4 in 10 say marriage is becoming obsolete

Electric_Delta

Monogamy is not counter to human instinct. It's called self-control. It used to exist back in the days before political-correctness ruined everything.[/quote]

I'm pretty sure political correctness has nothing to do with infidelity... One existed for centuries before the other on...[/quote]


What I meant is that society tends to look at infidelity as a natural thing, not a big deal. Like many things championed by society, it is a destructive, horrible thing. Self-control and personal responsibility are key to maintaining a healthy marriage.
There's no reason to make excuses for infidelity. I find that to be absurd.

gimmesometruth27

Electric_Delta wrote:

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

polaris_x wrote:

the question really is long-term monogamy reasonable for the entire population?

i think these days - the term marriage just has too much baggage associated with it ... it's more about assets and legal entities ... and less about partnership ...

i am starting to believe that long term monogamy is counter to human instinct. seriously, how much infidelity is there in the world these days? infidelity is the single biggest destroyer of relationships. at least my relationships....i can say that i have been faithful in every relationship i have ever been in since college. it was not out of any sense of obligation or anything, but i was faithful because i wanted to be and i loved those women. and in nearly every case i was being cheated on.

Monogamy is not counter to human instinct. It's called self-control. It used to exist back in the days before political-correctness ruined everything.

so way back in the days of henry VIII political correctness caused polyamorous behavior?

oops....edit to change "louis VIII" to "Henry VIII"....i make stupid mistakes sometimes :oops:

Godfather.

my thought on a good wife/husband.
I am lucky my wife is beautiful...I'm uglier than a mud fence but with that said "see with your heart and not your eyes"

it's like the old biker saying "chrome looks good but chrome wont get you home" LOL!!

Godfather.

gimmesometruth27

i found all of these results interesting:

_About 34 percent of Americans called the growing variety of family living arrangements good for society, while 32 percent said it didn't make a difference and 29 percent said it was troubling. i view this as a good thing. i am wondering if those that felt it was troubling were the elderly segment of the population.

_About 44 percent of people say they have lived with a partner without being married; for 30-to-49-year-olds, that share rose to 57 percent. In most cases, those couples said they considered cohabitation as a step toward marriage. i think that this is a good thing too. if i were to get married i think it would be a good idea to cohabitate at least for some time beforehand. that way you know what to expect and what your life will be like for a time before children, if you choose to have kids. i would consider it a definite step towards marriage.

_About 62 percent say that the best marriage is one where the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children. That's up from 48 percent who held that view in 1977. and i agree with this too. this is not the '50s where the man works and the woman stays home and cooks and cleans. i think it should be shared, and i think that both partners would appreciate sharing these duties. i mean, raking leaves sucks, but if my g/f or fiance was helping me, we could make it fun, so it does not seem like work so much, ya know?

gimmesometruth27

Godfather. wrote:

my thought on a good wife/husband.
I am lucky my wife is beautiful...I'm uglier than a mud fence but with that said "see with your heart and not your eyes"

it's like the old biker saying "chrome looks good but chrome wont get you home" LOL!!

Godfather.

dude, i laughed so hard i seriously just spit water out of my nose when i read your post lol...

Godfather.

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

Godfather. wrote:

my thought on a good wife/husband.
I am lucky my wife is beautiful...I'm uglier than a mud fence but with that said "see with your heart and not your eyes"

it's like the old biker saying "chrome looks good but chrome wont get you home" LOL!!

Godfather.

dude, i laughed so hard i seriously just spit water out of my nose when i read your post lol...

cool ! I'm stoaked I got a laugh out of you man.

Godfather.

gimmesometruth27

Godfather. wrote:

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

Godfather. wrote:

my thought on a good wife/husband.
I am lucky my wife is beautiful...I'm uglier than a mud fence but with that said "see with your heart and not your eyes"

it's like the old biker saying "chrome looks good but chrome wont get you home" LOL!!

Godfather.

dude, i laughed so hard i seriously just spit water out of my nose when i read your post lol...

cool ! I'm stoaked I got a laugh out of you man.

Godfather.

lol, actually i laugh a lot, i just don't use the emoticons so much. i guess that is why i come off as so serious all the time...

JonnyPistachio

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

i found all of these results interesting:

_About 34 percent of Americans called the growing variety of family living arrangements good for society, while 32 percent said it didn't make a difference and 29 percent said it was troubling. i view this as a good thing. i am wondering if those that felt it was troubling were the elderly segment of the population.

_About 44 percent of people say they have lived with a partner without being married; for 30-to-49-year-olds, that share rose to 57 percent. In most cases, those couples said they considered cohabitation as a step toward marriage. i think that this is a good thing too. if i were to get married i think it would be a good idea to cohabitate at least for some time beforehand. that way you know what to expect and what your life will be like for a time before children, if you choose to have kids. i would consider it a definite step towards marriage.

_About 62 percent say that the best marriage is one where the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children. That's up from 48 percent who held that view in 1977. and i agree with this too. this is not the '50s where the man works and the woman stays home and cooks and cleans. i think it should be shared, and i think that both partners would appreciate sharing these duties. i mean, raking leaves sucks, but if my g/f or fiance was helping me, we could make it fun, so it does not seem like work so much, ya know?

These are interesting numbers. I mentioned my grandfather in another post and how he was very old-school and wanted my grandmother to wait on him hand and foot, and she did unfortunately. But that was normal back then. I think some people still live in this world because they saw their parents/grandparents act like this. I've seen it destroy marriages (even recently). However, Its my opinion that the later you get married, the less likely you will be to get divorced because people need time to grow, become responsible, and learn how to live. Its hard to do these things and adjust to married life.

haha, and yeah Godfather, your post cracked me up too.

Godfather.

JonnyPistachio wrote:

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

i found all of these results interesting:

_About 34 percent of Americans called the growing variety of family living arrangements good for society, while 32 percent said it didn't make a difference and 29 percent said it was troubling. i view this as a good thing. i am wondering if those that felt it was troubling were the elderly segment of the population.

_About 44 percent of people say they have lived with a partner without being married; for 30-to-49-year-olds, that share rose to 57 percent. In most cases, those couples said they considered cohabitation as a step toward marriage. i think that this is a good thing too. if i were to get married i think it would be a good idea to cohabitate at least for some time beforehand. that way you know what to expect and what your life will be like for a time before children, if you choose to have kids. i would consider it a definite step towards marriage.

_About 62 percent say that the best marriage is one where the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children. That's up from 48 percent who held that view in 1977. and i agree with this too. this is not the '50s where the man works and the woman stays home and cooks and cleans. i think it should be shared, and i think that both partners would appreciate sharing these duties. i mean, raking leaves sucks, but if my g/f or fiance was helping me, we could make it fun, so it does not seem like work so much, ya know?

These are interesting numbers. I mentioned my grandfather in another post and how he was very old-school and wanted my grandmother to wait on him hand and foot, and she did unfortunately. But that was normal back then. I think some people still live in this world because they saw their parents/grandparents act like this. I've seen it destroy marriages (even recently). However, Its my opinion that the later you get married, the less likely you will be to get divorced because people need time to grow, become responsible, and learn how to live. Its hard to do these things and adjust to married life.

haha, and yeah Godfather, your post cracked me up too.

JP I agree with you on the time to grow idea,I married at 30 and it was bumpy for a while but I some how made it through and she stood by me, I didn't make it ez for her but I'm glad she did.

Godfather.

blackredyellow

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

i found all of these results interesting:

_About 34 percent of Americans called the growing variety of family living arrangements good for society, while 32 percent said it didn't make a difference and 29 percent said it was troubling. i view this as a good thing. i am wondering if those that felt it was troubling were the elderly segment of the population.

I would think that age plays into it, but the question is sorta vague... While I wouldn't use the word "troubling", I do think that the number of single parent households isn't a great thing. Yes, in a lot of these situations, a single parent is the best situation out of the alternatives, so nothing can really be done to "fix" this, but in my opinion, having two good parents in a household is much more beneficial to children than having just one.

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

_About 44 percent of people say they have lived with a partner without being married; for 30-to-49-year-olds, that share rose to 57 percent. In most cases, those couples said they considered cohabitation as a step toward marriage. i think that this is a good thing too. if i were to get married i think it would be a good idea to cohabitate at least for some time beforehand. that way you know what to expect and what your life will be like for a time before children, if you choose to have kids. i would consider it a definite step towards marriage.

Marrying someone who you never lived with is something that I could never comprehend... You learn so much more about someone living with then that you probably wouldn't know if you didn't.

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

_About 62 percent say that the best marriage is one where the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children. That's up from 48 percent who held that view in 1977. and i agree with this too. this is not the '50s where the man works and the woman stays home and cooks and cleans. i think it should be shared, and i think that both partners would appreciate sharing these duties. i mean, raking leaves sucks, but if my g/f or fiance was helping me, we could make it fun, so it does not seem like work so much, ya know?

I think that's true out of necessity these days...

gimmesometruth27

know1 wrote:

I think people are just more selfish and less committed to things in general than they used to be. I'm not a big advocate of marriage, but it is kind of sad to see good human traits such as these on the decline.

i can agree with this assessment.

gimmesometruth27

lettinggo wrote:

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

lettinggo wrote:

gimme
i just want to congratulate you on never having fucked yourself over
that is no small feat

where in my post did i say "i have never fucked myself over"?? i have done plenty to fuck myself over in the course of my life, but that was when i was a lot younger, more reckless, and did not care about anyone or anything. things have changed since those crazy years. i said:

"on a personal note, until recently i wanted to get married and have kids, but since that relationship did not work out now i don't. i think i am better off relying on myself than on someone else, and i am not going to marry based on pressure from family, friends, or society. if you rely on yourself you can't get hurt. i found out the hard way and have come to realize that the only person in this world that will not fuck you over in some way is yourself."

if you know what you want in life and stay true to yourself and your beliefs, how can you fuck yourself over?

dude
that was meant with kindness
i was a perpetual self fucker over for years
and have outgrown it as well
AND i agree with your views on marriage and monogomy
so
peace?

sorry i just now saw this. sorry man, i thought you were being sarcastic in that post. perpetual self fucker over...i like that...peace.

catefrances

pandora wrote:

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

if you rely on yourself you can't get hurt. i found out the hard way and have come to realize that the only person in this world that will not fuck you over in some way is yourself.

I hope and think you will change your mind on this. You can be independent, rely on yourself, love, be married or not and trust again. Most importantly love and trust again.

i fuck myself over more than i care to admit. but im slowly learning to turn that around.

gimmesometruth27

catefrances wrote:

pandora wrote:

gimmesometruth27 wrote:

if you rely on yourself you can't get hurt. i found out the hard way and have come to realize that the only person in this world that will not fuck you over in some way is yourself.

I hope and think you will change your mind on this. You can be independent, rely on yourself, love, be married or not and trust again. Most importantly love and trust again.

i fuck myself over more than i care to admit. but im slowly learning to turn that around.

for some of us it is too late to turn that around. i'm glad you are able to do that.

know1

blackredyellow wrote:

Marrying someone who you never lived with is something that I could never comprehend... You learn so much more about someone living with then that you probably wouldn't know if you didn't.
[

I don't know why it's so difficult to learn things about people without living with them. My wife and I did not live together before we were married, but we also dated for about 5 years and I made sure I knew what I was getting into before I proposed.

Oh wait - I think I do know why. It's because people just rush into these things and treat life as like some self-instant-satisfying game and don't take the time to make sure what they are doing is right.

blackredyellow

know1 wrote:

blackredyellow wrote:

Marrying someone who you never lived with is something that I could never comprehend... You learn so much more about someone living with then that you probably wouldn't know if you didn't.
[

I don't know why it's so difficult to learn things about people without living with them. My wife and I did not live together before we were married, but we also dated for about 5 years and I made sure I knew what I was getting into before I proposed.

Oh wait - I think I do know why. It's because people just rush into these things and treat life as like some self-instant-satisfying game and don't take the time to make sure what they are doing is right.

You dated for 5 years... I'm assuming that there we many times that one of you stayed at each other's place for several days, right?

and your second point makes no sense... wouldn't living together first be a big step in making sure what you are doing is right?

ajedigecko

i enjoy being married....i can see why people would become disenchanted with marriage. i think people spend far too much monies on getting married.

my wedding cost.....800.00.
my buddy spent......10K

i am still happily married......he is not.

my great aunt, God rest her soul, offered up the greatest wisdom. i told her i was thinking of getting married,but wanted to make sure everyting is perfect.

she told me.."you have to build your lives together.....you cannot wait till everything is perfect."

ajedigecko

lol, actually i laugh a lot, i just don't use the emoticons so much. i guess that is why i come off as so serious all the time...[/quote]


i can relate too this.

Godfather.

blackredyellow wrote:

know1 wrote:

blackredyellow wrote:

Marrying someone who you never lived with is something that I could never comprehend... You learn so much more about someone living with then that you probably wouldn't know if you didn't.
[

I don't know why it's so difficult to learn things about people without living with them. My wife and I did not live together before we were married, but we also dated for about 5 years and I made sure I knew what I was getting into before I proposed.

Oh wait - I think I do know why. It's because people just rush into these things and treat life as like some self-instant-satisfying game and don't take the time to make sure what they are doing is right.

You dated for 5 years... I'm assuming that there we many times that one of you stayed at each other's place for several days, right?

and your second point makes no sense... wouldn't living together first be a big step in making sure what you are doing is right?

in the old days it was called courting and people in a lot of cases did not live together first,they dated and got to know each other first then married,I wonder what the divorce rate in the 40's and 50's were compared to today when people live together without any ties to each other then get married ? last I noticed any stats on that the divorce rate was about 50% on todays market which tells me people are to quick to throw in the towel or made a mistake in judgment thinking their new ties are more than they wanted.

Godfather.

gimmesometruth27

ajedigecko wrote:

i enjoy being married....i can see why people would become disenchanted with marriage. i think people spend far too much monies on getting married.

my wedding cost.....800.00.
my buddy spent......10K

i am still happily married......he is not.

my great aunt, God rest her soul, offered up the greatest wisdom. i told her i was thinking of getting married,but wanted to make sure everyting is perfect.

she told me.."you have to build your lives together.....you cannot wait till everything is perfect."

that is great advice. at the same time things can go very well or they can go horribly wrong while trying to build your lives together. i guess you live and you learn and hope for the best.

a good piece of advice i got once that ended up being a sammy hagar song is "you've got to give to live". and that is a pretty profound statement to me. very ishmael sounding...