Frost Bitten

tremors

Frost Bitten

Before the adrenalin took over
Before I felt that surge
Before the kidney fire
rushed in to save me
Before I felt the burn

I spent a month amongst the gravestones
was as trembling
as the bones
I tried to walk past
each night
Past the graveyard on your corner
Feeling such affinity;
so at home

And back at 'home'
that place of refuge, charity
I curled up into a ball
Clutched blankets sheets and pillows

Cowering
each night gripping
covers oh so tight

Tight
as my jawline
clamped down on the bit
between my gritting teeth

Every night I shook
(audibly)
Shivering in the frost
trapped amongst the bedclothes
Regardless of the heat.
Shaking in the basket,
an inch from devastation,
an inch from annihilation

Can anyone know
exactly what I mean?
Have they ever felt the frost
beyond the central heating,
regardless of the heat?
The bones of desolation
like life has been unplugged

Well if this ever gets you
you better learn to pray
Pray that you'll see Xmas
pray for the day
Grab yourself a bible
grip an mp3
A hand or a shoulder
Grip and cling to dear life
go where you are taken
I promise you may land

Just
grasp a piece of driftwood
keep thinking of the sand
shiver for tomorrow
shiver for one dawn
shiver for tomorrow morning,

Shiver for once more.....

tremors

Saliva

His eyes move like rabbits
He offers me all he has
Yet I baulk at what he has
Because of how he is

tremors

I call your mobile
You're breaking up
It's always your fault

Godfather.

tremors wrote:

Frost Bitten

Before the adrenalin took over
Before I felt that surge
Before the kidney fire
rushed in to save me
Before I felt the burn

I spent a month amongst the gravestones
was as trembling
as the bones
I tried to walk past
each night
Past the graveyard on your corner
Feeling such affinity;
so at home

And back at 'home'
that place of refuge, charity
I curled up into a ball
Clutched blankets sheets and pillows

Cowering
each night gripping
covers oh so tight

Tight
as my jawline
clamped down on the bit
between my gritting teeth

Every night I shook
(audibly)
Shivering in the frost
trapped amongst the bedclothes
Regardless of the heat.
Shaking in the basket,
an inch from devastation,
an inch from annihilation

Can anyone know
exactly what I mean?
Have they ever felt the frost
beyond the central heating,
regardless of the heat?
The bones of desolation
like life has been unplugged

Well if this ever gets you
you better learn to pray
Pray that you'll see Xmas
pray for the day
Grab yourself a bible
grip an mp3
A hand or a shoulder
Grip and cling to dear life
go where you are taken
I promise you may land

Just
grasp a piece of driftwood
keep thinking of the sand
shiver for tomorrow
shiver for one dawn
shiver for tomorrow morning,

Shiver for once more.....

XLNT !!

Godfather.

tremors

thx.

reading bruce lee
in starbucks
thank god it feels
a million miles away

tremors

confronted with a precipice
high up,
drop all around
in such a case stay frozen
let the earth's turn
come around

acrossssSsssshittt

"Can anyone know
exactly what I mean?
Have they ever felt the frost
beyond the central heating,
regardless of the heat?
The bones of desolation
like life has been unplugged

Well if this ever gets you
you better learn to pray"


very strong words... especially the above... I do know what you mean, and so I have learnt to.. and still learning

tremors

acrossOceans wrote:

"Can anyone know
exactly what I mean?
Have they ever felt the frost
beyond the central heating,
regardless of the heat?
The bones of desolation
like life has been unplugged

Well if this ever gets you
you better learn to pray"


very strong words... especially the above... I do know what you mean, and so I have learnt to.. and still learning

Yes, before all this started for me (many moons ago) I was an avowed existentialist - existence precedes essence, there is no higher force or power, create your own destiny, seize the day, nobody will help you out but yourself.

Today though I know that in the darkest hour. The true darkest hour. That just isn't enough - it's insufficient. Atheism goes flying out of the window at such an alarming rate when you are confronted with pure primal terror. Do you know the play 'The Crucible' ?(Arthur Miller) There is so much there for all philosophies to contend with. Personally I don't believe religion created primal terror of supernatural darkness - I believe that lies deep within all of us, innately, and it's only a veneer of civility and civilisation which prevents us from touching fears of a truly demonic nature. (I'm going off on one here again acrossOceans - you have that effect on me!! )What I'm trying to say is I just thank the heavens that there are humans in all our pasts: 'prophets' probably - who have faced down evil, the notion of pure evil and the fear of pure evil, - and it is they who come to save you when the chips are down. This is probably not a subject I should be opening up right now, since I am not prepared for a big argument, and this is very personal to me. What I'm trying to say is - for me, deep deep containment, resolution, protection, refuge, sanctuary - in the darkest hour - that has only reached me with a leap of faith, and near-religious experience ('epiphany'). Without this I would have shrivelled up and died around 15 years ago.

acrossssSsssshittt

what you’ve said is very sincere, and I appreciate it...I’ve known terror and you’re right in saying that it’s just that bit of civility that keeps us from submitting entirely to the demons… then again many do get lost to that world, and one can only imagine the shit they’ve endured… there is also a feeling, maybe not all that separate from terror, of being not at ease with oneself... maybe to the extent of being disgusted with oneself, and being able to see nothing but the ugliness within ... I've known that feeling, and I am shit scared of feeling that shit again... or worse

there are states of mind and of heart, extreme and maybe not so extreme, that we find ourselves in everyday, but which can make one yearn for the thing he believes in... what he prays to…seeing shades in the sky or being with someone you love are just some of many things, these thankfully being some positive things, that place me in such a state where I fall within myself, seeking a hand from God to pick me back up…prophets being human make things real… For me, Eddie… only I know.. the extent to which he has kept me together since a very young age, through all the shit… but more importantly through the good, cuz that’s when it’s easy to fly too high and leave earth, so that it’s important to be brought back down where you belong… but also to be kept from falling into the abyss… though the abyss could be a nice dig : ) who the fuck knows... not me... not yet

tremors

I really appreciate your words here acrossOceans, probably the most meaningful words I have come across here (or anywhere) really for about ten years. You are right about Eddie, I feel the same -he is a light of inspiration - someone who has had to keep body and spirit together for so long - and has done it by sharing; sharing so much of himself, and turning that negative energy to positive. He is in the tradition of the greatest prophets of old, a true inspiration.

It's getting late for me now, so it is probably best if I read and reflect on your words some more in the morning. I feel I know what you mean about not wanting to go back places again. I have that too - like a taste you really don't know if you could stomach ever again.

Anyway, will see what the morning brings, thanks as ever for speaking from the heart and sharing of yourself.

t

tremors

Slug Trails

Slug trails on my vinyl
Say a lot about my life
Too many nights left
Abandoned on the floor

Too many freezing winter flats

mysticweed

tremors wrote:

acrossOceans wrote:

"Can anyone know
exactly what I mean?
Have they ever felt the frost
beyond the central heating,
regardless of the heat?
The bones of desolation
like life has been unplugged

Well if this ever gets you
you better learn to pray"


very strong words... especially the above... I do know what you mean, and so I have learnt to.. and still learning

Yes, before all this started for me (many moons ago) I was an avowed existentialist - existence precedes essence, there is no higher force or power, create your own destiny, seize the day, nobody will help you out but yourself.

Today though I know that in the darkest hour. The true darkest hour. That just isn't enough - it's insufficient. Atheism goes flying out of the window at such an alarming rate when you are confronted with pure primal terror. Do you know the play 'The Crucible' ?(Arthur Miller) There is so much there for all philosophies to contend with. Personally I don't believe religion created primal terror of supernatural darkness - I believe that lies deep within all of us, innately, and it's only a veneer of civility and civilisation which prevents us from touching fears of a truly demonic nature. (I'm going off on one here again acrossOceans - you have that effect on me!! )What I'm trying to say is I just thank the heavens that there are humans in all our pasts: 'prophets' probably - who have faced down evil, the notion of pure evil and the fear of pure evil, - and it is they who come to save you when the chips are down. This is probably not a subject I should be opening up right now, since I am not prepared for a big argument, and this is very personal to me. What I'm trying to say is - for me, deep deep containment, resolution, protection, refuge, sanctuary - in the darkest hour - that has only reached me with a leap of faith, and near-religious experience ('epiphany'). Without this I would have shrivelled up and died around 15 years ago.

The first frost bitten post actually gave me chills, very good writing, imho
Pure primal terror is a drawback from evolution. The fight or flight feeling is inborn. The search for more also evolved as the primal needs for food and shelter had been mastered. Humans were able to think, and think we did. We created god after god, myth after myth, all for our own use and abuse. To reach out for spritual intervention in your darkest hour is completely natural and, again, imho, an evolved trait. I am not reaching for an argument, I found the back and forth between you and AO very interesting and i am always looking for, you guessed it - answers.

tremors

lettinggo wrote:

tremors wrote:

acrossOceans wrote:

"Can anyone know
exactly what I mean?
Have they ever felt the frost
beyond the central heating,
regardless of the heat?
The bones of desolation
like life has been unplugged

Well if this ever gets you
you better learn to pray"


very strong words... especially the above... I do know what you mean, and so I have learnt to.. and still learning

Yes, before all this started for me (many moons ago) I was an avowed existentialist - existence precedes essence, there is no higher force or power, create your own destiny, seize the day, nobody will help you out but yourself.

Today though I know that in the darkest hour. The true darkest hour. That just isn't enough - it's insufficient. Atheism goes flying out of the window at such an alarming rate when you are confronted with pure primal terror. Do you know the play 'The Crucible' ?(Arthur Miller) There is so much there for all philosophies to contend with. Personally I don't believe religion created primal terror of supernatural darkness - I believe that lies deep within all of us, innately, and it's only a veneer of civility and civilisation which prevents us from touching fears of a truly demonic nature. (I'm going off on one here again acrossOceans - you have that effect on me!! )What I'm trying to say is I just thank the heavens that there are humans in all our pasts: 'prophets' probably - who have faced down evil, the notion of pure evil and the fear of pure evil, - and it is they who come to save you when the chips are down. This is probably not a subject I should be opening up right now, since I am not prepared for a big argument, and this is very personal to me. What I'm trying to say is - for me, deep deep containment, resolution, protection, refuge, sanctuary - in the darkest hour - that has only reached me with a leap of faith, and near-religious experience ('epiphany'). Without this I would have shrivelled up and died around 15 years ago.

The first frost bitten post actually gave me chills, very good writing, imho
Pure primal terror is a drawback from evolution. The fight or flight feeling is inborn. The search for more also evolved as the primal needs for food and shelter had been mastered. Humans were able to think, and think we did. We created god after god, myth after myth, all for our own use and abuse. To reach out for spritual intervention in your darkest hour is completely natural and, again, imho, an evolved trait. I am not reaching for an argument, I found the back and forth between you and AO very interesting and i am always looking for, you guessed it - answers.

I would agree with most of what you say - plus add an important extra concept from Carl Jung - 'Archetypes'. I am fearful of getting into argument in the poetry & prose section - one of the reasons I come here and write like this is to avoid the need to explain!! Thanks for what you said about the first post!

My experience though has taught me that there are innate 'ideas', 'fears' and horrors which can come to you when you are stripped right down to the bones of insanity, which arrive fully formed from 'nowhere' - from your deepest mind, not from what you have read encountered or experienced before, (yet you may run into them in the future) and that there is a lot of commonality between these ideas and different religions, art and mythologies which have never encountered one another (separated by time and space with no avenues of communication available) - ie, there are some terrifying ideas which are shared and common to all humans I believe. For this reason, after around 20 years of reflection on this very issue I have concluded that one of the most accurate describers of conceptual reality is Carl Jung, who believes in innate archetypes, a collective unconscious and forces from the unconscious mind which defy simple cause and effect rationality - that there are forces of the mind and spirit that are not accounted for by Newtonian physics. I have concluded this following a lot of reflection, and I believe it to be true. However, it doesn't matter to me so much about convincing others - they will have to find it out (or not!) for themselves. I am aware when I write like this is can be aggravating and antagonising to others who think differently - but I'm just tap-tapping out some of my actual beliefs, not angry or even trying to dispute what you may or may not believe (I don't know your beliefs).

So, am not trying to be hostile - I should probably write another poem here, and have these kind of discussions in another section maybe. The reason I have avoided these discussions for months though, is I normally find them very fruitless - I gain practically nothing, but the cost to myself is great! - The exact opposite of the poetry and related discussions, where I gain a lot, and even the cost is paid back! (If this makes any sense at all?)

tremors

Death of the CIty

There once was a time
When you could retract what you said
When you could disappear into the night
to vanish in the throng
Choose another life out in the hubbub
Start again unknown

But the City just disintegrated
Leaving such a poisonous wreck
Of drunken ill-thought statements
Of crazy typed regrets

They said your words
Come back to haunt you
That there’s no escaping self
They said you would be judged by others
By the measure that you use

But nobody quite believed it
Until we caught ourselves backfiring
With a name upon the line
Mind frozen to the wire
With no chance to heal regret

Yes the city has disintegrated
and something new is left
The ultimate accountability
For the words we didn’t really mean
A plea for anonymity
A shriek of 'start again'
A begging for an amnesty
A shudder of 'not me'
The City now is over
You're living next to me

So the world sees up your nose
With a permanent reminder
Of all we've ever said and been
We better learn quite quickly
What is:

Forever to be seen

tremors

Seeking out Paper

Yesterday I sought paper
Seeking out a page
a tangible reminder
Of a soon forgotten age

Where people were united
By something we can touch
I found it quite exactly
I held it and I smelt it
My mind melted on the page
We talked and we both felt it
We held it
(then I bought it)
And it didn’t cost so much

mysticweed

i neither sensed nor sent any hostility. i believe nothing at this point. everytime i think i have a grip on exactly what i do believe, i lose it. i have been looking for answers for years. not finding them has not discouraged me but actually keeps me focused and contrary to many - open minded. i love the words you wrote, they are definite, thought inspiring words.
peace
Gayle

tremors

lettinggo wrote:

i believe nothing at this point. everytime i think i have a grip on exactly what i do believe, i lose it.

Good for you! Something to which we all need to keep aspiring to - and if we each manage this (a bit more 'doubt') - the world will become a lot fuller I think

'i neither sensed nor sent any hostility.'

This is good too - I have a fear of perceiving hostility when none is there - it's what I find hardest on the net. Sometimes I even become hostile to my own projected hostility imagined through another's eyes.....! (but then I do have some 'issues' of my own !)

'i love the words you wrote, they are definite, thought inspiring words'

Thankyou, you are very kind, and thanks for a clear message - I appreciate it a lot. It's nice to know some people are not overly hostile by default - I'm trying - the poets here are helping!

tremors

Gazing@themoon
8.45pm
Clouds go left,
plane goes right
I sit down.
'Belfast' in the ears
(like a shell)
Mind 1000 miles away,
Pencil tight as hell

mysticweed

tremors wrote:

lettinggo wrote:

i believe nothing at this point. everytime i think i have a grip on exactly what i do believe, i lose it.

Good for you! Something to which we all need to keep aspiring to - and if we each manage this (a bit more 'doubt') - the world will become a lot fuller I think

'i neither sensed nor sent any hostility.'

This is good too - I have a fear of perceiving hostility when none is there - it's what I find hardest on the net. Sometimes I even become hostile to my own projected hostility imagined through another's eyes.....! (but then I do have some 'issues' of my own !)

'i love the words you wrote, they are definite, thought inspiring words'

Thankyou, you are very kind, and thanks for a clear message - I appreciate it a lot. It's nice to know some people are not overly hostile by default - I'm trying - the poets here are helping!

the poets here are fucking awesome and thensome
there are three published writers here (that i know of)
and they post their stuff, read and respond to other people's stuff
we are truly fortunate

tremors

lettinggo wrote:

tremors wrote:

lettinggo wrote:

i believe nothing at this point. everytime i think i have a grip on exactly what i do believe, i lose it.

Good for you! Something to which we all need to keep aspiring to - and if we each manage this (a bit more 'doubt') - the world will become a lot fuller I think

'i neither sensed nor sent any hostility.'

This is good too - I have a fear of perceiving hostility when none is there - it's what I find hardest on the net. Sometimes I even become hostile to my own projected hostility imagined through another's eyes.....! (but then I do have some 'issues' of my own !)

'i love the words you wrote, they are definite, thought inspiring words'

Thankyou, you are very kind, and thanks for a clear message - I appreciate it a lot. It's nice to know some people are not overly hostile by default - I'm trying - the poets here are helping!

the poets here are fucking awesome and thensome
there are three published writers here (that i know of)
and they post their stuff, read and respond to other people's stuff
we are truly fortunate

Yes is good - some very talented people! I'm often paid to write, but I've never made any money from my poetry - don't think that's about to change!! The web is amazing for sharing really valuable stuff freely - the risk is it can appear cheap I think. These days the easiest things to reach are often the most valuable - but we can miss it. The best stuff on this board seems to just lying around out here!

tremors

Razor Mind

My heart
empty as a core
My mind
sharpened now
in steel
Razed the temple
My view
right across the shore