, i had something similar with one of mine ( I meand he didnt bury a large rabbit in my yard, he knows that I would have dug up the rabbit and made stew out of him....mmmmmm wapoose micsoapoy)
Just stop him when you see him next and ask him if everything is ok and ask him if he doesnt mind helping you with your driveway....you will know what hes thinking by his reaction....this is what I basically did to mine recently when he did something similar to me....turned out fine

elwayvedder

where in South Jersey are you?
You can't be in my South Jersey town because if you were near me, your driveway would have been done before 7 AM this morning. I can't sleep and have all older neighbors so i got up at 5 AM and did 6 driveways and by 8 AM, I collapsed.
I took a 4 hour break and then took the boys outside and we did ours, finally.
Now we are off to go sledding.
Enjoy the snow! Embrace it, its a gift!

Lizard

Wow--that's bad.

I think you just need to clear the air and ask him if you did something to offend him. Couldn't get any worse, right?

dcfaithful

Dog shit.

Lunch sack.

A lighter.

Have fun.

Cree Nations

dcfaithful wrote:

Dog shit.

Lunch sack.

A lighter.

Have fun.

lol....that is why I come here, to laugh out loud at stuff like this

dcfaithful

Cree Nations wrote:

dcfaithful wrote:

Dog shit.

Lunch sack.

A lighter.

Have fun.

lol....that is why I come here, to laugh out loud at stuff like this

It's childish, but I'm sorry...it's funny. I'm amazed that it still works on certain people.

whispering hands

I guess neighbors being at odds is somehow a global affliction. I go through that with my neighbors here and the neighbors from the previous neighborhood, trust ME, moving does not solve the problem! All I can say is at least they're not calling the city on you every time you turn ROUND. My old neighbors did that to us, and finally drove us out.Now we have new shitty neighbors.. fun fun.

Cree Nations

oh it works a'right...that always gets a laught out of me....that and seeing someone hit in the balls but my brain is tiny and I'm small minded so it doesnt take much to make me giggle

dcfaithful

Cree Nations wrote:

oh it works a'right...that always gets a laught out of me....that and seeing someone hit in the balls but my brain is tiny and I'm small minded so it doesnt take much to make me giggle

Sounds like we suffer from the same small brain syndrome.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

so everyone on the block is against you? very odd, but it must be something. possibly a misunderstanding, but I'd get to the bottom of it quick and to the point.

if it doesn't work out, charge your neighbour with trespassing and animal cruelty.

PillowPants

something obviously happened

especially with the bunny burial

if you have the balls then go ask them whats up?







and let us know

KM43590

Well, I just finished shoveling the driveway, just under 3 hours. So not terrible. But, what made the situation worse was that the same neglectful/ignorant neighbor just did a second swipe of all the houses on the street and ignored me again! He drove by so fast I couldn't get his attention. I can't imagine what the problem could be, or what I may have done to upset him.

To be honest I used to drink heavily, but have been sober for 11 months and 2 days. So there's a very slim chance it has something to do with one of my many infamous blackouts from back in the day. but very slim, only because he lives 3 houses away, and I couldn't have done anything to him. Another neighbor could have been complaining or gossiping about my behavior, but I was never really a nuisance to anyone when I drank.

Plus all my neighbors are kind of big and burly (manly men!) ha, and I'm just a small (overweight) weakling, and I'm not comfortable confronting people, and I'm not looking for revenge anyway, just understanding. I've been told I'm paranoid about things, but I think in this case, I think they really are out to get me.

Well, my Mother is pretty adamant about moving now because of this, and we've been talking about it for about a year now anyway, and I think this is the straw that broke the camels back. I have an hour commute to work each day anyway, so moving closer would be an improvement.

Well, thank you for your suggestions friends, it's calmed me down quite a bit. I think I'll take a shower, get some hot tea and enjoy a movie and some down time with the rest of my day off!

Cheers!

Cree Nations

you deserve a pat on the pack regardless for your hard work for both your demeanour with this guy and staying off the bottle

CJMST3K

Well, perhaps next time you can go over there and ask "Hey Jim, would you mind if the next time it snows I paid you to plow our driveway?"


If is says flat-out that he won't, then you know something is wrong.

If he says "sure", then you say "Great! This is a great side-business you have. How much are the others paying you?"... which might open a conversation on what the deal is, since they may not be paying him.

If he says "I'll do it for free!" while smiling, then your perceptions may be wrong, and that he just needed to be asked.



Maybe he doesn't want to do it for the others either, and doesn't want to add to his list, but doesn't have anything against you.

But, I'd ask today while you know he's home, and while it's topical to ask since you saw him doing it today. No reason to have this unanswered, having this burn away at you, wondering.

Good luck!

pandora

KM43590 wrote:

Well, I just finished shoveling the driveway, just under 3 hours. So not terrible. But, what made the situation worse was that the same neglectful/ignorant neighbor just did a second swipe of all the houses on the street and ignored me again! He drove by so fast I couldn't get his attention. I can't imagine what the problem could be, or what I may have done to upset him.

To be honest I used to drink heavily, but have been sober for 11 months and 2 days. So there's a very slim chance it has something to do with one of my many infamous blackouts from back in the day. but very slim, only because he lives 3 houses away, and I couldn't have done anything to him. Another neighbor could have been complaining or gossiping about my behavior, but I was never really a nuisance to anyone when I drank.

Plus all my neighbors are kind of big and burly (manly men!) ha, and I'm just a small (overweight) weakling, and I'm not comfortable confronting people, and I'm not looking for revenge anyway, just understanding. I've been told I'm paranoid about things, but I think in this case, I think they really are out to get me.

Well, my Mother is pretty adamant about moving now because of this, and we've been talking about it for about a year now anyway, and I think this is the straw that broke the camels back. I have an hour commute to work each day anyway, so moving closer would be an improvement.

Well, thank you for your suggestions friends, it's calmed me down quite a bit. I think I'll take a shower, get some hot tea and enjoy a movie and some down time with the rest of my day off!

Cheers!

Do something nice for someone on the block and let them talk about that for awhile. Then another and another until you show your neighbors that you and your Mom belong.

You are expecting that fella to do something nice for you.... do something nice for him first.
'Catch more flies with honey.'

Perhaps something did happen you don't remember when you were drinking
that lead people to not like you. When you get a chance, after you are in some good graces, drop the word you've quit.
Smile whenever you see someone in the neighborhood and be a good neighbor.

This doesn't mean you can't move it would just be nice to move on your terms not theirs.
Take good care of your Mama, tell her everything will be ok, then try to make it so.
Good luck to you I know you can repair this

Slap upside the head

Was it your fault the rabbit died?

PillowPants

wow.... you really can find anything on the interwebs

http://lh4.ggpht.com/_lP5T0isBuK4/SpFtH ... ichard.JPG

Cree Nations

am I to assume that is a dead rabbit they are carting around? oh my.....

JOEJOEJOE

I would ask the neighbor whom you trust the most for the low-down. Perhaps there is a misconception, or perhaps you did something while you were drunk.

PillowPants

Cree Nations wrote:

am I to assume that is a dead rabbit they are carting around? oh my.....

i've never had to explain death to a child

but really is that the way to do it?

with a friggin wheelbarrow and a couple of leaves?

AND A CAMERA???

Cree Nations

PillowPants wrote:

Cree Nations wrote:

am I to assume that is a dead rabbit they are carting around? oh my.....

i've never had to explain death to a child

but really is that the way to do it?

with a friggin wheelbarrow and a couple of leaves?

AND A CAMERA???

It looks like they are making a mockery of "death" to me, a rather poor attempt at a funeral, atleast put the poor little guy in a box or something. Did they cart him to each neighbour so they could say bye to?

PJ88

PillowPants wrote:

wow.... you really can find anything on the interwebs

http://lh4.ggpht.com/_lP5T0isBuK4/SpFtH ... ichard.JPG

Wow.

JonnyPistachio

You said your family "keeps to yourseves", although you wave and are friendly.
Just another thing toconsider, as when I was younger I was very anxious in social situations and never really spoke much. As a result of this, several people I met along the way mistakenly thought I was cocky simply because I didnt talk much. Maybe THEY have misconstrued your family as snobby because you are detached. Maybe the rest of the neighborhood hangs out with each other more than you think, and they have some bond. I dont know, its just a possibility.. Use that in conjunction with what Pandora said. Maybe you just have to extend yourself more.. if you're expecting others to come to you, they might be expecting the same thing.

No offense, but I cant believe your thinking of moving because of this! thats your home, stand up for it and try to improve your relationship with tthe community.

Good luck.

Chip McFlennigan

As a lifelong South Jersey resident, I can say with confidence that people here are getting worse.

Wilds

Is your yard or house unsightly?


That sometimes turns neighbors on each other.

81

stop crying and go buy a snow blower.

i have a corner lot and the guy behind me will some times blow my side sidewalk and other times doesn't. it's so random. i can't figure it out. i'd actually prefer he never did it. i can handle it.

myra

pandora wrote:

Do something nice for someone on the block and let them talk about that for awhile. Then another and another until you show your neighbors that you and your Mom belong.

You are expecting that fella to do something nice for you.... do something nice for him first.
'Catch more flies with honey.'

Perhaps something did happen you don't remember when you were drinking
that lead people to not like you. When you get a chance, after you are in some good graces, drop the word you've quit.
Smile whenever you see someone in the neighborhood and be a good neighbor.

This doesn't mean you can't move it would just be nice to move on your terms not theirs.
Take good care of your Mama, tell her everything will be ok, then try to make it so.
Good luck to you I know you can repair this

Exactly.

When I moved to where I live now, my elderly downstairs neighbours immediately decided I wasn't welcomed. At first I just didn't care, but eventually I tried to figure out what there was that I could possibly have done to upset them if anything. And as soon as I had the chance, I took the opportunity to show them that I was not actually a reckless brat and did something to show them that I indeed was reasonable and could also be considerate. That worked beyond expectations ! Mr neighbour never said anything about it, but actually startled me by hugging me and kissing cheeks to wish me a happy new year and keeps waving at me whenever I come back home, when he never even said hello until then. :?
I still don't know what happened, but I guess even the smallest gesture can sometimes be enough.