Don't wax following alcohol

2

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  • theserialthrilla
    theserialthrilla Posts: 15,760
    karate-kid-wax-on-wax-off-t-shirt-logo.gif
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  • twisted thoughts
    twisted thoughts Posts: 4,377
    Oh Claire!! You should have known this was a no good idea!!
    I now have to share this with you :lol: Its from an email I got a while ago, and I kept it in a folder cuz i laughed my ass off reading it...
    enjoy
    boys....hope this helps clarify what Claire went thru...and sorry if the picture it paints for you is too graphic

    Hair Removal!

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, Neet and now ... the wax. Read on ......
    - - -
    My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.


    I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

    "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

    So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits.

    No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
    No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

    I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together.

    Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
    ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.

    Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

    OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

    Hair removal no longer eludes me!

    I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

    With my next wax strip I move north.

    After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

    I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

    Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

    I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

    I'm blind!!!

    Blinded from pain!!!!....

    OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

    Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!

    Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

    I think I may pass out ... must stay conscious ... must stay conscious.

    Do I hear crashing drums???

    Breathe, breathe ............

    OK, back to normal.

    I want to see my trophy - a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

    I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

    I hold up the strip!

    There's no hair on it.

    Where is the hair???

    WHERE IS THE WAX???

    Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

    I see the hair.
    The hair that should on the strip ... it's not!

    I touch.

    I am touching wax.

    I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

    Then I make the next BIG mistake ... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet?

    I know I need to do something.

    So I put my foot down.

    Sealed shut!

    My butt is sealed shut.

    Sealed shut!

    I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"

    What can I do to melt the wax?

    Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!

    I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

    *WRONG!!!!!!!*

    I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

    Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub ... in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

    So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!
    God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

    I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.

    It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

    There is a slight pause. - She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

    She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

    She's laughing out loud by now ... I can hear her!!!

    I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

    YEAH!!!!! Right!!

    I should be the joke of someone else's night.

    While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .

    Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

    By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

    My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace ..... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

    What do I really have to lose at this point?

    I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!!

    The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

    It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

    "IT WORKS!!

    It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

    I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....

    THE HAIR IS STILL THERE ....... ALL OF IT!

    So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

    I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

    .........Next week I'm going to try hair color......
    Mansfield, MA - Jul 02, 2003; Mansfield, MA - Jul 03, 2003; Mansfield, MA - Jul 11, 2003; Boston, MA - Sep 29, 2004; Reading, PA - Oct 01, 2004; Hartford, CT - May 13, 2006; Boston, MA - May 24, 2006; Boston, MA - May 25, 2006; Hartford, CT - Jun 27, 2008; Mansfield, MA - Jun 28, 2008; Mansfield, MA - June 30, 2008; Hartford, CT - May 15, 2010; Boston, MA - May 17, 2010; [EV - Providence, RI - June 15, 2011; EV - Hartford, CT - June 18, 2011]; Worcester, MA - Oct. 15, 2013; Worcester, MA - Oct. 16, 2013; Hartford, CT - Oct. 25, 2013; Boston, MA -  August 5, 2016; Boston, MA - August 7, 2016...



  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    IMG_2646.JPG
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • Jo
    Jo Posts: 2,098
    I had lots to say here, but decided not to.
    You go girls! :D
  • unlost dogs
    unlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    Oh, oh, oh Claire. Claire, Claire, Claire.

    I would recommend "Veet" or "Nair" or some similar product. But never, ever to be mixed with alcohol.

    :shock:
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • Jo
    Jo Posts: 2,098
    :wtf:

    What is wrong with " Girly Razors "?


    :wave: .........
  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    Jo wrote:
    :wtf:

    What is wrong with " Girly Razors "?


    :wave: .........

    cuz stubble itches like crazy...?
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • twisted thoughts
    twisted thoughts Posts: 4,377
    easy tiger...

    we dont want anyone getting hurt now

    shaved_kitty.jpg
    Mansfield, MA - Jul 02, 2003; Mansfield, MA - Jul 03, 2003; Mansfield, MA - Jul 11, 2003; Boston, MA - Sep 29, 2004; Reading, PA - Oct 01, 2004; Hartford, CT - May 13, 2006; Boston, MA - May 24, 2006; Boston, MA - May 25, 2006; Hartford, CT - Jun 27, 2008; Mansfield, MA - Jun 28, 2008; Mansfield, MA - June 30, 2008; Hartford, CT - May 15, 2010; Boston, MA - May 17, 2010; [EV - Providence, RI - June 15, 2011; EV - Hartford, CT - June 18, 2011]; Worcester, MA - Oct. 15, 2013; Worcester, MA - Oct. 16, 2013; Hartford, CT - Oct. 25, 2013; Boston, MA -  August 5, 2016; Boston, MA - August 7, 2016...



  • Jo
    Jo Posts: 2,098
    4and20 wrote:
    Jo wrote:
    :wtf:

    What is wrong with " Girly Razors "?


    :wave: .........

    cuz stubble itches like crazy...?

    Whats wrong with having to shave DAILY?
  • unlost dogs
    unlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    Jo wrote:
    4and20 wrote:
    Jo wrote:
    :wtf:

    What is wrong with " Girly Razors "?


    :wave: .........

    cuz stubble itches like crazy...?

    Whats wrong with having to shave DAILY?

    Pfffft that. Go with the 3 minute hair removal creams. I love Veet.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • Jo
    Jo Posts: 2,098
    Jo wrote:
    4and20 wrote:
    Jo wrote:
    :wtf:

    What is wrong with " Girly Razors "?


    :wave: .........

    cuz stubble itches like crazy...?

    Whats wrong with having to shave DAILY?

    Actually, I think we just went FULL CIRCLE on this Thread.........
  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    Jo wrote:
    4and20 wrote:
    Jo wrote:
    :wtf:

    What is wrong with " Girly Razors "?


    :wave: .........

    cuz stubble itches like crazy...?

    Whats wrong with having to shave DAILY?

    When stubble appears by 3pm, it does not look cute when you have an itch you can't scratch in public... :oops:
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • Claireack
    Claireack Posts: 13,561
    4and20 wrote:
    When stubble appears by 3pm, it does not look cute when you have an itch you can't scratch in public... :oops:

    Maybe we could all sport designer stubble? It was very popular for men in the 80's.
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  • Claireack
    Claireack Posts: 13,561
    Twisted thoughts - that email was so funny!! :lol:

    p.s. just picked off the remnants of the wax in the bath. I'll just have to comb over to the side so that I don't look lob-sided.
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  • RYEzupSF
    RYEzupSF Posts: 6,003
    That is hilarious! As far as I'm concerned drunken waxing is the only way to wax. For sure. :lol::lol:

    And witch hazel can be very soothing.
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    Don't fuck sheep. -EV 7/11/11
    You can never have enough Neil in the mix. -EV 10/24/10
    There's only one commandment: Don't be an asshole. -EV 5/6/10
  • twisted thoughts
    twisted thoughts Posts: 4,377
    Claire - whatever you do, do not listen to RYEzupSF....I think (s)he is drunk right now..and if waxing while drunk is a bad idea, taking ideas from the drunk is an even worse idea. (and i can totally picture your avatar with clumps of hardening wax inbetween her who who)...so thats y she's always bouncin around like that :lol:

    lets just listen to the furry Mrs. Unlostdogs, and stick to the hair removal creams.....but, again, you should probably do it sober, cuz if you forget to wash it off...well, lets just say, you dont want to remove the whole va J J .... you may want that some day :lol::lol:
    Mansfield, MA - Jul 02, 2003; Mansfield, MA - Jul 03, 2003; Mansfield, MA - Jul 11, 2003; Boston, MA - Sep 29, 2004; Reading, PA - Oct 01, 2004; Hartford, CT - May 13, 2006; Boston, MA - May 24, 2006; Boston, MA - May 25, 2006; Hartford, CT - Jun 27, 2008; Mansfield, MA - Jun 28, 2008; Mansfield, MA - June 30, 2008; Hartford, CT - May 15, 2010; Boston, MA - May 17, 2010; [EV - Providence, RI - June 15, 2011; EV - Hartford, CT - June 18, 2011]; Worcester, MA - Oct. 15, 2013; Worcester, MA - Oct. 16, 2013; Hartford, CT - Oct. 25, 2013; Boston, MA -  August 5, 2016; Boston, MA - August 7, 2016...



  • unlost dogs
    unlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    You can even do the hair removal creams in the boat without risking a laceration if you happen to bump into a wake and start rocking.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • twisted thoughts
    twisted thoughts Posts: 4,377
    unlost dogs wrote:
    You can even do the hair removal creams in the boat without risking a laceration if you happen to bump into a wake and start rocking. *AND THE DOGS WILL EAT IT UP JUST LIKE PEANUT BUTTER

    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Unlost?!?! you dirty dog!!!























    sorry...couldnt resist :lol::lol:
    Mansfield, MA - Jul 02, 2003; Mansfield, MA - Jul 03, 2003; Mansfield, MA - Jul 11, 2003; Boston, MA - Sep 29, 2004; Reading, PA - Oct 01, 2004; Hartford, CT - May 13, 2006; Boston, MA - May 24, 2006; Boston, MA - May 25, 2006; Hartford, CT - Jun 27, 2008; Mansfield, MA - Jun 28, 2008; Mansfield, MA - June 30, 2008; Hartford, CT - May 15, 2010; Boston, MA - May 17, 2010; [EV - Providence, RI - June 15, 2011; EV - Hartford, CT - June 18, 2011]; Worcester, MA - Oct. 15, 2013; Worcester, MA - Oct. 16, 2013; Hartford, CT - Oct. 25, 2013; Boston, MA -  August 5, 2016; Boston, MA - August 7, 2016...



  • RYEzupSF
    RYEzupSF Posts: 6,003
    twisted thoughts wrote:
    Claire - whatever you do, do not listen to RYEzupSF....I think (s)he is drunk right now..and if waxing while drunk is a bad idea, taking ideas from the drunk is an even worse idea. (and i can totally picture your avatar with clumps of hardening wax inbetween her who who)...so thats y she's always bouncin around like that :lol:

    lets just listen to the furry Mrs. Unlostdogs, and stick to the hair removal creams.....but, again, you should probably do it sober, cuz if you forget to wash it off...well, lets just say, you dont want to remove the whole va J J .... you may want that some day :lol::lol:


    :lol::lol::lol: I just find I handle pain better when I'm drunk. It doesn't mean it is a wise thing to do, just less painful.
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    Don't fuck sheep. -EV 7/11/11
    You can never have enough Neil in the mix. -EV 10/24/10
    There's only one commandment: Don't be an asshole. -EV 5/6/10
  • unlost dogs
    unlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    twisted thoughts wrote:
    unlost dogs wrote:
    You can even do the hair removal creams in the boat without risking a laceration if you happen to bump into a wake and start rocking. *AND THE DOGS WILL EAT IT UP JUST LIKE PEANUT BUTTER

    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Unlost?!?! you dirty dog!!!

    sorry...couldnt resist :lol::lol:

    :shock: :shock: :shock:
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)

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